I’ve been away too long. My excuse is I’ve been lost for words. On closer examination, it is perhaps I’m afraid of words. If you say them out loud, they would be there to be heard and acknowledged. If you tap them out on the screen/page, you can’t refute for having said them. The letters, words are marching across the screen as I sit, tap, tapping here on this Sunday morning.
I’ve been frightened for many a days, weeks, months – of many nebulous things, thoughts, past events. They are the stuff of mist, smoke, air. Hard to grasp, so how is one suppose to rid them? For me, the way was the end. That is to say I was backed into the corner of no escape. It is much like the sensation of falling in your sleep. You can’t stop it. There is no impact to the free fall in sleep. But there sure is when the boogeyman caught me.
The thing is, I was like Humpty Dumpty who had a great fall. I could not be put together as before. I didn’t appreciate the discomfort then, of being broken and suffering. I see the value of such a moment now. It was an opportunity for change, for doing different. If I go down the same well trodden path, there was a great chance to encounter the same wall again. Pain is a good teacher and deterrent even to a slow learner like me. It pushed me, not so gently, to seek roads less travelled.
They are worth the effort to explore. Don’t be afraid to do so. When that magic moment comes, stay your stance and let it come. Then march forth in a new direction. You will not regret it.