September sloth

Posted on September 6, 2025 by hafong

I’m slothing through these days of September. I’m not happy about it but I try not to give myself too much grief. Though the official date for autumn is September 21/22, the days have been steadily getting shorter. It was still dark at 6 this morning. The furnace was turned on to take the chill off. I could not will myself out of bed till after 7. I am learning to accept that my battery power is less in these days of dwindling daylight. It is ok to move slower, do less and gain a pound or two. It is wise not to fight nature. I will just do the best I can.

I am happy to learn that there was no frost last night. The garden is safe. We will be busy the next week or 2 harvesting and putting the garden to sleep for the coming winter. There’s always something to do. Right now I have a pot of tomatoes simmering on the stove. I’m saucing a quart of tomatoes a day. My goal is 12 quarts so 8 more quarts to go. The bread is out of the oven and cooling on the rack. The dishes are done. There’s just the loaf pans to wash. I better get to them.

Finishing, cleaning and putting things away are just as hard as starting something. The tomato sauce is in the jar. The bread is still cooling. All the pots and pans are washed and dried, almost put away. Congrats to myself for jobs done. Now I can relax and resume slothing.

Smoke, Despair and Frustrations

Posted on July 22, 2025 by hafong

A very grey and smoky morning. It is dark in the house. It is a day of multiple cups of tea/coffee. I am not fighting it. I am taking care not to fall into despair though it does look like we’re on the edge of destruction. I am comforting myself that we are doing the best we can to lighten the burden on our planet. We have installed solar panels first on the house and then on the garage. We have many catchments for rainwater harvesting. We do not use chemicals in our food growing endeavours or in maintaining our yard.

Rather than sitting frozen with all my worries and fears, I decided to tackle living as best as I can. I changed out of my pjs, sat here, tapped out a few words for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Then I decided I should do a couple of necessary things like booking for my physical and paying my auto insurance. The doctor’s appointment made online caused no problems. Just waiting for confirmation. The auto insurance was stressful. Nowadays getting to talk to a real person on the phone is like trying to break into Fort Knox. I leave a voice message. I get a call back. Then I had to leave another voice message for another person.

All that didn’t do any wonders for my unsteady nerves. It’s taken care of and now I can let it go. I did a few things like doing a load of laundry and dishes while waiting for return phone calls. It’s best to put that energy into something useful instead of stewing in frustration. I might take a tylenol for my headache or I got chocolate cake which might work better.

Summer Time When Living not so Easy

Posted on July 6, 2025 by hafong

It’s the 5th day of the UBC and July. I’m counting the days. I used to hate July when I was a child. July meant no school, nothing to do. In small town Saskatchewan, everyone seems to go away to the lake for the summer. Everyone, except us, the Chinese families who have a cafe. Now, in the big city of Saskatoon, everyone still seems to be away at the lake. That is except me and the guy. It’s by choice though.

We did the lake thing for a few years. It was new to me. It’s not that I didn’t like it BUT. We even had our own lake lot and trailer. Though I didn’t hate it, I was not enamoured with lake life. For one thing, it was a bit lonely. I didn’t fit in with the lake community, being a newbie to the scene. There was not a lot outdoor activity. You can only walk so much a day. Besides, the only people walking was me and my dog, Sheba. I didn’t see anyone biking. In fact, I didn’t see many people out and about. Where were they – in their powerful boats and big 4 season cabins?

I guess I’m a city girl even though I was born in a village in China. I remember a time of no electricity, no running water and outdoor toilets. How time flies and how we change. And how I digress. This is not at all what I mean to talk about! I meander and now it is July the 6th. I ran out of energy and failed to finish and post.

8 o’clock Sunday morning and the sun is shining bright. I look up and out the window. Two little birds are perched on the deck railing and one in the hanging basket – a lovely and cheery sight to start the day. My deck is another sight to behold. That was my big project yesterday. I was tired of the dust and dirt, all my seeding trays, containers, potting soil and what have you on it. Then there are our shoes that we never put away/rid off. I set my mind to at least cleaning it. So by gosh and darn, I did it. It is not perfect. I haven’t thrown out anything and it’s not all put away. But it is ordered enough there’s room to sit and to walk around. The big carpet is hosed off and drying a covered raised bed. The sky just clouded over. Oh, summer time when the living is not so easy.

energy

Pushing Through

Posted on June 28, 2025 by hafong

I’m feeling my fragility this morning. I’m afraid to go there, not even knowing where ‘there’ is. It’s well known it’s not good to watch the news before bedtime. It applies to reading news posts on social media with my morning tea, too. I’m greatly disturbed by 2 articles this morning. The first one on Mads Mikklesen, a Norweigan tourist being blocked from entering the U.S. The 2nd story involves an unprovoked attack on an Afghan toddler in Moscow airport.

I really don’t have the time or energy for this but it’s hard to avoid or resist bad news. My human nature of curiosity gets the best of me and I investigate further into the story of John Hunt even though it added to my distress and worsen my mental health. If I am to live in this world, I have to be awake to it all. Let me be a big girl, grow up and develop a strong backbone. I can do it.

It’s taking me time to write this post. There’s so much to do. I’m so weighed down with all my feelings. The only thing to do is push, push and push through despite everything. So I’ve paid this month’s bills and swept the sunroom floor. Though I was sagging with emotions and the humidity from our weird thunder and rain storms, I’ve repotted 4 of my mother’s house plants. It felt good to seem the plants perk up after. In between raindrops, I planted a row of coneflowers and a few marigolds in mom’s/dad’s frontyard flowerbed.

It didn’t feel so hard after everything was said and done. I was tired and sweaty but happy. I loaded the wheelchair and got my father into the car and off we went to the mall for a leisurely stroll and coffee.

Why I Keep Writing 2

Posted on June 25, 2025 by hafong

I would never run out of words on why I keep writing. I write mostly to comfort myself. It’s my soother/pacifier. I never had one as a baby but I probably used my thumb as most babies do. It’s very satisfying. My keyboard/pen and paper are at hand. I’m not dependent on someone else to make me feel better. My experience has been that when I most need help/an ear, no one is available, adding to my distress. It’s no one’s fault.

I’m on a stretch of good days. They came with the rain we’ve had the last few days. We are all connected. What is in one is in the whole, as Caroline Myss says. I’m taking advantage of this easeful flow of energy. Somethimes these moments are fleeting. They could be gone with the next cloud, after lunch. There are no guarantees. I’m making an early start to my day before my head and mind gets polluted and distracted with this and that.

I had a few words here to kickstart a post, took out 2 bags for the garbage and made a start of baking bread. The bread took all morning and a bit into the afternoon. The 6 loaves are cooling on racks. The pans are washed and drying in the still warm oven. My energy and mood are dipping. I am happy with my morning’s work. I will take my father out to the mall for a walk and a coffee. He is worried that he is costing me time and gas. He said he had a dream the other night that my mother gave him heck for causing so much trouble.

That is/was my mother, fiercely independent, not good at accepting help. She didn’t want to make things harder for us by taking up our time. It was difficult to make her understand that she made things harder by not accepting our help. That was how she was and I had to accept it. My father is more receptive and appreciates my company.

I ran out of energy yesterday to finish this post. I’ve lost the flow and good cheer. No two days are equal. The sun is shining. It looks and feels like summer. We had some excitement to start the morning. There was 4 police cars parked along our street. No sirens but I saw a policeman entering a yard a few houses down with a rifle poised over his shoulder, just like on TV. We heard no gunshots. We saw no activity before we left for the gym.

How Not to Lose the Day

Posted on May 13, 2025 by hafong

The clouds and wind are playing havoc on my well-being. They are not helping me in getting on with the day. I can’t afford to lose energy that I don’t have to my moods. I took a tylenol and am pulling up my socks. I feel limp but I can put one foot in front of the other. I can still move all body parts. I do the dishes. I soak some snowpea seeds to plant in the community garden. I paint a teacup and posted it on Instagram.

I make a cup of chrysanthemum tea. I take a sip and close my eyes, relaxing and smoothing out the space in my forehead. I take a few deep breaths in and then out slowly, focusing on the word joy. I let go of trying to control my body. I let it be how it is and rested. It’s true a rest is as good as a change. I’m feeling much better, having taking time off from trying to feel better. Sometimes I get too focused on things and I stall instead of flow.

I haven’t saved the day but I haven’t lost it either. I haven’t planted any more garden or pot up more seedlings. However, I have watered them. I’ve checked my lilies for scarlet lily beetles and dusted them with diatomaceous earth as well as dusting the earth around the lilies. So far that is helpful. I’m slowly learning that I am a person who can do smalls only. I am incapable of being a cyclone. I don’t have that kind of energy. My smalls do add up.

Staying With It

Posted on April 17, 2025 by hafong

Thursday, April 17. Day 17 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I took a rest day yesterday. I was busy and did not feel the need of ‘I must.’ I took a rest from my 100 days of teacups and April Love as well. Now I must jump back on the bandwagon. No easy task.

A rest sometimes leads to more and more rest. Pretty soon, it’s “Oh, what the heck. Do I really need this?” So I am curbing that urge and getting on with things. I’ve already mopped the kitchen floor and washed the breakfast dishes. It’s my way of breaking the ice in the morning. Now, I’m on my second cup of tea. Lunch will be a salad, garlic ribs and rice. The hard decision made for the day.

I have an urge to work on changing the theme for this website. I will resist the urge, remembering my goal of keeping things easy and simple for April. Messing around will no doubt waste a lot of energy and time. I need that time for the garden, coffee with my father, clearing some of my mother’s things and filing my income tax. That tax thing always sits heavy on my mind every year. I should just get over it. 13 days left till the deadline. Yikes!

The Things I Used to Do

Posted on April 4, 2025 by hafong

A sunny April morning at 10 am but still dark when I woke at 6. I’m not bouncing out of bed yet. I am more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I am grateful for what I am and for what I have. I am still me. I have my spirit though it is a bit dampened. I have recovered my hearing. It, too, is a bit dampened. I can hear the running of the furnace and the flush of the toilet. I can carry on a converstion, listening and speaking, no longer relying on pen and paper.

Life is good. It is full of wonder and mystery. I try to bask in the warmth and light. I try not to ask too many whys to questions that have no answers. I am still healing. I do not want to lose any unnecessary energy. I try to dwell in moments of “remembered wellness.” I pray and ask for prayers. It all has helped me to be here today – tapping on the keyboard, finding my way back to the things I used to do. I’m doing it slowly, taking James Clear’s advice from his book Atomic Habits. I want to make things easy.

April Mornings

Posted on April 2, 2025 by hafong

April mornings are still dark enough that I’m not ready to spring out of bed like an eager bunny. I still snuggled into my covers even though I’ve been awake for awhile. I have to work my way out in my head first. First I have to throw off the warmth of the silk quilt and let the cool air rouse me out of bed. Then the rest is history as they say.

I haven’t been keen on going to the gym the last couple of weeks either. I tell myself that it is ok. I’m resting and healing. I do enough. I move enough. I’m resetting, turning myself off to save energy. I am very careful now where my energy goes. I don’t want to lose any needlessly. There’s been many losses this year. I don’t want to cry crocodile tears. In fact, I haven’t cried at all with losing my mother in October. It seemed so strange to lose her after all these years. Then shortly after, I lost my hearing – all of it for awhile. I hadn’t cried then either.

Everything was strange, bizarre and traumatic. It left me no energy to mourn the passing of my mother. It left me no energy to be angry, sad or depressed. I prayed and asked for many prayers. After these many months, I have gained much of my hearing back. I am filled with gratitude and awe. It has been such a life changing year. So much loss and yet so much gain at the same time. I’m grateful for these grey April mornings, too. They’re restful. I don’t have to be an EverReady bunny, going on and on.

SEASONS

Posted on September 23, 2023 by hafong

Autumn is perhaps a season I hate and love the most. It’s a contradiction and you wonder how it could be. I wonder myself. These last few days have been heavenly. My energy was boundless and flowed seamlessly. The days are golden and I feel on top of the world. I’m feeling the equinox high. I wish they could last forever. Knowing that it is not possible, I used the days to my advantage, harvesting, processing, cleaning. These chores are much easier and pleasureable when I’m buoyed by the sun. I feel a rhythm, a smoothness and a gladdening of my heart. I shall store the memory of this feeling for other days and seasons.

Those other times will surely come sooner or later. I will not be of good cheer. I will be stuttering in speech and movement. And everything will be hard and dark. But if I am wise, look and plan ahead, I can do the hard stuff on those sunny energized days. Then I have the luxury of sitting back, eating bonbons and taking care of ‘poor me‘ on those cloudy days. There would be less chance of me raining on someone’s parade. It’s a plan worth refining.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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