REFLECTIONS OF

I’ve given myself a good shake to come back to this space. Though disheartened and disillusioned, I still believe in my mantra. No matter how I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. So here I am, in front of the keyboard, with my cup of tea, doing my tap dance. I do so love the sound of the dancing keys. I love seeing the letters, words and sentences march across the page. I love both the song and the dance. May I have this dance with you? Will you stay with me as we waltz around the page, exchanging thoughts and ideas?

Perhaps today is not a good time for reflection. It is difficult to see clearly. We are covered with smoke from the fires burning in British Columbia. The province has declared a state of emergency with close to 600 fires burning. If I am finding my world dark and smoky 2 provinces away, I can’t imagine what it is like there or in Alberta. For that, I am grateful. Still, it is difficult to think that we can carry on as usual. Our sky is broken. Our air is acrid. Our planet is in danger. We are living in climate change. That is quite clear now.

So – I’ve got my lament off my chest. Let me try to move on, if only with one-foot-in-front-of-the- other speed. I had such hopes this morning of ‘getting things done’. It is Saturday, my favourite day of the week. However, it didn’t take long before I was marooned in my emotions. What can I do? This is me. Can I unbecome myself? It’s best that I feel all that is in me, good and bad. Now I’m ready to come out the other side.

We went for our walk, Sheba and I, in the smoky haze. It was still good to get out. We encountered 2 other furballs, 13 years and 14 years old. Sheba is the 12 year old. They were all very well behaved. They wagged their tails in salute, gave a bark or two. Then we all moved on. A neighbour came out to tend her garden. She remarked that it was hard not to think that everything was coming to an end. We both agreed that there’s nothing we can do except to carry on.

Yup, the world looks a little surreal – a bit Stephen Kingish. We walked by the outdoor swimming pool. The water was oh so blue and pristine with the lanes roped. Empty – except I did spy a staff walking around the corner. There were cars in the parking lot but not a soul seen. Eerie. Get over it. Get on with it. I’m going. Gonna get on with my challenges and projects.

 

WORDS, WONDER AND AWE

IMG_2871It’s another hot day.  For now I can still sit here on the deck.  I am trying to tap out a few letters, words, a thought or two.  They do not come easy, but I try anyways.  That is how it is.  Life is hard.  I have never expected it to be anything else.  So you put one foot in front of the other and take a step.  You do that over and over.  You end up with a journey that is your life. I am doing likewise with my writing – one tap, another tap, and so on.

Meanwhile inside the house, my Roomba is whirling around the dining room and the kitchen, cleaning the floor – making life a little easier for me.  I accept help wherever I can.  It is called wisdom.  It’s taken me IMG_0515this long for me to accept that I do not have to do everything myself.  I am not Wonder Woman but a woman in wonder awe – of what life, the world and I can be.  There is magic and wonder in the trying, the struggle of each step and tap.  The tap of the keyboard is grounding.  I see with more clarity with each letter, word and thought that come.  I am doing an archeologic dig of that it means to be alive.

The heat is rising.  Our forests are still burning.  It is difficult to believe that everything is as it should be.  It is hard to be at ease and not to be with fears when so much is wrong in the world.  But it is what is before me today.  I accept what is.  I cannot change it.  Instead, I focus on what makes me feel good – the open spaces, the roses along the roads, campfires, the dog and the man.  I can choose where my mind goes.

The sun has disappeared.  The sky is grey.  The world feels eery and ominous but it is cooler.  Rain would be very welcomed but the air feels dry and empty. The forecast is for a dry, dry summer.  The forest fires will burn till winter.  The hope is for them to be controlled.  Hope is where I choose to reside.  It is where everything is possible.

I inhale and exhale, releasing stress and taking in chi.  I take comfort from Sheba at my feet and the petunias nodding in the breeze.