NO MAGIC, NO SHORTCUTS, RECHARGING MY BATTERIES

Posted on January 13, 2022 by hafong

January 13, I’m writing for day 12 and 13 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I love these lines from flylady.net:

You are not behind! (forgive everything lost in the past).
I don’t want you to try to catch up; (it’s impossible to change the past).
I just want you to jump in where we are. (TODAY is all there is; be present).
O.K. (make the conscious choice to say yes to life right now, just as it is).

This sounds like good advice, advice I can heed and do. I had subscribed to FlyLady a long time ago. I had many tips dropped into my email. They worked great guns in the beginning. Then they stopped working. It wasn’t that they weren’t any good. It was because after the initial excitement, I stopped the doing. I read the emails for awhile. Then I stopped doing that. The emails just piled up in my inbox. What I’ve learned from all that is there is no magic and no shortcuts. I can be full of wisdom and all kinds of knowledge on the hows and whys. BUT if I don’t move and put them into use, nothing happens, nothing gets thrown out, nothing gets done and the piles grow.

I finally wised up. I finally took a look at some things that are not working up to par. Why is my Roomba so slow? Is the battery past its best due date? Is it hard to change? The answer is yes, the battery needs changing. No, it was not hard at all. Open battery compartment, take out old battery, and drop new one in. No wiring required! I got the battery from Amazon for $30 some Canadian. It was the easiest option. It took just a few days for it to come and now Roomba is zooming around the floors lickety split, sucking up dust and whatnot. It makes life a little easier but Roomba does not self empty, clean or maintain. I have to do that plus move furniture around.

No, I’m not behind. I’m jumping in where I had left off. My internal battery got a boost, too. I still have my piles, but the floors are pretty cleared. My orchids got a repotting and water treatment. They’re sitting pretty now, rooted in their pots.

SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND

Posted on January 11, 2022 by hafong

January 11, day 11 of the Ultimate Blog challenge. I wonder how I am going to write this post. I feel as if I can’t even work myself out of a wet paper bag. I did go for my ski, though I can’t remember how I got there and back. It wasn’t a great outing. I had a fall trying to sly down the slope. My legs and butt got a head start. I forgot to bring the rest along. Down I went! I haven’t fallen much at all this year. It was hard to get up. I’ve forgotten how without practice. I ended up taking one ski off. Practice does make for better.

So here I sit, fingers on the keyboard. My desk is crowded and full of paper clutter again. It adds to my can’t-get-out-of-wet-paper-bag feeling. At least I am at peace with it at this moment. I was not so this morning, digging through the piles and boxes for art supplies. They are not in one place but scattered here, there and everywhere. My head was in a spin. I want to throw up my hands and give up, but the Introduction to Watercolours is starting Saturday. I need to focus and see if I have all the material on the check list.

If I hadn’t chosen the word FOCUS for my year, I probably wouldn’t have stayed with the hunt. I probably would have left it till the night before and then get into a frantic mad search. I felt frenzied but I don’t think I was frantic. I slowed down, went up and down the stairs a few times, pulling out various drawers. I found things I’ve forgotten I bought. I found art that I have forgotten I made. I have a lot of supplies. I made a lot of art. Parts of my forgotten self stared back at me. They made me feel good.

Life is messy. I am messy. I’ve gathered up my material. I am short of just one or two things. I’ve got it under control. This is no time for me to be Wonder Woman and whip all my clutter in shape. I feel like a wet noodle. It is sagging time. I can just let it all hang out. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I can regroup, refocus and get back into the track.

STOP, LOOK, SEE, ANALYZE

Posted on January 10, 2022 by hafong

January 9 and day 9 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today I gave into my fatigue and gave myself a break from my ski in the park. I don’t do it often. I am rather obsessive that way, staying on the track, not missing any days. But enough is enough. Sometimes it is good and necessary to step off the merry-go-round, look and reassess. It is the rightful thing to do. I need a rest, some TLC.

Funny how the Universe knows what I need. While I was drawing hot water for a nice long soak, I rediscovered Cheryl Richardson’s audio book The Art of Extreme Self-Care. It’s telling me something. I didn’t have to look far to find it. It’s right on my iPhone. It also reminds me that I already have many resources. I don’t need to search for more. What I need to do is to USE them. I have good reasons to choose FOCUS as my word of the year.

January 10, day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I lost my focus or rather I saw what was more important. I needed a break/rest more than to finish my post yesterday. I’m feeling more rested physically. I am not so sure about mentally. We watched the movie, Bird Box (2018) starring Sandra Bullock on Netflix last night. It’s a science fiction movie of a post apocalyptic world. It feels quite similar to our present world. Whereas in the movie the people will die if they look at the monster. The people had to blindfold themselves. In our world, we will die if we breathe in our monster and we have to mask ourselves. You will have to watch the movie yourself. It might not resonate with you. Maybe you won’t see the similarities.

I have felt the weirdness of living in a sci-fi world before this. Now it is all the more eerie for me. There’s a lot of strange things and people out there/here. It emphasizes that I need to focus more on my boundaries and not let them infect my mental and physical health. I have to keep up with my routines of daily living. Tapping here gives me relief from thoughts trapped in my head. Stepping back on the ski trails will release tension in my physical body. The sun is out and it is WARM.

POSITIVELY OPTIMISTIC

Posted on January 7, 2022 by hafong

January 7, Day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. After announcing yesterday that I will finish the Positivity Challenge, I have stepped out of it. Why? It’s not that I don’t think I can still benefit from it. It’s because I have a finite amount of time and energy. It’s a priority choice. Since I am not a terribly negative person, I want to direct my time and energy towards more urgent areas of attention. I have a keener and more discerning eye now. That is one thing I have learned about myself during this pandemic. I have/had a habit of spending time on things that I already know how to do or am good at. Time is precious. I don’t want to waste any of it. I want to utilize it in the best way to serve myself.

I ~~haven’t always~~ have seldom serve my own best interests. It’s not that I don’t want to. I haven’t realized before that I tend to gravitate outwards, towards others’ interests and well-beings rather than my own. For what purpose I do not know. Perhaps it’s because I’ve learned or have been taught it’s better to think of others first. It’s being unselfish and giving. It’s being kind and generous. I haven’t thought about turning it around for myself till now. It’s a gift from our present pandemic circumstances. It’s given me stillness and silence to waken and see with different eyes. It’s given me time and space to breathe in a new vision of how to be. I agree with Caroline Myss that we are living in a remarkable time. It’s up to me how I want to evolve, transform and transcend.

I am having a good winter – of skiing, cooking, reading, writing, musing… – despite the pandemic, the omicron, the cold, the news, whatever. I am open to see and hear what is going on around me and the world. I try not to be overwhelmed by the avalanche of good news, bad news and fake news. I have chosen FOCUS as my word for the year. I am practicing on focusing on what is good, true and what I can do to serve myself, my family, friends and community. Life isn’t perfect. There are some not so good moments. There are inconveniences and adjustments. It might mean taking more time and using more energy to make changes and adjustments.

I hope I can stay focused and not to fall back into my well worn habitual ruts. I like to default into the familiar. I need reminders and a warning system. Feelings of fatigue, frustration, grouchiness, etc. could be a sign for me to take a moment to rethink, step out of the loop and take another look at the whole picture. Then assess, analyze and implement change.

The end. Good night.

LET NOTHING DISTURB YOU

Posted on January 6, 2022 by hafong

January 6, day 6 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It helps me to count out the days. It’s day 5 of the Positivity Challenge. Today’s assignment is to buy myself some flowers and if I can’t, paint some. It is another bitterly cold day. My tire pressures are on the low side despite being pumped up the other day. I rather not chance driving to the store and have a flat. I am too tired to take up the paint brush. And really I have many blooms already, live, painted and sewn. I do appreciate them. It is not necessary at all for me to do anything else but to give them my loving gaze and share them here.

I was going to reflect more on the pandemic and talk about what I learned about myself during this entire experience for my Unravel My Year workbook. I am not going to do that today. Nor am I going to make a pie crust. My excuse is mental and physical exhaustion. Too much news and talk about Covid. I’m up to my eyebrows with it. So no pandemic reflections today. The bitter cold is tiring physically. I woke up to -37℃ this morning. I felt it during the night, waking up 2-3 times before morning. Even though I was warm with enough covers, my body knew. Caroline Myss is right, we are all connected. What is in one is in the whole. I am in the universe and the universe is in me.

She is one of the people that I admire and go to for advice/information/instruction. I don’t know her personally. When I talk about seeking her out, I mean seeking out her teachings in books and online classes. She has many free resources on her website as well as on YouTube. I have bought a few of her books and online classes. I love her talks on Saint Teresa of Avila. I find so much comfort in St. Teresa’s prayer. These few words have the power to calm and sooth me. It’s a good way to close this post and day.

Let nothing disturb you,Let nothing frighten you,All things are passing away:God never changes.Patience obtains all thingsWhoever has God lacks nothing;God alone suffices.

PANDEMIC REFLECTIONS

Posted on January 5, 2022 by hafong

It’s day 5 of January and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s also day 4 of the Positivity Challenge. Today’s positivity assignment was to go for a walk, hike or a bike ride. I thought a ski in the park would qualify, especially when it was in the -30℃ without the windchill. It sounded quite chilling but I didn’t find it so. It was sunny and bright, just right up my mood alley. We were dressed up in our Eddie Bauer ski jackets It was hard breaking new trails after all that fresh snow we got. I got into a sweat. It was work the first two rounds and pleasure on the 3rd. I don’t think I have to worry about being positive. I’m positive I could be it’s poster child. However, I will finish all the assignments. It never hurts to have more practice, eh?

The questions today from The Unravel Your Year workbook continues to be hard for me to answer. It reflects badly on me. It could mean that I’m not much of a critical thinker and/or I am lazy. I am not contributing to the conversation. I leave it to others to work out. So what are the questions?

How has the pandemic impacted your life thus far?
What have you learned about yourself during this entire experience?

On first thought I would not think that my life has changed very much. The pandemic did not cramped my life style at all. I live very simply. I like to stay at home. I am retired with a good pension. I don’t have to worry about employment and finances. I haven’t felt locked up or locked down. I’m not a restless person or a need to travel. I don’t have children to worry about them going to school or daycare. I would be talking very differently if I was in a different situation. I feel very grateful and privileged.

I will have to leave this and question 2 for tomorrow’s post. It is a heavy loaded topic. I want to do it justice and I am tired from my day. Tomorrow’s forecast is colder still but it is going to be sunny. Cold sunny January days are my friends so I will still put on my skis. I hope I will have time to experiment with making a pie crust. Fingers crossed.

THE BEST AND THE WORSE DAYS OF 2021

Posted on January 4, 2022 by hafong

January 4th, Day 4 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, Day 3 of the Positivity Challenge. It has been a challenging day. My positivity assignment was a date watching the sunrise or sunset. No phones. No devices. Just me and mother nature. The sunrise was rather bland as no sun came up. All I saw was the grey of the sky lightened by the white of snow everywhere. I thought I could kill 2 birds with one stone shovelling snow while watching. I was out in nature. Would you call a shovel a device?

The questions from the Unravelling My Year are:

What was the best day in 2021? What happened?
What was the most difficult day in 2021? What happened?

The questions are hard to answer. My 2021 was peaceful and tranquil. That is my thought at this moment. Of course I’m sitting here with a glass of red wine. What I know for sure is there were difficult moments but after they have passed, the difficult part is forgotten. What else I know for sure is I have grown stronger and more resilient with the years. I am a fighter. I do not dwell in darkness. I always fight my way into the light. I have always love winter, the cold and the snow. I love the darkness, too. It is a part of me. Sometimes the worse of times is my best of times. It drives me to create.

The Worse of Times

Doubt often creeps in
On fatigue’s uncertain feet,
Filling me with fear.
And I would have to reach
Deep into Faith’s pocket for trust,
And remember that often,
My worst of times are
The best of times.

Unbound Joy

Unbound joy, a girl and her dog,
Walking and running on the river,
Each lost in thought and dream,
Content, just being with the Universe.

God’s Land

Frozen expanse under blue skies,
My footprints in the snow.
Overhead a plane soars
On its way to Elsewhere.
I hear God’s voice calming me,
Shhhhhhhh!
All is bright, all will be right,
In God’s land we abide.

Free Spirits

Jumping for joy
on the river of life,
Naked in our happiness,
baring our souls.
Leaping and laughing,
free spirits in the wind.

WHAT SURPRISED ME IN 2021

Posted on January 3, 2022 by hafong

It’s day 3 of the new year and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m feeling tired and not the least bit eager, wanting to show up here. I’m doing it anyways. In the same manner, I did #2 assignment for the 30-Day Positivity Challenge. It helps to have a plan and goals for the day/month. It’s my to-do list for difficult to navigate times. I’m up and down with the fluctuating temperatures. I’m temperamental and over sensitive to noise and clutter. Everything sounds loud and like fingernails on chalk board. Everything looks messy.

Perhaps it is a good day to do some clearing – of things and thoughts. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I do not have to do super feats. I can do/write in what Anne Lamott calls ‘bird by bird‘ or in one minute picture frames. I like to use the log cabin quilt square as a reference. I built it log by log. It’s not intimidating at all when you look at it that way. Now I just have to put the 100 squares I built together, block by block to make a quilt. I am a person who cannot see/do the whole picture at once. If I try, I get overwhelmed and discouraged to make even a start.

I now have picked up and rid a few things off the dining room table. I have found homes for them. Next – to work on a question or two in Unravel My Year workbook. They are not easy. The answers don’t jump out of me. What surprised me in 2021? Hmmm, let me see. Nothing obvious at first, but I suppose the fact that I could plant tomatoes, scarlet runner beans and cucumbers in the greenhouse in early March was a feat. Some died but most lived to give us an abundance of food. I had a large harvest of pumpkins in the fall. I was surprised that I love them as a vegetable to stir fry, stew, curry and soup with, besides making them in pies, muffins and cookies. Trying new things bring the best surprises. I am surprised, too, that I am enjoying these cold months relaxing, not thinking of gardening at all.

Some surprises are subtle and startling at the same time. They are like blows because they come out of nowhere and yet they’ve been there all the time. It’s just me, not seeing how I don’t value myself in so many small and big ways. That is till one day I woke up and saw how I was abusing myself and therefore, allowing others to do the same. I never set any boundaries or made any demands of others how I want to be treated. I forfeited myself to please others. My waking up was the biggest surprise of 2021. I’m still reeling and sitting with it, digesting and feeling into how I will change with the knowledge.

It has started to blow and snow outside – a bit of winter wonderland when you’re not out in it. I am glad we had our ski this morning. That is another surprise. I am not at all athletic but I love the activity so much. Who would have thought? So even if you don’t think you like something and don’t feel like trying it out, do it anyways. You might get a very nice surprise.

FOCUS AND COURAGE

Posted on January 2, 2022 by hafong

January 2, second day of the new year, second day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge and first day of the 30-Day Positivity Challenge. My word for this year is FOCUS but already I’m feeling iffy, wishy-washy and a bit cranky this morning. I could blame it on the weather. I woke up to -20℃ instead of -35℃. It should be a cause for celebration instead of a case of grouchiness and moodiness. But it is what it is. I will just have to focus and move on with the day and this post.

It’s a good thing I have this writing space and challenges to work on. I’ve had this space since 2012 when blogging was new and a rage. I started out on Blogger in 2005. It was a struggle getting things to work but I managed to get some photos and a few words up. It did not have too much of a public presence. I then moved on to WordPress. I found it much easier to work with. It took a year or two before anyone noticed me. It didn’t really matter because I had no business to promote. Writing is pleasure and therapy for me. I love the rhythm of tapping on the keyboard and seeing the letters march across the screen.

It is not so at this moment. There is a stickiness and lack of rhythm. There is no flow. I have to work getting the words out. I’ve done the Positivity activity of the day. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I love you” a few times already. I don’t feel it. Rather, I feel irked. I don’t feel love but I said it anyways. I hope to reap the benefits eventually. Nothing happens that fast, right? I have to make being positive a habit first.

I’m considering the next 2 questions in my Unravel My Year workbook. 1) When did fear hold you back in 2021? 2) Where did you practice courage in 2021? I can’t say that anything held me back last year. When there was no fear, courage wasn’t called upon. Now if we were talking about 2020, there was alot of anxiety and challenges. Covid-19 came into our lives in early 2020. My 90 year old mother came down with shingles February 2020 right in the midst of lockdowns. I was busy taking her to appointments and worried about her pain, eyes and medications, I had no time for fear. That period lasted almost 4 months. Then I lost my fur baby Sheba. We were still in lockdown and I could not be with her at her time of passing. That was hard.

Sitting where I am now, life is pretty good. I may be feeling a little tired and moody, but it is still all good. I hear so many people say that Covid has made everything so hard. It is true but life have always been hard. If it is not one thing, it is another.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Monthly Archives: January 2022