OF PETER RABBIT AND OTHER THINGS

Posted on March 13, 2016 by hafong

What is it about the weekend that is so restful, even for those of us who no longer ‘work’ for a living? I am grateful for that sense of ease and peace that is here on this sunny Sunday. I love to sit in my favourite space and watch the spruce branches sway in the wind. The somber and laughing Buddhas sit unperturbed beneath.

I am claiming the day mine – to rest, to find my way back to musings, thoughts, words – to do as I please. The week days have been most harried and taxing as Miss Potter might say. Would she say that? I have recently watched that movie. She is a most admirable woman and creator of Peter Rabbit. 2016 is the 150th anniversary of her birth and there are many posts and celebrations afoot.

It is nice to sit here in the sunlight, amid my paper clutter. Some things never change. Maybe messy helps my thinking process. It seems to be working! The letters and words are coming as I tap, tap on the keyboard. It’s rhythmic and soothing. It is a different aerobic exercise for my brain. A change of pace is good for body and mind. I do wish my flash fiction mode would come back. I miss writing for Friday Fictioneers. I wonder what Miss Potter or Peter Rabbit would do to get the story juice going.

FALLING

Posted on March 6, 2016 by hafong

I’ve been away too long. My excuse is I’ve been lost for words. On closer examination, it is perhaps I’m afraid of words. If you say them out loud, they would be there to be heard and acknowledged. If you tap them out on the screen/page, you can’t refute for having said them. The letters, words are marching across the screen as I sit, tap, tapping here on this Sunday morning.

I’ve been frightened for many a days, weeks, months – of many nebulous things, thoughts, past events. They are the stuff of mist, smoke, air. Hard to grasp, so how is one suppose to rid them? For me, the way was the end. That is to say I was backed into the corner of no escape. It is much like the sensation of falling in your sleep. You can’t stop it. There is no impact to the free fall in sleep. But there sure is when the boogeyman caught me.

The thing is, I was like Humpty Dumpty who had a great fall. I could not be put together as before. I didn’t appreciate the discomfort then, of being broken and suffering. I see the value of such a moment now. It was an opportunity for change, for doing different. If I go down the same well trodden path, there was a great chance to encounter the same wall again. Pain is a good teacher and deterrent even to a slow learner like me. It pushed me, not so gently, to seek roads less travelled.

They are worth the effort to explore. Don’t be afraid to do so. When that magic moment comes, stay your stance and let it come. Then march forth in a new direction. You will not regret it.

BE MY VALENTINE

Posted on February 14, 2016 by hafong

Happy Valentines Day! There’s nothing like the feeling of falling head over heels in love the very first time – with myself. It comes quietly in the early morning darkness over my cup of tea. It is my favourite time of day in this month of the heart. I sit with my tea, Sharon Salzberg and all my sisters on Instagram, feeling the love and connection. What better day to practice compassion and nourishment than on this day and month of the heart. It all starts with the self.

The title of Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic pops into my head. Why am I always looking out to others for answers? I breathed and looked within. Why can’t I be my own magic? I went further within to where I had been, feeling and experiencing it all. It’s as if my whole life flashed before my eyes. I was/am always going out of myself, being there for everyone, assuming all faults and responsibility. I saw my want to fix everything for everyone, wanting to take on the suffering even if it’s not my own. I was never home for myself.

My Big Magic came this morning slowly and quietly with the breath and sip of tea. It is in the knowing and accepting that I am not perfect nor all that powerful. Not everything is my fault. I can’t fix everything. I don’t need to fix myself. I just have to be my own valentine.

WHY WAIT FOR SPRING

Posted on February 4, 2016 by hafong

It would do me well to heed some of these wise age-old sayings:

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting. ~Dr. Seuss

Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~Charles Richards

Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think. ~Chinese Proverb

Simply put, why wait for spring. Do it NOW. My now should have been in the fall, after harvesting and putting the garden to sleep. I should have/could have made notes about what worked, what didn’t. But I DIDN’T. I’m relying on my faulty memory now to recall. How did my garden grow? No use crying over spilt milk. Let me move on as best as I. I am going to make my seed list today.

What worked for sure were the potatoes. They were big and plentiful, lasting us into January. The carrots did well, too. We still have quite a few and storing fairly well in a cooler in our insulated garage. They might do better in a cold storage area in the house next year. My tomatoes have always done well. No need to change anything except plant fewer and less dense in the beds. They started out small and far apart. They grew and grew and became an almost Little Shop of Horrors.

The beans and broccoli did astoundingly well. They produced well into the frost season. However the cabbage was not as successful as I had hoped but I will try again. You win some. You lose sum. I’ve never had much luck with peas, getting a few pods at a picking. I might plant more snow peas this year for the pods and leaves – double the return. They’re both easy to stir fry. Snow pea tips are very flavourful and a pricey dish in a restaurant.

What else did well? Let me see now. The kohlrabi, chilli peppers, lettuce, kale, onions, cucumbers, squash…

What didn’t do well? Beets were small. Spinach too small and bolted. Maybe too crowded and needed to be thinned aggressively. Radishes were not as good as the year before. We forgot to harvest frequently. They got old and wooden.

This recalling from memory is labour intensive! I will have to give it a rest and dig out my seed order from last year. It would be best if I can learn from this exercise to keep notes of things as they progress – like a garden journal. You know what they say about a stitch in time. I know how I am – slow to learn. Ah, but I am doing the best I can.

THINGS I LEARN FROM REPOTTING MY CHRISTMAS CACTUS

Posted on February 3, 2016 by hafong

The thing that I want to get out is that while I may have a green thumb (largely due to luck), I’m not a plant nor garden expert. You can plainly see that if you ever saw my Christmas cactus. Sure, it’s alive and blooms once or twice a year. BUT it’s not exactly thriving. Most of its leaves have a pinkish tinge to them. They’ve been like that many years. It’s only recently I really took notice and wondered why.

My investigation led me to several websites. They all agree that the Christmas cactus need more water than the ordinary run of the mill succulent. It does not like exposure to direct sunlight. I was guilty on both accounts. I seldom water it to a point where the soil was cracked and separating from the edges of the pot. It sitting in the west window through all the seasons. No wonder it was sunburnt! Being root bound didn’t help either. How was it suppose to get its proper nutrients? Not that I ever fertilize it. It’s a wonder how it survived all these years.

Finally knowing all this, it still took a couple of months before I gave it some TLC. I’m a slow and cautious mover. However careful I was, I discovered that there is no way you can repot a plant without making a bit of mess. What’s a little bit of dirt, eh? It matters quite a bit when you don’t like it here, there and on the floor and hate cleaning it up. I’m a bit of a whiner and lazy bone. I hate picking up after myself.

Now that it’s all done, I wonder why it was so hard to do. Starting was the hardest thing. But once you got the cactus out of the pot, you can’t just leave it. You have to do the proper thing – loosen up the root ball, trim off the excess and plant it proper like in a new pot of rich soil, water it with the right mix of fertilizer. So here it is, right after and then a few days after. The leaves are a bit greener, or is that me wishful thinking?

Anyhow, it is a positive experience overcoming my inertia. Make a move, any move. Works for writing, too. One, two, three. GO!

DOLDRUMS AND LISTS

Posted on January 31, 2016 by hafong

Doldrums are painful. They seep into you unawares and rob you of joie de vivre. They’re like vampires sucking the very juice of you, leaving behind a wet dishcloth, a soggy noodle, Linus without his blanket or a Snoopy on top of his doghouse. I DON’T like doldrums but what to do? Snoopy has the right idea. When in doubt and all else fails, sleep it off. Maybe I can dream up some solutions. Maybe I can borrow Linus’ blanket. Why don’t I make a list.

I wonder if this is what they call brainstorming. Can I be a team of one? It’s working at easing my doldrums. I’m coming alive – without the doghouse and the blanket. Oh, happy day! pops into my head. Singing seems to help even if it’s in my head. I can hear and see Whoopi Goldberg and the kids whooping it up in Sister Act. Oh happy day!

I’m well out of the wet noodle phase now. Apparently doing something, anything can disturb the doldrum mindset. I’m not a list maker but it’s another thing I can do to shake things loose. I can learn to take an inventory of the things I need/like/want to do for future episodes. Might as well be practical, productive, imaginative and have fun at the same time. Oh, happy day it is when I can get inspired!

TOMORROW NEVER COMES

Posted on January 30, 2016 by hafong

Some mornings doldrum sits heavily upon me. I’m like a fat Buddha, unable to rise from my Lotus position. I sigh and heave my chest to no avail. I cannot summon up la joie de vivre. I cannot rise above it all. Must I be full of what I am not? That is the moral question.

I cannot give up, sit and let everything hang out and say ‘After all, tomorrow is another day.’ I am not Buddha or Scarlett O’Hara though I would love to say, ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. Having said all this, I do feel better. Maybe a bit of Scarlett’s spirit have seeped into me though I’ve never gotten so bored I could scream.

Now, I can push through some of the doldrum. Or is it fatigue? I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as they say. I am finding a few words. I have been away from the keyboard too long. It’s difficult to recover the rhythm of my tap, tapping. I’m adrift from my thoughts and intuits. You do lose what you don’t use. I must unlock my limbs now and rise above it all. Tomorrow will be another today. Tap. Tap. Tap.

WRITING ON THE WORD

Posted on January 2, 2016 by hafong

2015 is over. We are into the second day of 2016. There has been no big bang. No celebration. None that I’ve felt nor seen anyways. It’s disappointing in a way but it’s all good. It’s a slow comfortable ease from the old into the new. Let me celebrate it now with my words and pictures. Let me draw back the curtain and close the door. Let there be no distractions while I sit in the STILLNESS of last year’s word and think about the ORDER I want in the coming year.

My tea is made. I am ready to sit in silence and look backyards to what I have left behind. It is peaceful here looking out to what was. What was fell short of my intentions of stillness. It happens. Shit and failure can happen. I see that now. I am not that powerful. I am not in control of the Universe. I cannot wave my magic wand and make VOILA! happen. I can’t even tell you a good fairy tale.

What I can tell you is that the stillness I intended and longed for is here within me now. In this moment as I am tapping out my words, I feel its presence within. I look up and I can feel my ancestors looking down on me. I hear a whisper. ‘Be still and you will find order in your life.’

THE SPACE BETWEEN ANSWERS

Posted on December 30, 2015 by hafong

REVERB 2015 – waiting for 2016 – from Kat McNally:

Today, I invite you to think about the great unknowns in your life right now. Say to yourself this morning: “I am open to the answers finding me”. Then stay alert with as many senses as you can.

In what form did the answers find you?

~~~~~~~

I have been trying or not trying so hard to write on the above prompt for quite a few days now. I am sad at the ending of things. I am not good with new beginnings or farewells. Our host, Kat McNally is saying goodbye to Reverb and her blog. Then Christmas Eve, our neighbours had a house fire. They lost their 2 little dogs to smoke inhalation. My dog and I still look for them when we leave the house. Where are those little rascals? Loss takes time. It’s not bad to feel it. It is natural. Now I have to move on – with the rhythm of life and my words.

The older I get the less I know, the more confused I am on how to be. That is very, very true. The good thing is that I am getting more comfortable with this unknowing in life. I am able to sit back and sink into that messiness of I don’t know where the hell I am going or what to do. I’m okay with sitting in between answers. Why kill myself in digging at the root of things? Sometimes there are no answers. I am deliberately choosing to do something different.

In the meantime there is nothing to do, no place to go, no wants, no striving, no worries. I can sit here with the Mister and Sheba – feet up, living in the moment, watching our breaths going in and out. All is copacetic.

MARSHMALLOW DAYS

Posted on December 16, 2015 by hafong

REVERB2015

Issue 5 of the beautiful magazine Bella Grace carries a gorgeously illustrated quote from a chap called H. Jackson Brown Jr as follows:

“Watch the sunrise at least once a year, put a lot of marshmallows in your hot chocolate, lie on your back and look at the stars, never buy a coffee table you can’t put your feet on, never pass up a chance to jump on a trampoline, don’t overlook life’s small joys while searching for the big ones.”

What small pleasures gave you moments of intense joy in 2015?

What more could you cultivate in 2016?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why is it that I always wait till I’m sodden with wine and then try to write? That is the thousand dollar question as they say. I’m happy to say my day of nothingness did go as planned.

I’ve spent the day admonishing my dog, Sheba and reading Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin. The book is read and the dog quiet. I’m having trouble retrieving myself from the book. But I have come up with a word for the coming year: ORDER.

For now and today, especially these grey days of December, I like to indulge and pamper myself with the sensual. ‘Tis the season after all. ‘Tis the season between autumn and spring, after the harvest and before the sowing. It’s that time of pausing to nourish and plan for the coming season. There will be much work of sowing, creating, working – the projects, the garden, the life.

I’m learning to love the days I used to dread, these sunless days of December. Once they filled me with anxiety and sadness. Now the grey sky blankets me with warmth and ease. It tells me it’s okay to be slow. It’s okay to be lazy. It’s okay to do a day of nothing. I can languish with a book. I can indulge in hot chocolate with a marshmallow or two. Everything is copacetic.

There! My two favourite words – languish and copacetic. Both in one paragraph. I’ve missed them, my two friends. Such a long time since I’ve last written you. Surprising how two words can give me so much pleasure. But I am not one with big desires. Give me the smallness, the seemingly inconsequential. I will find comfort and happiness there.

hot chocolate with 2 marshmallows floating on top
tapping out my words
capturing everyday life my iPhone
coffee with a friend/my mother
a smile from a stranger
the feel of his hands on my face
Sheba at my feet
the aroma of bread/cookies/cinnamon buns baking
warm bubble baths/clean sheets
a mindful swim
and so on and on…..

Memories of all the little and everyday things will sustain me into the new year and on. I need not try harder. I need not yearn for more. This is enough for now and 2016.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: life