It is April 8, 2021 at 7:48 am. It is 8℃ outside and 11℃ in the greenhouse. The sun is out. I’m expecting that it will be higher than the 13℃ they have predicted. Yesterday was crazy warm – 21℃. It’s like summer in April. The thing is the forecast is for snow come Saturday and there will be minus temperatures of -6℃. There’s just no telling what the weather will do. Isn’t that what life is like, too. We/I just have to take it one day at a time. But I can still prepare for the instability. That means taking notes.

I haven’t been good at taking notes. I’ve been living by gosh, darn and poop. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve had such a difficult journey. I’ve been doing the same things and expecting different results. Now I do know better but doing the familiar things is such a deep seated habit, it is hard to change. I will have to focus, work hard and write down the things and changes I want to do. Just thinking about them does not lead to commitment.

I find it useful to read my own journals. I had a whole pile of them. I’ve gotten rid of many of them because the advice was not to revisit them. I still have a few from different times in my life. I’ve sifted through them the last few days. I see that I’ve had to struggle with my moods all my adult life. Most, if not all of my writings were the same – my feelings and the ways I was coping. I think I am in a better space today. I am not struggling, working on my feelings. I am just working at the things I love to do. It’s good to look back to see where I was so that I don’t keep doing the same things that doesn’t work.

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