About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

ALL THAT I DO

Posted on February 21, 2015 by hafong

The road to well-being and happiness is not an easy one. This is not a rant. It is what I am learning over and over again. Damn! There is no getting there. When you get there, you find that there is no there. It is a continuous journey through hills, valleys, deserts and oases. The terrain is terrifying, glorious and unpredictable. Beware if you tend to use the cruise control.

I’m venturing into the desert again for forty days and nights. This time I’m taking Sheba with me. Together we will explore the barren and arid landscape like Dorothy and Toto. We will find our own yellow brick road through our Land of Oz. Whether or not we will find the Emerald City is not important for us. We want to develope our intelligence, heart and courage. We want to come out the other side healed and unshakeable.

We are on our way. I know there will be many challenges ahead of us. But that is the pull, isn’t it? There is room and time if you want to join us.

DRAGONS AND DEMONS

Posted on February 18, 2015 by hafong

Have I been complaining a lot lately? I probably have but it’s been a hard year. When hasn’t it been? This little sabbatical of silence has been good for me. But now I’m having a little difficulty finding my words again. There is a price for everything.

A new year is beginning. The Year of the Goat starts tomorrow. Let me start by clearing out old hurts and wounds. Let me sweep out what no longer serves me today. No sweeping on New Year’s Day. You don’t want to sweep out the good along with the debris. I am very superstitious. I come by it naturally. I am Chinese. I believe in ghosts. I dream of ghosts. I see ghosts.

Did I tell you the demon found me again? He was knocking at my door. I heard the key turned. Click! I went oh-oh. Time to be viligant. I was grateful for the warning. I had time to prepare, arm myself and erect my fortress. Still, it was a tough time. But I have survived to tell about it. I am stronger and wiser for it.

I believe there are inexplicable (to us humans) forces out there. Some of them are beneign and some are not. Perhaps some of it is generated and sent out by people like you and me, unbeknown to ourselves. All I know is I am ‘sensitive’ to their presence. I have to trust myself in that knowledge and not label myself as a little eccentric and crazy.

The demon is gone. I can let go of the vigilance a little and be myself again. I have lost a few words but not chunks of my life. I have weathered the storm well with Sheba’s help. She has taken a few hits for me. Yesterday, she ran screaming from ‘it’ in fright, legs trembling so hard that all of her shook. All I could do was hold and stroke her till she quieted down. I hope that it is over for both of us. I need to make sure I have pulled our drawbridge up and our dragon is on alert.

We deserve a break and to rest in the sun again.

THE YEAR OF THE GOAT

Posted on February 8, 2015 by hafong

Chinese New Year is coming on February 19th. It’s the year of the goat. I’m thinking of my roots, where I come from. I have travelled away far and a long time from my homeland. It resides still in my heart.

I’m remembering our house in the village. It was built with money my grandfather sent from Gold Mountain. It was two storied with a cupula on top. I loved climbing up the stairs and emerging from it to play on the roof. It was where I saw my ghosts. My mother told me they were our ancestors and no need to be afraid.

I have memories of chasing chickens around the courtyard. Our house was big, being a Gold Mountain house. We lived in one half and my grandfather’s brother’s family lived in the other half. We were a household of women and children. The men were over- seas working and sending money home. The only adult man is the household was my grandfather’s brother. That’s how it was. We sustained and supported each other.

Down the lane was another Gold Mountain house. My grandfather’s other two brothers’ families lived there. Just like us, they were a household of women and children. We were all overseered by my grandfather’s one brother. But in reality, it was the women who took care of him.

Close to Chinese New Year, memories of New Year’s Eve come to me. I am snug in my bed of wooden planks and a wooden block for a pillow. I don’t recall the hardness or the discomfort of such a bed. But being in winter, it was probably lined with a quilt. In my mind’s eye, I see the flames as the women tended the fire through the night to cook the pastries for the celebration. I feel such contentment and security. That memory is such a blessing to have. It nourishes me through all of life.

So here’s an early toast to the year of the goat. Gong Hee Fat Choy!

POSSIBILITIES

Posted on February 7, 2015 by hafong

I love the word possibilities. It’s the hope that opens my heart’s door to let in laughter, love and forgiveness. It holds a promise that a leaf is forthcoming and a bud will bloom. Possibilities push back discouragement, frustration and a downtrodden spirit. They teach me patience – to hang in there. Rome was not built in a day. The road to Anywhere is not an easy one.

Presto! happens only in magic, an optical illusion like time-lapsed photography. We cannot make results happen like that. The presto and voila come much slower. Life doesn’t happen just pushing ENTER or DELETE. Dang, hey? Anything worthwhile takes effort and time. It’s the daily grind. It always take longer than you figure and like. But what is the hurry? Is your life full of emergencies you have to tend to?

Be patient, my dear. Stay calm and enjoy the moments as they come. Everything has its time. The leaves will emerge, the bud will burst into magnificent blooms. You will be awed by the richness and beauty of what life can offer. Take time to live each day to the fullest and believe in possibilities. Be grateful to the Universe.

SIT AND STAY

Posted on February 5, 2015 by hafong

I’m into the second week of an eight week formal meditation practice in Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Full Catastrophe Living. So far so good but it is not easy. It should be no surprise to me. It is easy to tell Sheba to sit but she doesn’t stay. I haven’t really insisted upon it either. I give up too easily, so as soon as my back is turned, she is up and away. Like mistress, like dog.

Being the mistress, I’m having more success with staying – at least my body is. My mind darts here, there and everywhere. My body wants to bolt, too. I stay. My pulse races. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I breathe and let go, remembering to accept what is at the moment. I see the poster in front of me. “Live Each Day to the Fullest”. The words soothe me and I breathe again. I feel my heart calming, the beats slower. I read the line “Live Each Day to the Fullest” again. That is what I want.

I had not known that it is so difficult to stay in the body. My mind wants to be somewhere else all the time. I give thanks to whatever that has led me to this process of discovery. The power lies within my body and spirit. It is not out there in Somewhere Else.

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

Posted on February 4, 2015 by hafong

It’s Wednesday and I’m ready for Friday Fictioneers and our stories of 100 words. We’re hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Here’s my 100 words for the picture prompt. I hope you will enjoy them. These are hard times and we need a little wizardry and lots of rainbows in our lives.

PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright – Melanie Greenwood

Dorothy wondered what had happened. Last thing she remembered was feeding the chickens for Aunt Em. Uncle Henry was cleaning the barn.

She gazed around, her mouth opened, her eyes round in wonder. She saw the rainbow. She was dazed and amazed. She remembered being swept up by a big wind.

She felt something squirm in her arms. Toto! Oh thank God! At least she was not alone in this strange place. She put the little black dog down. They have to find their way back home.

She saw the yellow brick road. With Toto following, she headed towards it.

FACING MY GREMLINS

Posted on February 2, 2015 by hafong

It’s a beautiful sunny day – calm and cool, but not too cool. I wish I was calm and cool but I am not. Those little gremlins are nibbling at my heels, disturbing my peace. Sheba is making her little whining noises at the same time. Comfort me! Feed me! I rub her ears and tell her it’s a bit early. I give in. Otherwise, I would have no peace.

Perhaps today is not a good day to declutter. But then, would there be such a day? I’ve been waiting for years now. It hasn’t shown up so I took a deep breath and started.

I’m a clutter bug, not a true blue hoarder. But then, maybe I am or could easily become one. I better get a move on! I am not plunging head long into the dig and clearing of stuff. I don’t have the energy or presence of mind so I am treading softly and carefully doing the easy stuff. I’m having a tough time parting with stuff, even the easy stuff. I haven’t practice sorting and detaching at all. It is really the ideas and memories they hold and not the things themselves.

The gremlins are getting more stimulated now. I feel their agitation in my head. I breathe in and out, seeing and feeling myself in the warm water of the swimming pool. My arms rise and fall with each stroke. I’m flipping my legs softly like a mermaid’s tail. I can do it! I gather the dried roses from the basket, breaking off the blooms from the stem. I will enjoy their colours for one more day. Tomorrow they will be recycled back into earth. No need to hang on and gather dust forever. There’s more waiting in the wings.

It’s tough letting go of forever. I’m feeling the gremlins and fear of letting go. After all, it is the goal of this blog – to dig deep through the fear and letting it go. Another deep breath and I’m down in the basement. I have dug through the basket of laundered clothes, untouched in at least 3 years. It feels as if a bogey man was hiding there, ready to pounce out at me.

No bogey man. I found only myself, the one who forgot to take care of herself for awhile – and some clothes I didn’t put away. They are in bags now, ready for donation to Value Village. Is it melodramatic to say that it was TOUGH and I feel a bit shaky? Well, it is and I am. It’s definitely time for another cup of tea and maybe a chocolate chip cookie or two.

THE SWITCH

Posted on January 30, 2015 by hafong

It is Friday again and time for Friday Fictioneers with our stories of 100 words from the picture prompt. We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. And here are my 100 words for this week.

PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright Ted Strutz

Perspiration beaded on her forehead. She felt the sting of it in her eyes. She wished she could rub them. They were itching like the dickens. She could just scream. Her arms and legs were bound to the chair. Was she sorry? No, damn it! The woman had it coming.

The clock was ticking. Her heart pounded, the heat rushing up her face into her head. She squeezed her eyes shut. She heard the switch click. Warm liquid ran down her legs. Oh no! She was falling. Her eyes flew opened. Dazed, she looked around. She was in her bathtub!

DROPPING THE SHOE

Posted on January 28, 2015 by hafong

We live in the age and environment of fear and anxiety. We are bombarded with news of shootings, beheadings and terrorist acts. I hear the whining of sirens almost every day. But there comes a time when a person has to let go of her all fears and anxiety – just let that damn proverbial shoe drop. Let it do what it may. Will it shatter like Humpty Dumpty so that not all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could put it back together again? In that case, maybe we can just buy a new shoe.

I’m dropping that shoe – again. I’m letting go. Sheba has been absorbing my bad vibes and barking and whining at invisible shadows. Like mistress, like dog. I need to accept the dark as well as the light. There are no bogeymen. It’s only the tricks of our wandering minds.

I’m learning to drown my fears in the pool water, in those warm arms that hold me like my mother’s womb. I let it embrace me, caress me, loosening fear’s grip on me, washing it away. I feel no fear as I float, my face in the water. There is no hurry or worry. I will not sink. I will not drown. There is time to breathe. I’m blowing out what I don’t need. I’m breathing in precious air. It flows in my mouth and nose, fills my lungs and nourishes me throughout. I am moving up and down the length of the pool without effort and fear. It is enough if only for that time and space. Tomorrow I can do better.

GETTING TO KNOW ME

Posted on January 25, 2015 by hafong

Sundays can be good for relaxing and letting go. Today is one of those days. Life and the snow are melting around me – in January. I’m still unravelling. Soon I will come to the end of the spool. I wonder if I will bounce back and up like a yoyo.

I’m at this part of Susannah Conway’s Unravelling the Year Ahead:

Fast-forward to December 2015. You are sitting in a café, musing over the last 12 months. Where do you want to be…

… in your head? (work, dreams, goals)

… in your heart? (relationships, family, friends)

… in your physical world? (home, health, hobbies)

… in your soul? (beliefs, practices, self-love)

These are hard questions. I love the thought of sitting in a cafe with a hot cup of Chai – in silence and solitude. Do I know myself to answer these questions? It’s worth the time. I owe it to myself to take time getting to know me.

Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you
Getting to hope you like me

Getting to know you
Putting it my way
But nicely
You are precisely
My cup of tea

The King And I – Getting To Know You Lyrics | MetroLyrics

So I’m off to get acquainted. Till next time, ta ta for now.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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