I have to tell you, I’m having more than a few hiccoughs in 2019 and it’s only April. There’s 8 more months to go but who is counting? I’ve been here many times before. I’ve learned it’s best to accept the hiccoughs instead of fighting them. It takes some effort each time. I’m accepting that, too, because that’s how I am. It’s like doing the backstroke in a rocky swimming pool. There’s no smooth gliding. I’m tossed about. I’m not a good swimmer and I start panicking when water floods my face and up my nose. I have to rein myself in from  thrashing wildly about, gain control and float through the waves.

I’m doing just that through this recent hiccough. Who knows what poked the tip of the iceberg. Do I still have hormones? Then there’s the weather, the clouds, winds, dip or rise of temperature along with the atmospheric pressure. Whatever. It does not matter. I’m out of balance, my mood can change on a dime, I can’t sleep, things don’t get done. It feels like weeks long but it is only a couple of days. Life feels like a wreck. I feel like a wreck.

I sound like a wreck, too, but I’ve changed a thing or two. I can almost stop my thoughts and feelings on a dime. I said almost. Now whenever those bad thoughts and feelings come up, I see a stop sign coming at me. I feel that hand pushing me back. STOP! And I do for a minute or two. Huh! I have to roll that around my mind and decide what is best to think, feel and speak. Sometimes the best course of action is no action and no words.

Well, I do hope I can sleep a little better tonight. Maybe I can practice doing the backstroke in my mind to send me off into dreamland. But what will be, will be. The future is not ours to see. Que sera, sera.


IMG_6748The rains did come in the night after all and continued through the morning.  There was nothing to do but to live and enjoy the goodness it brings – beauty for the eyes,   captured and saved by the camera.

We were content, in acceptance this morning.  Well, I was my lassitude self for a little while, reluctant to get up as usual – no joie de vivre in my soul.  I only felt a darkness, like a brick wall – nowhere to go.  It was that staleness of jungle mouth and unbrushed teeth.

IMG_6736What do you do then, but to get up and rinse that staleness away.  You do it with movement and feigned good cheer.  It works some how and you breathe a little easier.  The wall is not so dense .  You can almost see around it, if not through it.  And there on the other side is Sheba – waiting so prettily for me in the morning light, looking pleased and at ease with herself.  That is how I should be.

A Doris Day song played in my head.  I heard the words this morning and I paid attention.

“Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be”

Que sera, sera.  The future is not ours to see.  The brick wall is a friend, after all.  We are not meant to live in the future but to be here and now.  No point in second guessing ourselves of what could have been and would have been – if only we….. Though I liken myself to Wonder Woman, I am not Super Woman.  I have no x-ray eyes.  I cannot see into the future.  I cannot change the past.

Good things happen.  Bad things happen.  Accidents happen.  I feel good.  I feel bad.  It is the kaleidoscope of life.  There are no free rides.  There is fire.  There is rain. James Taylor says it well.

“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.”

IMG_5289There is hope – like a rainbow after the rain.  Hold on to it.  Chase it.  Run after it.  Don’t lose it.  Treasure life.