Monthly Archives: February 2021

PROCESSING

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I am not organized today. That’s the way it goes – up and down or just treading water. Life is a process, each day unique unto itself. I guess that is why THEY say treasure it – for it will never come again. Sometimes I beg to differ though, like now. We seem to be reliving the same day of the Covid and of the cold. I am not complaining. I am healthy. I am safe. I am at ease. I wear my mask. I social distance. I check the numbers each day – number of deaths, number of new cases.

Each afternoon, we bundle up in our warm clothes and head out to the ski trails in our neighbourhood park. We warm up/cool down walking there. We sweat and get our heart rates up doing our laps around the park. I set my timer on my iPhone so I can monitor my progress. I like to know if I am on the right track and improving. I like to make corrections before I am too far set into bad forms. I am very happy today with my best time of 10:02.42 minutes on my 2nd lap around the park. I could feel that I was improving on my glide. I did not have to work as hard -pushing, huffing and puffing. Skiing is a process. I have to do the time and the distance.

Most of the day is gone. I’m looking at 5:30 in the afternoon. The sun is still out. It is -26℃ outside. It was -37℃ this morning. In the greenhouse, it is still 16.5℃. I can’t believe its high was 26.7 ℃ at 1:49 pm. But then the low was also -26.9℃ at 8:24 am. And just like that the sun has set while I’m tapping and the temperature in the greenhouse has dropped to 4.6℃. Not time to do spring planting yet. Patience, my dear.

So ends another Groundhog day. I’m getting a taste of what Bill Murray in that movie. I’m using too many excuses for the same old, same old. No excuses now. It is that I am just lazy and stuck in my daily routine. I am not lazy generally, just in changing habits. I pat myself on the back after I get back from skiing. I think I’m heroic and have done alot. Therefore I need to treat myself to a cuppa, a snack and Netflix. Before I know it, a couple of hours are gone. And I go: Oh, my God! I’ll do better tomorrow.

CHINESE NEW YEAR/CONVERSATIONS/FEELINGS

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Happy Chinese New Year to all my Chinese family and friends wherever you are. The morning is awashed with bright sunshine. It is only -24 degrees Celsius, quite a bit warmer than yesterday’s -40 C. My world looks so white, clean and peaceful. And yet it is not. The Coronavirus is still a threat amongst us. life and death goes on.

I hope I am not sounding morbid and pessimistic. I am not. I am feeling a bit strange and in limbo. It is not something new. I do go through such now and again. It’s a discomfort, like something is hanging over me that I’m avoiding. It’s because I’m such a procrastinator, always putting off little things until they get big. It’s true that you can put things under the carpet, but not out of your mind. They will nag and nibble at you. That’s what I’m feeling. Every time I resolve things, I vow not to let it happen again. I might as well save my breath. It does happen again because I am only too human.

It doesn’t mean that I should give up altogether. I am here at the keyboard earlier in the day. I am trying to have a conversation again. It’s good for our mental health to talk, to voice and share our ideas. But I’m not really in love with the way we communicate nowadays. For some people keeping in touch means ‘copy and paste’, sending stickers/videos/clips/attachments on Messenger, Instagram, text messages. Most of the time, there are no explanation or personal message. It doesn’t tell me anything about the sender or why I’m getting it.

We should not assume what we find interesting and useful would be the same for another. Think again before you hit that SEND button. Am I doing a service or disservice? Am I really being thoughtful or am I really thinking of myself? Different strokes for different folks. I think it would be good to remember etiquette is the same on all communication tools. I hope that I am also respectful in what and how I am communicating, but maybe I’m not. Perhaps those ‘unfriending’ on FB was a message. We all live with the consequences of our actions.

I have done well today. I hope I can keep it up and build on it. It is after lunch. I have done Chinese takeout for my parents and ourselves. It’s a chance for me to check on them without appearing so when I drop off the food. It was my mother who used to drop off stuff for me New Year and other occasions. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Children become the parents and vice versa. My brother will be dropping supper for them tonight. We celebrate together somehow.

I have skied 3 laps around the park this afternoon. An extra lap for prosperity. I’m trying to build stamina and speed. I did not gain any speed but am keeping my time under 11 minutes/lap. You would think I was training for the Olympics. LQOL (laughing quite out loud). It was quite lovely today being at least 10 degrees warmer and less wind. It was easier breathing and I didn’t get quite as frosty as yesterday. Scroll on the arrow to see.

WINTER AND NETFLIX

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My brain seemed to have fallen into a lazy rut lately. I’ve been staring at my blank screen for awhile. It feels a bit strange but I kind of like not talking. It is peaceful, restful and rather sublime. But it’s not optimal during a writing challenge. I shall have to give myself a hard nudge and a kick in the arse.

I tell myself every day that it would be better if I’m at my keyboard earlier than than later. That doesn’t seem to help. After I do my sewing in the morning for my 100dayproject, the sun is out. The sunroom is awash with glorious sunshine. I tell myself that I would have my cup of tea and then start. But then I feel a little blocked. I started searching Netflix for a little thing to watch. Anne with an E was a delightful series. I loved the dialogue, the way Anne talked. And it is Canadian, based on Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables. I went through 3 seasons in no time.

Someone on Instagram mentioned The Queen’s Gambit a little while ago. It is very good. I highly recommend it. I shall not give any of it away except that it is about a girl and her love of chess. It is so easy to while away the afternoon with a good series. One episode turned into another. I haven’t been able to stop after just one. I tell myself that these are really good happy and motivating stories. I am usually doing my cross stitch of Jesus while watching. I wasn’t idling my time away. Perhaps the third season of The Sinner was not such a good idea. It was a detective story and hooked me. It was very dark and probably not good for one’e mental health. I decided not to watch season 2.

I caved in again today and watched a movie this afternoon – Penquin Bloom. It was a very good choice. It is based on a true story about Sam Bloom and a magpie. And that is all I’m going to say. That’s been my days lately. I can’t really feel bad about it and I can’t blame myself either. We’re having a bit of frosty weather and it is nice just to relax and not try so hard so much.

CHALLENGES AND PASSIONS

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Challenges can be invigorating, but they can be irksome and exhausting. My 100dayproject is labour intensive. I chose to make a quilt block a day. Not only that, I chose the Log Cabin pattern. It involves 17 logs of different lengths, starting with 2 logs that are an inch square. That involves a bit of cutting, sewing and pressing but I never get mentally blocked.

Writing challlenges are quite a different thing. First you have to come up with a topic or storyline. Then you have to come up with the words. There are many road/mental blocks. On this 10th day of the UBC, I’m looking at one. I’m using our moderator’s suggestion of sharing a video. It’s on what we have/ am doing in pursuit of our passions. We are passionate about the sustainability of our planet. We are doing the best we can to leave the smallest carbon footprint as possible.

To this end we have 40 solar panels on the roof. We have switched to LED lightbulbs. We are trying to grow as much of our own food as we can. We have been a part of a community garden for about 4 years. We have 6 self wicking raised garden beds. There are 3 of them in the backyard and 3 in the front, much to our neighbour’s displeasure. She calls them coffins. We also have a rainwater catchment system. We only use city water for the garden if absolutely necessary. We thought we could still do more. Last fall we took down our 2 spruce trees and built a passive solar greenhouse.

WINTER WONDERLAND/SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

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It’s another day, another Log Cabin square, another ski, and now another post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I thought I would show off our winter wonderland. I do love our winters. Most of these photos were taken at the Sutherland Dog Park. Sheba loved running on the frozen South Saskatchewan in the winter. We encountered a red fox here on Christmas eve in 2009. I had thought it was a dog as it streaked past us towards the river. No person followed after and it never came back. That was when I realized it must have been a fox.

I am missing my puppy girl now and again and for always. That is how it is with love. But I know she is happy somewhere over the rainbow. I know she will visit me again.

THE HEART OF ME

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It’s February 8, 2021. Almost 5:30. Yet the sun is still present in the livingroom. It will vanish in a minute or two but I love this almost perfect beautiful golden moment. Everything, including myself, is in alignment from head to toe. I am so happy we went out for our ski, despite the frigid temperature. The sun was brilliant. It is the kind of weather that agrees with me the most. I feel energized, without my aches and pains. The snow was the best, too. It didn’t stick to the bottom of my skis and I felt the glide. The mask was perfect keeping my lungs from the cold air. I didn’t have to taste the wool of a scarf.

Chinese New Year will arrive on February 12. It is the year of the ox. I don’t know what it means. I take it that we all must be strong, like the ox, and do our best to keep safe and do the utmost not to spread the Coronavirus. We must, like good citizens of the earth, do our part to help regreen the planet. This is my hope for this year of the ox. February is also heart month. The heart needs exercise as much as the rest of our body.

I like to stretch my heart muscles by being kinder, more loving and understanding of others. I know that sometimes I think I am all of those things. I know I over estimate and give myself too much credit. It is hard to take myself out of me and look at things and others dispassionately, without prejudice and preconceived ideas. It is a good thing to remember. I would like to spend time to observe and explore how I can change and be more heartful through this Ultimate Blog Challenge.

SAVING FOR A RAINY DAY

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I woke up to another frigid morning, even . colder than yesterday – 38 degrees Celsius. The cold doesn’t really bother me that much. I feel more alert and physically better, especially if it is sunny as it has been. I had an early start and completed my Log Cabin quilt square for the100dayproject before breakfast. I did it my old way in one hour. I tried to improve my time yesterday by figuring out the measurement of each piece and cutting them before sewing. It took twice as long. I learned something by trying a different method. I found that even though I measured very carefully, most of my pieces were off. It was a good thing that they were too long, instead of short.

I whiled the rest of the morning away basking in the sunshine. I don’t have to be doing something all the time. Nothing can be good for body and soul. It can help creativity. It can sharpen and/or add to my skills. I cut 11/2 strips in the afternoon. My supply is dwindling. I changed the blade on my rotary cutter. I think I’m still using the same one that came with it. What a change it made! I hardly use much pressure and it sliced through cloth like butter. Why did I wait so long? I do have 2 extras I bought long time ago. I think I hate waste and being extravagant. I was reluctant cutting up the cloths, too. It feels like I’m wasting again. I felt like I should be saving them for a rainy day.

I’m learning much more than quilting and sewing doing these challenges. I’m a hoarder, not in the sense that my house is jam packed with no space to move. I’m the kind who saves the good china, linen, and clothes for special occasions, but then forget to when the time comes. I make do with less rather than more. It probably have to do with the times and how I grew up. We were immigrants and poor in the beginning. We were never hungry and I never thought we were poor. That is until my sister mentioned it. When I asked my mother, she said: Of course we were poor! We lived on rice and dried anchovies.

Saving for a rainy day has become a habit, long past the need to. It is not bad but rather a good thing. I have a large stash of sewing supplies on hand in this Covid time. I don’t have to run off to the store for this or that. Sometimes I can overcome my ‘make do’ habit. I bought myself a Bernina 790 sewing and embroidery machine. I was feeling my rainy day had come and I better get serious, be kind to myself and really live my life.

MY BOWL RUNNETH OVER

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It’s a chilly day 6 of February and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I woke up to a -33 Celsius outside and a -24.7 Celsius in our solar passive greenhouse. The cold killed all our outdoor solar motion sensor lights. I hope they come back when it’s warmer. Yesterday, the cold drained the battery on my iPhone. It lasted till I finished my ski. I was able to time my 2 laps around the park. The sun is bright and sunning. It’s warmed a degree outside and it is considerably warmer in the greenhouse, a balmy -6.3 degrees Celsius. I will probably have to wait till March to plant in there.

I’ve nixed the idea of skiing today. I do want to go but it would be a stupid idea with a windchill of -41 degrees Celsius. I have this addictive nature but I can stop. I’m sipping my tea and tapping a few words. I have dough bubbling and rising in the kitchen. It is spilling over. I have to run and tend to it.

So much for organization. I’m back but it is bedtime. Too late to go into the details of the bread making. Perhaps that’s a post for another day. All my bread is tucked in their bags and in the fridge/freezer. I was perhaps over zealous with my baking. I did my usual 6 loaves of whole wheat and 2 loaves of sourdough. It’s a good way of warming the house on a bitterly cold day. I also want to make good use of the oven, baking the sourdough right after the whole wheat comes out. Right after that, I slide in a tray of egg shells to dry them and crushing them after for the garden.

The bread making was no problem. That part was enjoyable. It was the cleaning up and putting away that’s really draining. I hung in there till it was all done. I admit I was feeling a bit testy at the end. But all is well. A glass of wine with supper, a hot shower,a movie and popcorn smoothed my ruffled feathers. I even managed to do my Log Cabin square for the100dayproject. Now I’m finished for the day.

HOW TO DO ANYTHING BETTER

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It’s Day 5 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today I am going to focus on how I can do anything and everything better by giving some thoughts to organizing. Nothing is too insignificant to consider. And some things are too big to ignore. They are like the elephant in the room that no one mentions. I am sick and tire of feeling overwhelmed. That’s a plus for me. I do reach a saturation point of enough is enough. I see what is happening. Opportunity is not looking for me. I have to look, find its door and knock loudly on it.

So here I am, changing my routine a little. I am sitting at my keyboard in the morning sunshine. I am sipping my cuppa and tapping my little blogging heart away. I have all the makings of lunch prepped and ready. I’ve fed Oscar, my sourdough starter for the bread process this afternoon. The kitchen floor’s vacuumed whilst waiting for the kettle to boil. I’m making good use of time normally thoughtlessly wasted.

I did scrolled away a good amount of it upon getting up with my first cup of tea. My excuse was that I was just ‘easing into my day’. It didn’t do anything to help me have a positive outlook to know that racisim is well and alive in our city. Though I have chosen to live my life without it colouring my world, I have felt the sting of it in this Covid times. Things and people’s attitude appeared more crystal clear. Thinking and trying to understand all of this is a waste of my time and energy. It belongs to the file of the anti maskers, conspiracy theorists and Donald Trump supporters. I best move along to better things.

I, now, do have a better vision and understanding of myself. I fuss too much on things and people I cannot change. It is not that I have a grandiose impression of myself, but maybe I do. I do have this propencity for telling/expecting how people should behave. I am limited by my tunnel vision. I have only be able to see/feel from my side of the fence. It’s a waker upper. I’ve lived a limited sheltered life. I feel as if I haven’t been out in the world. It is still better to wake up late than never. I have to remember to save my advice and time for myself.

I am going to shake up the way I do things a bit. I know that they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Sheba taught me that you could. She was the best dog/teacher ever. I miss her but she is in a good place. She visited me in the guise of a fox on our moonlight ski in December. She was probably worried about my safety, taking up cross country skiing in my old age. It is never too late to change and/or to pursue something new. I am not pretty on skis and will never get to the Olympics. But I have made great progress – for me. I now can put my skis without a huge struggle. I know how to get up from falling. I can now fall without banging my head. I am starting to have a sense of the glide.

It’s almost 11 weeks since I’ve taken up the sport. Sometimes I am very disappointed with my progress when the guy whizzes by me effortlessly. He can do 3 rounds around the park to my one. I am quite happy when I am not comparing myself to others. I was ecstatic making it down a gentle slope without falling. I just have to think of the small victories and I feel pumped again. That’s the trick, I think to sticking with something. I have to spend the hours and make changes on how you do things to improve. Otherwise, I will be like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day , waking up to the same morning every day.

I HATE CHANGE/IT’S NEVER TOO LATE

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It’s day 4 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. 24 more days to go. I’m counting the days already. It shows that I’m not a planner. I haven’t laid out all the steps. I am a wing-it kind of a girl. I feel overwhelmed every day. You think that would prompt me to change. I hate change but it’s not too late to do it. Like the saying goes, it’s never too late until it’s over. I’ve always been a late bloomer.

I was 8 years old when I came to Canada. I had to start school all over from grade 1. I already had my grade 2 in Hong Kong but I didn’t know any English. The teacher had me stay in at recess to get me started. Her name was Miss Woodall. She had chin length reddish hair which she wore in a page boy. I remember she favoured wearing sweater sets and dirdle skirts. I think that was the style of the day. She used a picture book to teach me English words. I had trouble pronoucing words like roof and detour.

I did catch up one grade, taking grade 2 and 3 the next year. They thought I was smart and had a talent for drawing. When I graduated from high school, I was encouraged to go to university instead of secretarial school. I majored in fine arts and literature. I dropped out after 2 years and went to secretarial school. I worked as a steno for a few years, got bored and went into nursing. Through all my working years I talked about my big dream of being an artist. I had some great art teachers. I basked in the light of being in their classes. Meanwhile I did nothing else to realize my dreams.

I can understand the psychology of it now. It is much safer to talk about it. I can’t fail something I didn’t work on. But after many decades, I realized it was ridiculous to keep up that stupid chatter. In 2016 I finally stopped talking about it. I started making a little art each day for the100dayproject. And the rest is history. And I’m learning from my own history that it is never too late to change or to start something. The clock is ticking for all of us. I do not need it to overwhelm me. I will/can continue to block and blog away for another day.