Monthly Archives: April 2019

REBIRTH THROUGH FAILURE

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It’s getting late in the day. I haven’t put down any thoughts or words on this 5th day of April. I was flipping through one my many journals this morning. I found these two undated sentences.

“Even if you are justified, you must remain dignified. Failure is a rebirth to change.”

It seems that I’m always troubled, have always struggled and searched for a better way of being. There mustn’t have been a time when life was carefree. Surprisingly enough, I am experiencing a rare peaceful moment now. Ever since I have been working, my goal was Freedom Fifty-five, a slogan I picked up from London Life, my insurer at the time.

It is late again on this 6th day of May. Another failure. I didn’t quite finished my thoughts and words yesterday. It shows I’m more relaxed, not having the need to do everything, be everything. I’ve obtained another freedom – the need to be perfect. I don’t have to succeed in everything I do. Sometimes failure is the best thing. It can be a rebirth to change, to try different ways and different things. I did succeed getting to the pool this morning though. I swam my 10 laps. I’ve lost my lone ownership to it. I had to share it with 5 other people. I’ve had it all winter. I can share. The water is not quite as smooth and peaceful but I’m happy to have the company.

 

 

YESTERDAY’S TOMORROW IS TODAY

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It’s not true that tomorrow never comes. It has. It is today. I am proud to say that I’ve pulled myself up by the bootstraps. I live in the moment each moment – for the morning at least. I had wondered how I was going to get my head out of the clouds into clear sailing. I could not give into my natural state of “I’ll do it tomorrow”. Too many tomorrows have passed. I’ve wound up like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, waking up to the same tune, day after day. I’m sick of it.

I am the most energized, optimistic and happy in the morning. That being, it would be the best time to tackle what I deemed difficult and unpleasant tasks like bills and other paper crap. I dragged out my container and bag full of receipts. I circled the dates on each one, the easier to match my monthly Master Card statements. It seems like an arduous task but I did finished 7 statements. Of course, there’s a good possibility of more receipts showing up. I do not have the habit of keeping things in one place – yet. And I’ve started a notebook to jot down things I need to do and dates to keep track of. I have 3 items on it.

I decided that was enough for today. Trying to straighten out everything in one day would invite disaster. I’m keeping in mind to find logical homes for things so that I’m not forever taking the house apart searching. It is now time to give things a rest. It is now 5:35 pm. Time to let go, relax and have a glass of wine. There’s a time for everything.

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY

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April 3. I’m plodding along like Big Foot, dragging a heavy load. Life feels heavy. I’m trying to do my paper work. It’s an agonizing chore for me. I’ve got the bills paid but I’m not good at all dealing with sorting, discarding, and filing things away. Income tax return is due at the end of the month. My head feels like it’s full of nettles. I want to bang it on the desk. Ugh! But I shall bear the pain and breathe through it. Tomorrow is another day.

How many times have I utter that phrase? Probably more than Scarlett O’hara. I better snap out of my smart remarks, get a grip, sit down and devise a workable system of dealing with my paper stuff. How much time and energy have I wasted letting things pile up again and again? Probably tons.  Each time I have to dig around to find and figure out where, when and what had happened. I have a log book where I keep track of my bill payments each month. It’s working well. I’m seldom late. Perhaps I should keep a log of my other activities such as health appointments, meetings with the banker, etc. At least it would be contained in one place. I would not be hunting for scraps of paper each time.

Then there’s my tendency to toss things on the diningroom table. I never open the mail right away. If I do, I seldom deal with it then. I leave everything till – whenever. I have to cut that out. I have to deal with things right away or it doesn’t get done. I have to train my brain to do it even if it is uncomfortable. Egad! I have had enough now. Tomorrow is another day.

 

 

MAKING BREAD

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April 2, the day after Fools Day, the second day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is well into the evening. I’m almost ready to call it a day but I have not put down many words. I have not made a great beginning at all. The desire is in me. I’m lacking in get up and go but I’m pecking away on my keyboard.

I haven’t been resting on my laurels at all. I’ve been busy as a bee all morning,  making bread and soup for lunch. Bread is something I’m good at now. I make 6 loaves at a time. I have the recipe and measurements etched on my brain. I have all the steps down pat. No need to look up anything.

  1. In large bowl – 6 cups of warm water, 2/3 cup honey, 8 teaspoon yeast. Stir to dissolve.
  2. Stir in 8 cups unbleached flour. Let sit and rise for 30 minutes.
  3. Stir into mixture 2/3 cup honey, 2 tablespoon salt, 6 tablespoon butter. Gradually add and mix in 9 cups of whole wheat flour. Place dough on lightly floured table and knead till well mixed and feels slightly sticky.
  4. Shape dough into a ball and placed in greased bowl, rolling it around bowl until dough is greased. Covered and poof for an hour in oven.
  5. Take dough out and place on table surface. Punch it down and divide into 6 loaves. Put into greased pans. Covered in oven and poof for 40 minutes.
  6. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake for 30 minutes.
  7. Lightly butter each loaf on top. Take loaves out of pans. Cool on rack.

I have failed only once. The water was too hot and killed the yeast. It was not really a failure. The dough made many doggy biscuits for Sheba and delicious flat bread for us. Nothing was wasted. Failure of one thing morphed into a success of another kind. Not a great post but it’s a good practice for writing up steps and directions for making bread. Another day, another post.

ON ANY GIVEN DAY

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April Fools’ Day and first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The participants are called upon to write a post a day for the month. I am still on standby mode, having difficulty to move boldly forward. I am hoping the challenge will snap me to attention and breathe some life into me. I have such difficulties with all of life on any given day. But I do try my best on most days.

I do not always succeed to rise above myself. Therefore I’ve learned to accept my failings as well. I do not stay down though. I do rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of my failures. I take the lessons learned and apply them to my new endeavours. Each day is a new beginning, a new slate. A failure is an experience, gained knowledge and wisdom. Nothing is wasted. Every effort is rewarded somehow. I am never hopeless.

What are some of my lessons learned?

  1. I am not a high energy person. I cannot multi task. I cannot take on too much on any given day. It is wasted time and energy if I do.
  2. I have an ADHD brain. It is just a great
  3. big mess. I have problems with executive function – especially in  managing paperwork and finances, creating schedules and meeting deadlines, checking details and tracking progress, ensuring consistent, steady, uniform output.
  4. I know what I’m suppose to do. I just can’t do it. I need to sit down and write out a plan. I just haven’t done it yet. I need to start small to get going.

I’ve probably said all this last month. I’ve said it again this month. There’s no better time to actually do it than the present time. April is the hardest and cruelest month, a month of challenges, goal setting and doing what I said I would.