Marching Along

Posted on March 14, 2026 by hafong

March is marching along. I wish I could say the same for myself. I’m moving judiciously through the morning so I will have enough energy to navigate the whole day. I’m making use of my gadgets to do the hard work. The iRobot Roomba is doing the vacuum. I will load up the dishwasher and let it do its job. I have soup from yesterday. Soup actually takes quite a bit of work to make even with an Instant Pot. There’s the gathering up of ingredients, washing and chopping vegetables, etc. You don’t feel the energy drain when you are feeling well. When you are not, even opening up a can is tiring.

Even thinking seems to burn up lots of energy. It’s hard to sit and be blank for any length of time. That was yesterday. I gave up on willing myself to feel better and laid down for a short nap. It was not an easy task. It took some time of restless discomfort before I could sink into the warmth of the comforter. The 20 minute of rest was surprisingly restorative. I tried it again today with similar results. I’m starting to enjoy these periods of snuggling in bed. They are very healing. It’s good to let go of everything for a short while. I don’t need to march anywhere. Rest is my new motto.

It’s a Difficult Life

Posted on March 10, 2026 by hafong

Nowadays I like to start my morning reading the two Heathers. They are strong women. They speak the truth. They educate me to care, to listen and that I can make a difference. I’ve become politically interested and engaged. The Heathers are Heather Cox Richardson and Heather Delaney Reese. I’m always a truth seeker and speaker. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I find life difficult. Another one is I am a woman of colour and an immigrant. Though I come from a culture where sons are preferred over daughters, my parents weren’t of that mind. My paternal grandmother was though.

She had no influence over how I felt about myself. I grew up feeling I am a person of worth. I’ve never thought I was less because I am female or because I am an Asian. I come from strong stock. My maternal grandfather escaped the clutches of Mao but not my grandmother. She was thrown in jail in his place. She survived and thrived. They had done nothing wrong. My grandfather was a teacher and mayor of their village. My grandmother was a housewife. They were not landowners. They were persecuted because of jealousy and fake stories. That’s been many years ago. Both of them have been gone for many years but their story still lives in me.

It is the 10th of March. We had snow overnight. The sun is shining bright. The thermometer dips and rises unpredictably. One day is spring. The next it is winter. My cold is better but the cough lingers. I feel better and worse at the same time. I am sickened by Donald Trump and his wars. I wonder what all the bombing and destruction are doing to the environment. In this moment, I have no positive bone in my body. It is a difficult life but I must rise and take charge of this one precious one that I have. What will I do? A little this, a little that. It all adds up. What will you do?

Antidotes For What Ails Me

Posted on March 6, 2026 by hafong

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

My cold is still with me. It is attached and reluctant to leave. I am an endless fountain of gooey mucus. Like Christopher Plummer, I don’t like the sound of mucus. I’m carting around a large toilt roll from Costco. I’m constantly blowing and spitting into toilet paper. The roll diminishes quickly. It’s cheaper than Kleenx. I dislike using a spittoon. It grosses me out.

I’ve had a week of this misery. Just when I think I’m getting better, I get knocked down again. Last night was a hard one. I was afraid I was getting super ill, enough that it made me seek help from my prayer community. It helped. I was able to fall asleep shortly after. In the morning I felt better in some ways and worse in some. Now, at the end of the day, I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Being sick could have been what I needed.

What I needed was to see I have to take care of me. Being a caretaker by nature, I tend to look outward to others’ needs. I seldom think of my own. I am doing that now. I see that endless scrolling is making me sick. I feel it but seem unable to stop. The more I touch that button, the more I want to even though it brings me no pleasure. I was pleasureless enough yesterday that I was able to curb my addiction. I limited my scrolling time to before breakfast. I sought out other activities that would bring me pleasure.

One antidote is reading Margaret Atwood’s biography Book of Lives: A Memoir of Sorts. I’m travelling through stories of her childhood now. They’re delightful. Just what I need. Another activity is non-activity. I laid down on my exercise mat with my legs resting on an armchair for 10 minutes, doing nothing, trying to empty my mind. It wasn’t hard. It was pleasant and restful, not fussing about anything, letting the world go on by without me. It also helped to drain gooey mucus out of me.

Chinese New Year

Posted on February 17, 2026 by hafong

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

It’s another new day and year. It is the year of the Fire Horse, which symbolises independence, ambition, and energy. So I might get out of Dodge after all. I didn’t have too much traction yesterday. I still haven’t seeded my onions and peppers. No qigong yet. I’m still ruminating about the past. This morning I was remembering telling someone at work that her husband looked like Lee Marvin, the movie star. I thought it was a compliment but she yelled at me. “Lily, you are just so rude!” That scared the hell out of me. I worried about my lack of judgement and social etiquette. I avoided her like the plague after.

I ruminate about my personality and character alot. I worried about how I measure up to others. Am I ok? Am I selfish, unforgiving, blah, blah, blah. The Epstein File deluge helped me see that we are all very strange creatures, flawed and lacking in so many and different ways. Some of us are very sick. None of us can judge. This makes me feel a whole lot better. It’s probably not the right thing to say. Who cares? I’ve been accused of saying things that people would only think. I think the people saying that to my face are guilty of the same, don’t you think? You can see that I am still ruminating and hurting. Words have a long history.

But this is a new day/new year. Yesterday, I have thrown out 3 things (obsolete keys), vacuumed the whole upstairs floors and did some light dusting. I felt cleaner and less cluttered. I had coffee at my father’s house in the afternoon. We decided we didn’t have to ‘celebrate’ with dim sum or supper out. I breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t have anything against ‘celebrations’ and making a big deal about everything. But I do protest against feeling obligated to do so because that is what everybody does. Sometimes it is nice just take off my shoes, let down my hair and relax with a sandwich, pizza, bowl of soup or whatever. I feel celebratory sitting with just a cup of hot tea.

It’s taken me this long to figure this out. I don’t have to do like everybody. It’s ok to be different. I am ok. It makes me happy. Gong hei fat choy” (恭喜发财)!

What Is Good Enough?

Posted on November 4, 2025 by hafong

Three days into the new month and I’m feeling I’m failing in so many ways. I wonder if my lack of sleep last night put a slant on my outlook. What do you do when a thought gets into your head and just won’t let go? In my case, it was a technology puzzle. It kept playing in my head and had me tossing and turning. In the end, I had to get out of bed. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and warmed up some leftovers. Being upright seemed to reset my buttons. Comfort food warmed my belly and relaxed my being. Sated, I was able to sleep.

I realized that I wasn’t going to lose weight the way things were going. For one thing, I cannot give up the cream in my tea/coffee. I tried using skim milk and it tasted terrible. I don’t want to give up snacks altogether. I love an afternoon muffin/cookie, etc. What joy is there in life without cream and snacks? Perhaps I am making excuses but a life without some joy doesn’t feel inviting. Perhaps I have to evaluate my goals and decide what is good enough.

I don’t think I am too terribly overweight. I am not obese by any stretch of imagination. I will change my focus on losing weight to keeping fit and happy, whatever that takes. Right now my goal is taking off a little belly fat. It would be a boost to my self image and health to lose that bulge. For me, it is easier to add more motion and activities than to cut out cream and snacks. What do you think?

BAD HABITS DIE HARD

Posted on November 1, 2025 by hafong

November 1, a new month, a new day. Where am I? I am still lost in the midst of my chaos and clutter. I haven’t given up. I worked myself out of acedia in the month of October. Now that I am no longer wallowing in apathy, I am interested and energized in working my way into some kind of order and clarity. It is not easy as you might have guessed. I have vacuumed the kitchen, dining room and the sunroom. I did it in spurts of starts and stops.

I am in the stop phase, now nursing a cup of decaf. It’s my usual fall-back-on habit so it takes me a long time to do a chore. Bad habits die hard and very slowly. After years and years of this, it is very, very hard to correct. I have to be patient and kind with myself. I have made a start. I have acknowledged my wayward ways. I am dedicating November to work on sorting my paper clutter. This does not mean giving up my other goals of losing weight and piecing my log cabin squares together into a quilt.

My weight loss is nil to minimum. I could lose 1/2 pound one day and gain a pound the next. It is a bit discouraging. I am focusing on staying fit and getting stronger and more flexible. I am focusing on increasing my aerobic workout and maintaining the strength training. I can now do 50 skips at one time jumping rope and run up and down the stairs at the gym 5 times. It’s easier each week. I can aim for 60 skips and 6 times on the stairs on Monday.

I’m piecing 4 quilt squares into a block. I will have 25 blocks in the end. I’m almost there, just 2 blocks left to go. However, I shall stop and have a bit of a rest from everything. My head is buzzing, alerting me that I am over stimulated. I have to drop everything right now.

No Walk in the Park

Posted on October 14, 2025 by hafong

Sometimes I wish that the earth would stop spinning so I can step off and get a rest. Life is no walk in the park. I’m complaining again. I’m weary, wishing for a camp, the kind they have for children where I would be entertained and all my cares taken care of. Some smart aleck quipped that it’s called a nursing home. I do not wish for such wherein we lined up, sitting silent and vacant in our wheelchairs. I guess I better stop complaining and keep moving my ass.

I’ve thought of a few changes that I could make to reboot myself. I could lose a few pounds. According to my BMI, I am overweight. I need to lose 17 pounds. Sounds formidable to me. When I was thinking about losing weight the other day, I thought now is not a good time. We are in autumn and my hibernation response is triggered. I want to eat and sleep like a bear. It’s not good thinking. I am making excuses. I need to pull up my socks. I will try even though it is harder. I will cut back the cream and sugar in my coffee and tea. I will move a little more.

Making changes is never a walk in the park. I feel like crying just thinking about it. How many times have I already fallen back into those well worn ruts? Too many to count! There’s no point in shaming myself. It doesn’t work. I will try to visualize what I my successes will be like – as if I’ve achieved them already. Perhaps that is what is meant a vision board. Right now my two wants are to lose 17 pounds and clear my clutter. I am going to create 2 vision boards, one for each want. Wish me luck.

Small bites

Posted on May 20, 2025 by hafong

A super grey cool day with drizzles. The drizzles are welcome, no matter how small. They’re much needed moisture. However, the grey and cool are not conducive for cheer and action. I am in a grey slump, not jumping up and down with excitement nor smiling with glee. I am feeling glum and being negative. There is no point in putting on a phony face. I do apologize for my negativity but I thought it is okay to feel not okay and face and accept what is here.

I am not a total ‘loser’ for lack of a better word. Though I feel lackluster, I am not inert. I still have a bit of life force in me. I’ve been reading Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by B.J. Fogg. It lit up a small spark in me on this dreary day. I’m already a fan of doing small and doing easy. This book is a great addition to what I have already learned from Atomic Habits.

Rainy days are good for falling asleep and not so good for for finishing posts/projects or for starting them as you can see. I’ve come back to finish what I started yesterday. This way I can honestly say I’m writing every day. Chocolate cake and a coffee does help to wake me up a bit. Writing on doing small and easy and tiny habits do push me to test out the idea of tiny. A bunch of tinys do add up. They have the potential of becoming something big. On difficult and/or rainy days when tasks look monumentally difficult, taking small bites works better than trying to tackle the whole thing.

It works for me. That is how I am getting through the days of this difficult year. Today, I’ve meditated and wrote my morning pages. Last night’s supper dishes and today’s breakfast dishes were done after breakfast. That’s how I start the morning. It starts me up. Then I cosy up with a cup of tea and some reading. We took my father out for lunch. It gets us all out of the house on a grey rainy day. It’s cheery to eat in a restaurant full of other diners. Dad gets a walk in the mall after. Takes his mind off his shingles. The pain is not too bad. He is on tylenol and can sleep and nap despite the discomfort. I feel I’m doing a good job as a daughter with short time spent.

The afternoon is peaceful. I seed a small pot of broccoli and another of brussels sprouts. They will germinate fairly quickly. Our spring is none too warm yet. I’ve painted my teacup for the #the100dayproject. I’ve bagged up some old clothes for the garbage. Then I’m out in the yard, pulling a few of those darned creeping bell flowers. After all the digging up I did last summer, they are creeping up again. I’m applying doing small and easy on them. I will see where that gets me. I’m going to learn how to live with them wisely. And that is not killing myself trying to obliterate them.

Sunrise, Sunset

Posted on November 28, 2024 by hafong

Life surely is hard. I wonder how any of us can survive it, but we do. There is no choice. I had given myself permission to check out for awhile. There was no other choice. Now it is time to check back in. I am starting my days with my qigong practice of 18 movements. It begins with a sunrise and ends with a sunset. The in-between movements can be done in any order. I like to keep the same order as it is easier to remember.

It’s only five and a half weeks since my mother’s passing. She left on a warm October day. Her flowerbeds were still blooming with marigolds, petunias and snapdragons. She saw the sunrise and the sunset. She left in the evening, well before midnight. She was always thoughtful in that way, not wanting to cause us too much trouble.

I have not had much time to process her leaving. There was so much to do. There was my father’s grief and health to tend to. Then there was mine. You can’t get out of Dodge very fast or easily, especially when you are not Wyatt Earp with a speedy horse. So we’ve limped along slowly but surely. I think we are out of the danger zone into recovery now. One slow day at a time.

LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE

Posted on May 30, 2014 by hafong

I was so envious of Sheba this morning. There she was, asleep on the rug, not a care in the world, not a tense bone in her body – at perfect ease.

That’s the state I am seldom in. But I am improving. I’m reading Lissa Rankin’s book, Mind Over Medicine and becoming more aware of how I am living and my un-ease. It’s not all about doing the proper things like diet, exercise and genetics. There’s much more.

There’s our attitudes, moods and a thing call happiness that affects our health and our ability to heal ourselves. I did not know that I was living in a constant state of distress until I left the world of nursing – code Blues, stats, call bells and bedpan alley.

Now I know and it is the next morning.

I listened and heeded my body and went to bed instead of finishing this post last night. I needed sleep and knew if I stayed up, sleep might escape me. And I have slept well in the night and up early this morning. I drank my lemon water and did my qigong routines, guiding my body and mind into ease for the coming day.

The birds are singing, the sun is shining. Sheba is resting after our romp in the park. I will leave her sleeping self be. I could learn to relax myself watching her.

I sipped my tea, thinking of how I will weave my story for the Friday Fictioneers post. Life is good. I can relax. It is okay.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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