IN DARKNESS

Posted on August 15, 2015 by hafong

#AugustMoon Day 1 prompt

It is true we all begin our journey in the darkness, in the womb of our mothers. We leave its safety and burst forth into the light and the world with a grand wailing. I am feeling it is how we enter each new venture. It is with trepidation and delight – like a child screaming going down a water slide. Oh the fear and exhilaration! Let me not lose either.

I feel the safety wrapped in the arms of darkness, feeling the closeness of my neighbours’ prescence around the campfire. The stars come one by one. The flames crackle and leap. The wine is poured. The conversations begin. Slowly the barriers recede. We recognize each other. I look up into the night sky. It is alive with stars winking and twinkling down upon us.

SIT AND STAY IN THE MOMENT

Posted on August 12, 2015 by hafong

In our present mindset, there will never be enough time or the right moment for the right thing. We are forever pulled away from ourselves. There is always something else, somewhere else and something else. Here and now are never good enough. We yearn for better and other times. At least, that is how I ~~was~~ am. I am trying for better. Well, here I go again – for better instead of accepting what is.

What is, is that moments are fleeting. They are like dreams, evaporating with wakefulness and like dewdrops in morning sunlight. There will always be things to do – dishes to wash and put away, floors to sweep and wash, things to pick up, the Internet to surf, those addicting games to play…..

Be careful of seducers, vying for your attention. Can you be still and quiet long enough to hear what pulls your heart? The morning sun will come through these trees just so in this moment. It will make the tabletop shine like golden custard in this moment. Shadows will fall in the next.

I am sitting here in nature’s backdrop. Bees and flies are buzzing around. Sheba is ever watchful, trying to catch them with a snap of her jaws. The sun is before and behind me. I feel the soft movement of air on my neck. A spruce branch stir in the breeze. I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. For this moment I sit and stay.

GROUNDING

Posted on August 9, 2015 by hafong

Sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself. That is so with me. Before that, I never knew how cocooned and protected – how lucky I was. I was in a fool’s paradise. You can just imagine my distress when I lost myself – adrift in the universe.

I’ve been lost all my life without my knowing it. I’ve been navigating at life’s wheel without a map, compass or a GPS. I thought I could just guess, estimate and give it stab and get there. Well, guess what? Big surprise – I CAN’T.

At least I know THAT much now – a step in the right direction as they say. I’m awake and aware, my feet planted solidly on the ground like my sunflowers. I’m standing tall and erect. I know where the sun rises. Look east, young woman, look east. See which way those yellow heads are facing. Take heed. Now that you know, do not keep on trucking down the same wrong road. Try a different path. Remember to do that for the rest of your life. It’s a hard task, I know. But it’s worth your effort.

LIGHT AND SHADOWS

Posted on August 8, 2015 by hafong

Saturday, the sun comes and goes – light and shadows all day long. This is how life is. I elate with the sun. I shiver with the darkness. This is how I am. I write to dispel the darkness and usher in the light. We need the light to see our shadows. We need to acknowledge our dark side to know ourselves. Otherwise, we have no dimensions.

Saturday is a good day to bake bread – to see the dough rising, spilling over the edge not quite like the sunrise spilling its light over the earth. It delights me nonetheless. I love sinking my hands into the doughy mass, feeling its softness and springiness. This is how I would like to be – soft and resilient. Though I may stumble and fall in the dark, I can rise again to meet another day.

A SECOND CUP OF TEA

Posted on August 4, 2015 by hafong

When grey paints the sky and the dry winds blow, my energy and spirit sag. I’m like limp noodle, dragging and sighing through the day. I’m grateful to have friends like a second cup of tea and my Roomba to help me through those times. A second cup gives me a little extra time and space to breathe and find my start button. Some days are like that and I do the best I can. I know there is no hurry, no rush. Life starts right here in the moment. There is no other place to go to and nothing else to do.

The start button is pushed. I can hear the Roomba whirling around in the kitchen, picking up bread crumbs, dog hair and what-alls. Robots are wonderful. They never sag if you keep them charged. They are not perfect, however, and they can fail. Hopefully those are the times I am charged and can take over.

The skies are greyer and raindrops are falling. I hope it pours. The earth is thirsty. So am I. A third cup of tea is needed.

SHIFTING

Posted on July 31, 2015 by hafong

What I know for sure is there is no certainty. The world according to our plans does not exist. Faced with reality, there is no comfort in known adages the likes of: You are not getting older you’re getting better. You are not alone. You are beautiful just the way you are. Funny how time and circumstances can change my outlook. Once upon a time, I believed in those truths. Now…I am older wiser, and more vulnerable. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore. Perhaps it is with the shift of the planet and the sun. I feel and smell the coming autumn. The sun comes up a bit later. Its slant and quality a little different.

photo credit: Ava as Wonder Woman via photopin (license)

I feel a little melancholy with the change. It is not a bad thing but somehow I do feel inadequate and apologetic that I do not put on a brave face and say regardless, the show must go on. To whom, I do not know. Yes, I would like to stand tall and be the Wonder Woman of my dreams. I want to pump that fist and give life that confident pump. But I do not have the bravado to fake it till I make it. I wonder if it is true. Maybe I CAN fake it – not to make it, but to become it. Life and our planet are shifting. Things are never the same. We stand on feet of clay in the sand. I am shifting. I am changed. Maybe I need to change my stories, too, along with my posture. I can learn to strut and punch like the Wonder Woman that I am. They say body language sends powerful messages about who we are. I want to pump it up a little. So what if I am faking it? Do you want to make something of it? Bring it on! I’m ready.

WORDS, WONDER AND AWE

Posted on July 11, 2015 by hafong

It’s another hot day. For now I can still sit here on the deck. I am trying to tap out a few letters, words, a thought or two. They do not come easy, but I try anyways. That is how it is. Life is hard. I have never expected it to be anything else. So you put one foot in front of the other and take a step. You do that over and over. You end up with a journey that is your life. I am doing likewise with my writing – one tap, another tap, and so on.

Meanwhile inside the house, my Roomba is whirling around the dining room and the kitchen, cleaning the floor – making life a little easier for me. I accept help wherever I can. It is called wisdom. It’s taken me this long for me to accept that I do not have to do everything myself. I am not Wonder Woman but a woman in ~~wonder~~ awe – of what life, the world and I can be. There is magic and wonder in the trying, the struggle of each step and tap. The tap of the keyboard is grounding. I see with more clarity with each letter, word and thought that come. I am doing an archeologic dig of that it means to be alive.

The heat is rising. Our forests are still burning. It is difficult to believe that everything is as it should be. It is hard to be at ease and not to be with fears when so much is wrong in the world. But it is what is before me today. I accept what is. I cannot change it. Instead, I focus on what makes me feel good – the open spaces, the roses along the roads, campfires, the dog and the man. I can choose where my mind goes.

The sun has disappeared. The sky is grey. The world feels eery and ominous but it is cooler. Rain would be very welcomed but the air feels dry and empty. The forecast is for a dry, dry summer. The forest fires will burn till winter. The hope is for them to be controlled. Hope is where I choose to reside. It is where everything is possible.

I inhale and exhale, releasing stress and taking in chi. I take comfort from Sheba at my feet and the petunias nodding in the breeze.

THE CANYON OF MY MIND

Posted on July 8, 2015 by hafong

It’s been such a long while since I’ve flexed these fingers over the keyboard. The movements have become awkward and unfamiliar. It’s like losing touch with one’s close friends. After awhile you find you have nothing to say to each other. You look at each other and wonder how it happened – this strange awkwardness. And so, I am sitting down with my old friend.

Can we get re-acquainted? Can I get the Midas touch and let the letters and words flow from my fingertips again? I hope so. It’s been lonely without words and pictures and stories they tell. There’s no reverberation. I only hear the sound of one hand clapping. It echoes in the canyon of my mind. You can hear a pin drop in its grey emptiness.

I rouse myself from the lassitude that I have fallen in. How I got here, I do not know. But it has lasted long enough. Time to get up, get dress and show up. Time for the words to march across the page to tell the stories. Time to show a little colour and life. There’s a person living on Preston Avenue. See how her vegetables and flowers overflow their beds and pots? See the brilliance of the greens, pinks, blues and purples? Then there is the orange of the lilies, blooming in defiance of the drought. We are having a very dry summer. Forest fires are raging up north and the military have stepped in to help.

The morning is beautiful. The smoke has cleared and the sun is coming through. Won’t you step around to the back and see what I have growing there? There’s peas in the pod, grapes on the vine, the scarlet runners climbing the tower, green tomatoes and little cucumbers. The broccoli is flowering and cabbages forming under cover. The petunias are nodding their approval from above.

Oh, there’s the Bing Cherry bush, too. It’s covered with fruit. Sheba has discovered she likes sleeping outdoors and made her bed beneath it. I wonder what else she has discovered as she sleeps with nature in the night. Maybe if I can quiet my mind and open my heart, they will come to me.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

Posted on June 17, 2015 by hafong

It is not quite Friday but close enough for Friday Fictioneers. We’re headed by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. We tell stories of 100 words or so – inspired from a photo prompt. Anyone can join in, if you’re so inclined. Here’s my 100 words this week.

She was momentarily blinded by the light. In that moment, a memory of another light flashed through her mind.

She was six years old again. Her mother was shaking her.

“Wake up, May! Wake up!”

She opened her eyes. A naked lightbulb dangled from the ceiling, its light blinding. May stared in awe and silence. She did not utter any words or questions but did as she was told.

They took a taxi from the hotel to the station and boarded the train to Hong Kong. She will always remember that day when she first saw electricity and her father.

THE SMALLEST THINGS

Posted on June 14, 2015 by hafong

The smallest thing can make me so happy sometimes – like seeing the tiny orange blossoms of my Clivia peeping through the leaves, the deep red of my peonies and the rose in all of its pink glory.

Then there’s the rain today, so soft and gentle. We have waited long for it this year. I’m quenching my thirst and nourishing my body along with the earth.

We ‘walked my grandparents’ mountain’ today, not pouring our usual libation and offering of food. We still honoured them with our bows and flowers. Sometimes you have to be flexible with the rituals because of life’s circumstances. The important things are not etched in stone. They reside in your heart.

We could not all be there today either but it is not the biggest deal. It is how life is.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity