what I can do

CREATING FLOW

Today I’m focusing on creating flow, making good use of my time and not getting bogged down with negative feelings. There’s so much to feel bad about the world but feeling sad and helpless is not going to make it better. On the flip side there’s still alot of good in this world of ours. My energy is better served by thinking about how I can make it better. What can I do? How can I contribute? I’m not a big person. I don’t do big but I can still do something, even if it is small. Sometimes my small is someone else’s big. We don’t all see the same. We don’t all measure by the same yardstick.

I thought I knew that before but I didn’t. I had thought that everyone see and think like me. The real realization only came the other day. I’m more than halfway through The100DayProject. My project is sewing a logcabin quilt block a day for 100 days. I post each block on Instagram. I enjoyed the whole process – sewing the strips and posting. It is very relaxing and satisfying but I thought that my followers would find my blocks boring. After all, they’re all the same except that the strips are of different fabrics and colours. To my surprise, I’m getting alot of good responses. What surprises me the most is the ones that I don’t really think I’ve done well gets a lot of likes.

Take these 3 blocks for instance. I did not think the colours were put together well for the first block on the left. But I got 247 likes for it. I was totally amazed. The other 2 on the right got 29 and 24 likes respectively. I thought they were more soothing to the eye. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. But I am straying from my intented post.

I’m feeling a little stuck with this conversation at the moment but my day has flowed somewhat. Success is a little easier than intention and planning. I haven’t quite got my quilt block sewn yet. I’m almost there though. I got my daily walk in the park behind the library and by the Wildwood Golf Course. It was lovely, a little country amid the city. I’ll let the photos tell the story.

It’s good to shake up the day with different activities. It gets my brain out of that sad/mad groove. Being outdoors in nature and with the animals that we share this planet with is much healthier than shopping or stewing about things we can’t change. It soothes my soul and creates flow.

WHAT I CAN DO

April 6 -Day 5 and 6 for the Ultimate Blog Challenge

I’m plodding along in this April Challenge. I’m not bored. I’m tired. These months are difficult and heavy. It’s made me more vulnerable to anxiety. So I let myself feel it all. Trying to stop it will make it worse. I have many things that I could do but I don’t have the will. I allow myself to be the languid damsel on the couch. The Japanese Lover by Isabel Allende is a good companion. It’s a good escape for a little while.

I’m not a total couch potato -yet. I still take Sheba out in the afternoons. I only missed one day. The wind, snow and my fatigue was too much. It’s good to recognize one’s limit. I value rest and sleep the most these days. I try for optimism but sometimes it’s difficult. It’s okay to sag. We’re home alone. No one can see except now I’m telling you all. I do what I must and can.

I’m not on top of everything though I’ve just paid the utility bills. But I did missed a couple last month. I don’t fret about those kind of things anymore like I used to. The priority is surviving without adding too much trauma to my emotional and mental health. So it’s a must for Sheba and I to step outside each day. The streets are not crowded. No worries about people invading our personal safety space. Being ‘locked in’ and not stepping outside will add to my anxiety. I’m happy to have my sunroom. It’s cheery and light even on a cloudy day.

This is all I have to offer today. It’s the best I can do. Maybe I can do better tomorrow.

REFLECTIONS OF

I’ve given myself a good shake to come back to this space. Though disheartened and disillusioned, I still believe in my mantra. No matter how I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. So here I am, in front of the keyboard, with my cup of tea, doing my tap dance. I do so love the sound of the dancing keys. I love seeing the letters, words and sentences march across the page. I love both the song and the dance. May I have this dance with you? Will you stay with me as we waltz around the page, exchanging thoughts and ideas?

Perhaps today is not a good time for reflection. It is difficult to see clearly. We are covered with smoke from the fires burning in British Columbia. The province has declared a state of emergency with close to 600 fires burning. If I am finding my world dark and smoky 2 provinces away, I can’t imagine what it is like there or in Alberta. For that, I am grateful. Still, it is difficult to think that we can carry on as usual. Our sky is broken. Our air is acrid. Our planet is in danger. We are living in climate change. That is quite clear now.

So – I’ve got my lament off my chest. Let me try to move on, if only with one-foot-in-front-of-the- other speed. I had such hopes this morning of ‘getting things done’. It is Saturday, my favourite day of the week. However, it didn’t take long before I was marooned in my emotions. What can I do? This is me. Can I unbecome myself? It’s best that I feel all that is in me, good and bad. Now I’m ready to come out the other side.

We went for our walk, Sheba and I, in the smoky haze. It was still good to get out. We encountered 2 other furballs, 13 years and 14 years old. Sheba is the 12 year old. They were all very well behaved. They wagged their tails in salute, gave a bark or two. Then we all moved on. A neighbour came out to tend her garden. She remarked that it was hard not to think that everything was coming to an end. We both agreed that there’s nothing we can do except to carry on.

Yup, the world looks a little surreal – a bit Stephen Kingish. We walked by the outdoor swimming pool. The water was oh so blue and pristine with the lanes roped. Empty – except I did spy a staff walking around the corner. There were cars in the parking lot but not a soul seen. Eerie. Get over it. Get on with it. I’m going. Gonna get on with my challenges and projects.