Monthly Archives: January 2018

STEPPING UP TO ELECTRIC AVENUE

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It’s that magic hour again. I’m sitting down with my decaf. I see the smoke coming out of my neighbour’s chimney. It’s turned cold again. -23 C this hour. I’m feeling better. I’m always surprised that my aches and pain are aggravated when the temperature turns warmer in the winter. I feel the best in the cold, cold sunny days of January. I’m Asian for crying out loud! I must have acclimatized to the cold after all the years here. Maybe I’m related to the Eskimos. I jest but did some quick Google search. Found some interesting articles but no definitive answer.

It doesn’t really matter, interesting or not.  So easy to get sidetrack with Ms. Google. I’ve already wasted time looking up Electric Avenue on YouTube. It’s been playing in my head since my Step Aerobics class this morning. It’s such a catchy upbeat tune. Just what I need to step it up in these dangerous winter bluesy time. It’s very effective. I’m rocking my way to Electric Ave. And then taking it higher.

The cold works, too. Sheba and I were rocking down the backalleys, stepping smartly. Now we’re back. Feels like such a treat sitting here in warmth, tapping. I will put the kettle on and hope there’s 2 cookies left in the jar. I don’t believe in cutting back treats in the winter. I need those carbs for energy and boost my feel good levels. I don’t believe in making New Year’s Resolutions either. It is the wrong time of year – at least here in North America. For us, it is the season of cold weather and cabin fever. It is the time of short daylight. Those two factors already set us up for failure. If you have other problems, there is no hope at all for succeeding. I know. I’m talking negative. It is winter. See what I mean?

Yesterday I talked about working on organizing to maximize my productivity. Moving Sheba’s afternoon walk to when she starts fussing works for both of us. The walk has to be done. She gets it out of her system. I have more peace and quiet to work at whatever. I am learning to paint my index card art in batches. Yesterday, I rescued and reworked a disappointment for today. When I have moments when I am not/can’t do much, I start another index card. That way I have a small steady stream of cards in the works. I am trying to clean up/put away all my work spaces a little at a time.

And now I have to sum/pack up here. Next in the schedule after my tea and cookies are bills and those pesky census forms – if I can find them. I might have to wait till they send a reminder. Or am I mistaken? It feels like the wrong time of year for them.

RECYCLING 365 SOMETHINGS

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A little while ago, I was thinking that I’ve been feeling and doing quite well. I haven’t had my usual miseries of sinus problems, aches and pains and the blues for a long time. Be careful of what you think! Lo and behold, my said maladies paid me a visit. Maybe it’s not my thoughts that brought them forth. Rather, I was receiving advance warnings of their imminence. I like to think it was that.

It’s so cloudy today and oh my gosh, I’m so tired! Complaining again. It makes me feel better just to let it all out. It’s only here, in my own space. Who else would give a care? I’m sure they’re probably feeling the same. It serves me right taking 2 weeks off, sitting on duff – well, not entirely the whole time. Sheba and I still had our daily walks. Goes to show a daily walk with the dog is not much exercise even in freezing rain. It’s good we’ve gone and come. I’m warming up with my tea. She’s laid out on her bed quiet as can be. Shhh!

I’m trying to organize my thoughts. I didn’t think  a swim on Sunday and an hour of aerobics yesterday would cause me such fatigue. But it has. The clouds adds to it. But that is my life, like it or not. I’m trying to make it work better. How can I make my life smoother and more productive with my energy level? I’m listening to some of my own ideas. Re-scheduling activities to different time slots and see how that works. Someone wrote a post on recyling old content for a fresh and new article. I could use the idea for other things besides writing.

Day 7 – Feeling some purple and red and off colour anger. Unable to make a picture today

Daisy Yellow has pointers on the 365 Something Projects. I am on my Day 8 of the project. Doing something creative every day does lead to more creativity. Things get easier and flow starts. I will have to apply that ‘do something every day’ to organizing my desk, the dining table where I do my 365 Somethings Project, my painting studio, my sewing space – in other words, the whole house! Maybe I could chart my progress here. That would make me accountable. I shall do it! I am already trying to pick up and put away as I go along today. Does that get points for me?

 

LIFE’S USER MANUAL

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Here I am again – tap, tapping away on the keyboard. I hope the rhythm will propel words and ideas along. I like to make it all in one go. Aiming high, I know. No point in aiming for less. I would be programming myself for failure that way. God! I’m weary. My spirit is in my slippers. You would think that I’ll be dancing the jig. Our temperature is -3C. The sun is out. It feels like March. My body doesn’t work that way. It likes January to be like January. I’m only bitching here. It is my space. My valve release.

I made it to my aerobics class this morning. I didn’t really feel like it. But I packed my gym bag. Put it near the door. When the time came, I put on my coat and shoes and out the door I went. No thinking. No hesitation. That’s the way I have to do it. Come Wednesday and Friday, it will be easier. My routine is re-established. I always feel better after. I’ve made that effort to live, not just exist. Life is a complicated project. There are many components to figure out. Sometimes the user manual is not particularly clear or helpful. You have to fiddle and jiggle things around to make it work. It makes for interest and challenge. It keeps me going. There are some hiccoughs and stalls. That’s to be expected.

I jiggle Sheba’s time today, making it earlier. It’s nicer to walk in daylight and sunlight when possible. It gets dark anytime after 4 pm. My energy sags even further. So we try for 3 pm. It’s her most naughty time – barking and raising a fuss for her supper. Now we walk at 3. She has to earn her supper first. It’s a good working plan. We’ve done our walk. She’s fed and quiet on her cushion. I can sit here, drink my cups of tea and tap my heart out. Life can be easier just by rescheduling. It’s somewhere in beginning of the user manual. It just takes awhile for me to find it. Most of the time I don’t read directions. Winging  it doesn’t work as well.

BEGINNINGS AND RE-STARTS

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Beginnings and re-starts are hard. I had a week’s hiatus from my exercise class between Christmas and New Year. After New Year, I made it two weeks. It’s good to take a break, I tell myself. Saturdays are my swim day. Well, I couldn’t make myself go yesterday. Today was almost the same. My rationale was I might as well start things back on Monday. I’m familiar with that slippery slope. It could prove too slippery to get back up. I bit the bullet, enticing myself with lunch at the mall after the swim. The fabric store there is having a sale. Everything 50% off. That worked. I’ve scaled the slope. I’m back in the groove. The swim boosted my mood and soothed the aches and pains.

I have to keep these things in mind. It’s easy to stop but difficult to pick up again. I’m like an addict falling off the wagon. I’ve swam and gone to the aerobic class long enough now that I have the ‘feel good’ memory in my body. Even with that, I still needed that extra oomph to get going again. As long my engine can still chug-a-lug, it’s wise to keep the  momentum of carrying out the challenges I’ve set out for January as best I could.

It does make my days full. There are times when I do yearn for more time doing nothing. It’s such a paradox because I find that I can’t just sit, doing nothing. Maybe it’s a good sign just to yearn for nothing times.  It shows that I am not bored. I could do some creative brainstorming to see what I want and what works best for me. I am conducting an informal study of doing one thing at a time, not multi-tasking. By informal, I mean just with myself. I’m not charting data or anything like that. I’m noting how that affects my moods and how I function. Perhaps I should keep notes.

I have found that by breaking up a task into smaller parts makes it easier to do. No brainer, eh?  I apply it to writing here. Everything is easier once I make a start. If I get stuck, I get up and do something else like vacuuming the kitchen. I do the same with painting. I would prep a canvas with gesso and let it dry. I go and do some other thing. I come back and do the grounding. And so on and on. Amazing things happen. My post gets written. A painting gets painted. Sometimes it takes a week or so. Hey, it’s a work of art. I give it more time. The best – the house gets cleaned more often. Dog hair gets under my skin.

 

STAY CALM, BE BRAVE, WATCH FOR THE SIGN

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I’ve reached that rocky spot on the road where I want to say, Enough! I feel crummy. I don’t want to do anything any more. It doesn’t make me feel better so I’ve taken up another saying instead. “Stay calm. Be brave. Watch for the sign.” It’s a bit of Canadian Cree humour.  You might have to be Canadian and a CBC Radio fan to understand. It came from the radio show, Dead Dog Cafe. Like all good programming, it is now also dead.

Humour, even if it’s off beat is better medicine than whining and feeling sorry for myself. I got off my duff and moved here, sitting, flexing my fingers and tapping away the aches, blues and what have yous. There is action. I’m doing. It’s a verb. Now we’re talking. Sheba’s hanging loose, like a limp rag on the rug. She can sense when I’m in a mood. It seems she absorbs it. She gets underfoot, dogging and bugging me even more. It soothes her when I soothe myself. It’s best to stay calm.

We are brave, too. We’re like the postmen of yesteryear. We’re out for our walk, rain or shine. And can you imagine it. There was a bit of freezing rain. I guess that was the sign. Watch out! Slippery ice. It didn’t last long. We did our full walk even though I had the urge to cut it short. I always do but I always stuck it out, not wanting to cheat Sheba her sniffing and smelling the coffee time. I try to think of it as my walking meditation. Sometimes I count my steps. Sometimes I listen to the tap of my walking stick on the sidewalk.

Some days all of life feels gall darn hard. I would just take a swallow, sigh alot and carry on. The sighing is my deep breathing. It helps to fulfilling my daily mission of :

Yesterday, I only managed to do just one of the three. Some days are like that. I have to use my judgement. There are some days when it is wiser to let go and relax. There are other more pressing priorities. It is all about balance. But today, I’ve done all three. Horay for me!

 

 

 

NOW THE BREAD’S MADE, IT’S TIME TO HAVE SOME COOKIES

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Life never stops happening. I might as well keep my seat belt on. It’s a good thing, I suppose. I’ve been listening to Caroline Myss this morning on the importance of words. I’m watching my vocabulary – how I talk. I do anyways, especially here. I don’t like to talk about ‘problems’ or ‘trouble’, not without countering it with solutions and hope. I love Alice in Wonderland but I don’t want to fall down that rabbit hole without an escape route.

I’m darn tired now, spending the morning baking bread. Now, I’m sitting with my tea. Relief! I’ve just down two gingersnaps. Cookies help with everything. The furnace man has just left a little while ago. We have heat again. There are things we never learn to do even when we know better – like changing the furnace filter regularly. Why did we think our house was so clean with a dog that SHEDS. So we pay the price of a new motor for the fan. Good thing it’s warm today. -9 C instead of – 30+C of last week. Good thing we have another furnace for the downstairs, plus a fireplace. But it was still cool.

It made me think of how spoiled we are. We were cold with an inside room temperature of 60 degrees F. I can remember winters in China when I was a child. There was no heating, never mind central. We wore layers of clothes and then a jacket over top. That’s one reason I have a very big bad scar on my left arm. I had hot syrup spilled on it when I was little. I had so many layers of clothes on, it was difficult to extricate me from the hot sticky mess. Another reason was doctors were not a commonality. They were a last resort of which I did need and got.  I am scarred but I’m here. Both my arms are functional. No mobility issues.

I have learned to mourn and let go my losses, but celebrate what I have. No use crying over spilt milk. So much wisdom in those old sayings, eh? My tea is done. I feel so much better. I think I will have another cup. My aches and pains are less today. My oven is on steam clean. I don’t want to leave the house yet. Sheba will have to wait for her walk. All in good time. Talking about which – making bread is about all I’ve got done today. Well, the dishes, pots, pans and all the other goodies, too. Now that I got the oven going, there’s those racks. No panic though. There’s time. Now there’s heat. Smile. One. Thing. At. A. Time.

But first another cup of tea.

 

ANOTHER CUP OF TEA – STALLING AGGRAVATION

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I would love another cup of tea. To get up and put on the kettle gives me a break from what ever I am doing. My pains are still with me. Tylenol Extra Strength does work but it takes only some of the edges off. So I can only work at one thing in short spurts. Staying too long, concentrating too much makes my body want to scream. So another cup of tea, a few brush strokes, a few sentences here and there and getting up, breathing in between.

It was a long in-be-tween! Another cup of tea and dim sim with my family and I’m back, sitting here again. But I think I will have to pause for that cuppa again and a Tylenol 3. Strange weather we are having. Right now it is -8 C. The sun is shining. It does not feel like January but more like March. I should not complain but I am. Nothing is like it used to be. I don’t like it. I am having a tantrum. I better go make that cup of tea.

I’m more wary and conscious what aggravates and what eases my discomfort. Tantrums certainly aggravates and stalls me. I am learning to note its presence and let it go. Sheba’s loud barking makes me crazy. We go for an earlier walk. It’s saves both our lives. Walking in sunshine is much pleasanter. I will adopt this new time. Messy floor with dog hair intensifies everything. Having the Dyson stick makes life much easier. Clutter makes me want to pull my hair out. It will be my physiotherapy to find homes and put things away. There is a reason for everything that happens. It’s one way of looking at it besides letting it bring me down.

The pain has its attributes. It slows everything down for me. In a way it makes me more observant and deliberate.  It keeps me quiet, blocks out judgement and keeps the critical eye at bay. I save all my observations for later, when I am in a better frame of mind. It is safer, too. Pain can colour perceptions. I don’t want to make any decisions or voice any judgements under its cloud. Be safe. Clearly my mind is not at its best today. I’ve lost focus and direction of where this is going. But no matter. I am showing up as best as I can. I’m

 

 

CHRONIC PAIN – DEALING WITH BUSINESS

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I feel slow as molasses today. Surprisingly I’m doing better in dealing with business. I haven’t felt this uncomfortable for a long time. Maybe it’s because of this crazy weather of ours. We’ve fluctuated from almost -48 C of last week to -7 C today. I wonder what it does to the barometric pressure and our human bodies. No matter what the studies show, I know changes in the weather affect me. I’m feeling the pain in my fingers, wrists and face and jaws. Even my gums hurt. My arms and legs feel heavy as lead. What a whiner, eh?

I’m not really sitting on my duff complaining. It feels worse then. I move around, stretch here, stretch there. I vacuumed parts of the house on my prowls, waiting for breakfast, etc. etc. Now it’s all done. I was going to take an extra strength tylenol on different occasions. Then I forget or forgot if I’ve taken one or not. In the end I decided to take a Tylenol #3. I was that uncomfortable. It has 300mg. acetominophen and 30 mg. of codeine. Whereas Tylenol Extra contains 500 mg. acetominophen.

It did help some. I paid all the bills plus renewing CAA membership and Sheba’s pet license. Was going to write some Christmas cards but decided that I should save some energy for making lunch. I know. It’s after Christmas. I do what I can when I can. Now I’m trying to tap out a few words here. I’m feeling my discomfort coming back in full force. It helps to have ‘challenges’ to keep me going. They give me structure and routine:

It sounds like a lot but it’s not really. They are things that I am already doing. They take my mind away from my discomforts when they arise. They are all about creating and learning. It was the 100 Day Challenge that took me back to art. Then it was blind contouring, index card art…. Each avenue took me to a new dimension. Enough for now. I have to move.

GONG HEE FAT CHOY – Year of the Dog

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I am struggling for energy in the late afternoon, for most of the day actually. I envy those ever cheery, Eveready bunnies. Their spirits and energy never seem to diminish. I like to slap them sometimes. I’m joking, of course. Sometimes I wonder if I have chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia. I’ve been like this for most of my life. My mother says as a child I complain of being tired and my head heavy. I’m still here so I guess I’ll just carry on. It’s the first day of a new year. I will jolly well march forward ho.

First, wishing everyone Gong Hee Fat Choy! happy new year in Chinese. Literally it means “greetings of riches”. Chinese New Year is not till February 16th. Lucky me, I get to celebrate New Year twice. It is the year of the Dog. Don’t ask me what it means. All I know is that the year of the Dog is most unlucky for people born in previous years of the Dog. Good thing I was born in the year of the Tiger.

I am not an expert on Chinese culture but I am Chinese. That makes me qualified enough to speak on some subjects. We are very superstitous. We clean house for the new year so we have space to receive. But we clean before and not on New Year’s Day. No sweeping because you might sweep out good fortune. No washing hair either for the same reason. You might wash fortunes away. I did vacuum today. Too much dog hair. But I will mark February 16th as a no clean day. Red symbolizes good fortune and joy. Money gifts are given in red packets. I like this idea of gifting. It does away with the shopping frenzy and the wrapping. Energy and joy are retained.

Like all cultures, we celebrate the new year with food. We wear new clothes, something red for females. I remembered that and wore my almost good as new red sweater today. We took my parents for dim sim at a new Chinese restaurant, the Asian Garden. My mother is always keen on trying new places and menus. It was perfect.  Only a stone’s throw away and the dining room surrounded by windows on the second floor. There was only one problem.  The dim sim menu was on an iPad in Chinese and English. It was new to us. We didn’t know to use it to order. They usually bring carts loaded with dim sims around to the tables. We could see what we get. The waiter helped us with the iPad but he spoke very fast. We let my mother order since she knows best. She is hard of hearing so there was a little mix up. But it was all good.

My blood sugar is running low. I am really struggling now. It feels like torture. I best go put some fuel in my tank. I think supper is going to be late.