Can you believe it?  Christmas is only a month away!  And can you believe that I have been lost for words for the last while.  How can that be?  Where have they gone?

Well, no matter.  Some of them have returned.  I’m back, sitting in the brightness and warmth of my sun room.  I am tap, tapping at my keyboard again…feeling and human once more.  I suppose by now you might have deduced that I crave sunlight, brightness and open space.  It is no secret that grey, cloudy days do me in.  Sometimes the greyness creeps inside my heart and mind and renders me . . . I don’t know what.  I just know that I feel BAD.

But life goes on.  I still breathe, eat, drink and have all the bodily functions that goes with living.  I still work and they still pay me.  I still have obligations to fulfill even though I have this CONDITION…Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I also has this disorder that I HAVE  to understand people’s behavior, why do they do what they do.  Why? Why? Why?  That has caused me and those around me, I’m sure,  great angst.  But in this case, that trait has been invaluable.

Over the years, I have read a great deal about SAD and depression.  I am tenacious in my quest for bliss.  I am like a dog with a dog.  I don’t let go.  It is one thing to read and learn, but it is another to apply the knowledge.  It has taken me many years to stop thirsting over new information and to actually do the work.  Knowledge is useless without action.

I have stopped running away from my winter blues.  I am embracing it as it IS  a part of me.  It has taught me that the act and aromas of baking lifts me up.  I have perfected baking bread and cinnamon buns.  I am looking for another baking challenge to lift me on my grey days.  Any suggestions?

I am staying with myself on those grey, grey days.  I am taking time to care for myself.  I am discovering that I like cooking and that I am not a bad cook.  I am enjoying the process of preparing, chopping, stirring…..You know what?  Roots make very good winter fare, as well as squashes and pumpkins.  They are so warm and comforting and their deep colours can boost your serotonin to the sky.  Look at the richness of this butternut squash!

So you can see that my words are rushing back to me, eager and excited.  The sun is also out.  The words help me to capture what works on those days when I feel grey and frozen.  It’s okay to get a little extra help on those days to thaw out.  And just because you are frozen doesn’t mean you can’t party.  Sometimes it is exactly what the doctor would order.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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