Tag Archives: life

UNEASY THURSDAY

Posted on by
Reply

It’s not my write day today but I feel like talking. When that comes, it’s good to listen. It’s another overcast and cloudy day. It had rained some overnight. I think it is going to be this kind of summer – cool and unpredictable. The forecast for Saturday is sunny and 34℃. Can you believe it? That’s 2 days away. By then things could change and anything is possible. Maybe not snow though.

I feel uneasy. It is a frequent visitor. Coming home from exercise yesterday, I had a sense that we’re living in a Stephen King novel. Something is terribly wrong with our world and we’re just watching and waiting and not doing. I’m feeling this discomfort of avoidance and helplessness. It’s a good reason to come to my keyboard and tap. It stops my mind from pacing uselessly back and forth. I’m focused on the words and sentences. With luck I can tap out some comfort and a course of action.

Right now there are things I need to and can do. They are the small acts of daily living. No matter what, we need to get up, dress up and show up for what is here. The yogurt needs to be made. The milk is close to its expiration date. It is an easy process. Steam the milk for 1 minute in the Instant Pot. Then cool for 20 minutes till it’s 120℉ or less. Put in a scoop of plain yogurt and ¼ cup of powder milk. Stir well. Pour into yogurt jars and place in yogurt maker. Cover and plug in. Leave for 4 hours till yogurt forms to desired consistency. Easy peasy. Not so if I don’t have a plan of action for uneasy days.

I can override my natural tendency for these feelings of unease. These are good times to pay attention to areas of need – like cupboards and closets. Sorting and cleaning my outer space gives me a sense of sorting and cleaning my inner space/thoughts and feelings. It can give me a sense of control and empowerment. Sometimes those areas are not the right thing to tackle. Then I’m ok to use escapism, like diving into a book that takes me completely away. The Chamber by John Grisham is such a book. It’s about death row, the death penalty, the KKK and racism – not exactly light hearted and a feel good kind of book. It was very impactful, making me rethink almost everything about life, how we are/were and how to go forward.

Now the morning is almost gone. I’ve got the yogurt yogurting. I’ve cleaned up the equipment I used in the process. Now to harvest some lettuce and radishes for a salad for lunch. The phone rang just now. A recording said it was Amazon and that they will be billing $35.00 to my account. Who are these people who are so technically capable of cheating us? Why don’t they use their abilities to help people instead? Such is the world we live in.

WEDNESDAY WOES – OPERATION BLUEBELLS

Posted on by
Reply

It’s Wednesday afternoon and rainy. I’m trying to get with it and get going. There’s much to do. It’s not that simple. I feel stuck. I feel I have so much to share but all thoughts, feelings and words are in a melting pot. They are all mixed, stirred and blended. I cannot seem to pull each out one by one to make sense, to construct a sentence, a paragraph and a post. I guess I just have to tap away painfully slowly and painfully. Perhaps I need a cup of coffee to perk up the brain cells.

I have my coffee. I took a Tylenol for good measure. It wouldn’t hurt and might make my fingers work better on the keyboard. Weeding and this changing weather have been hard on them. I need a break from both but not sure if that is possible. I have no control over the weather. It’s hard to stay put when all those creeping bellflowers are calling. Little did I know way back when I was introduced to the groundcover with pretty blue flowers what havoc they can cause. Now they do cover pretty much of my front yard. They’ve managed to creep into the back and the sides as well.

You can see what a mess they can create. You can hardly see the bleeding heart for all their leaves. It’s another challenge for me. I know it won’t be easy. If I have a will, there will be a way. My plan is smother them by covering with layers of newspaper/cardboard and heavy mulch over top. It will keep me busy and complaining. It’s stopped raining, a good time to go out and attack another patch.

MONDAY GROANER TIME

Posted on by
1

I thought it best I try my best to stay with my self scheduled writing time on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Good habits build good days and a life well lived. I’m as sleepy as can be. It would feel so good to cuddle up with my little quilt and have a sleep. Talking about quilt, my log cabin block building has been at a standstill for quite a spell. Life, the garden and yard happened. I couldn’t do it all. Some things have to give. Summer and the growing season is only so long. The sewing got put on the back burner. To be resumed later. I hope I will remember to hit that button later.

It’s a cloudy, breezy and cool day. It tries to rain and pour off and on. You can say it’s a typical 2022 June day – unpredictable and changeable from minute to minute. I’m trying to roll with it all. It’s giving my moods and body a good workout. I should remember to take a tylenol morning and bedtime to keep me physically supple. It’s the new lube for old achy bodies. This weather and garden and yard work are taxing on the joints and bones. I was not happy or moving well in the morning exercise class. The sluggishness, aches and grumpiness were all trying to get the best of me. I prevailed though, beating them back. I’m getting good at faking it till I make it. How do you do it?

I can’t believe it is 5:30 already. Where did the day go. It’s rolling away faster than the end of the toilet roll. I’m calling it quits now. Going to have another cuppa. Talk to you on Wednesday.

IT’S NOT MY FAULT

Posted on by
Reply

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

It’s another Friday and I feel as crappy as can be. I suppose I should keep it to myself but I never could suffer in silence. I can blame it on the frigging weather and I will. It doesn’t help but it’s good to recognize it. That way I won’t blame myself for being a crappy person. It is not my fault! There, it does make me feel a little better. Maybe I can move on and make something of the day. But first, I think I have to take a tylenol. My hands and sinus are killing me. Too much gardening and too much pollen. The collected rainwater is yellow with it.

There, I hope it will help soon. I might have taken one not long ago but one more tylenol won’t hurt. I’ve got brain fog today, too. The weather does affect how I feel physically and emotionally. It’s a real bummer. I’m so cranky, too. I don’t show it until I have to have a conversation. Then it comes out. I’m impatient and not very sympathetic or cooperative. I’ve learned to take deep breaths and to agree with everything and everybody. And I stop talking. That way I’m not in danger of saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone’s apple cart. Peace ensues and energy is conserved. Everything will pass and it will not matter in a minute, hour and a day.

My energy sucks during these spells and everything is exaggerated. What I mean is my mess/clutter looks and feels messier. The dust and dirt are more. Everything irritates and rubs me more. Less would be better. I understand all this. I try to stay calm. I try to do my best of the moment. It works. Even a little is a great deal to be thankful for. Every little bit helps. I’m grateful for today, the rain, the clouds and now the sun.

THE WORLD IS ON FIRE

Posted on by
Reply

I never have a lack of things to do. Still, I’m apt to waste time scrolling through celebrity gossip. I caught myself just now and quickly exit the article. Why do we do it? For me it is procrastination. It’s a lot easier to do than to settle down to business of writing my Friday now Saturday post. I’m tired and wanted to go the way of least resistance. I’ve learned that it can lead to trouble and more work. Now I tried to be more disciplined and focus on the task at hand. There are other tasks in the lineup. I better step on it and smartly.

I’ve been a busy little beaver. I’m usually up before 7 am. For an ex night owl, it’s remarkable. I look forward to getting up each morning. It’s the best part of my day. Goes to show that we are not born a natural this or that. We can change. I love the quiet of the morning when the world is still asleep. There’s no rush of traffic. Sometimes there’s a fellow early bird out for a walk. How I wish that the world is always so peaceful instead of being on fire as Dr. John Campbell talks about in this video.

Serious, scary and not so new news but not talked or reported much. I wonder what it will take for the powers to address the problems for the good of the planet and humanity. It seemed that they are concerned mostly with economic growth. What about social and humanitarian growth? And I wonder what kind of a man choose war over people’s lives and livelihoods. I wonder what kind of society we live in that choose guns and money over children’s lives. Our world, indeed, is on fire.

I can take some comfort that I am doing some correct things no matter how small. I took heed about where our planet is heading. I haven’t been preparing for a famine but rather spending time on things that mattered to me. I take pleasure in growing my own food and being self sufficient. It is so satisfying to see the lunch before me is prepared with everything that we grew. It is hard work. It is a choice gladly made.

THIEVES AND NASTINESS

Posted on by
Reply

It’s Thursday. I’m a day late coming to my space. I felt so terribly busy and disorganized yesterday. It was better to be flexible and silent rather than stressing myself more by trying to do everything. So here I am this morning. Not exactly fresh but willing to have a conversation. Where shall I began?

I’m on top of the necessary things like paying the bills, etc. I will not have to worry about my utilities being cut off. The property tax is taken care of. I’m sure there will be more bills and they will keep coming. It’s a good thing actually. They are signs of life and activity. The greenhouse is doing really well. The snow peas are loving it in there. I’m harvesting some pods every morning. Our community garden and city allotment are and planted. I was a little angry yesterday to find that someone had stolen one of the 2 squashes I planted Friday. It is a community garden but not everyone is community minded. There are thieves among us.

I am not quite as naive now. It’s taken me a long time to learn that not all gardeners are nice people. And not all dog owners love dogs. They might love their dogs but not yours. Some scary guy at the dog park threatened to kill Sheba one time. He was tossing sticks to his dog and Sheba got it first. I reported him but I was wary of people after that. What was I thinking, eh? that certain people are saints. We are all capable of nastiness and thievery.

Talking more about nasty, I have not been lucky with neighbours. I seemed to be surrounded by strange and some outright nasty people. Some clearly have mental health problems. The one good neighbour has just moved because he could not handle his nasty landlady. I miss having a neighbour I can just greet and have a friendly chat. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently so. Then there’s the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard brand of nastiness and the shootings in Texas and Buffalo. Our planet is none too healthy physically or spiritually. I wonder what we can do.

At present I’m going through the drudgeries. There will be no brilliant ideas or inspirations from me. Life consists of a lot of hard work, much of it boring but necessary. Sometimes I want to take a nap through these periods. I think that is why I have so many piles awaiting for my attention. But I have done the lunch dishes and cleaned the fridge. The fridge was psychologically hard but I’ve conquered that voice in my head, a small battle won.

There you have it – my Thursday mumblings. I will finish my cuppa and tackle the mess in the front yard. It is no longer morning as you’ve might have gathered by now.

MY EVERY DAY BATTLE

Posted on by
1

It’s a grey cool Monday. I’m feeling the weather again. I’m sipping on a cup of decaf while contemplating what would be my best moves. I hate letting the weather get the better of me. But it might not be a bad idea to just take it easy for the rest of the day. I’ve already stormed out after breakfast and did a whole pile of work before 10. I planted the last 4 squashes between the haskap berries in the backyard and the rest of the celery in the squash bed. Yes, I got a little crazy with the squashes this year. I’m sure I’ve planted 30 for ourselves. Then there’s the giveaways. I will take an inventory of plants and produce in the fall for better planting next spring. It’s what I keep saying. Now I will have to do it.

I am feeling better for having started this tapping out. I sure felt like hell when I came in from the garden. I’ve done some work in the greenhouse, too. It’s nice and warm there, out of the cold and wind – a good place to clean up the pots and trays. I can put them up on the rock wall to dry. I am trying to have a better handle and not let them scatter all over the place. It’s hard to develop good work habits. So easy to just drop things drop wherever they are. But then there’s the hard part later picking them up.

Well, so much for taking it easy. We’ve had lunch and the dishes done. I find the cleaning up part the hardest. My mood drops and my energy deserts me. I have to talk myself through each step. It happens most days. You would think I could overcome this by now. No, I have to battle it every day but I do win every time. I’ve gone out again to the greenhouse to finish cleaning all the little pots and plant trays. The lettuce there are past their prime. It was hard but I’ve pulled them and planted 2 eggplants in their spot. I tend to wait and hang on to things too long, even lettuce. Well, no more of that!

It seems my keyboard is my best tool for working things/my moods out. It doesn’t give me any back talk either. I can talk myself out with no criticism. Sometimes I just need to put it out here on the page, sounding myself out. If I pay attention, I can hear/see wherein my problems and solutions lie. It’s worth it to make the effort of showing up on my self scheduled days.

WALKS AND THOUGHTS

Posted on by
Reply

It’s Friday, another write day. I’ve just come back from a walk to our community garden. I’m not as fit as I thought. Though as the name suggests, the garden is in the community and close by, I found it not that near. I am fairly taxed by the trek. I am relaxing with a cuppa after doing some stretches for my heels. Since Sheba’s left us for doggy heaven, I haven’t done much walking at all. I must schedule some regular times for it. It is good to keep all my muscle groups in good working condition. I do lose what I don’t use.

I have to admit that I am still distracted by the rich and famous and have a fascination with why people commit suicide. It’s not as much fascination as wanting to understand. And so I found myself scrolling through this article about famous people who took their lives and left notes. It hasn’t helped my understanding one bit. I don’t think that it’s stigma that prevents people from talking about depression or seeking help. There has been plenty talk about it. Don’t you think? I think it is the nature of the disease.

I had suffered from it. What I mean is I had suffered enough that I sought help and had received counselling and medication for it. I no longer do. I’ve come to a place where I feel fairly peaceful and restful with life. I recognize that life is not perfect. Humans are not perfect. We are all flawed in different ways and degrees. I have sorted out my priorities, what is important and what makes me happy. I know what is what in this moment. It is now I see it and now I don’t. Sometimes understanding and knowing yourself is fleeting. I guess that’s why it is important to be in the moment, to be flexible and willing to change.

I am happy for my walk today. The scent of lilacs was in the air. So many trees in bloom. It was a pretty sight with colourful blooms and the green grass all around. I have missed my daily walks with Sheba through our neighbourhood. You would be surprised at how many people noticed us. I was. One time a teenager came upon us and said he has been watching our walks for years. I had to smile at that. It’s a good memory to keep me smiling and feeling mellow.

WEDNESDAY WRITING TIME

Posted on by
5

Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

Another writing day and I’m sitting empty of thoughts and words. The world is too strange now. Another shooting in the US of A. Another 18 year old shooting his grandmother and then went on a rampage at an elementary school. He killed 19 students, aged 9 and 10 and 2 teachers. Who can make sense of this? And how can you grasp that there is no talk of changing gun control laws by those who can? Are guns more important than lives of children and teachers?

Well, that’s my little rant. I got it out of my system. These shootings are frequent repeaters, aren’t they? Should we be getting used to them now since nothing changes no matter how horrific they are? It is very strange to me. And strange, too, how we are riveted by the dramas of the rich and famous, myself included. I am at this moment talking about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. I am not for one or the other. I do think Johnny Depp looks a bit scary. I wonder why we are so fascinated. Having seen this seamy side of their lives, I do not envy their fame or money at all. Darn! FB has distracted me again with a scandal about Bob Hope and his mistress, Doris Day. Bob Hope and Doris Day. For christ sake! I will practice restraint and read it later.

So now what? How shall I move around in this strange world of ours? There’s nothing to do but carry on, not as usual but with more awareness and care. Everything we do matters. Every minute counts. I shall try not to fritter my time, my attention and my energy away in despair or indifference. If I try my best of the moment, that’s all I can ask of myself. My best today was getting up, dressing up and showing up for my exercise class, shopping for groceries and doing some gardening. I planted a few cabbages at the community garden and some squash at home. I still have alot to plant but that’s enought for today. Now, I am showing up here with a few words and thoughts to end my day.

IT IS ALL GOOD

Posted on by
2

Here it is after 6 pm Monday. It is a write day. What do I have to say? My #100dayproject is done. Now that I have finished 100 little watercolour paintings, I can clear the dining room table and put all the paints, pens and brushes away. It’s a bit of a relief, freeing up my mind and energy to work on yard and garden. After weeks of cool and cloudy weather, the sun smiled on us today. It’s nice to have a little heat. I’ve been busy puttering in the greenhouse and the yard.

I concentrate on not overdoing, being over zealous and doing myself in. I got a little excited yesterday planting some of my many celery seedlings. Then I thought how much celery can we eat? I already have a bunch in the greenhouse and a dozen or 2 in the raised bed. So I stopped and thought I would seed some more lettuce and spinach instead to have successive crops. The only thing was I couldn’t find my seeds. I looked high and low to no avail. That’s what I get for being scatter brained and not putting things back in their place. I made a note to work on that. I made do by seeding some Chinese broccoli and green onions. They’re good alternatives.

It is Tuesday morning. I didn’t quite finish my post yesterday. That’s how it is. I’m giving myself some slack. My plate is small. I can handle only so much and no more. Otherwise I get into such a tizzy. Then I run around in circles like a chicken without a head. Now I try to stop myself and take a deep breath. I tell myself I can stop – if there’s no life or death emergency. And there isn’t. It is all good. I had a visit with my mom yesterday. I took over a few tomato, kohlrabi, cabbage, squash and celery seedlings for my father to plant. My mother is not strong enough for it any more. My father still likes to putter though mom thinks he kills most of what he plants. No matter, if it keeps him occupied, it is all good.

My mother still likes to tend to her flower beds just outside the house. She didn’t want me to start petunias or anything for her this year. Last year’s snapdragons and marigolds self seeds and that is good enough for her. For once I listened. If it is what she wants, it will also be easier for me. I did have a few petunias left over and she let me plant those for her. Her tulips have finished blooming and she had moved some of them around so that there’s some all around the house. She said that she doesn’t know how much time she has left but she looks forward to enjoy them next year.

She and my father used to do their own groceries before Covid. Now my siblings and I have been doing their shopping for them. They visit with their friends on the phone but no meetings for coffees or lunches. They have talked about meeting for coffee when things are better. Mom says she is not bored at tall. She says life is very good. She is still able to go outside and look at her flowers and yard. She is still able to keep her house spic, span and beautiful. It would be better still if she was stronger and able to do more. I can see that she means what she said and not just trying to make me feel better. I can see it in her face that it is all good.