Tag Archives: baking

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

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December 23, 2018  3:37 pm

We had some sun today. It was a nice relief from the grey and dark. Now the sunlight is weak and watery like tepid tea. It gives me an insipid melancholia. Is there another kind? I should really stop talking about my moods but that’s what’s foremost on my kinds’ minds. It’s what we brood on as if we could or hope to hatch it into joy. Joy to the world and Falalalala.

Don’t take me too seriously though. I am not despairing or crying into my soup. Not yet anyways. I’ve baked up a storm the last few days – bread, cookies, cinnamon buns and Sheba’s doggy biscuits. Today I’m stitching up a couple more motifs on my tablecloth. Busy hands are happy hands. I’ve had my troubled times but I’ve never at a stage I’m wringing them.

December 25, 2018 10:47 am

John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s lyrics are running through my head this morning

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

Yes, this is Christmas and what have I done? I think I’ve found the peace I needed. I’m feeling it for today at least. I had to let go of the ‘wanting, working on, fixing, making things right, doing the right thing’ mentally. I had to let go of everything and just be as best as I could. It has been a hard lesson for me. It’s difficult to learn that I’m not that powerful or that I have a say in everything.  It’s wonderful to let go of all that assumed responsibility, all that weight. I’m feeling almost as light as a feather today.

December 26, 2018 @2:15 pm

So this is Boxing Day. Lunch is over and I’m feeling ever so lazy. I thought I have a whole bunch of good words to impart but what I really want to do is just nap. I will struggle here a bit. Then it’s time to feed Sheba and go for our walk. Not really looking forward to it but we must. It’s like cleaning that oven this morning after the day of spatchcocked turkey. It was a mess! Opening the oven door, I want to slam it shut again. BUT – the impossible to clean was possible. A lot of elbow grease and persistence. It’s almost sparkling clean, racks and all.

That is what I have to remember. The whole picture is really ugly till you break it into do-able little segments. I wondered afterwards how I did it. Another thing to remember is don’t think, just do it. And it will be done. AND the turkey turned out moist, delicious with crunchy skin. Worth it!

 

 

LIKE THE LIONS

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“Patience” and “Fortitude”, the “Library Lion” statues, in the snowstorm of Dec. 1948 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Public_Library

January 14th, 9:30 am. The sun finally shows itself. The day is supposed to be longer. It’s only so minusculely, lengthening by mini seconds daily. Patience and fortitude are the words necessary for this month. I picture myself sitting stalwart and at attention like the lions guarding the entrance to the New York Public Library. They sit proud and strong, through thick, thin and smog. They do not waver. They endure in sun, rain, sleet and snow. That is how I want to be. That’s how I can be. I have knowledge. I have training. I have tools.

I am sitting in sunshine, in the warmth of my space, starting a new day. I’ve gotten up, dressed up with make-up and earrings even. I’ve smarten up, pulling up my pants and bootstraps. So it is January. It is cold, dark and difficult. What can I do about it? I can turn on the lights, crank up the heat and put one foot in front of the other. I don’t have far to go. I don’t have to go anywhere at all, except to the bathroom now and then. I got tired of listening to my same whiny words. Maybe they were just thoughts nobody heard except myself.

I do believe in the power of words and action. If you don’t like something, do something about it. I find it troubling yesterday posting for Gentle January 2018 for the prompt I WANT. All that I could feel was the emptiness of wants. I do not hunger or lust after any material wants beyond those of shelter, clothing and food. I wonder if a psychologist would label me depressed on an interview. I am not even othered much by Sheba’s hair and muddy paw tracks on the floor. Imagine! Muddy paws in January. It’s no wonder I am depressed if I am.

But wait! I do lust after a cup of tea/decaf, a sit in the sun with a good book. I am not totally bland. I still feel that dull gnaw of ugh in my being. I keep it on these pages only. Who could possibly understand ughs? Oh, certainly not those perpetual joyful souls. I tried to smooth out my whines with my little index card paintings. Sometimes I can eke out some slivers of comfort and joy with brushstrokes in the night. Time is not wasted in sleeplessness, tossing and turning. I have something to show in the morning. Life can be dang challenging. But I did say I like challenges, didn’t I? No worries. I’m going to bake them away making Toll House Squares. There’s nothing like the smell of chocolate baking to chase the blues away. How about you? Do you get the blues?

THE END OF THE DAY – Day 37 in a year of…

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Day 37, August 28, 2016 @9:20

At the end of 37 days, I am weary of setting intentions daily and following through. At the same time it is getting easier.  I’m stretching and reaching my goals.  I must be developing new muscles and building stamina.  I’m still in the early days of my year.  I must keep to the straight and narrow.  It is my own doing.

At the end of this day, I have to show – 6 loaves of whole wheat bread and two zucchini loaves.  Even if I must say it myself, the zucchini loaf is delicious.  It is my first try.  They are all packed and put away.  The bowls, pans, measuring cups and spoons are washed, dried and in their proper places.

It is wonderful to come to the end of the day with my intended tasks completed from start to finish. It hasn’t always been so. Hooray for me!  Are you a finisher?

It is late.  Good night.  Till tomorrow.

BAKING THE GREMLINS AWAY

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For Reverb14Reverb BB

It’s December 18th, a week before Christmas.  It is a season of joy and sorrow.  Life has no time boundaries and neither has death.  You cannot have one without the other.  It happens when it happens.  I’m not behind and I’m not catching up.  I’m writing in this moment on these two prompts – 2 in 1.  What a bargain, heh?

Today’s prompt from Sophie Appleby aka Her Library Adventures.  Sophie writes:

 In the busyness of the everyday, taking time to nourish the soul doesn’t reach the top of the ‘to do’ list as often as it should.  What nourishes your soul? How would you like to incorporate more of this into your life in 2015? 

Day 15 prompt from Kat McNally:

I’ve learnt over the years that the only way to get anywhere in life is just to notice what other people are doing, hear the gremlins, feel the fear and do it anyway. It never gets any easier but to keep on doing it is the point.  What are you really proud that you made happen in 2014, despite the gremlins? And what will you do anyway in 2015

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The gremlins are having their go at me the last few days.  I feel them buzzing and biting at me with their little mouths.  I am ignoring them.  I’m not wasting energy swatting them off.  I am letting them be.  Long ago I have learned to let the shoe drop.  I am not Humpty Dumpty.  I will not fall and break.

It has been a week of dishwater coloured days. The mornings are black as night.  I am full of lethargy.  It is hard to get out of bed.  But I do it anyways.  I get up, dress up and show up, albeit slower and later.  That’s what I do to respect and nurture my body and spirit.  I listen to them instead of fighting and conquering.

IMG_0515I take special care at these vulnerable times.  I do not have to be Wonder Woman and do it all.  Let her rest awhile.  No one needs rescuing at the moment.  I don’t have to be the hero.  I don’t need to have it all.  I don’t even want it.  I am happy in the smallness of my life.  I am happy here, tap, tapping out my words to you, sipping my tea.  Sheba is nearby. Voices and laughter come from children playing outside.

Perhaps this is not a good time to be reading Jodi Picoult’s The Storyteller.  The story contains the horrors of the Holocaust but also about our humanity.  It’s appropriate for our present time and the horrors we are still seeing.  We can run but we can’t hide from the truth.  I need to bear witness and to acknowledge all that is happening.  It is paying honour to those who have died.  They matter.

imageI’m reading on into the book, into Sage’s story and how baking becomes her therapy.  It is also mine.  You might call me a born again baker for I didn’t know how to until a couple of years ago.  Now I’m happy when there’s flour flying in the kitchen.   How can you not rejoice when you see it rise?  It is so comforting to knead and punch down the dough. Take this! And this! My fist sinks into the soft mound.  Then I’m forming it into separate loaves, to rise again and be ready for the oven.

The house is filled with the aroma of bread baking. It is a smell of home, welcome and nourishment.  Come in and sit down.  Won’t you have a cup of tea and a slice of fresh baked bread?

This is what I do to chase the gremlins and other demons and gobblins away.  It also nourishes my soul.  It works so I will continue on into the new year.

IDLE NO MORE TODAY

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IMG_1477Today we had no time for being maudlin, crying into our soup and feeling sorry for ourselves.   There was things to do and a life to live.  The day held promise of sunshine and blue skies.

IMG_0854I put on my own Wonder Woman footwear – pink and black runner shoes and head out of the door with Sheba.  She is the perfect running partner.  We give a new meaning to interval training, running a few steps and then stopping to sniff the grass or telephone pole.  It is a glorious day with sunshine and a gentle breeze. We are in tune with the Universe once more.

IMG_1014We run, we sniff, we run some more.  Soon we are home again.  The kettle is on.  The cup of tea is made.  I sip and work on Jesus, one slow stitch at a time. Progress is made, like drops into a bucket from a dripping tap.  I’m not in a hurry.  I am spending quality time with my Jesus.  Hallow be His name.  Thy kingdom come.

Now I am in the eve of the day.  The meal is done.  The dishes are in the dishwasher.  The baking is done. The bread and cinnamon buns are cooled and put away.  Raindrops are falling again.  I am sipping wine, feeling mellow and content.

It is a good day.  I cannot ask for me.

SATURDAY

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Saturday.  The laundry is washed, dried, folded and put away.  My bread is in the oven.  Sheba is underfoot, of course.  I send her out with a bone.  She is happy.  Life does not need to be hard.

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That is what I am learning today.  Life does not have to be hard.  You put one foot in front of the other.  You take a step.  You reach out, if you can, and touch someone.  You breathe in and out.  You stay and live in this moment because that is all that is open to you.  And it is good….living in the moment.

 

 

EARLY MORNING MUSINGS

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IMG_5160Hurray, it is 6:30 am and the sun is up and so am I.  The house is suffused with the quiet and soft light of early morning.

I love this time of the day when the city is still asleep.  Traffic is sparse and slow.  It is quiet and peaceful.  I can think.  I can feel.  This is my favourite vantage point, in my sun room, looking through the dining room into  the living room.  The lines and spaces are very pleasing to the eye.  I feel pride in myself for having created it all by myself.

We must acknowledge and feel pride at our accomplishments.  They fuel our passions….to live and to build.  Passions need not always be fiery and grand.  Sometimes they show up in our quiet moments.  Our creative flair can appear in the soups, bread, pastries and snow forts we build on a whim.

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TIS THE SEASON

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Can you believe it?  Christmas is only a month away!  And can you believe that I have been lost for words for the last while.  How can that be?  Where have they gone?

Well, no matter.  Some of them have returned.  I’m back, sitting in the brightness and warmth of my sun room.  I am tap, tapping at my keyboard again…feeling and human once more.  I suppose by now you might have deduced that I crave sunlight, brightness and open space.  It is no secret that grey, cloudy days do me in.  Sometimes the greyness creeps inside my heart and mind and renders me . . . I don’t know what.  I just know that I feel BAD.

But life goes on.  I still breathe, eat, drink and have all the bodily functions that goes with living.  I still work and they still pay me.  I still have obligations to fulfill even though I have this CONDITION…Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I also has this disorder that I HAVE  to understand people’s behavior, why do they do what they do.  Why? Why? Why?  That has caused me and those around me, I’m sure,  great angst.  But in this case, that trait has been invaluable.

Over the years, I have read a great deal about SAD and depression.  I am tenacious in my quest for bliss.  I am like a dog with a dog.  I don’t let go.  It is one thing to read and learn, but it is another to apply the knowledge.  It has taken me many years to stop thirsting over new information and to actually do the work.  Knowledge is useless without action.

I have stopped running away from my winter blues.  I am embracing it as it IS  a part of me.  It has taught me that the act and aromas of baking lifts me up.  I have perfected baking bread and cinnamon buns.  I am looking for another baking challenge to lift me on my grey days.  Any suggestions?

I am staying with myself on those grey, grey days.  I am taking time to care for myself.  I am discovering that I like cooking and that I am not a bad cook.  I am enjoying the process of preparing, chopping, stirring…..You know what?  Roots make very good winter fare, as well as squashes and pumpkins.  They are so warm and comforting and their deep colours can boost your serotonin to the sky.  Look at the richness of this butternut squash!

So you can see that my words are rushing back to me, eager and excited.  The sun is also out.  The words help me to capture what works on those days when I feel grey and frozen.  It’s okay to get a little extra help on those days to thaw out.  And just because you are frozen doesn’t mean you can’t party.  Sometimes it is exactly what the doctor would order.