Monthly Archives: April 2014

TIME IN A BOTTLE

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IMG_0483Today I got to thinking about time.  Jim Croce’s song, ‘Time in a Bottle’,  came to mind.

“If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away”

If you could, what would you do with it?  What is time anyways?  We’re always crying about there is not enough time to do what we want.  And what do we want?  It’s like asking what is happiness.   Such nebulous questions with no answers!

It’s best that I move…on with the day.  Time is ticking away as I am pondering upon misty and elusive things.  There’s real concrete things that one has to deal with.  And I do them one at a time.  No multitasking for me today.  I have the time and I am doing what I want.  This is real life – no song in a bottle.

IN THE MEANTIME

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I knew as soon as I woke up today could be one of those achy, breaky days.  It was grey and gloomy.  The wind was blowing fierce.  I did not want to get out of bed!  But I knew that was no solution.  It would take me back into the doldrums and I didn’t want to go.

What should a girl do?  I  have to get up, dress up and show up.  From there, the day would take on a life of its own.  That’s what I have learned from experience.  The hardest part is the getting up.  Why is that?  Don’t you just sit up and swing your feet out and put them on the floor?  It’s the same thing with hanging up your coat, putting away things and picking up things you drop.  Sometimes I feel such inertia and I CAN’T or WON’T do it.

It is a good thing I AM committed to challenging myself this month.  I will not fail on the 9th day in.  That will be so embarrassing.  That will be so, so.  My words will mean nothing if I give up.  The show must go on.

While I am waiting for the sun to show and the wind to subside, I will go on and do the best I can.  I am running out of bread.  It’s perfect weather for baking.  The mixing and stirring is soothing.  And while the dough is rising, I put on a pot of water and threw IMG_4894some soup bones in to make bone broth.  It will build me up!

My spirit is lifting, my head is more clear.  I think about my goals.  What is it that I want?  How is it and what is it to be happy?  I have been trying to make a regular practice of meditation but it hasn’t happened.  I haven’t been successful at sitting and being alert and doing nothing.  Maybe I need another way – a ‘doing’ meditation of being in the moment.

I focus on doing one thing at a time, not rushing.  I feel the dough as I am kneading it, its softness and smoothness.  I concentrate on not being so rigid about making the IMG_3392loaves so exactly in equal size.  What does it matter if one is a little bigger than the others?  Why have I been so neurotic about things like that when it really doesn’t matter?  I try to ask myself that question every time I’m in a similar situation.  WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

It does snap me out of it and I can move on.  It is time I stop wasting precious energy on bad habits and bad emotions.  It is time I start to really get into living.  Even when the going is tough and slow, you can still do a lot in the meantime.

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ON THE EIGHTH DAY

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And so on this eighth day, I am rather weary.  Challenges can be taxing.  I’m assessing the situation and my energy to stay for the long haul.  There are 22 more days to go.  Having made strong statements and commitments, I have to go the distance.  Doing my best each day is all I can ask of myself.

My aim from the start is to build on what I have accomplished each day.  I do not want to regress.  So far, so good.  Each day I have gotten up, dressed up and showed up.  The bed gets made.  The dishes get done.  The floors vacuumed of dog hairs.  Some days, they are done better than other days. But it is the best that I can do at the time.

Some days I feel better, have more energy, more pumped and more profound.  Other days, like today, I am not.  But I put one foot in front of the other and move.

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Look at how far I have come, one step at a time.  And here I am, tap, tapping away at my keyboard, words spilling on the screen.  I’m singing a song of hope and faith.

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

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IMG_0045What is the ultimate challenge?  For many it would be happiness.  And what does it mean to be happy?  When I think about happiness, the Doctor Phil phrase, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” would pop up in my mind.

And to be honest, I would have to tell you that I would rather be right.  It’s that puritanical, judgemental and stubborn streak in me.  How can I possibly compromise my honesty and integrity?

So can you guess what my ultimate challenge is? It is not all about blogging every day in April.  But the writing process helps.  I need to balance myself so that I do not jeopardize  my emotional and physical well being as well as my relationships because of this rigidity.  Life really is too short for righteousness to rule me.  What or who is right anyways?  We all see through different eyes.

I know I CAN rise to this challenge.  And what better time than spring to consciously work on goals and commitments?

 

FOR LOVE OF SHEBA

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Sheba WaitingI am not a dog person by nature.  When this unexpected visitor came, I did not expect that we would have such a long love affair.  Seven  years later, we are still going strong.

She taught me about unconditional love.  She showed me I had a heart.  She was such a beautiful baby that I could not give her up, no matter how hard and tough the going was.

So we muddled through the years – the cold and snow in winter, the slush and mud in spring, the dirt in summer and colours of autumn, the season of her birth.

NEW BEGINNINGS

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It’s Sunday morning, a new day, a new dawn, a new week.  The sun is shining bright, its warmth melting the remaining snow.  It is finally spring at last!  My geraniums are germinating, their little heads pushing their way through the soil.  For me, it is always a miracle to see this birthing.  And I have a part in this process.

Let me rejoice and greet this day and new beginning with gladness and gratitude in my heart.  Let me be generous and forgiving in my soul.  And lest I forget, be ever so humble.  There but for the Grace of God, I could be in others’ shoes.

 

SATURDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

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It’s Saturday morning, grey and overcast.  No sun yet.  It evokes in me feelings from the song, Sunday Morning Coming Down – nostalgia and hung over, feelings of  a misspent youth, and memories of early university days.

Yes, those days were somewhat misspent but not wasted.  No, I never finished and got a degree.  But it was an education all the same.  And it was fun in a painful sort of way.  I got to explore the world, getting lost and found and lost again but not forever.  I got to taste the bitter along with the sweet.  I discovered I had appeal but never believed it.

I was a fool and a saint.  I was an innocent and innocent of the fact.  Someone up there looked after me!  And I came out alright.

It is Saturday morning and it is snowing tiny snow flakes.  Enough of nostalgia and wallowing in memories.  On with the day.  Forward, march!

WORDS INTO ACTION

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Now that I have committed myself on paper, it is time to turn the words into action.

I rose and shone this morning, stretched and moved.  It wasn’t easy and I wasn’t pretty about it.  Nonetheless, I did it.

Nothing has to be perfect.  And life certainly isn’t.  I love Regina Brett’s phrase, Get up, dress up, and show up.  That is big – showing up.  You are the star of your life.  If you don’t show up, well there is no show.

I have learned from past failures on what not to do if I want to make progress.  I can’t keep doing the same things if I want to get different results.  Change is necessary for change.  I can’t take giant leaps ahead before I have the muscles.  Otherwise I will probably stumble and fall.  My head has finally stopped throbbing from its crack on the ice.  Do I want more unnecessary pain?  Absolutely not.

Baby steps are okay, but at some point you have to let go.  You have to take a chance and stride forward into action – first one step, then another.  Now I’m doing a slow jog down life’s lane – a few steps at a time.  Then I slow down and let Sheba dawdle and sniff the grass.  I let the sun shine on my face and breathe in the fresh air.  Enough sniffing!  Time to jog again.

I’m learning to be more fluid and flexible.  It is okay to let go a little, relax and have fun.  You can’t go at it hard.  It’s not about all or nothing.  There’s in betweens, greys and even paler shades of white.  “It’s all about balance”, is not just an inane phrase.  It is the truth.

I’m losing my doldrums already.  It feels good to have something to strive for.  My endorphins are rising in me.  Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!  I better stop here.  Tomorrow is another day.  Yes Scarlett, there is tomorrow.

PRIORITIES AND PROCRASTATION

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IMG_6596If you are a friend of mine, you will know that I am obsessed with self-improvement.  It is my habit to read and gather information of how I could change for the better.  I don’t know if I ever put the knowledge into application.

They say that recognition is the first step towards a journey of a thousand changes.  At least I got that.   I  often just sit on my duff, read and gather, looking for yet more information.  So let me be a little more proactive and use this month to propel myself forward into action and towards towards changes.

How can I succeed in this journey?  What tools do I need?

  • Goals
  • Commitment
  • Priorities
  • Courage
  • Patience
  • Flexibility

I am committed to carry out my actions every day this month.  Next month is next month.  I am already setting my priorities for the NOW instead of later.  It is important for me to do my morning quigong routine.  It is a must.  The movements set my body ready to meet the day.  The breathing and quietness fuels my brain and heart.

So here’s to my courage, patience and flexibility.

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WHEN THE BUTTERFLIES ARE FREE

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I try so hard to do the proper thing at all times.  I am such a serious person.  Having fun doesn’t sit well with me.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I came by it honestly.

I was taught all the rules of etiquette:

  • Respect your elders
  • Say please and thank you
  • Never lie or cheat
  • Greet people when they come to your home
  • Say goodbye when they leave
  • Help another in need
  • Remember your family and friends
  • And so on and on

My mother is a bit of a perfectionist so it’s no wonder that I am, too.  Her flower beds consist of plants in straight lines, as is her vegetable garden.  I try to digress but eventually I came back to the straight lines.  Everything seems to work better that way.

Whereas my mother is a neatnik, I am a slob.  I seem to have inherit from my father as well.  Though I fight that part with all my might, it is to no avail, of course.  But my neatness comes out in different ways.  When I am making cinnamon buns, I have to measure to see that the pastry is rolled out to be exactly 8″ x 15″.  And I have to cut each bun 1″ thick.  It is ridiculous to bring out my measuring tape to do so.  But having each bun the same size matters to this rigid part of me.

But I am trying to be a little freer, letting go of rules.  It does make me somewhat uncomfortable.  But I say to myself, uncomfortable is only a temporary state.  Let go.  Live on the wild side.  So nowadays my loaves of bread of not of equal size, nor are my cinnamon buns.  I am a little squirmy inside.  Sometimes I am a lot squirmy.  But I am letting my butterflies fly free.  I am not having fun yet but I feel some wings fluttering inside.  It is a beginning.