The Four Agreements

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS – Day 116 in a year of…

Day 116, November 18, 2016 @1:49 pm

img_4638I come to this space today in better mood and spirits.  It helps that it is early afternoon and the sun lighting up the room.  I’m encouraged that I’m almost a third through my journey.  But then, this journey does not have an ending.  I will still be on the road till I have reached my mortal end.  Till then, I am obliged to struggle on.  I am not daunted by it.  I love journeys more than the destination for when I get there, I find that it’s not there.

On this 116th day, I find so many things have shifted for me since yesterday.  I’m back to being the novice of learning.  I’m listening and observing with an opened heart and mind.  There is much wisdom in Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. I need to review them.  They offer the possibility of personal freedom from suffering.

  1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.  Speak only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
  2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.  Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
  3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.  Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
  4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.  Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

~from the FOUR AGREEMENTS

MONDAY IN FRANCE

It’s Monday in France. We are down to 5 days before we head home. Time has been fast and slow at the same time.

Sleep did not come again last night. This time then can be slow. I try to rest and enjoy the darkness. The little things would creep into my mind. Then they get bigger and bigger, all clamouring for attention and to be acknowledged. I wonder if they really understand what they ask.

We all seek for ‘truth’ and ‘understanding’ like Anne Lamott says. And it is as easy and fun as shampooing a cat! I’ve been scratched many times before. I have the scratch marks.

You seek your truth. I seek mine. Do we listen to each other or do we hear only the cries of our own hurt and how we’ve been done wrong by the other? Walk in my shoes! We demand of each other.

I try not to play the game but sometimes my back is against the wall. I know that I cannot make another behave in the manner that pleases me. I do not have that much power. I do not want to lose respect for myself by just pleasing another.

I walk the only road open to me. The road that is governed by Don Miguel Ruis’ Four Agreements. 1. Be impeccable with your words. 2. Take nothing personally. 3. Make no assumptions. 4. Always do your best.

That is pretty well how I was raised by my mother, too. I try my best always to do the correct thing. I’m talking about manners and etiquette. I do believe they will carry you far in life, no matter where in the world you are.

Is it silly of me to be talking about this when I am right in the middle of Champaign area in France? Why am I tap, tapping about this as if to save my life? Well, things don’t let go of me just because I’ve left the country. Voices cry and would not be denied.

So here i sit like Lewis Carroll, tapping out my nonsense, my babbling tale from a French Wonderland. It is important to have words and to have a voice. It is not only important to listen but to hear what is being said .

THE MEASURE OF MY SUCCESS

IMG_1468

How do you measure success? On  this 17th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I am still writing every day.  There are 13 more days to go.  Success in this aspect looks possible and probable.  But what about my other aspirations for this month?

Have I been living according to Don Miguel Ruiz’s FOUR AGREEMENTS?

1.  Be impeccable with your word.

2.  Don’t take anything personally.

3.  Don’t make assumptions.

4.  Always do your best.

It always helps to stop and evaluate your goals and progress. Having a challenge in the framework of this month  helps me to focus.   True, some days are better than others and some posts are more profound than others. Sometimes I can’t help myself and my mouth runs away on me.  Judgement creeps in along with assumptions on difficult days. Some days I am more perfect than others.  But  always, I try to be conscious.  Always, I choose to do the best I can.

Today is one of those not so perfect days.  But it is the best that I could do.  It  is a success.

2014 – LOOKING FORWARD

IMG_1232

The mornings are still dark as night and my urge to rise and shine is low.  Even so I try to put my head and heart in their right space.  It’s 2014, a new year full of blank pages to be filled as I desire.  Sure, there are unforseen things and circumstances ahead but it is I who has to set the intentions of where I wish to go.

So let me look forward to 2014 and set my intentions for health, happiness and prosperity.  I KNOW that if I have my health, it will lead to the other two.  And what better time to renew my intention to practice the 4 Agreements than now?

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Four seemingly simple statements but they are so powerful.  They can set me free.  So let me remember and return to them again and again.  I am but human and will falter again and again.  But I will always do my best.

NURSE, CARE FOR YOURSELF

30503_392157895886_3064606_nSometimes things happen in a blink of an unthinking eye.  You wonder what led to this?  And you ponder and ponder until your head and heart hurt.  You still don’t under- stand.  You obsess about it, making yourself feel worse and worse and still you beat yourself about it.  At least it is what I do. I am humble enough now that I know I am not that much different than anybody else.  I am not better or worse.  I am just human, with emotions.

And so I cried a little at work yesterday.  I cried, not the big boo hoo hoo type with the sobs and crocodile tears, but just the tiny ones at the corners of your eyes, the break in my voice and runny nose.  It was very weird.  My nose never runs except when I’m eating soup and when I cry.

There really is not one thing that led to the moment of tears and frustration, but many little and not so little things over time.  I recognize it for the frustration and helplessness that I feel.  In that instant I see how I am harming myself with how I speak and do in the face of helplessness and powerlessness.  I feel anger inside and I say I do not care.  I take those habits home with me.  I behave and say the same thing to my partner in difficult situations.  Is that good for me?

Of course not!  I say good for me because I can only control what I do.  I ask not what work or anyone else can do for me.  I only ask of myself what can I do to make it better for me and for my work.  And so I remind myself of  Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements again.

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I remind myself of the teachings of Caroline Myss, HeatherAsh Amara, Tara Brach…..I remember The Power of Habit.  It is a tough road we human beings are on.  I want to feel empowered, enlightened.  I am empowered and awake.  I am not a victim.

I spent a restless, sleepless night though I prepared myself with a warm relaxing bath, took some medications to help me sleep.  I got up and made a cup of ginger tea but the only one that slept the night in our house was Sheba.  By about 3 am, I made the decision that I was not fit for work.  My shoulders ached from hugging myself, my throat sore.  Please don’t let it be Strep throat!  In my condition, I would not be an asset at work.  If I can’t be a solution, then I will not be a problem.  Since I am professionally licensed to assess others’ physical condition, I should use my skill to care for myself.

There’s five months before my big day, the big RETIREMENT.  I am hoping that I will leave nursing in a grand style, for it is a grand profession.  It is helping ourselves to become better human beings by service to others.  And we are richly rewarded spiritually and financially.  I would be very grateful for any help towards a graceful exit.  I am not a crazy Asian woman.  I do not need to act nor talk like one, for it is not who I am.

I will stop obsessing and crying now.  I am released from my negativity.  There is much out there in the world.  I will become an explorer of it.  Everything is interesting.  I just need to look closer.  It is good to alter my course.  I am retiring from nursing, not life.  My partner is leaving for Ghana next week for six weeks.  I will not go with him this time.  Sheba and I will tend the hearth at home.  We will miss him and ESCAPE3POINTS but space and time apart is not a bad thing and maybe I will learn to appreciate them both better.  Here’s his video of ESCAPE3POINTS:

KRHRYSTOS RAZDAYETSIA!

IMG_4922

Khrystos Razdayetsia!  Slavite yoho!  Xpbctic Bockpec!  He is risen!  Merry Ukrainian Christmas!  It is January 7, 2013.  Clearly the Season is still with us.   Much, much too early to go back to my humbugness…even if I have been sick for the last three weeks.  Too bad.  Suck it up, Buttercup!  Life goes on.  The wheel still turns.  Look, the sun heard me and is peeping over my right shoulder.  Right on, Saigon!

In keeping with my agreement to follow the Four Agreements, I’m doing the best I can at each moment.  I don’t have to feel great all the time.  I’m not.  I don’t have to be motivated all the time.  I’m not.  But the least I can do is my best in these moments.  My best is easier with developing habits that can carry me when my energy is lagging, when my resolve is sagging, and when I feel like a petulant child.  What I would like to do is pout and stomp my feet.

How smart would that be?  How would that work for me?  NOT!  So instead, I pout a little and get on with my number one focus….keeping house clean of Sheba’s hair.  I bring out the pork hide chew, brushes, and scissors.  It works well.  While she is busy chewing, I can brush away to my heart’s content….her tail, her butt, her underside.  I am getting less and less hair every day, though she is still shedding alot.  One day, one day.  Our next project will be her nails!  For that I will get her an extra long chew.  It will be worth the effort.

Here she is looking pretty smart in her Christmas coat and booties from my mother.  She glows in the dark.  Yeah, we can go out at night!

IMG_4914

So that is how life is….little moments, difficult moments, boring moments.  But when you string them together, you can get some pretty good times.  You can get a life.