hiccoughs

STUMBLES, HICCOUGHS and LETTING GO

LETIING GO

Another beautiful morning for the 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Welcome to my space. I thought I would lay a few bricks for today’s post before I get too caught up in the cobwebs of daily life. I am feeling brighter and more energetic since I’ve joined the challenge. Having a goal adds purpose to my day. I look forward each day to sitting here with my cuppa and sharing my thoughts and words with you. November is not only a writing month but a month of hope. I am taking advantage of Sounds True’s free 4 day event on Activating Hope. Jane Goodall is a keynote speaker. That says it all for me.

It is interesting to learn that Jane had no experience or degree when she started work as a secretary with Louis Leakey And my renowned art professor, Dorothy Perehudoff, had a degree in biology before she took up art. I still have time to become a good artist or whatever. We are not just one thing. We are always evolving and there are more than one destination on our life journey. Being such, there’s bound to be a few hiccoughs and stumbles along the way. Jane Goodall was no exception. Though she had many awards and recognition, she had criticisms as well. She was accused of plagarism in her book, Seeds of Hope. She acknowledged, apologized and move on.

“On 22 March 2013, Hachette Book Group announced that Goodall’s and co-author Gail Hudson’s new book, Seeds of Hope, would not be released on 2 April as planned due to the discovery of plagiarised portions.[87] A reviewer for The Washington Post found unattributed sections that were copied from websites about organic tea, tobacco, an “amateurish astrology site”, as well as from Wikipedia.[88] Goodall apologised and stated, “It is important to me that the proper sources are credited, and I will be working diligently with my team to address all areas of concern. My goal is to ensure that when this book is released it is not only up to the highest of standards, but also that the focus be on the crucial messages it conveys.”[89] The book was released on 1 April 2014, after review and the addition of 57 pages of endnotes.[90]“

That is what I must do also for my stumbles and hiccoughs – move on. They are not failures. They are lessons to stop falling into the same rabbit hole again and again. I am a slow learner. I hang onto things and people like my Sheba with a bone. There’s no wisdom in doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. No wonder I feel like a gerbil on a wheel. I can’t believe how long I keep telling the same story over and over. Now that I had my moment of recognition, of knowing, of seeing how and why I’ve been treading water all these long years, I need to adopt a new course of action. I need to let go of things that no longer serve me. I need to tell a new story.

HICCOUGHS

I have to tell you, I’m having more than a few hiccoughs in 2019 and it’s only April. There’s 8 more months to go but who is counting? I’ve been here many times before. I’ve learned it’s best to accept the hiccoughs instead of fighting them. It takes some effort each time. I’m accepting that, too, because that’s how I am. It’s like doing the backstroke in a rocky swimming pool. There’s no smooth gliding. I’m tossed about. I’m not a good swimmer and I start panicking when water floods my face and up my nose. I have to rein myself in from  thrashing wildly about, gain control and float through the waves.

I’m doing just that through this recent hiccough. Who knows what poked the tip of the iceberg. Do I still have hormones? Then there’s the weather, the clouds, winds, dip or rise of temperature along with the atmospheric pressure. Whatever. It does not matter. I’m out of balance, my mood can change on a dime, I can’t sleep, things don’t get done. It feels like weeks long but it is only a couple of days. Life feels like a wreck. I feel like a wreck.

I sound like a wreck, too, but I’ve changed a thing or two. I can almost stop my thoughts and feelings on a dime. I said almost. Now whenever those bad thoughts and feelings come up, I see a stop sign coming at me. I feel that hand pushing me back. STOP! And I do for a minute or two. Huh! I have to roll that around my mind and decide what is best to think, feel and speak. Sometimes the best course of action is no action and no words.

Well, I do hope I can sleep a little better tonight. Maybe I can practice doing the backstroke in my mind to send me off into dreamland. But what will be, will be. The future is not ours to see. Que sera, sera.

LIFE’S USER MANUAL

Here I am again – tap, tapping away on the keyboard. I hope the rhythm will propel words and ideas along. I like to make it all in one go. Aiming high, I know. No point in aiming for less. I would be programming myself for failure that way. God! I’m weary. My spirit is in my slippers. You would think that I’ll be dancing the jig. Our temperature is -3C. The sun is out. It feels like March. My body doesn’t work that way. It likes January to be like January. I’m only bitching here. It is my space. My valve release.

I made it to my aerobics class this morning. I didn’t really feel like it. But I packed my gym bag. Put it near the door. When the time came, I put on my coat and shoes and out the door I went. No thinking. No hesitation. That’s the way I have to do it. Come Wednesday and Friday, it will be easier. My routine is re-established. I always feel better after. I’ve made that effort to live, not just exist. Life is a complicated project. There are many components to figure out. Sometimes the user manual is not particularly clear or helpful. You have to fiddle and jiggle things around to make it work. It makes for interest and challenge. It keeps me going. There are some hiccoughs and stalls. That’s to be expected.

I jiggle Sheba’s time today, making it earlier. It’s nicer to walk in daylight and sunlight when possible. It gets dark anytime after 4 pm. My energy sags even further. So we try for 3 pm. It’s her most naughty time – barking and raising a fuss for her supper. Now we walk at 3. She has to earn her supper first. It’s a good working plan. We’ve done our walk. She’s fed and quiet on her cushion. I can sit here, drink my cups of tea and tap my heart out. Life can be easier just by rescheduling. It’s somewhere in beginning of the user manual. It just takes awhile for me to find it. Most of the time I don’t read directions. Winging  it doesn’t work as well.