Author Archives: hafong

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

TALK LESS, DO MORE

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August days can be perfect days. August days can be trying days. Clouds and sun chased each other all day, each determined to outshine and out shadow the other. They have been playing havoc with my mind and mood for the last couple of days. Charlotteville and now Barcelona add their drama to the mix.

How do you tackle these days, whether they be in summer, spring, winter or fall? I haven’t had to deal with them for quite awhile. My year of doing different must be making a difference. Even though I’m not feeling terrific, I am feeling a sense of accomplishment. I still have desires and purpose. I am feeling annoyed I got tripped up though. But then I am human. There are no perfection in this journey.

What I can and will do is to sit with my feelings and tap out my words. They are but physical discomforts. I will feel them, observe and let them be. I will carry on with this experience a little slower and with more attention. In the past, my first instinct was to rid these feelings as fast and as soon as possible. It didn’t really work. It has to bide its own sweet time. It demands to be acknowledged and felt.

This is what I am doing – acknowledging and feeling with every tap, tap. I have turned off the television, silencing the reporting of our human horror drama we are living in. We are in tumultuous times. We can hear a pin as soon as it’s dropped. The world is at our back door. We can no longer ignore anything.

But life is still sweet. The sun rises and sets as always. There’s the total solar eclipse to look forward to on August 17th. I’m breathing in and out, getting up, dressing up and showing up. Sometimes I fake it till I make it. But my fakes are getting better and better. I could do with less verbalizing. It usually doesn’t help much. Sometimes it makes me feel worse. It happens. That happens. But I feel pretty good about my accomplishments today. Painting and baking are good things to do on a day like today.

IS THIS ALL THERE IS?

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Zen/bliss moments are really difficult to sustain. It’s a tough job to keep all my chakras aligned. I’m toughing it already in morning traffic. The day has just begun and I’m feeling a little crazy and despondent in Monday morning  traffic. I feel as if I was caught in a futuristic movie. We are moving streams in both directions, silent and locked in our private vehicles. Is this all there is? I could hear Peggy Lee singing in my head.

I’m like Peggy.  Though despondent and disillusioned, I’m not quite ready for the final disappointment. I’ll just carry on and try to tap, tap myself out of my misery. Another cup of tea won’t hurt either. The grey skies are weighing heavy on me. I’ll try to look for that silver lining – that cloudy weather is more conducive to creativity. It brought a song to mind. I tell you, my head is like a jukebox sometimes – full of songs.

I didn’t realize this was written by Woody Guthrie. I thought it was a hymn. It’s a great song for today.

God’s Promise
Words by Woody Guthrie, Music by Ellis Paul

I didn’t promise you skies painted blue 
Not all colored flowers all your days through 
I didn’t promise you, sun with no rain 
Joys without sorrows, peace without pain.

All that I promise is strength for this day, 
Rest for my worker, and light on your way. 
I give you truth when you need it, my help from above, 
Undying friendship, my unfailing love.

I never did promise you crowns without trials, 
Food with no hard sweat, your tears without smiles, 
Hot sunny days without cold wintry snows, 
No vict’ry without fightin’, no laughs without woes.

All that I promise is strength for this day, 
Rest for my, worker, my light on your way, 
I give you truth when you need it, my help from above, 
Undying friendship, my unfailing love.

I sure didn’t say I’d give you heaven on earth, 
A life with no labor no struggles no deaths, 
No earthquakes no dry spells, no fire flames no droughts, 
No slaving no hungers, no blizzards no blights.

All that I promise is strength for this day,
Rest for my worker, my light on your way,
I give you truth when you need it, my help from above, 
Undying friendship, my unfailing love.

ALCHEMY – PROGRAMMING FOR SUCCESS

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August days can be perfect days when the sun is shining with that perfect warmth and perfect angle. It’s the sunshine lollypops and rainbows, Everything is wonderful kind of moment. I sit back, breathing in the ecstasy of this moment, holding it in my mind’s eye for future reference. The feeling lasted the whole morning. It lingers still though a siren is wailing in the distance and tools clanging and iron grinding nearby.

Perhaps this is how one should live – to take and carry that moment of ecstasy into our being and use it to transport and transform us through our days/life. It’s the perfect agent of change/alchemy. No matter where we are, what storms we’re caught in, we can go within ourselves into that magic moment and find the strength and wisdom to withstand and resolve.

I am just at the beginning of this journey. I am seeing and experiencing some of the power of this process. It’s really programming myself for success, changing and doing what works. It’s long overdue. Now I know and understand nature and myself better, I’m doing better. I’m feeling better, resting better. I’m leaving behind other people’s stuff and messes. I’m dealing with my stuff and clearing my messes. I have more space and peace in my heart.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE

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It was  Gene Siskel along with his colleague, Roger Ebert who asks the question, What do you know for sure? at the end of each show. I think it’s a good question to ask to start each day. What do I know for sure? It is Saturday morning. The air is fresh. It’s sunny and warm. The yard is lush with green foliage and the blues and purples of blooming petunias. I hear birds singing. I see them fly here and there.

I’m sitting on the deck with Sheba, drinking tea and tapping on the keyboard. I’m thinking about what is true and what is not. I’m thinking about where do I want to go for lunch. I’m thinking of how to be more flamboyant, what is fun and what makes me feel good.

What makes me feel good is getting an immediate ping back from the Universe. I am somewhat of a human laboratory. I am experimenting on the HOWS of pursuing excellence in living. Silence is a good tool. I still my brain from thinking, from forming an opinion, a judgement.  Secrets reveal themselves. The answers are there for me to see. I silence my lips and let others speak. I hear everyone’s wisdom. I hear my own heart beat.

There are many things that I cannot control. Let me not waste time there. Let me not moan about what cannot be changed. Let me use my energy in the things I can. I can chart the course of my day, how I feel. I am captain of my ship. I can choose the direction I want to sail. I can choose from my own menu – the appetizer, the main course, dessert, the condiments. I do not have to stay in the storm. I can head for friendly waters and a safe haven.

Life is good. I have choices and options. This is what I know for sure today.

LIVING IN THE SPEED OF THE INFINET

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Now that we’re hooked up to Sasktel’s InfiNet and travelling at 100Mbps, is life any easier? Can I think and do as fast? I wonder what all these energy signals are doing to our brains. Since I’ve been travelling this speed for only 3 hours, I can’t give too much feedback. I can navigate the pages faster. Click and I’m there. The WiFi is much stronger. I can sit on the deck and it still works. So life is good. If it gets really hot, I will crack a beer and see if that will increase my thinking and typing speed.

Life goes on. It is August. The sun shows up later in the morning. The shadows are darker and longer. It’s cooler. My heart doesn’t sing or dance upon waking. It does a little flip flop. I tell myself, It’s akay. Fear not, it’s August. I get up, dress up and show up. It’s not necessary to shine if it’s troublesome. I take care not to grump though. That’s all there is to it.

It’s another day, another beginning. I practice at cleaning my slate and start anew every day. No carry overs. I guess this is what is called ‘living in the moment’. I like it. It keeps me on my toes – not to react but to respond with care, objectively. I’m learning to take the ‘me, I, myself ‘- all the personal out of the equation. It’s not all about me. I’m taking the ‘you’ out of the equation, too. It’s a difficult place to get to. But I think I’m finally there. I’m beginning to arrive if not totally there.

I’m liking it – this new way, this new path. Did I say it already? I feel good. I feel motivated. I feel creative. I feel STRONG. No doubt I will have days when I will falter and fall. But that’s all part of living – falling and rising. It’s the breathing in and out.

DOING THE WORK

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It is the afternoon slump period. I’m trying to push through it with my tap, tapping at the keyboard. One load of laundry done this morning and drying outside. Another load is in the washer. Lunch is consumed and dishes done. It’s really not so hard. It’s establishing new routines and habits. I want to push through my lethargy and procrastination, adding one more thing each day so that doing becomes easeful.

I’m feeling that unease already, wanting to stop and get a cup of tea. It’s a delaying/procrastinating tactic and it works every time. At least I recognize it for what it is. Be back in a few minutes. Getting up will be good as I am feeling stuck and sleepy.

I am back. I do come back and trying again. While I was gone, I’ve brought in some of the laundry and have made my tea. I see myself doing these things. I see my thoughts as I move from here to there and back. I am learning to observe myself and my feelings as objectively as I can. Why do I feel __ , Why did I do __, Why can’t I ____,I ask myself these questions. I don’t like some of the answers. I ask anyways. Perhaps I’m finally doing The Work Of Byron Katie.  I’ve been gathering self-help information for decades. At last I’m doing the work.

Standing back away from myself, being an objective observer and asking the questions may be the way to being a better person. That is my goal – pursuing excellence in being.  I will put up with my discomforts and to come to this space. I’m finding the quiet and listening here encouraging. It creates a stillness in me and I hear the whispers of wisdom in the air. I could not hear them before. There was too much noise and unrest in my head. I am OK. I do not have to minimize myself, apologize or hide in the dark. I am big enough to stand in my own right/light.

IN PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE

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The thing is beginnings are always hard. You know that. You circle and circle, filling in, wasting and passing time. Then you get sick of the nagging, weighty thing dragging your butt down and down. So you sit down and begin. So here I go with my tap, tapping for the day.

 

 

 

Arriving at acceptance of things as they are – that the earth has 10 years less 2 days to survive, have set me free – maybe not completely but a bit more. Why? There’s no time to lose/waste/mope. I saw my purpose which is to enjoy the time left. Thanks to Professor Guy McPherson’s advice, I’ve decided that excellence, love and what I love to do are worthy goals to pursue. I was already on that pursuit with my year of doing different, but now I have a clearer vision of it.

In the presence of our recent dramatic climate change, it is difficult to ignore impermanence, that our earth will not be here in another 10 years – less 2 days now. Given that premise, nothing matters anymore and everything matters still. A contradiction I know, but for me it holds much truth, wisdom and comfort.

The nothings that don’t matter are the things outside of me, the things that I have no control of – what others think and do, keeping up with the Jones and Smiths, etc. etc. etc. The things that matter are the things within me, the things that I CAN control – how I speak, how I behave, how I choose. I choose to make my life matter, to take an interest, to find what makes me smile. I choose to live in a way I give back to the earth as well as harvest from it. I choose to pursue excellence in body, mind and spirit. 10 years less 2 days is still worth pursuing.

 

 

 

LAST NIGHT

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The morning is cool and overcast. Hard to get going. More so if I don’t make a start. So here goes. I’m tap, tapping on my keyboard, however I feel. As I tap, the sun came out, giving me a boost.

Last night I fell asleep with nature crackling thunderously overhead. Through the opened window, I saw lightning flashing in the dark. I felt surprisingly good surrounded by the furies of the Universe. I felt calmed by its energy. I heard its message. I’m doing the best I can – not to contribute to the destruction of our precious earth. I’m not feeling optimistic about our survival though. News of heat waves and fatalities in India and Europe, more turbulant air flights resulting in injuries and a summer of weird weather are convincing me of the truth. We are heading towards our last 10 years less a day.

 

I’m really a bit shocked at how calm and accepting of this truth I am. I am not at all frightened nor panicky. Perhaps I’m depressed but maybe not. The most amazing thing I’ve learned this year is when I let go of the fears – let all my shoes fall (or tossed into my garbage bin), there is no crash on the cement. I fall on a bed of feathers.  I hear the wisdom of Professor McPherson’s advice.

“I think hope is a horrible idea. Hope is wishful thinking. Hope is a bad idea – let’s abandon that and get on with reality instead. Let’s get on with living instead of wishing for the future that never comes.

“I encourage people to pursue excellence, to pursue love, to pursue what they love to do. I don’t think these are crazy ideas, actually – and I also encourage people to remain calm because nothing is under control, certainly not under our control anyway.”

I could use a little more humour, too. Have you seen the move, Last Night? It’s an excellent Canadian black humour about a group of people facing the end of the world. Check it out.

WANTING TOO MUCH OF TOO LITTLE

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Sometimes I sound like a stuck record. I mostly talk about getting things done, about getting the house in order. I’ve been talking about it for years now. I wonder if that’s what you talk about, too. Have we been brainwashed by Martians and aliens from outer space? We certainly have created a niche for many entrepreneurs like Marie Kondo, closet organizers, declutters and minimalists of kinds. Have these people made us into thinking we have too much stuff? Do we really need to streamline, get rid and fold everything into thirds and tuck into tiny little boxes?

Life is such an irony. We have people telling us we need more. More is success. Bigger is better. New and shiny is wonderful so they make things that breaks easily and you can’t fix. And there are no more little repair shops. You have to buy warranties. What you have is more stuff that doesn’t work and less money in the bank. Then the other people come and sell you stuff to organize what you are trying to rid.

I feel like a victim, falling for all the pitches. I’m easily swayed by the ads, free promos and flattering. Here I am today, owner of much stuff and how to do, how to help yourself, how to…books. I’ve waken up though. I’m seeing the extremes of both sides. I’m trying to think for myself. I’m figuring and tapping out my own how to’s. Then I’m going to DO it. I haven’t read a book yet where they tell you have to stop researching and accumulating information. That the want of a Marie Kondo drawer/closet is very addictive. It is but you have to stop, think and DO your own stuff, your own way.

MANTRAS AND CHEERLEADERS

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I’m here again. It’s hard to start until I start. The morning was so grey and cloudy. It was painful to get up, dress up and show up. It helps to have a mantra and projects. A mantra is like a rah, rah, rah – a cheerleader in my ear. Get up. Dress up. Show up. Now! Then there’s Sheba, barking up a storm. She had to go out and chew grass. Better out than making a mess in the house. Very good incentives this morning.

So here I am again, tap, tapping on my keyboard. All the dog hair are dealt with. My head was feeling like the floor- hairy. There was no getting around or ridding it without the vacuum. My new way of thinking and doing is not to beg the question. When I see something that needs doing, just do it. Don’t delay or avoid. It’s harder than you think. It’s all in my head, I know. So I MAKE myself do the thing that needs doing – unless there’s an emergency. Then, of course, that is the thing that needs attending.

The vacuuming done, I mopped up Sheba’s throw up on the door mat, gathered up all the floor mats. They are laundered and drying out in the sun. Lunch and dishes are tended to. I have a rest day from exercise. It was much needed. I felt an ache in every bone getting up this morning. It was groaner time. So I am pleased that I have progressed past that and sitting here with a few things accomplished. Now – a cup of tea, a little art and the chakras.