Monthly Archives: October 2020

DAY 11 UBC – CHOW MEIN OR CHOP SUEY

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Chow Mein or Chop Suey

Sunday. Eleven days into October. I’ve had a good run. Now I need a moment to gather myself. I was on the brink of falling back into my old self of grumbling. It is just a habit. I breathed through it. I can see why exercise is good for you in the morning. It stretches body and mind. It gets the endorphins going. But going out for a walk or a run on my own was not appealing. I tackled my chores instead. Now I’m truly awake but not feeling restful or congenial. So back to the drawing board.

I know that there would be days like this. It is very irksome. It is Thanksgiving. I’ve invited my parents for supper. We’re into the 9th month of no family meals. My mother came down with shingles at the beginning of February. Then Covid came. It wasn’t until the middle of May that she was done with the shingles, medication and doctor’s appointments. I felt it was the least I could do that we share a meal together at long last.

It’s funny to say the decision caused some worry. Was it a good thing or not? She had accepted my brother’s invitation. Then she thought about it and changed her mind. Both my sister-in-law and niece worked in the hospital. Plus my nephew is a medical resident and his girlfriend a nurse – in a hospital. I think she made the right choice. Both she and my father are up in their years. Both are health compromised. No need to put them at more risk.

I think we are a better and safe choice for supper mates. We are both retired with a small social circle. We are ordering in. But then there’s the menu. What to order? Even in a restaurant, ordering Chinese sends me into an indecision crisis. Back in those days, I never had to. Usually my brother and sister-in-law have that honour. They frequent restaurants more and know all the dishes. But, I’ve finally sweated through the ordeal. I have completed the order online, paid and receipted. Now the guy just have to pick it up at 6 pm.

DAY 10 UBC – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE

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Dedicated to the One I Love

It’s Saturday, the day my fur baby left for doggy heaven. We miss her but life goes on as the saying goes. It is true. It does. For everything that happens, the world still spins on its axis as it rotates around the sun. And we are all going along with it. Saturday is still my favourite day even though she is no longer here with me physically. My memories of her are warm and sweet.

I will have none of the bitter sweet stuff. I am careful of my thoughts and what I feed my brain. Loss and the end of things can be/are painful but it is the natural order of things. There is a beginning, middle and an ending to all living things. The challenge lies within our finiteness. We don’t have forever. Time is precious like water. I don’t want it to drain/waste away. This is one of those AHA moments I’ve encountered in this Ultimate Blog Challenge.

I’m learning when to turn off the tap. There’s no point in bashing my head against the wall on things I can’t change. I’ve only hurt myself. It is insanity to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. Things are not complicated but we make it so. I am having fun and learning as well in this round of the Challenge. Sometimes it is challenging, trying finding the time to write every day and read others and comment as well. But I also find it motivating. I just do the best I can. We are all different. I admire those who does it so well. I try to return visits when I can.

As you can see, I AM finding my way around this new WordPress thing. In the end it turns out the same. I was stuck on the classic version. I hung on with tooth and nail – till they took it away. I was forced into changing. The change is good for my brain’s neuroplasticity. I was hanging onto Sheba hard, too. I couldn’t hang on forever. I have my sweet memories without the bitter part. She was the most pretty and happy girl. I love her.

DAY 9 UBC – HAPPY AT LAST

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Happy At Last

It’s a cool overcast morning. It’s the kind of day I want to curl up with my quilt and while away the moments. Instead, I’m sitting here tapping and eating left over pizza. It tastes mighty fine. I think I shall have more. I have to give in to these urges now and then. I have to give myself a break or two. I wanted to cancel my exercise class this morning. I meditated and talked myself out of it. Then the exercise cancelled me! A water main problem. No water at the facility.

The universe does listen to us and give us what we need. I’m more attentive now. I try to respond instead of blindly react. I’ve had some very full days and in need of a rest. I’m happy nature is giving it to me. I don’t have to feel guilty about being out and making hay while the sun shines. It’s taking time out, too. There is a reason and season for everything.

This is the season of seeing and understanding for me. My fellow bloggers in this UBC seemed to be writing for me, about things that I specifically need to see right now. How wonderful of them! And the things are not really new to me. It is that I’m seeing and understanding in a different light. It makes me think, Well, how stupid was I! It makes me give my head a shake and a slap to my face. Most of all, I’m singing to myself. I’m happy. At last I’m happy.

And what might those things be, you wonder. They are really simple. I’ve probably written about them myself many many times before. But until they hit, electrofied and lit me up like a LED bulb, I never truly understood the concepts. I think we each have to figure out for ourselves what adds and what takes away from our lives.

DAY 8 UBC – I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN

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I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Not every morning, day and anything are equal. I wouldn’t want it to be, would you? Where would the challenge be then? It would be like Bill Murray waking up to the same day, every day in Groundhog Day. A person could go bonkers! Change is good for us. Having said that, it doesn’t stop me wishing for the comfort of the endless sun shiny days. It’s our human default mode. We hate change. We hate discomfort and inconvenience. We hate interruption of a good thing.

You might have guessed it. Today is a cloudy and windy morning. We’ve had a light shower. It’s not conducive for productivity or joy. I should amend that. It can and does lead to creativity. Clouds sometimes give us pause make us reach deeper into ourselves. They can be an impetus for writing poetry, making music and other pursuits. I think we call them silver linings. Without clouds where would we get the rain for our rose gardens?

It’s getting towards the end of the day. I’m feeling a bit challenged on finishing this post. The day did not stay cloudy. The afternoon was lovely, warm and filled with sunshine. My persons came for afternoon tea and snacks. I was excused from my duty of ladder holding and fetching bandaids. It was a lovely visit. I am not high maintenance. I need only a person or two, good conversation and caring. I don’t need travel or shopping. I am a happy homebody.

DAY 7 UBC – THEN AND NOW

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Then and Now

Today I can say to myself, You’ve come a long ways, baby. I have. It feels damn good. We have to document these moments, these milestones for prosperity. What better time than during the Ultimate Blog Challenge? It is a beautiful October, full of sunshine, blue skies and autumn leaves. I am filled with good tidings and joy. Not too long ago, I was crying the blues, writing alot about my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and all my woes. I must have sounded like a sad sack.

That is not to say that I will have smooth sailing from now on. Or that I will sound forever like Pollyanna. I could very well and most likely will, fall off the cheerful wheel soon enough. But for now I can luxuriate in my joy bubble bath. That is my theme/goal for this challenge. I want to talk about the good times. I know it has only been 7 days but I can see that setting intentions work. Talking/focusing less of bad vibes brings more good vibes. Less is more.

It is getting on in the evening. We’ve had a busy day putting sidings on the greenhouse. The dishes and shower are calling. Then there’s Grey’s Anatomy and ice cream. It has been a wonderful day spent outdoors, working on our dream project. It is good for my soul soaking up sunshine and looking at the blue sky. I was a helper, ladder holder and bandaid fetcher. In between I raked leaves, sat and sipped tea.

DAY 6 UBC DAYS OFF AND GREY’S ANATOMY

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Days Off and Grey’s Anatomy

This morning I was happy to languish a little and sip on my second cup of tea. It felt like a day off. There’s no swimming or aerobics class to dash off to. Of course every day is a day off now that I am retired from the rat race. Back in the days when I was still slinging bedpans, wiping butts and saving lives, our opening line to each other was: Are you on days off? Did you sleep? Our lives were as insular within hospital walls as those portrayed on Grey’s Anatomy.

When you are right in the middle of it, you don’t see what’s coming. You just live it. You think you will sort it all out – later. I knew enough though not to live it via the small screen, too, while I was still working. Once was enough. So now it is later. It’s a real pleasure to live it again through Netflix. I had forgotten the reason why I had only watched a few beginning episodes. I already had too much real life drama. No need for more. Time/days off was to get away from it all.

Now I see it. Now I see and understand how work had impacted on me. It’s taken 9 seasons of Greys Anatomy for me to see it. I am a slow learner. Hindsight is better than no clue. I can still learn from it. It’s still useful in my present time off. I can see how much alike and different Cristina Yang and I are. We are the yin and the yang. Maybe it’s because we are Asian sisters. We don’t like hugs and being mushy, I can identify with Meredith Grey, too, in that I’m a running commentary. Like Cristina and Meredith, I have my person. And that’s the best thing.

It’s nice to have days off even though I don’t punch a clock any more. It’s when I give myself permission to slack off a bit, sip my cuppa a little slower and just enjoy and not take myself so seriously.

P.s. We watch Grey’s most evenings with ice cream.

DAY 5 UBC – STUMBLING TOWARDS ECSTASY

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Stumbling Towards Ecstasy

A hundred tulip bulbs later, I’m feeling a little bushed. I still have 10 lily bulbs to contend with. They will wait till tomorrow. I will have to remember all this next fall so I won’t have a repeat. In all likelihood I will have forgotten it all by spring. When I see the parade of beautiful tulips in bloom, I will say: I want to get more. And I will gladly do it all over again. As encouragement, a young lady with flaming red hair and wide smile, cycling past on the sidewalk called out. “I love your yard!”

She has ridden by before in the spring when the tulips were in bloom. And she called out just as enthusiastically. It was music to my ears. It brought so much pleasure to my whole being. It reminds me to do the same for others. If I/you see something you appreciate, we should let the person know. It doesn’t cost anything and it could do so much for the other person. Be generous. Be kind. Otherwise be silent. There, that’s another motto.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no Mother Theresa. I’m struggling with it all. I complain and bitch about people. I find faults. I’m judgemental, too. I am ashame. I know better. Yet I still stumble and falter. Alas, I’m too human. Sometimes I cannot overcome. I cannot bite my tongue. After, I try not to beat up on myself too much. I already feel the shame and regret. And so I take a moment to let that feeling sink in, to remember it for the future reference. And maybe then I will have fewer and fewer stumbles.

DAY 4 UBC – LET ME NOT WASTE TIME

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Let me not waste time

My goal today is not to waste so much time pondering on things that I do not understand. There are some/many things that my understanding or not adds zilch to my quality of life. It is an addiction and a flaw of mine. I know I cannot possibly put myself into someone else’s head and figure out their mechanics. It is perhaps that impossibility that hooks me. It is a job. It’s that shepna Pema Choedron talks about. It is why weI suffer. I have work ahead of me to do. Today is another first day of the rest of my life.

I have already squandered away part of an hour investigating someone else’s behaviour. It is mine that is in question. I’m the only one that I can control and change. How could I possibly get into another’s head. How can I understand how their mechanics work? How stupid is that when it matters not? The mystery is the hook. The solution is not to bite. So I take a deep breath and let go of the hook. It is not that interesting. It is just a habit of mine, wanting to understand everything, thinking everything has to do with me. It does not. I am not all that powerful.

Onward and forward I march towards my goal. How do I overcome my lassitude? Is it physical or psychological? Does it matter which? I don’t need to figure it out. In the end, it is physical action/movement that will get me there. I’m sticking to what works for me. Regina Brett’s advice, no matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up, works for me. It’s what keeps me coming back to the page. Now I have to apply that principle to the rest of the day.

It helps that I can understand my physical and emotional self. I know I have this lassitude. I can while the day away on the couch doing nothing. I wouldn’t feel the better for it. Or I can bite the bullet and bear the discomfort, put in a little effort and rise to the moment. I have done that. So the sheets are changed. The bed is made with fresh linen. The old ones are being laundered and dried. The 2nd pail of concord grapes are washed and draining, to be process later. I have tulip and lily bulbs to be planted. I better do that today while the sun is shining.

It is and it isn’t really hard to unhook myself from unanswerable questions. I just have to ask myself what does it matter knowing or not knowing. How would that change or add anything to my life? That would stop my ponderings, chewings and regurgitating endlessly. There’s a beautiful world out there to enjoy.

DAY 3 UBC – LESS IS BETTER AND MORE

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Less is Better and More

October 3/20

So far, so good. I’m still here. It is only day 3 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge after all. I’ll try to keep it short and simple. There’s more likelihood of keeping the reader here. There’s more chances of me showing up again and again. I was exhausted trying to navigate on this new page yesterday. I like to play by the rules. I like reading the 2 postings above mine. I like the randomness, the chance of meeting a new blogger, different type of writing. I also like to revisit old friends and those who visit me. It’s a fine balance of finding time and energy to do all that.

It’s a fine exercise – assessing my energy levels and my priorities. I’m always pulled every which way. I’ve never given much time in thinking through. I let guilt and sense of obligation dictate what I do. I’m just awakening to the sense of ‘me’ now. What am I all about? I’m taking time to stand back, to be that fly on the wall, to try to see myself in action objectively. Have you done the exercise?

I’m seeing my slate wiped clean today, all my obligations fulfilled. This is another first day of the rest of my life. It is a beautiful though cloudy October day. No frost overnight. There’s still strawberries coming, though ripening ever so slow. My raised beds of greens are still thriving. And our greenhouse is half finished. It is not as big as we had wanted. But small is better. I harvested 2 ice cream pails of Concord grapes yesterday. Guess what I’ll be doing today? I’ve found an excellent site for dealing with them. Hopefully I’ll have some pies, sorbet or jam soon.

Day 2 Ultimate Blog Challenge – The Pleasure of Showing up

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Oct 2/2020

The Pleasure of Showing Up

So here it is, the 2nd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m eager to start my day. I’m ready to put the pedal to the metal and wham! I’m faced with an obstacle, a huge stumbling block. WordPress has changed – with no instructions. Egad! Life is like that. This is art imitating life. I best just get on with it and tap. I’m here. Let me enjoy the experience of trial and error. It’s what I’m good at – tapping without instructions.

I’m a little disconcerted at the moment. It might take me a little to get this post together. I’m faced with a big blank page without all those gizzmo. There are no sidebars. It’s like swimming in the ocean. No edge of the pool to hang on to in case of drowning. But I’ve uploaded a cover photo. I like it. I can write on it. I can move it to left, right or middle. So far I haven’t figured out how to resize it. No matter. It looks good. I can go like this for the whole month. And sometimes the things you need just pop out at you in the moment. I’ve just found where the word count is clicking on the i with a circle around it. Life can be fun and informative if you show up.

I have this motto: No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. I borrowed it from Regina Brett. It’s a pretty good one and she is a pretty neat lady. Wow, I found how to add a link on this new WordPress thing-a-ma-jig! Now if I can figure out how to add tags, everything else would be a bonus. But carrying on, showing up is a big thing. Many times I’ve been present in body but not mind. I’m sure I’ve missed many moments but I’m not going to cry over spilt milk. Let me start from this moment, to be in the moment and appreciate what I have.

I love my early morning moments when the rest of the world is still asleep. I see my world through a clearer lens. The other morning I saw and felt the pleasure of my surroundings. I saw the sunlight playing on the wall and floor. I could see from my place in the sunroom – the dining room and all the way to the livingroom. I was fully present in the moment. It felt magical.

I think I have had enough fun for now. It is very cool, this new WordPress. I’ve discovered how to resize photos and where to add tags. I better quit while I’m ahead. I’ll be back for more fun tomorrow.