UNDER THE TREE, BY THE POND

Posted on October 5, 2016 by hafong

It’s Wednesday and snowing big times here in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. It’s a good day for storytelling. What better venue than the Friday Fictioneers. We like to tell stories of 100 words to a photo prompt. We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Here is my story.

PHOTO PROMPT © CEAyr

I sat at the base of the tree, cradled by two roots. I gazed across the pond. Right out there in the middle was where my brother and I got stuck. We were chasing the water buffalo with sticks. We didn’t get very far before we couldn’t go at all. We had to be rescued. Boy, did mother give it to us after! We were soaked and caked in mud.

Those were the good memories. What haunted me still was the memory of my grandmother being publicly humiliated and persecuted by the village under this very tree many years ago.

WHO I AM – Day 75 in a year of…

Posted on October 5, 2016 by hafong

Day 75, October 5, 2016 @1:14 pm

Lunch is over. The dishes not quite put away. I always feel overcome after lunch, unable to think or do anything. So I come here to my space with my cup of tea to muse and tap on the keyboard. I feel comforted and not so melancholy, surrounded by light from windows.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not unhappy or sad. I am not in any dire straits. I am a muse. I am by nature whimsical, sometimes melancholic. I sigh, heave my chest, sip and tap. That is how I am. I poke along at a snail’s pace. By chance I am reading a book about Patricia Highsmith who raises snails. She takes them in her purse with some lettuce to events. The book, The Crime Writer, is a novel. But Highsmith and snippets about her and her life are real.

Highsmith loved cats, and she bred about three hundred snails in her garden at home in Suffolk, England.^[17] Highsmith once attended a London cocktail party with a “gigantic handbag” that “contained a head of lettuce and a hundred snails” which she said were her “companions for the evening”.^{[17] – from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Highsmith}

I hope I’m not like Highsmith, though I have been called eccentric. But I am meandering, straying. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on the snow. It is only October the 5th. It is snowing and still snowing. I am prepared if not quite ready for it. I am not fighting it. It is a good day to sip tea, have a cookie or two, muse, read about snails……

What are you doing today? Is it snowing where you are?

A DIFFERENT STORY – Day 74 in a year of…

Posted on October 4, 2016 by hafong

Day 74, October 4, 2016 @10:00 am

Mornings are still dark at 7 am. I’m slow at rising. I’m slow at putting on my morning face and coming to the keyboard. I diddle and daddle. Finally I put on makeup, earrings. I put on a pink sweater I haven’t worn in a coon’s age and some reasonable pants. Why do I wear the same ratty old clothes day in and day out when my closet is brimming with stuff? Why don’t I wear a smile more often? The answers could be as simple as habit and laziness. It takes more energy to make choices than to go on auto pilot. My habit has been to grab and don.

Habits and feelings have a habit of seeping back. This morning I am quite aware of it. I’m squirming with the discomfort of it all. I pace, picking up a Kleenex and a napkin left here and there. I gather some laundry to take downstairs to do. Remembering I haven’t checked the clutter in the basement for a few day, I cleared and discarded a few items. When I can’t do big, I do little has become my mantra.

I’m finally here though, tapping on my keyboard. The click, click beneath my fingertips are rhythmic and soothing. Thoughts come and feelings come. I’m pushing through the gloom and the mundane of this morning. I see my glass/day full instead of empty. I’m romancing myself with each tap, tap of the keyboard. I’m creating new thoughts, new habits and new views. I’m telling a different story. What stories are you telling?

ROMANCING MYSELF – Day 73 in the year of…

Posted on October 3, 2016 by hafong

Day 73, October 3, 2016 @7:53 am

Here I am, showing up for another day. It’s almost two and a half months into my yearly challenge of doing different. But who’s counting, eh? The good thing about me is that I am easily motivated. Give me a suggestion and I’m off. You don’t have to fire that gun at the starting line. The trouble with me is – I’m easily bored. I don’t have staying power. I fall off that proverbial wagon constantly. Hence, I have many unfinished projects – sweaters, cross-stitches, petite points, want-to-be books, wanna ambitions….

So how do I stay motivated and get to the Promised Land? The destination is still far off beyond the horizon. How not to live half-assed? How do I romance myself? It’s the core of this yearly challenge. I have to leave it here and finish my tea. How are you romancing yourself?

PURPOSE – Day 72 in a year of…

Posted on October 2, 2016 by hafong

Day 72, October 2, 2016 @9:44 am

Inertia and gravity are difficult to overcome. I use every excuse I can think of to avoid doing – the weather, I’m tired, I’m this, I’m that. It’s hard to understand the why of this feeling of reluctance. It’s more than being lazy. It has an element of insipid dread. I have long given up (is it really true?) trying to understand the impossible. I used guilt to pull me up and out yesterday. It was difficult but am happy that I rose above the dread. I might as well put the bad stuff to good use, eh?

I’m here without my tea this morning but I’m having trouble sitting still. I don’t have to rise above everything in life. It is not a bad thing to pause and reset. I will get up, stretch, put the kettle on. Be back in awhile with my cup of tea. Everyone breathe.

~~~~~~~~~

I’m back. I feel so much better, having a cup beside me to take a sip when it gets tough. I see I can’t go cold turkey. It’s a good thing I’m not an alcoholic. I’ll be falling off that proverbial wagon all the time. Perhaps I should not be so hard on myself, setting up all these challenges. I can’t seem to help myself though. I am challenged by challenges. The call to better myself is hard to resist. It makes my life purposeful. What gives you purpose?

AN EXTRA CUP OF TEA – Day 71 in a year of…

Posted on October 1, 2016 by hafong

Day 71, October 1, 2016 @9:56

What is it about tea and me? What is it about that cup of brew that brings so much pleasure and comfort? Is it the pause it offers me – the time to put the kettle on and wait for it to whistle? When it does, then pouring the hot water over the teabag, fishing out the bag, spooning in honey and powdered milk. Little pregnant pauses – full of deliciousness of time suspended.

Perhaps my next doing different could be learning/developing my own tea ceremony. After all, I am Asian. I came from the land of tea. I have a kimono. I have a teapot. I have tea. My cupboard is filled packs of loose tea leaves from Sri Lanka – gifts from a friend. I have been too lazy and too impatient to do the process. My friend has discovered my laziness. Now she gives me teabags from Sri Lanka.

My extra cup is finished. I meander but it is Saturday. It is October 1. It is another new month, another new beginning. It is reason enough to celebrate. It still feels like a special day off, a suspension from the cares of the week. I shall relish it. How are you spending this Saturday?

NOT BIOLOGY ALONE – Day 70 in a year of….

Posted on September 30, 2016 by hafong

Day 70, September 30, 2016 @8:48 am

Morning is not a great time to read about a killing and ridding of a body. I’m starting the day with an ‘ugh’! It’s a good thing I’m greeted with the cheeriness of autumn sunshine and the splendid hues of yellows and oranges. I must behave accordingly. I do have a choice. I have a mind. It can over ride my brain. I am not ruled by biology only. Think of the reward. Another dollar in the teapot!

My ‘uglies’ have receded somewhat though I feel the tears on the verge of my eyes. My body cries, nothing is easy and all the other I feel sorry for myself phrases. I guess I have to let it have its say, too. We are in this together, my body, my mind and my brain. We have to respect and cooperate with each other.

My cup of tea is done. I will/can sit and stay awhile longer till I am finished.The discomfort, the desire to flee has ebbed. It is tolerable. I can even feel a sense of peace sitting here discovering my flaws and strengths. I am inching forward daily. Another 4 rows on my sweater. My grapes are now raisins. One tomato bed cleaned off. A flash fiction of 100 words for Friday Fictioneers.

Now I have to go and hang up the laundry from last night and plan my day. What is on your plate?

Click, Clock! Click Clock!

Posted on September 29, 2016 by hafong

It’s Thursday. I’ve been missing my 100 words and Friday Fictioneers. I’ve dusted off my fiction cap and joining in again. We’re hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Our mission is to write a story of 100 words inspired by a photo prompt. Here’s my story to Amy Reese’s photo. Hope you enjoy. If you like, you can join in and tell your story.

from-amy-reese

My footsteps were so loud. Click, clock! Click, clock! They echoed down the long empty corridor. I paused and listened. Was someone following me? I held my breath. My skin tingled with anxiety. Only the thudding of my heart was audible. Slowly, I turned my head and glanced over my right shoulder. No one!

I let out my breath. My shoulders relaxed and dropped. I started my steps again – slowly and on the tips of my shoes. The EXIT sign flowed in the distance. Just then came click, clock. Click, Clock. CLICK, CLOCK! I picked up my heels and ran.

BE THE CHANGE – Day 69 in a year of…

Posted on September 29, 2016 by hafong

Day 69, September 29, 2016 @9:17

Some mornings are harder than others. This is one of them. I’m here. I’m prepared to sit and stay. I’ve made my cup of tea before hand. I will not have that excuse to flee. I can sit, stay and sip through the discomforts. I’m beginning to understand this phenomenon of procrastination – at least for me. My brain is lazy. It wants to do the same old, same old. It’s easier to stay in well travelled ruts. It does not want new pathways. It does not want a new circuitry. I DO. I’m fighting my brain right now to stay awake. Sleepiness is another way for it to flee.

The sun just came out to lend me a hand. Thank you, Mr. Sun! I need a little help today. My tea is done but I’m not finished here. What do I have to say? What do I want to say? The going is tough. I feel like a gerbil on a treadmill. I’m moving but not advancing. My great deduction today is that if I want changes, I must be the change. I must be the instrument. I must DO. I must make goals and lists. Writing them down is concrete. I cannot rely on goals and lists in my head. It makes it easier to forget and disregard.

I made a move yesterday to reward myself $1 for showing up each day. It’s tangible. It’s working. I will have $2 in my teapot today. I am working on making my basement a nice living space. I will clean/clear a small area each day. I threw out 2 old humidifiers and a CD rack yesterday. I worked a little on the sweater I started this summer. The secret I believe is starting and working small but steady. Do not lose heart.

What is your goal today?

PAYING FOR CHANGE- Day 68 in a year of..

Posted on September 28, 2016 by hafong

Day 68, September 28, 2016 @9:08

The days are ticking off, ever so slowly when you are conscious and counting. Doing different is difficult. I am so wired in to my feelings and reactions. Moving out of my grooves and ruts takes more than minutes, hours, days, weeks and months. I have to be patient. I have to be innovative. I have to be kind to myself. No snapping of elastic band on my wrist. I have to be trained like Sheba – on a reward system. A Loonie(a dollar) into the teapot for each day completed with a blog post. I’m worth that.

It’s an uncomfortable feeling to commit, to put it in writing. I want to get up and make myself a cup of tea. But I won’t. I will sit and stay here with the discomfort. I will sit and finish even though my head is screaming for tea. At least I’m not screaming for a cigarette as in the past. That is proof that I can and have changed.

Another gorgeous day. I am sitting in my beautiful space surrounded by light. It’s the light I must follow though our shadows are ever present. I will choose the high ways whenever I am able to. But I must accept the dark places and not punish and blame myself or others for falling. I can always get up and dust myself off – again.

Have you fallen? Did you hurt yourself? Did you get up?

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity