INSPIRATIONS IN 15 MINUTE SPURTS

Posted on September 26, 2014 by hafong

It is so easy to be distracted from your purpose! I’m browsing through my Facebook page this morning, looking for any excuse not to write. It is not a conscious decision, but I feel it gnawing at me – delay, delay! Something is screaming at me inside.

Not all procrastination is wasteful. I did come across an inspiring post on Canada Writes. It is about a woman, Mireille Silcoff who has a chronic disease and was confined to a period of bed rest. She wrote her first book of fiction in bed in 15 minute spurts. It’s reminder to me that Rome was not built in a day, nor the Taj Mahal, or the pyramids of Egypt. Patience, woman, patience, I tell myself.

image from newyorktimes.com

I was reading my emails on my iPhone in bed this morning. A terrible habit, I know. But I love warm luxury of those short or not so short moments before the day starts. A friend had sent a story of a woman who walked 10,000 miles in three years. The story of Sarah Marquis’s journey and a bit on Robert Falcott Scott’s expedition to the South Pole grabbed my attention. It is something ~~I would love~~ am trying to do. I don’t mean doing a trek or expedition. I mean I am on the arduous task of completing a goal – writing a book.

Perhaps I shouldn’t use words like ‘arduous’. It might discourage me. Here’s the definition of arduous according to Webster’s online dictionary:

Full Definition of ARDUOUS

a : hard to accomplish or achieve : difficult <years ofarduous training>

b : marked by great labor or effort : strenuous <a life ofarduous toil — A. C. Cole>

: hard to climb : steep <an arduous path>

— ar·du·ous·ly adverb

— ar·du·ous·ness noun

Scary stuff, Huh? Years of arduous training, marked by great labor or effort! I have no doubt that Sarah Marquis and Robert Scott worked and trained hard. There’s results to show for their efforts. Am I cut of the same mettle?

I’ve been easily scared off, influenced and distracted off a chosen road many a times. What would be different this time? Already the thoughts are playing their song in my head. “Even if I don’t write my book/novel/memoir, at least I AM writing.” Already I’m making an escape plan, making compromises. I have to stop.

bigstock-hand-making-a-stop-signal-sign-162901311

image from google.ca

image from en.wikipedia.org

I have to stop the negative self talk and start the I can, I can rant. I can breathe and let go of the can’ts. Breathe and think of the sphynxes and pyramids built in ancient times. Picture the slow, but steady progress of the men moving one stone after another. The magnificence of their work still stands today.

Can I put aside my impatience and discomfort for just 15 minutes at a time? I can build with one word after another on the page for 15 minutes at a time. Can you see my sphynx yet? Will it last till the end of time? 15 minutes is good enough – for now. It is a start.

ON WITH THE SHOW. THIS IS IT

Posted on September 14, 2014 by hafong

It’s the morning after the writing workshop with Alice Kuipers.

Yesterday after returning, I was pumped. I made plans for a feasible writing practice. I had set goals for next week, next month, the next 6 months and for the next year. I was going to write at least 500 words/day, gradually increasing it to 1000 words/day. I would make a start on my memoir. I’ve been wishing about doing it forever with nothing to show except TALK.

I am here, in front of my keyboard. The pump is dry and my drive is already gone. I am tired, feeling my usual morning ho, ho hum. I feel no burning desire. How quickly it disappears! Where are the words? Where the heck did they go? I could easily give up but I won’t. I’m learning the rah, rah of hype carries you not far. Results are really about the hard work of drudgery. It’s one slow word after another on an empty page.

How am I going to write the 500 words today, never mind now the 1000 words/day next week? That is the intent of this blog, to write 1000 words a day. Hence the name onethousandandtwo, onethousand and onethousandandone having already been taken. So far, I’ve been a miserable failure, falling quite short of even 500 words most days for 2 years.

I am trying now. I gave up too easily in the past, being satisfied with accomplishing a post a day. It was not a small accomplishment. But it was not what I had set out to do. I gave up too easily and too soon. I did not PUSH myself to write more words daily. I tried to justify that by writing every day and with content. Of course that mattered but when I didn’t push, I did not move ahead. I always worked hard, but seldom pushed beyond the comfort zone.

I am happy with the content in my writing. The goal of doing an archeological dig of my life is a running theme in my writing. I know myself better now. I am peeling back the layers I have developed over the years. I am a daughter, a nurse, a caretaker, a pleaser…..I have lost count of the roles/layers. I have been unconscious that I have a self. It’s like putting on a different uniform every day to deal with the life I think I SHOULD live. After awhile, there are too many uniforms/layers/skins to remove.

I lost myself for ~~awhile~~ a long time. I was buried beneath the piles of costumes and masks I wore. I had never considered myself an actress. Now I see that I had been a very good one. The world is a stage. Life is a show that must go on. Every morning I woke up, got up and put on my uniform and performed. Remember the Bugs Bunny theme? Yes, I knew my parts and lines by heart. No rehearsing necessary. “On with the show. This is it.”

I still have my piles of nursing uniforms. It’s time to let go of them and put on my writing habit. It’s time to do what I LOVE. I shall set out an inkwell and quill for inspiration. I will sing and hum and let my fingers ripple across the keyboard. The world is a stage for the life I WANT to create. The page is for the stories I have to tell. It is all up to me.

Image from Google.ca

On with the show. This is it. Gather around. I have stories to tell.

THE SHORT AND THE LONG OF IT

Posted on May 17, 2014 by hafong

I started this blog with a goal of writing a thousand words a day. ~~Most days~~ all days, I fall quite short of that. I am a short and snappy gal. I would probably have more success in writing for Hallmark Cards. Now, I’m upgrading my goal to writing a thousand posts, one a day. How long would that take? Do I have time?

Life comes to me in photos and snatches of words. They come to me like live streaming. There’s no skill or ability involved. I am just wired like that. Curious, isn’t it?

Today, there are no photos and few words. But I present to you the amazing Miss Keirha and Miss Sheba, right from our living room. I hope you will enjoy.

THE MEASURE OF MY SUCCESS

Posted on April 17, 2014 by hafong

How do you measure success? On this 17th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I am still writing every day. There are 13 more days to go. Success in this aspect looks possible and probable. But what about my other aspirations for this month?

Have I been living according to Don Miguel Ruiz’s FOUR AGREEMENTS?

1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

4. Always do your best.

It always helps to stop and evaluate your goals and progress. Having a challenge in the framework of this month helps me to focus. True, some days are better than others and some posts are more profound than others. Sometimes I can’t help myself and my mouth runs away on me. Judgement creeps in along with assumptions on difficult days. Some days I am more perfect than others. But always, I try to be conscious. Always, I choose to do the best I can.

Today is one of those not so perfect days. But it is the best that I could do. It is a success.

IN THE MEANTIME

Posted on April 9, 2014 by hafong

I knew as soon as I woke up today could be one of those achy, breaky days. It was grey and gloomy. The wind was blowing fierce. I did not want to get out of bed! But I knew that was no solution. It would take me back into the doldrums and I didn’t want to go.

What should a girl do? I have to get up, dress up and show up. From there, the day would take on a life of its own. That’s what I have learned from experience. The hardest part is the getting up. Why is that? Don’t you just sit up and swing your feet out and put them on the floor? It’s the same thing with hanging up your coat, putting away things and picking up things you drop. Sometimes I feel such inertia and I CAN’T or WON’T do it.

It is a good thing I AM committed to challenging myself this month. I will not fail on the 9th day in. That will be so embarrassing. That will be so, so. My words will mean nothing if I give up. The show must go on.

While I am waiting for the sun to show and the wind to subside, I will go on and do the best I can. I am running out of bread. It’s perfect weather for baking. The mixing and stirring is soothing. And while the dough is rising, I put on a pot of water and threw some soup bones in to make bone broth. It will build me up!

My spirit is lifting, my head is more clear. I think about my goals. What is it that I want? How is it and what is it to be happy? I have been trying to make a regular practice of meditation but it hasn’t happened. I haven’t been successful at sitting and being alert and doing nothing. Maybe I need another way – a ‘doing’ meditation of being in the moment.

I focus on doing one thing at a time, not rushing. I feel the dough as I am kneading it, its softness and smoothness. I concentrate on not being so rigid about making the loaves so exactly in equal size. What does it matter if one is a little bigger than the others? Why have I been so neurotic about things like that when it really doesn’t matter? I try to ask myself that question every time I’m in a similar situation. WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

It does snap me out of it and I can move on. It is time I stop wasting precious energy on bad habits and bad emotions. It is time I start to really get into living. Even when the going is tough and slow, you can still do a lot in the meantime.

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

Posted on April 7, 2014 by hafong

What is the ultimate challenge? For many it would be happiness. And what does it mean to be happy? When I think about happiness, the Doctor Phil phrase, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” would pop up in my mind.

And to be honest, I would have to tell you that I would rather be right. It’s that puritanical, judgemental and stubborn streak in me. How can I possibly compromise my honesty and integrity?

So can you guess what my ultimate challenge is? It is not all about blogging every day in April. But the writing process helps. I need to balance myself so that I do not jeopardize my emotional and physical well being as well as my relationships because of this rigidity. Life really is too short for righteousness to rule me. What or who is right anyways? We all see through different eyes.

I know I CAN rise to this challenge. And what better time than spring to consciously work on goals and commitments?

PRIORITIES AND PROCRASTATION

Posted on April 3, 2014 by hafong

If you are a friend of mine, you will know that I am obsessed with self-improvement. It is my habit to read and gather information of how I could change for the better. I don’t know if I ever put the knowledge into application.

They say that recognition is the first step towards a journey of a thousand changes. At least I got that. I often just sit on my duff, read and gather, looking for yet more information. So let me be a little more proactive and use this month to propel myself forward into action and towards towards changes.

How can I succeed in this journey? What tools do I need?

Goals
Commitment
Priorities
Courage
Patience
Flexibility

I am committed to carry out my actions every day this month. Next month is next month. I am already setting my priorities for the NOW instead of later. It is important for me to do my morning quigong routine. It is a must. The movements set my body ready to meet the day. The breathing and quietness fuels my brain and heart.

So here’s to my courage, patience and flexibility.

SUCCESSES, FAILURES, AND IN BETWEEN

Posted on September 13, 2012 by hafong

What is success? What is failure? I tend to think in black and white. Sometimes I see in black and white in times of stress – life in Kodak moments. But that is not how life is. There are many shades of grey in between. There are other spaces between success and failure.

You would think, looking at the picture above, that I’m a successful gardener. And you would be right. I am successful for that much, but as for the rest of the garden….We hope to do better next year. It is in the other spaces in between success and failure that give rise to our better selves, where we are motivated to do not perfect, but BETTER. There are no spaces in perfect, no room to grow.

My teachers in high school had such high hopes for me. They pushed me to go to university, when all I want at the time was to be a secretary. So I went to university. I succeeded in finishing two years, but not in getting a degree. I dreamed of being an artist and a writer. I did not become such, though I dappled in both. But I did end up being a secretary for awhile, until my heart became discontented.

I became a nurse then, not because I want to serve mankind or such noble causes. I was bored and felt unfulfilled. I wanted to be an executive secretary, but I did not have that kind of persona. I could not move up. I was a failure! And so I moved on. I became a nurse….now for more than 30 years.

I’m still trying to write. Now it is purely for my own pleasure, for my own growth. I started this blog with an intention of a thousand words every day. But I am falling quite short of a thousand words! But I am writing. I am still working towards my goals. Maybe I will have to change my goal to a thousand posts a year.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: goals