Tag Archives: life

Working through the blahs

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Another sunny November morning. The sun comes up much later now. Still, I’m happy to see its shine. Surprisingly some of my garden still survives. The celery, Swiss chard and kohlrabi perk up after the morning chill eases. I’ve just harvested a handful of chard to add to my pot of tomato soup. We’re hoping our tomatoes will survive another 3 weeks. We like to boast that we have our own garden tomatoes up to December. It will be close. I still have a few tomatoes on the vine in the greenhouse.

Life feels a bit strange. I feel a bit detached. I am an observer, feeling not part of the world. I wonder what happened to my ‘passions‘. It sounds like a silly word with no meaning. Perhaps I am just tired. But aren ‘t we all? So I should just shut up and carry on though there is no fire in my heart. It could be just a case of the blahs. It will surely pass as many things do. There is no need for me to fret. Meanwhile I will manage life in small chunks. I no longer need to be Wonder Woman. I cannot leap over tall buildings or even short ones for that matter.

What and how will I do? Carry on as normal/usual. Using some of Regina Brett’s quotes:

  • “No matter how I feel, I get up, dress up, and show up for life.”
  • “Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment.” 

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It’s taken me 2 days to get back here to finish what I have started. Some days I am loathed to move and get on with it. It is especially so on cloudy November days. Today we have a bit of snow to brighten up the grey. It’s only by gosh, darn, I should and I must that I got myself moving this morning. Hanging up clean bath and dish towels and putting the dirty ones in th laundry tweaked by brain into a bit of wakefulness. Another cup of tea doesn’t hurt either. I just have to do whatever it takes not to let myself sink into melancholy and apathy.

Right now I am defrosting some ground beef for lunch. I am also going through the cooler and rescuing veggies that need some attention. Much as I would like, things don’t take care of themselves. Darn anyways! I guess now is a good time to assess and plan our garden needs for next spring.What do we want and like? What do we have too much of? What stores and keeps well? How is our health and physical capabilities? These are a few things I can think about. I do not have to dwell in kingdom of gloom and doom. Move and think, Self!

What Is Good Enough?

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Photo by Stacey Koenitz on Pexels.com

Three days into the new month and I’m feeling I’m failing in so many ways. I wonder if my lack of sleep last night put a slant on my outlook. What do you do when a thought gets into your head and just won’t let go? In my case, it was a technology puzzle. It kept playing in my head and had me tossing and turning. In the end, I had to get out of bed. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and warmed up some leftovers. Being upright seemed to reset my buttons. Comfort food warmed my belly and relaxed my being. Sated, I was able to sleep.

I realized that I wasn’t going to lose weight the way things were going. For one thing, I cannot give up the cream in my tea/coffee. I tried using skim milk and it tasted terrible. I don’t want to give up snacks altogether. I love an afternoon muffin/cookie, etc. What joy is there in life without cream and snacks? Perhaps I am making excuses but a life without some joy doesn’t feel inviting. Perhaps I have to evaluate my goals and decide what is good enough.

I don’t think I am too terribly overweight. I am not obese by any stretch of imagination. I will change my focus on losing weight to keeping fit and happy, whatever that takes. Right now my goal is taking off a little belly fat. It would be a boost to my self image and health to lose that bulge. For me, it is easier to add more motion and activities than to cut out cream and snacks. What do you think?

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BAD HABITS DIE HARD

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November 1, a new month, a new day. Where am I? I am still lost in the midst of my chaos and clutter. I haven’t given up. I worked myself out of acedia in the month of October. Now that I am no longer wallowing in apathy, I am interested and energized in working my way into some kind of order and clarity. It is not easy as you might have guessed. I have vacuumed the kitchen, dining room and the sunroom. I did it in spurts of starts and stops.

I am in the stop phase, now nursing a cup of decaf. It’s my usual fall-back-on habit so it takes me a long time to do a chore. Bad habits die hard and very slowly. After years and years of this, it is very, very hard to correct. I have to be patient and kind with myself. I have made a start. I have acknowledged my wayward ways. I am dedicating November to work on sorting my paper clutter. This does not mean giving up my other goals of losing weight and piecing my log cabin squares together into a quilt.

My weight loss is nil to minimum. I could lose 1/2 pound one day and gain a pound the next. It is a bit discouraging. I am focusing on staying fit and getting stronger and more flexible. I am focusing on increasing my aerobic workout and maintaining the strength training. I can now do 50 skips at one time jumping rope and run up and down the stairs at the gym 5 times. It’s easier each week. I can aim for 60 skips and 6 times on the stairs on Monday.

I’m piecing 4 quilt squares into a block. I will have 25 blocks in the end. I’m almost there, just 2 blocks left to go. However, I shall stop and have a bit of a rest from everything. My head is buzzing, alerting me that I am over stimulated. I have to drop everything right now.

The Last Day

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Photo by Ana Arantes on Pexels.com

Today is the last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. To everything there is a beginning and an ending. It is only right I should come and close up shop. I’ve already did an assessment yesterday. There’s no need for another. There’s not much left to say. I have noticed this time around, many are writing and posting early and earlier in the day. There’s not much traffic quite early in the afternoon. It did give me a sense of abandonment in the beginning. I got over it and did not feel the need to hurry. So now I am just limping leisurely across the finish line. It is only 1:30 pm in my neck of the woods.

My life feels so busy nowadays. I am retired. I wonder how I managed when I was still working. Likely I wasn’t. But that is water under the bridge. Everything works out at the end. I am happy to be finished but I will be back for the next UBC. I am a week behind in the Inktober Challenge. I can catch up. There’s no rush.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

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Here it is, the 2nd last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I haven’t made it here every day. I haven’t done too badly thought, missing only 3 days. It’s not a do or die or I must kind of a challenge. Sometimes life calls. And I had to answer. This business of living is not easy. None of it. I do the best I can. It has to be enough. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

In assessing whether I’ve stayed the course, I showed up 93% of the time. I abided by the rules. Read the 2 posts above mine and commented as best as I could. As to having fun, I wasn’t in the beginning. I struggled for the first few days, not having fun at all. But I warmed up, eventually thawing out and enjoying it all. So I’ve achieved my ultimate goal of working my way out of acedia. I am no longer in ‘a state of listlessness, apathy, and a lack of care about one’s life or spiritual condition‘.

I have achieved my wildest dreams.

Wordless Wednesday – Happiness is –

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Happiness for my 94 year old father is his new walk-in shower. He is still able to climb in and out of the tub but it was getting harder and harder. It is my pleasure to make this possible for him. The shower head is held onto the mount by magnetic so can be easily pulled off and be put up again. I will shop for a shower chair to him to sit in. My sister and I spent a 12 hour shift with him in ER Monday night. We are all alright. Our healthcare system is the way of our world – kaputs. We are thankful still for what we have and who we are. There’s always a silver lining to everything. I am half a pound lighter. Tickled.

Found

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Today finds me at another art show. It is the annual Men Who Paint Show & Sale. It is our third year. We are getting acquainted with the artists’ styles. Paul Trottier owns Hues Art Supply where I have taken some art classes. I am getting comfortable rubbing elbows with our local artists. It is surprising to find so many talented individuals in our midst. Here’s a few paintings from the show that spoke to me. They’re painted by Greg Hargarten.

Inspired by the art show and the quilt show these last couple of days gave me enough energy to dig out my log cabin quilt squares and try piecing them together. It wasn’t easy. First I had to get reacquainted with my Bernina sewing machine. It was quite a painful process for my brain. I gave myself time to clean and lubricate it. Then I proceeded from there. I didn’t try to perform magic. I just sewed a couple of blocks together. I had already done some years before and gave up. Now I’m back at it. I’ve found the will. I/it will be done. I am found.

Lost

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A sunny mid October morning. I’m sipping my second cup of tea. I am tired from yesterday and the day before. Age is catching up with me. Lunches, art galleries, quilt shows and coffee with my father are adding up. I shouldn’t complain and am not. Getting out in the world and connecting with others is always a good thing. It feels like I’ve been in a vacuum this past year. I’m slowly making my way out into the world again.

It feels a bit overwhelming sometimes, waking up to the world we have today. But I am here, caught up in the constant traffic along with the rest of humanity. It is a bit disorientating. I am reminded of the time I was in Hong Kong. It was on a Friday afternoon when people got off work early. I was standing on the sidewalk with people streaming past me. The sidewalk was like a moving escalator. I was, of course, lost, a foreigner among her own people.

I’m feeling less lost and not getting lost as often. I check and plan where I am going. Now there is a Googles Maps app. I can get directions livestream right to my ears. Now there’s not much getting lost but I still get stuck frequently, starting and stopping. Life is never perfect. Whatever would I do if it was?

Feeling stuck, I do a walk through the house this morning, putting away and throwing out things. I do a walk out the door and through the garden and the greenhouse, snipping and pulling. I hooked the hose to the water catchment and turned on the water onto the greenhouse beds. It could be the last watering. Then it’s time to stop and make lunch. Another day and no dollar.

Books Not Read; quilt not finished

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I’m in danger of a no show on this 23rd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I thought I best sit my butt down and get to work. My mind is scattered, neither here nor there. Today I’ve been out for lunch with my retired cronies from work. We don’t see each other frequently so it can get lively and lengthy. Then an hour later, I’m out for coffee with my father and some of our Chinese friends. It’s no wonder I’m all talked out and not much left in my head.

This is the year of short attention span. The only thing that can hold my attention is serious murder mysteries on Britbox. I want to do better than that. I’m working on reading but I haven’t been able to finish one book in a very, very long time. I still take out books that catches my eye from the library and on Libby. They’re free. The library no longer fine overdue books. The books online disappears on their own when the time is up. So why not, even if I manage to read a few pages here and there. I can still gleen nuggets of wisdom and I can enjoy short snippets of a story. I don’t have to have the whole enchilada.

I discovered the word acedia from Kathleen Norris’s Acedia & Me. At present I’m working on her The Cloister Walk because I am interested in monastic life. I don’t know how far I will read. I need just tidbits. I was reading Angela’s Ashes. It was quite interesting but I’ve left it behind. I’ve also left behind The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly. Am I not already doing that already? I don’t think I need instructions. I haven’t cracked open Water Mirror Echo: Bruce Lee and the Making of Asian America yet. I will soon. I am on page 39 of Caroline Myss’ Anatomy of the Spirit.

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I did not have enough gas to finish my post yesterday. I’ve covered only a few of the books I did not finish reading this year. I am working on getting my head together. I went to Saskatoon Quilters’ Guild Show and Sale this morning and was blown away by all the creative quilters in our midst. I was especially impressed and inspired by Debora Barlow. She was the 2024 National Juried Show Best of Show winner with the quilt Weir Fishing.

Possibly now I am inspired enough to finish my log cabin quilt that’s been waiting for years for me to put it together.

Wordless Wednesday – Vision Board – Table

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Thank goodness for Wordless Wednesday! The 2 goals I set for myself are to lose weight and to clear clutter. Today’s vision board is composed of photos of how I would like my tables to look most of the time – uncluttered and attractive. If I can keep these images in my mind, I’ll be more apt to succeed. Here’s fingers and toes crossed.