APRIL’S FOOL

Posted on April 1, 2015 by hafong

It is April 1, a grey, dismal and depressing day. I’m not the first to say it. Someone beat me to it on Facebook. I hate to be the first to rain on the parade but today would be the kind of day that I could easily cave into my ‘the heck with its’.

I could have easily eaten a platter of fried eggs on toast. It would have been so comforting. It would have eased that generalized sense of discomfort, grumpiness arising from the pit of stomach – that sense of restlessness, dissatisfaction. But I stuck with my one egg on one toast, topped with a fried sliced tomato. It looked lonely on my plate. It sufficed my hunger if not my disposition.

My morning view – promise of summer ahead. #aprillove2015

How does one move on with the day when clouds hang really and metaphorically over one’s head? It’s good thing I had already signed up for a few challenges though today is the least likely time for them. At least I don’t have to rack my brain for ideas and inspirations. Now is not the time for brainstorming or brain surgery. Following through is much easier. It does not take much thinking or skill to aim the iPhone camera out of window and post the photo. This is for Susannah Conway’s April love photo challenge. It’s simple and quick, giving me a sense of accomplishment.

As you might know my dog, Sheba has been experiencing periods of anxiety. I have not been resting well at night with her restlessness. I am tired and cranky even in the morning with no energy for useful purposes. My yoga and meditation routines relaxed and mellowed me so I could take her out for her walk. Yes, there’s no rest for us mothers, even if our baby is a furry one.

The good thing about these kind of days is that the day seem to stretch forever. I have time on my hands to do whatever. Perhaps it is not the best time to cut my hair but I took a chance. Hair grows. I hate going to the hairdresser. I am happy with the result. It doesn’t look like a hatchet job, does it? I guess I could have smiled but smiling takes energy.

I am happy with how I’ve dealt with my day. I’m down to my final challenge – writing my post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is hard but first one word, then another. Then it’s one sentence followed by another. That is how life is, etc. etc.

KEEPING WARM, STAYING SANE

Posted on January 10, 2015 by hafong

Another cold Saskatchewan winter morning but the sun is up and at it. I have to smile and be grateful for every little bit of sunshine. January is not an easy time for a writing challenge, or any challenge. Coping with the cold, snow and layers of clothing is taking a heavy toll. Perhaps I should stop thinking and talking this way. I am adding more weight to the burden.

It is not easy to be positive in these times. Yesterday driving home from the dog park and the library, I listened to the news of the shootings in Paris. Locally a 19 year old man had died from a drug overdose. He had taken a fake version of OxyContin. The deaths from both cases seemed senseless to me. It is best not to try too hard to understand it. The times are in turmoil and we are all in it, trying to find our way and doing the best we can. We are all experiencing our difficulties.

My words not coming easily, I gave up. I followed Sheba’s example and stretched out on the love seat with a book. I watched the sunlight dance on the wall. If I can’t write, I can always read. The book is a good choice and a very good read – Touch by Alexi Zentner. It is a novel about the woods, an Anglican priest and the Canadian winter.

The afternoon is almost over. The sun has set. I have found a few words after all. My roomba has done a fine job with the floor today. Life is more pleasant and easier without Sheba’s hair everywhere. We even went for a walk in the cold – me bundled up and Sheba in her fur. All is well.

THE DECADES OF MY LIFE

Posted on July 30, 2014 by hafong

It’s the end of July. The theme for this month on NaBloPoMo has been DECADES and today’s prompt:

What has been your best decade thus far: Your teens? Your twenties? Your thirties or forties or beyond?

There are no ‘best’ decades for me. Each period brings its joys and sorrows. I cannot remember a time free of angst or empty of happiness. You cannot have one without the other, as the song goes.

I felt isolation in my teens, though I didn’t know it as such at the time. We were one of only three Chinese families in our small town of 600. My father and his cousin ran the Chinese cafe in town. My mother knew no English. We did not socialize nor participate in community activities outside of the cafe or school.

I had school friends but I always yearned for connection with other Chinese people my age. I guess that was why I took the Greyhound Bus by myself to Winnipeg at 17. My desire was that strong that it overcame any kind of fear of going to a big city to stay with people I barely knew.

My 20s was full of confusion and turmoil, fighting for identity and independence. I dropped out of university, worked as a waitress, went to business school, became a steno, got fired from my first job as such. I got a better job at the Dept. of Indian and Northern Affairs. I left the job after 2 years to take nurses training. Got married and failed at that shortly after. Whew!

Those were my most memorable decades – the young years of growing and learning and becoming. How could I have ever done anything differently, not knowing the how of life? How could any of us? But I felt the pain of every sling and arrow of failure and disappointment. When did I learned to doubt and beat up on myself with the should have’s and could have’s?

My 30s and after are a distant blur, much like the stories of my life as a nurse. There’s not even any threads to grab onto. They are like the will-‘o-the wisp. Perhaps, with more unwinding and breathing out, they will come back to me. Then, there will be stories to be told.

I am content, finding more peace in the now decade. I have gained some wisdom. That’s no small thing. Looking back, I see that I have done remarkably well. I have lived life with confidence and adventure even when I was afraid. I have done the best I could.

CELEBRATIONS AND CHALLENGES

Posted on July 1, 2014 by hafong

Today is Canada’s birthday. The sun is out and so are the mosquitoes. Life does have its bite. I wouldn’t want it any other way, would you? So cheers! Let us celebrate – to Canada and life with all its flavours.

This month brings with it new challenges for me – the Ultimate Blog Challenge and NaBloPoMo for July. I feel up to the challenges as I have been habitually tapping out words almost every day. .

I am reluctant to call myself a writer but words are my passion. They come to me unwittingly, when I least expect them and when I most need them. Other times I struggle to find them. They always come eventually. I just have to have the discipline to put my fingers on the keyboard and start.

BlogHer is celebrating its 10th year anniversary, therefore the theme for the month is DECADE. I like to take this opportunity to look back over my last 10 years or further – to take stock and see where I have been and to decide where I want to go. It is probably not easy. Most likely it will be painful to do it honestly.

I know from experience that I can never go home again for that ‘home’ (China) is not the village or country that I once knew. I can no longer read nor speak the language with any fluency. So am I really Chinese? Finding and feeling ‘home’ again is another challenge.

There’s a lot of work ahead, a lot of material and memories to sift through. It is worth the effort. I am looking for Hafong. I am searching for me. I am up for the challenge. I am going to type my heart out. How about you? Will you join me?

RESTING ON MY LAURELS

Posted on May 2, 2014 by hafong

Now that April and the Challenge is over, I am resting on my laurels for a little while. Some of the habits have taken root though, and no matter what, I am still getting up, dressing up and showing up. It’s a good thing. Good habits saves time and make life easier. The energy saved is channelled towards other challenges. And life flows like a river. I will be ready when the water gets turbulent.

The snow and rain has gone. The sun has come out to warm our hearts and souls. My winter apparel, the hats, scarves and mitts has finally been put away. Time to celebrate the season of new beginnings and growth.

Life is sweet. It is time to eat, drink and be merry. Let us begin.

A MONTH IN REVIEW

Posted on April 30, 2014 by hafong

The sun greeted me this morning. No more Groundhog Days! Yipee!

It goes to show that there are beginnings and endings. ‘This, too, shall pass’ is true. I can believe it now and will again and again. I will hug it to my heart for future reference for difficult days ahead.

I’m looking ahead to beautiful days in spring and a hot growing summer. But I’m also looking back at the month of April to see how far I’ve come and what I have learned. Each day is a step forward for me. That is what a challenge and a commitment did for me.

I HAD TO GET UP, DRESS UP AND SHOW UP.

Now, I am reaping my rewards. I have 30 posts, one for each day of the month. It is very satisfying! And it really isn’t THAT difficult. Each day I just put one foot in front of the other. When you make a start, something always follow. It is no rocket science. I sit at the keyboard and the words come – somehow.

And just so comes my doodles. I see the picture in my mind and somehow they come out of my fingertips onto my iPhone screen. How amazing is that! I have to thank my FB friend Janet Riehl for telling me about the doodle apps on smart phones. I’ve been doodling ever since. When I am surrounded by greyness, rain or sleet, I can surround myself with my own light and colours. We can choose and create how we want to live our lives.

Perhaps that is the biggest lesson I have learned in these 30 days of April. I can choose how to be in each and every moment. Some days the choices are harder and fewer but I am still the captain at the helm. I get to steer. Of course the sailing is much easier if I know where I am going. That is another challenge!

SMELLING THE FLOWERS

Posted on April 11, 2014 by hafong

As always a death announcement always makes one do a retake of one’s own life. This is especially when the deceased had just resigned from a job three or so weeks ago – James Flaherty, our former finance minister, age 64.

It’s a reminder for me that life is not forever and we have to live each and every day. We don’t have to wait till…it’s the right time, till we have enough money, till we retire. The right time is now. There are so many wonderful sweet things in life to explore and enjoy. They are right here, if we can open our eyes and see. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the worries and cares and forget the joys of doing.

Even though spring is late, the sky is grey and the way strewn with many a thorn, let me leap forward with joy and anticipation of what the day can bring. I can choose my actions and sometimes that can bring the emotions. Fake it till you make it! We’re talking about putting one foot in front of the other and walking the talk. Darn! I do talk too much. It still happens even when I vowed to do otherwise. Well, I am doing the best I can. And that is all I can ask of myself.

It is the 11th day of the challenge. I’m still here, writing, doodling, filling my page with words and pictures. Eleven days feel like a very l-o-n-g time. Maybe I shouldn’t count.

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

Posted on April 7, 2014 by hafong

What is the ultimate challenge? For many it would be happiness. And what does it mean to be happy? When I think about happiness, the Doctor Phil phrase, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” would pop up in my mind.

And to be honest, I would have to tell you that I would rather be right. It’s that puritanical, judgemental and stubborn streak in me. How can I possibly compromise my honesty and integrity?

So can you guess what my ultimate challenge is? It is not all about blogging every day in April. But the writing process helps. I need to balance myself so that I do not jeopardize my emotional and physical well being as well as my relationships because of this rigidity. Life really is too short for righteousness to rule me. What or who is right anyways? We all see through different eyes.

I know I CAN rise to this challenge. And what better time than spring to consciously work on goals and commitments?

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

Posted on January 11, 2014 by hafong

I remember a time when we were strangers in the night.

The night was dark but the moon and stars were bright. They lit up the sky and the world for us. We took the challenge and followed the path. We rediscovered who we were and are to each other.

It felt strange. There was no choice. Our script was already written. We had to play our parts. We did not forget the past and the other players. They added challenge, richness and texture to our lives.

The play is still on for it’s a part of God’s grand scheme.

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

CHALLENGES AND CHALLENGES

Posted on October 26, 2013 by hafong

I register for the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) challenge yesterday. I’m one of those wannabe writer who thinks she has a story to tell, but just waiting for the right time to do it. It’s been years, since high school, that I’ve had this calling. The right moment has not come and there is no book. But now, the time has come – to do, to write. No more just talking.

I read the fine print, accepted the terms and policies and created my account and profile. I was pumped up. I was up to the challenge of 50,000 words in November. …. a little over 1,ooo words a day. I had a title, sort of a plot, and maybe even a cover. Then I read somewhere that it has to be fiction.

Fiction! That gave me cause to pause. Wait a minute!

Though I am an a voracious reader of fiction, I’ve never thought of writing fiction, never told a story, never even had a fantasy. I have never daydreamed about a perfect wedding, the white picket fence, children, etc. It’s no wonder that I have none of those things!

But now is the time, like the walrus says (from Through the Looking Glass): ‘To talk of many things: Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax — Of cabbages — and kings —And why the sea is boiling hot —And whether pigs have wings.’

And why not talk of cabbages and kings, whether pigs have wings and other fanciful things? Why not wish upon a star and ask for the moon? Why not dream a little and dare a lot? Why ask for a small thing and not the whole shabam? Just think, I could have had a tea party like Alice in Wonderland instead of shared Retirement/Farewell party between 4-5 people. Where is my pride and sense of worth?

Wait, it is not too late! There’s still time. I can still do many things. I can write about cabbages and kings and whether pigs have wings. If Mary McPhee can write books and blogs at 87 from her retirement home, there is a lot of hope for me yet.

I just did the math of 50,000 words in 30 days. It equals something like 1700 words a day. No matter. I will still give it a good go. I will do my personal best. I have a week to relax into it. I will call forth all the creative forces within me. I can do it! Or die trying. 🙂

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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