November 16, 2018  8:00 am

I am an early bird nowadays. It helps to have an alarm clock named Sheba. She’s right on the money. She’s always goes off on time, being early sometimes but never late. I don’t mind. I appreciate her steadfastness. I’ve grown to love the early risings and the peace with the morning hours. I try not to squander this precious time away.

As I’ve said yesterday, I’m watching Caroline Myss’s Reflections video series on Initiation by Fire. I’ve watched the first one on forgiveness. I’ve started the one on love today. I love listening to Caroline. Her teachings are always so profound – to me anyways. It’s so strange that lately that the topics I picked are exactly what I’m needing most urgently. Her wisdom comes at a most opportune time.

I love what she says about initiation and forgiveness. In order for it to happen, we/I have to change/transform ourselves/myself. I will have to chip away at myself until something gives and shifts within me. My heart does feel like a giant boulder, unyielding and ungiving. But already I’ve felt a sliver chipped away. I am recognizing some of my triggers, some of my faults. It is along these fault lines that I will place my chisel and hammer away.

November 17, 2018  2:08 pm

Saturday afternoon. I’m sipping tea. I said I would not waste time scrolling my life away. BUT I have. Checking this and that. Looking up stuff that probably doesn’t matter a damn. It’s a habit hard to kick. I sit back, take another sip and heave another big sigh. I close my eyes and try to empty my mind of all useless nagging things. The tylenol helps.

I’ve had a busy morning. I was a little tardy heading to the pool but I got my almost 20 lengths in. 18 is close enough. Then it was off to my embroidery class at the Sewing Machine Store. Oh, the traffic coming and going! The cars are still whizzing by in my head. If you are not in the right lane for turning, you end up in a shopping mall with more cars whizzing around and around. My head was already throbbing with info on threads, needles, stabilizers and whatnot. Then I had to navigate my way out and back on the street.

Driving out of SuperStore’s parkade with my barbecue chicken for lunch, I said no to the Saskatoon Weavers and Spinners Guild’s annual sale. It would have been interesting to see their creatives and demonstrations of weaving and spinning. But I am maxed out. So here I sit tapping out my fatigue. I think I need another cup of tea and ponder life a little. It’s a worthwhile consideration.

Yesterday, an ambulane followed me into the parking lot of a shopping mall.  I came out of Shoppers Drug Mart to the flashing lights of a police car and firetruck. Paramedics were doing CPR on a man on the stretcher by the ambulance. I could see that he was not elderly and had reddish brown hair. His skin was quite pink beneath the pumping of the paramedics arms. They were doing a good job of perfusion or was it just the cold on bare skin? I do not know the outcome. Life is like that – precarious and unsettling.

Yes, I shall have that second cup and watch Session 2, Loving on Initiation by Fire with Caroline Myss.