Year of the goat

DRAGONS AND DEMONS

Have I been complaining a lot lately?  I probably have but it’s been a hard year.  When hasn’t it been?  This little sabbatical of silence has been good for me.  But now I’m having a little difficulty finding my words again.  There is a price for everything.

18867_233516165886_4365268_nA new year is beginning.  The Year of the Goat starts tomorrow.  Let me start by clearing out old hurts and wounds.  Let me sweep out what no longer serves me today.  No sweeping on New Year’s Day.  You don’t want to sweep out the good along with the debris. I am very superstitious.  I come by it naturally.  I am Chinese.  I believe in ghosts. I dream of ghosts.  I see ghosts.

 

 

IMG_0514Did I tell you the demon found me again?  He was knocking at my door.  I heard the key turned.  Click!  I went oh-oh.  Time to be viligant.  I was grateful for the warning.  I had time to prepare, arm myself and erect my fortress.  Still, it was a tough time.  But I have survived to tell about it.  I am stronger and wiser for it.

I believe there are inexplicable (to us humans) forces out there.  Some of them are beneign and some are not.  Perhaps some of it is generated and sent out by people like you and me, unbeknown to ourselves.  All I know is I am ‘sensitive’ to their presence.  I have to trust myself in that knowledge and not label myself as a little eccentric and crazy.

IMG_2322The demon is gone.  I can let go of the vigilance a little and be myself again.  I have lost a few words but not chunks of my life.  I have weathered the storm well with Sheba’s help. She has taken a few hits for me.  Yesterday, she ran screaming from ‘it’ in fright, legs trembling so hard that all of her shook.  All I could do was hold and stroke her till she quieted down. I hope that it is over for both of us.  I need to make sure I have pulled our drawbridge up and our dragon is on alert.

 

We deserve a break and to rest in the sun again.

 

THE YEAR OF THE GOAT

Chinese New Year is coming on February 19th.  It’s the year of the goat.  I’m thinking of my roots, where I come from.  I have travelled away far and a long time from my homeland.  It resides still in my heart.

Our HouseI’m remembering our house in the village.  It was built with money my grandfather sent from Gold Mountain.  It was two storied with a cupula on top.  I loved climbing up the stairs and emerging from it to play on the roof.  It was where I saw my ghosts. My mother told me they were our ancestors and no need to be afraid.

3 GrandmasI have memories of chasing chickens around the courtyard.  Our house was big, being a Gold Mountain house.  We lived in one half and my grandfather’s brother’s family lived in the other half.  We were a household of women and children.  The men were over- seas working and sending money home.  The only adult man is the household was my grandfather’s brother.  That’s how it was. We sustained and supported each other.

Down the lane was another Gold Mountain house.  My grandfather’s other two brothers’ families lived there.  Just like us, they were a household of women and children.  We were all overseered by my grandfather’s one brother.  But in reality, it was the women who took care of him.

chinese cupcakesClose to Chinese New Year, memories of New Year’s Eve come to me.  I am snug in my bed of wooden planks and a wooden block for a pillow.  I don’t recall the hardness or the discomfort of such a bed.   But being in winter, it was probably lined with a quilt.  In my mind’s eye, I see the flames as the women tended the fire through the night to cook the pastries for the celebration.  I feel such contentment and security.  That memory is such a blessing to have.  It nourishes me through all of life.

So here’s an early toast to the year of the goat.  Gong Hee Fat Choy!