It’s getting late in the day. I haven’t put down any thoughts or words on this 5th day of April. I was flipping through one my many journals this morning. I found these two undated sentences.

“Even if you are justified, you must remain dignified. Failure is a rebirth to change.”

It seems that I’m always troubled, have always struggled and searched for a better way of being. There mustn’t have been a time when life was carefree. Surprisingly enough, I am experiencing a rare peaceful moment now. Ever since I have been working, my goal was Freedom Fifty-five, a slogan I picked up from London Life, my insurer at the time.

It is late again on this 6th day of May. Another failure. I didn’t quite finished my thoughts and words yesterday. It shows I’m more relaxed, not having the need to do everything, be everything. I’ve obtained another freedom – the need to be perfect. I don’t have to succeed in everything I do. Sometimes failure is the best thing. It can be a rebirth to change, to try different ways and different things. I did succeed getting to the pool this morning though. I swam my 10 laps. I’ve lost my lone ownership to it. I had to share it with 5 other people. I’ve had it all winter. I can share. The water is not quite as smooth and peaceful but I’m happy to have the company.




I have rare moments when the gods smile, open up the sky and let sunlight shine down on me. This is one of those rarities. It feels very nice. Everything falls into place as if in perfect alignment. It’s that same feeling when Sheba rises in unison with me and pads softly behind me in perfect harmony. I hear Paul McCartney singing and the piano tinkering in the background.

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony 
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don’t we?  

It’s a feeling of freedom. I’m my own person and my life is my own. I don’t have to tend to or please anyone. I am not on duty any more. I know this moment is fleeting so I am breathing it into my DNA. Let it be a marker for future reference.

I am not sure what came first – the decision or the mood. I try to set my intentions every morning on how I want my day, how I want to feel and what I want to accomplish. Being Wednesday, the day of my aerobic step exercise, I set my mind to work at an 9/10 intensity level. Why not strive a little higher, eh? I’ve been a snack queen the whole month long. I kept my word, stepping smartly and continuously to the tune of That’ll Be the Day. Love the beat of yesteryear’s music. It’s steady, rhythmic and simple. It doesn’t hurt the ear or the head. Nothing to figure out. I’m stepping and soon I am singing along. Music can do that to you.

The setting of intentions for the day is a good habit to develop. It gives me a pause each morning when I’m awaken to the moment.  I think of what is important to me and what is my overall goal. How do I want to feel? What do I have to do to achieve it? I ponder what do I do if I fail? It helps to think of the possible obstacles. It helps to trouble shoot.

It’s the end of the day at the end of this month of January. I am a little weary. February is just around a sleep. I’m setting my intentions for the month. Since it is heart month, I will try to do things good for the heart. I’m kind of vague, aren’t I? After a glass of wine I can’t think efficiently or tap smoothly.  I will work on the specifics tomorrow. Good night.

FLICKERING LIGHT – Friday Fictioneers

 Copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy

Copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy

She lifted her gaze from the screen to the candles and sighed.  She found him this time.  He showed himself when it mattered.  The candles flickered.  She felt his pain and remorse.

“I am sorry”

The whisper traveled through the years and distance.  It hung in the night air.  Then it was gone. The candles went out.  She was in the dark except for the glow from the computer screen.

She sat silent, motionless, stunned.  Then she put her head and arms on the desk and wept.  Relief and sadness swept through her. She was free at last.