Tag Archives: tea

Staying Alive

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A restless, uneasy morning. Another one of my sad sack moody days. Let’s see if I can tap away my mood in tiny bits and pieces. I feel the urge for a cup of decaf. I’ve already drank 2 large cups of Orange Pekoe tea. Is it the tea and coffee that I crave? Or is it the cream and honey that I put in them? I suspect it’s the latter. Some days I drink up to 5 cups of tea and decaf. Too much for my liking. The more I drink, the more I crave. It’s hard to stop. Using the knowledge that I’ve learned from Tiny Habits: The Small Changes that Change Everything I made myself a healthier cup of dandelion tea instead. I will use the feeling of craving for another cup of decaf as a prompt to make a cup of herbal tea instead.

Yesterday was hard. I found it difficult to finish writing so I didn’t. I felt bad, a physical and psychological pain at the same time. It might be hard for you to fathom that. I don’t know how else to describe it. I was not feeling good. I saw no purpose, no joy. I want to escape. If I could push a button and disappear, I would. Have you ever felt like that? I wonder if there was a blip in my brain chemistry. I knew it would pass. I put one foot in front of the other and carried on. I pretended I was John Travolta dancing to the tune of Staying Alive.

My brain blip did pass shortly after I had my afternoon visit with my father. I put in an effort. I couldn’t very well let everything hang out. It was good to see my father in a chipper mood. He is also putting in an effort. He is looking a little trimmer following my advice of cutting back on the rice and the leftovers. I told him it’s better to throw out a little bit instead of eating it because he didn’t want to waste. I am surprised that he listens to me on this and other matters. It goes to show that no matter how old you are, you can still change. My father will be coming 94 in July.

I can change, too. I’ve only had one cup of decaf yesterday and today instead of my usual 3 or 4. When my brain is wanting another cup, I make a cup of dandelion tea. i wasn’t able to draw a teacup yesterday for #the100dayproject. Not sure if I can today either. I will see. I am tired. I did a whole whack of gardening and weeding today. It is a good tired. I am staying alive.

Wednesday (#NaBloPoMo)

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It’s Wednesday, the day after Tuesday, the day after the US election. Donald Trump triumphs again. It’s surprising that so many American women are rejoicing and singing such high praises for him. We humans are such mysteries. I’m starting to get it now. It’s no use trying to figure it out, to understand. The only recourse is to accept that each of us are different. We feel, see, hear and interpret the world through different senses.

It’s been such a grey morning. What I do best feeling grey is drink and drink tea and decaf. It makes me feel better because I’m doing and moving. I’m putting the kettle on and fixing my cuppa. Then I have to go to the bathroom a few times. Any motion is good. I am not stagnant. The sun just came out. Though its rays are weak, I still feel lighter and not so dark.

I’m happy that I am able to tap out some words each day for the National Blog Posting Month (#NaBloPoMo). It helps release thoughts and feelings going round and round in my head. This exercise helps me to find understanding and work out solutions. It’s helping me out the door though I’m a bit shaky and wobbly. I’m feeling very vulnerable. But I’m out there – driving and not getting lost.

SHRINKING MY THIRST/ADDICTION

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It’s a hard task to keep my mind weeded and clear of debris. Thoughts and information, useful and useless crowded in as soon as I wake and open my eyes. I have to admit I got distracted more than usual this morning. I’m having a time to clear my head/mind to that blank canvass. Until then it is hard to focus and work. I do have an intention formed from yesterday. And that is I want to down size everything, starting with my mug. I do love my tea but more isn’t always better. The sizes of things, including cups/mugs seems to have increased expotentially without my conscious awareness.

When I have a cup of tea, I’m actually having 2 cups of tea. So in a day, I drink 4 literal cups of Orange Pekoe tea and 4 literal cups of decaffineinated coffee. All in all, I’m not sure how much caffeine I’m consuming. My heart seems to be protesting lately by skipping a beat. I’ve had these episodes before so am not too worried. I will cut back caffeine by using a smaller cup. It’s come to my attention that the more I have of something, the more I want it. Even though I don’t enjoy the taste any more, I still crave it. That’s the case with my Orange Pekoe tea. I wonder if it’s the repetitive habit of having a cup of tea when I’m not sure of anything, in doubt or un-ease, created the addiction. While routines and habits can be helpful, I have to be watchful and change them up so they do not get addictive and cause harm.

Mug on left holds 2 cups. Mug on right holds 1 cup.

It’s afternoon. We’ve just come back from lunch. The sun is trying to shine. It’s starting to snow again. We do need the moisture. I’m all out of words. It’s a good time to start sorting my papers for my Tax Return. So ends this post for the 20th day of the Ultimate Challenge.

MIND RITUALS

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It’s snowing again. An expected 2-4cm today. Winter is never far away. It’s a challenge to start the day with a blank canvass and no overwhelm. I have to grab another cup of tea to warm and fortify me. I’m staying with it all, no distractions, no running away. I never believed that there’s an escape route anyways. We take our loads with us, wherever we go. It’s a good day to stay home by the hearth, huddle and sort a few things out.

I have my cup of tea. I wonder what it is about tea that’s so comforting. Is it the warmth and wetness of it, the sweetness of the honey, the cream or is it the act of getting up and tending to myself? It is probably any one and every one of them. I’m cupping the warmth in my hands, savouring the sweet wetness of the Orange Pekoe. I’m thinking to myself, when drinking tea, think only tea. Let the rest of the world fade away. Rest my mind, rest my heart.

I think that’s the ticket to clearing my poor tired clutter mind. When I am doing one thing, think only of that thing. Whenever it wanders, bring it back to it again and again. It’s call mindfulness, what I practice when I meditate. Now I have to practice it in action and not just in thoughts. How slow I am in learning practical applications. Still it is better to be late to the game than never getting to it.

I’ve cleared my mind for the day. Day 19 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

MY DAILY STUFF/CUPS OF TEA

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Sometimes I feel that I’m up to my eyeballs with stuff, that I am biting off more than what I can chew with my daily challenges of #the100dayproject, April Love -posting a photo/day in April, and writing a blog post daily for April’s Ultimate Blog Challenge. But when I get down to it, it is not really so much. There are many things that we have to do daily to have a healthy and good life. We have to sleep every day, get up in the morning, wash our face, brush our teeth, eat, go to the bathroom, bathe, move, go to work and exercise. Those are the basics. How much and how well we participate in those activities depend on how well we want our lives to be.

I’ve been having different light bulb moments lately in my present life stage. I’m more acutely aware of defining moments. It’s a good thing because my moments are decreasing each day. I want more value from them. I do not want to waste time on things that don’t matter or things I can’t change. My daily challenges/projects help to sharpen my awareness. Sometimes they make me sad before I get glad. I am learning to change and make detours. I am learning to be still, listen and wait before reacting because things have a way of correcting by themselves without interence from me.

I’m rather glad/fortunate to have all these challenges. They give me purpose and rhythm to my day. I have a list of things to do when I wake up in the morning. It’s like having a cup of tea, meditating, doing Wordle, looking at my world to find a photo, finding something to draw, finding words to write a post… They’re the kind of things that won’t give you a rush like jumping out of an airplane, but they excite me.

WHAT HAVE I DONE

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What can I do? What have I done?  I use these 2 questions when I am stuck and I’m stuck often. So I’ve just finished the dishes from lunch. I’m sitting here with my cuppa green tea. Thought I would try something new besides my usual Orange Pekoe, especially when I have a cupboard full of all sorts. Some of them are from Sri Lanka. I see that Orange Pekoe is not a bad choice. It has many health benefits. But I am going to shake up my taste buds and experiment with different teas as well as food. Green tea is even better than black tea because it is not as processed.

I’ve been reading the ebook, Ketotarian by Will Cole from the library. I found it very informative and useful so I ordered my own copy from Amazon. It has many recipes that I want to try out. I was going through my closet the other day and was dismayed to find that my waist line has increased many inches this past year. My belly fat is out of control and is hanging over the waist band. It is not helping my blue mood. It is another thing I can do to help myself. I do not need to let everything hang out. I hope the book will help me to keep some things in.

Life continues to be hard. It is the next morning. I have problems finishing things as well. I am trying my best. What I can do is make a list of what I have done.

  • I’ve gotten up, dressed up and shown up here today.
  • I do my qigong routine most mornings. I have done it today.
  • I’ve folded and put away yesterday’s laundry.
  • Sorted out my pants in the closet. Experienced items that did not give me joy. Those have been taken to Value Village.
  • Struggled with sorting, cleaning and putting away seeds,pots and trays for starting the bedding plants.
  • Struggled to be in the present moment every day.
  • Taken Sheba to the dog park more often. It’s good for her and myself as well to mingle with other dogs and people.
  • Do blocks of art. Mostly it’s been embroidery on the machine lately.

Questions and lists can prod me from being stuck. I have to make physical evidence of them. Having them in my head does no good. They would be fuel for rumination. I do that too much already. I have to get off my fat ass and work it! But what would be good to chew on is the 4 mantras that I’ve learned from Thick Nhat Hanh this morning.

  1. Darling, I’m here for you.
  2. Darling, I know you are there.
  3. Darling, I know you suffer. I’m here for you.
  4. Darling, I suffer. Please help me.

TREPIDATION and LEARNING

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Saturday

The wind still blows in Saskatoon. No rain nor snow. We sure could use some moisture. It is what it is. Sometimes wants and needs are not met. But our solar panels are producing electricity. April will be our best month.

I am a wee bit restless today, having that feeling that I should ‘accomplish’ things. I try to relax with my new read – Sue Grafton’s N is for Noose. I was not successful. I gave that up after a few pages and took Sheba out for her walk. The wind was cold and wicked, blowing grit into my mouth and eyes. It was not pleasant but we got some exercise and fresh air.

It’s Saturday but it feels like Sunday. I skipped swimming this morning. I thought I would just enjoy the day, not trying to doing anything and everything. I think it was a bust. Some days are like that. There’s nothing I can do except practice doing nothing more often. Maybe then I could be more at home with it.

Sunday

The wind has not abated one bit. I’m a little more at ease with it even though I had gone to bed with trepidation last night. Another shooting at a California synagogue. What is happening in the world? What is happening in us? These things nagged me in the dark of the night and early morning.

Daylight disperses fear. The dawn brings hope and renewed faith. I continue my morning routine of tea and qigong. It’s soothing to move through the ancient movements of my ancestors. They work, energizing me to carry on breathing, living and learning. I’m very excited about the Brain Change Summit. Today I watched The Science and Principles of a Plant-Bassed Ketogenic Diet with Dr. Will Cole. I’m eager to watch the Psychological Impact of Climate Crisis with Dr. Lise Van Susteren next. There’s still 3 more days of the Summit after today if you are interested. It is free.

 

LIFE, FORGIVENESS, LOVING

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November 16, 2018  8:00 am

I am an early bird nowadays. It helps to have an alarm clock named Sheba. She’s right on the money. She’s always goes off on time, being early sometimes but never late. I don’t mind. I appreciate her steadfastness. I’ve grown to love the early risings and the peace with the morning hours. I try not to squander this precious time away.

As I’ve said yesterday, I’m watching Caroline Myss’s Reflections video series on Initiation by Fire. I’ve watched the first one on forgiveness. I’ve started the one on love today. I love listening to Caroline. Her teachings are always so profound – to me anyways. It’s so strange that lately that the topics I picked are exactly what I’m needing most urgently. Her wisdom comes at a most opportune time.

I love what she says about initiation and forgiveness. In order for it to happen, we/I have to change/transform ourselves/myself. I will have to chip away at myself until something gives and shifts within me. My heart does feel like a giant boulder, unyielding and ungiving. But already I’ve felt a sliver chipped away. I am recognizing some of my triggers, some of my faults. It is along these fault lines that I will place my chisel and hammer away.

November 17, 2018  2:08 pm

Saturday afternoon. I’m sipping tea. I said I would not waste time scrolling my life away. BUT I have. Checking this and that. Looking up stuff that probably doesn’t matter a damn. It’s a habit hard to kick. I sit back, take another sip and heave another big sigh. I close my eyes and try to empty my mind of all useless nagging things. The tylenol helps.

I’ve had a busy morning. I was a little tardy heading to the pool but I got my almost 20 lengths in. 18 is close enough. Then it was off to my embroidery class at the Sewing Machine Store. Oh, the traffic coming and going! The cars are still whizzing by in my head. If you are not in the right lane for turning, you end up in a shopping mall with more cars whizzing around and around. My head was already throbbing with info on threads, needles, stabilizers and whatnot. Then I had to navigate my way out and back on the street.

Driving out of SuperStore’s parkade with my barbecue chicken for lunch, I said no to the Saskatoon Weavers and Spinners Guild’s annual sale. It would have been interesting to see their creatives and demonstrations of weaving and spinning. But I am maxed out. So here I sit tapping out my fatigue. I think I need another cup of tea and ponder life a little. It’s a worthwhile consideration.

Yesterday, an ambulane followed me into the parking lot of a shopping mall.  I came out of Shoppers Drug Mart to the flashing lights of a police car and firetruck. Paramedics were doing CPR on a man on the stretcher by the ambulance. I could see that he was not elderly and had reddish brown hair. His skin was quite pink beneath the pumping of the paramedics arms. They were doing a good job of perfusion or was it just the cold on bare skin? I do not know the outcome. Life is like that – precarious and unsettling.

Yes, I shall have that second cup and watch Session 2, Loving on Initiation by Fire with Caroline Myss.

 

 

SELF CARE – Days 135 – 137 in a year of….

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Day 135 – 137, December 9, 2016 @9:01 pm

It feels like an eon since I was here. How strange to find that it was only a couple of days ago. I can’t even remember what kept me away but it felt huge. That’s what short days and long nights does to me. Extra stress with the cold, especially when the furnace is not working properly. It felt like a monumental problem. But it’s solved. Weight lifted. I am just tired now.

img_8675I am learning to value myself. I’m learning self care in this year of doing different. I’ve brought out my earrings. Now I’m bringing out my fine china. I’m sipping tea in my Blue Siam teacup. Why was it just sitting in cabinet all these years?  I love the pattern and colour so much. It reminds me of Arabian Nights, The King and I, and all those things exotic like Leonard Cohen’s ‘tea and oranges from China.’

My tea is finished. I’m feeling less tired, my neck and shoulders not so stiff and achy. It’s a magic cup. I wonder if I rub it, would Aladdin appear? I pray and a host of angels are hovering over me. No, I’m not mad nor hallucinating. I believe in the divine. I believe in the spirit of truth and goodness. I believe in me. I can. I can.

Good night.