About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

ON THE EIGHTH DAY

Posted on April 8, 2014 by hafong

And so on this eighth day, I am rather weary. Challenges can be taxing. I’m assessing the situation and my energy to stay for the long haul. There are 22 more days to go. Having made strong statements and commitments, I have to go the distance. Doing my best each day is all I can ask of myself.

My aim from the start is to build on what I have accomplished each day. I do not want to regress. So far, so good. Each day I have gotten up, dressed up and showed up. The bed gets made. The dishes get done. The floors vacuumed of dog hairs. Some days, they are done better than other days. But it is the best that I can do at the time.

Some days I feel better, have more energy, more pumped and more profound. Other days, like today, I am not. But I put one foot in front of the other and move.

Look at how far I have come, one step at a time. And here I am, tap, tapping away at my keyboard, words spilling on the screen. I’m singing a song of hope and faith.

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

Posted on April 7, 2014 by hafong

What is the ultimate challenge? For many it would be happiness. And what does it mean to be happy? When I think about happiness, the Doctor Phil phrase, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” would pop up in my mind.

And to be honest, I would have to tell you that I would rather be right. It’s that puritanical, judgemental and stubborn streak in me. How can I possibly compromise my honesty and integrity?

So can you guess what my ultimate challenge is? It is not all about blogging every day in April. But the writing process helps. I need to balance myself so that I do not jeopardize my emotional and physical well being as well as my relationships because of this rigidity. Life really is too short for righteousness to rule me. What or who is right anyways? We all see through different eyes.

I know I CAN rise to this challenge. And what better time than spring to consciously work on goals and commitments?

FOR LOVE OF SHEBA

Posted on April 7, 2014 by hafong

I am not a dog person by nature. When this unexpected visitor came, I did not expect that we would have such a long love affair. Seven years later, we are still going strong.

She taught me about unconditional love. She showed me I had a heart. She was such a beautiful baby that I could not give her up, no matter how hard and tough the going was.

So we muddled through the years – the cold and snow in winter, the slush and mud in spring, the dirt in summer and colours of autumn, the season of her birth.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Posted on April 6, 2014 by hafong

It’s Sunday morning, a new day, a new dawn, a new week. The sun is shining bright, its warmth melting the remaining snow. It is finally spring at last! My geraniums are germinating, their little heads pushing their way through the soil. For me, it is always a miracle to see this birthing. And I have a part in this process.

Let me rejoice and greet this day and new beginning with gladness and gratitude in my heart. Let me be generous and forgiving in my soul. And lest I forget, be ever so humble. There but for the Grace of God, I could be in others’ shoes.

SATURDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

Posted on April 5, 2014 by hafong

It’s Saturday morning, grey and overcast. No sun yet. It evokes in me feelings from the song, Sunday Morning Coming Down – nostalgia and hung over, feelings of a misspent youth, and memories of early university days.

Yes, those days were somewhat misspent but not wasted. No, I never finished and got a degree. But it was an education all the same. And it was fun in a painful sort of way. I got to explore the world, getting lost and found and lost again but not forever. I got to taste the bitter along with the sweet. I discovered I had appeal but never believed it.

I was a fool and a saint. I was an innocent and innocent of the fact. Someone up there looked after me! And I came out alright.

It is Saturday morning and it is snowing tiny snow flakes. Enough of nostalgia and wallowing in memories. On with the day. Forward, march!

WORDS INTO ACTION

Posted on April 4, 2014 by hafong

Now that I have committed myself on paper, it is time to turn the words into action.

I rose and shone this morning, stretched and moved. It wasn’t easy and I wasn’t pretty about it. Nonetheless, I did it.

Nothing has to be perfect. And life certainly isn’t. I love Regina Brett’s phrase, Get up, dress up, and show up. That is big – showing up. You are the star of your life. If you don’t show up, well there is no show.

I have learned from past failures on what not to do if I want to make progress. I can’t keep doing the same things if I want to get different results. Change is necessary for change. I can’t take giant leaps ahead before I have the muscles. Otherwise I will probably stumble and fall. My head has finally stopped throbbing from its crack on the ice. Do I want more unnecessary pain? Absolutely not.

Baby steps are okay, but at some point you have to let go. You have to take a chance and stride forward into action – first one step, then another. Now I’m doing a slow jog down life’s lane – a few steps at a time. Then I slow down and let Sheba dawdle and sniff the grass. I let the sun shine on my face and breathe in the fresh air. Enough sniffing! Time to jog again.

I’m learning to be more fluid and flexible. It is okay to let go a little, relax and have fun. You can’t go at it hard. It’s not about all or nothing. There’s in betweens, greys and even paler shades of white. “It’s all about balance”, is not just an inane phrase. It is the truth.

I’m losing my doldrums already. It feels good to have something to strive for. My endorphins are rising in me. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! I better stop here. Tomorrow is another day. Yes Scarlett, there is tomorrow.

PRIORITIES AND PROCRASTATION

Posted on April 3, 2014 by hafong

If you are a friend of mine, you will know that I am obsessed with self-improvement. It is my habit to read and gather information of how I could change for the better. I don’t know if I ever put the knowledge into application.

They say that recognition is the first step towards a journey of a thousand changes. At least I got that. I often just sit on my duff, read and gather, looking for yet more information. So let me be a little more proactive and use this month to propel myself forward into action and towards towards changes.

How can I succeed in this journey? What tools do I need?

Goals
Commitment
Priorities
Courage
Patience
Flexibility

I am committed to carry out my actions every day this month. Next month is next month. I am already setting my priorities for the NOW instead of later. It is important for me to do my morning quigong routine. It is a must. The movements set my body ready to meet the day. The breathing and quietness fuels my brain and heart.

So here’s to my courage, patience and flexibility.

WHEN THE BUTTERFLIES ARE FREE

Posted on April 2, 2014 by hafong

I try so hard to do the proper thing at all times. I am such a serious person. Having fun doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me uncomfortable. I came by it honestly.

I was taught all the rules of etiquette:

Respect your elders
Say please and thank you
Never lie or cheat
Greet people when they come to your home
Say goodbye when they leave
Help another in need
Remember your family and friends
And so on and on

My mother is a bit of a perfectionist so it’s no wonder that I am, too. Her flower beds consist of plants in straight lines, as is her vegetable garden. I try to digress but eventually I came back to the straight lines. Everything seems to work better that way.

Whereas my mother is a neatnik, I am a slob. I seem to have inherit from my father as well. Though I fight that part with all my might, it is to no avail, of course. But my neatness comes out in different ways. When I am making cinnamon buns, I have to measure to see that the pastry is rolled out to be exactly 8″ x 15″. And I have to cut each bun 1″ thick. It is ridiculous to bring out my measuring tape to do so. But having each bun the same size matters to this rigid part of me.

But I am trying to be a little freer, letting go of rules. It does make me somewhat uncomfortable. But I say to myself, uncomfortable is only a temporary state. Let go. Live on the wild side. So nowadays my loaves of bread of not of equal size, nor are my cinnamon buns. I am a little squirmy inside. Sometimes I am a lot squirmy. But I am letting my butterflies fly free. I am not having fun yet but I feel some wings fluttering inside. It is a beginning.

REJUVENATION

Posted on April 1, 2014 by hafong

What a better day to celebrate and rejuvenate oneself than on April 1st, the beginning of a new month? Spring should be just around the corner, little green things should be shooting up from the ground. But Nature is having a laugh at us, playing an April Fool trick. The sky is grey. The ground cold, frozen and hard as a scorned woman’s heart. This is more reason to kick up one’s feet, raise some dust and maybe hell and shout: I AM ALIVE. CELEBRATE!

I can do it. I can be committed. I can be joyful and fun. I can still carry on. I can still do the cheerleader thing…hip, hip, hipooray! I can! I can! I can do The Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today is the first day of re-challenging myself – again. So what, if I stumble and fall again? I can get up and dust myself off and start again. Never give up!

LEST I BE MISUNDERSTOOD

Posted on March 31, 2014 by hafong

Through this period of Lent I have been putting an effort to keep my own council. It is not an easy thing for I am a talker and I tend to speak my mind. Speaking my mind hasn’t really worked for me. It’s like ‘I fought the world and the world won’.

Somehow I’ve always felt I’m a rebel. I’ve had more than one person say to me: Lily, only you would say what other people would only think. That has always puzzled and shocked me for I do not think I am a rude person. I do not tell people they are ugly or they stink. I do not even tell them when they are rude.

Would you not say that they are guilty of what they are accusing me of? And isn’t it rude to say that to my face? Trying my best to understand people and all their ways haven’t really worked for me either. It has only hurt my head and heart. It has also made me an angry person at times.

So my dears, I’m trying new ways. It’s not for me to know you if you want to be a mystery. I have reached and reached out to you, doing my part. I only ask you to meet me halfway. My dears, when I talk to you, I only want you to acknowledge you heard me, even if you don’t like what I said.

My dears, do you think that silence doesn’t speak. Well, if it doesn’t, body language speaks volumes. So does actions. And it is a bit of a curse I can read both of them. Ignorance can be bliss.

In this time, I am making a friend of silence. Only in silence can I learn what is important to me. Only in silence can I hear myself. In silence I can value myself just for myself. In silence I cannot be misunderstood.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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