Tag Archives: why I write

My list of Hard to Dos

Posted on by
Reply
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Life is hard. It doesn’t seem fair that it is so. There’s nothing I can do to change all that. The only thing I can change is myself and my attitudes. It is easy to make resolutions but not so to fulfill them. It is hard to get out of the ruts and harder still to stay out. I gravitate towards easy and the couch with a snack. But at least I’ve found my way to the keyboard. It’s a beginning of a journey towards doing the hard stuff.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m buried under an avalanche of hard to do stuff. When I think about it, I don’t understand why they are so hard. Why is the garbage hard to take out? Why is picking up something off the floor hard to do? All that is required is movement but I am often frozen, immobilized, my synapses not snapping and my limbs not moving. That is the why I come to the keyboard. I’m tapping for guidance. I’m tapping for motivation. I’m tapping for energy.

Kitchen and bathroom floors are more of the hard to do stuff. I’ve washed both this morning. Once I got started it didn’t feel so difficult and I wonder why I felt that it was so hard. By now I know not to vow to do them more often. I’ve vowed often enough and it has never happened. I have accepted some things will always feel distasteful and hard to do. That’s just how it is.

It is the end of the day. I’m sipping my decaf, waiting for supper, trying to bring this post to an end. My days are always busy. I am never bored. There’s always things to do – the garden and greenhouse to water, tomatoes to pick, cucumbers to harvest, seedlings to transplant. I’m hoping for a second crop of kohlrabi. These things are not hard to do. They come naturally without thought. But I am tired. My body and head need a rest.

The Ultimate Blog Challenge Finale

Posted on by
5
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

For this last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I have clear skies, sunshine and clean air. I have to love that. I’m bringing myself to the keyboard early to bring a closing post to the month/challenge. Intentions and goal setting do not get the job done. They help but I need to physically set my butt down in front of the keyboard and make my fingers work for the words and sentences. As I’ve said many times, I write for the love of it. Sometimes the love is not there. Then I have to do the hard work. Ironically when I am not loving but sweating it, the results are most satisfying.

In the past, I had the the do or die mentally. I MUST write a post every day for the challenge. I would stay up late. After being revved up, I would find it hard to fall asleep. I don’t do that anymore. Now I weigh my priorities. No more do or die. I give myself breaks. Writing and this challenge are still very important to me. They still give me much pleasure and a routine. I am engaging with others in the challenge. I am engaging with myself. Both writing and engaging helps my brain heallth. They help keep me in and with the world.

I hope I haven’t sounded too maudlin and depressing. I am a serious and melancholic person by nature. I do sigh alot. Sighing does make me feel better physically. I think it’s because I draw in more air/oxygen. I do try to write in a hopeful voice because I am a hopeful positive person. I am always in pursuit of being better, finding solutions. I put it all on the page. It’s my way of working things out. I’m a self-help junkie.

Many thanks for Paul Taubman for hosting and guiding us on this event. Thanks to all the participants and readers. You all add to the pleasure. You are much appreciated.

Prickly

Posted on by
3

I’m feeling a bit prickly like the cactus I drew and painted this morning for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I’ve been busy as a beaver with the weeds in the garden, harvesting, blanching and freezing peas and more peas. There’s lots more coming. So I am tired. Then I get another airduct cleaning scam phone calls. I get them almost daily, more than once daily. The thing to do is to hang up but sometimes I get angry. Today I got angry. I hate myself when I try to get to the bottom of something. There are no bottoms and I get madder.

One of the reasons I write often is to soothe my ruffled feathers. The rhythmic tapping on the keyboard is almost like a pacemaker,putting my nervous system back on track. I hate it when I’m out of kelter. I lose and waste so much energy to these kinds of episodes. When I am aware of what is happening, I try to channel the energy into something useful. Often the easiest thing to do is washing the dishes. Writing a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge is another way. It is not as easy or quick. I have to sit myself down before the keyboard, quiet my mind and find words and ideas. On busy days it is very hard. It is the most satisfying when I can push through all the road blocks and make it happen.

There’s 2 more days left in the UBC and the Daisy Yellow Index Card Challenge. I have to admit I am not feeling very excited or motivated at the moment. These moments are very challenging. I know I can somehow push through. There needs a beginning, a middle and an ending. It’s a long and tedious journey. It’s ok to sag in the middle but I need to cross the finish line. I’m giving it all my effort.

I Could Just Scream

Posted on by
8

Photo by u0414u043cu0438u0442u0440u0438u0439 u0417u0430u0439u0446u0435u0432 on Pexels.com

Sometimes life is so hard I could just scream. I would scream and tear my hair out if it would help, but it doesn’t. Nobody hears me. It’s as if I’m in an empty canyon. All I get back is the echo of my frustration. So I come here and tap away on the keyboard. Muttering here brings me more relief and solutions than anything else. My fingers do the talking and somehow the impulses and words travels to my whole body. I am listening and feeling. I hear/feel the problems. My brain processes them, spins its wheels and offers up a few alternatives for me to choose.

It’s been a hard lesson learning to save and use my energy wisely. I am a round peg in a world of square holes. No matter how hard I try, I can not make myself fit and be heard. I don’t think it is such a bad thing. I’ve learned to march to the rhythm of my own beat. I’m surviving. Each of us sees the world differently. It doesn’t mean that I am seeing wrong. I’m seeing different. I’ve been told I’m eccentric long time ago because I butter my toast with avocado and I read ‘weird books’. In that case I guess there’s weird writers out there.

Today I am celebrating my weirdness and eccentricity. I like being a round peg in the midst of square holes. Acceptance is bringing me alot of relief. Writing brings me alot of relief. So ends day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

On Why I Write

Posted on by
Reply

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

I’ve written a few times on why I write. It’s a topic well worth writing again. I do tend to dwell on things. Though it is a source of pleasure, sometimes it is a struggle as I am presently finding. It is all very well to say that I am going to write every day. It is a hard task to carry out. Life always happen and interferes daily. But I am finally here today.

I was inspire to write on this topic by George Orwell’s essay on “Why I Write.” Like him, I think it is in my nature. I was also lonely as a child, spending much time reading. I had an idea when I was in grade 9, that I want to write a book. I still have that desire but books are not my nature. Rather, I just like to mutter and utter solliloquies. I like how words sound and how they are put together. It’s a pleasure for me. I don’t aspire to be a Shakespeare.

I have no egoism like Orwell but I do like to be clever in putting words together. I have no desire to be published or famous. I am tickled if I get a reader or two. I do like to share my experiences. Maybe that’s a form of egoism, thinking others would be interested. But mostly I write to please myself. It’s a way of easing physical and mental discomfort. The rhythmic tapping of the keys soothes and smooths me.

Sometimes I do like the struggle of putting thoughts into words and sentences. It helps to organize my brain. It’s a bit like opening a box I got from Amazon. I would look at the gadget I had ordered and wonder why the hell I did that. I want to close the box, feeling overwhelmed by the complexity of putting the gizmo together. I would calm down after awhile and start the arduous task of reading directions and putting it together. Now we have the Instant Air Fryer Vortex together to make supper with. We can can air fry, roast, broil, bake, reheat, dehydrate, and rotisserie. I hope it lives up to the rave review.

To tell the truth, it was the guy who read the instructions and assembled it. He is also going to cook supper. But I am a good dishwasher. Doing the dishes can also be like writing. On an iffy day, I get overwhelmed by the pile of dishes, pots and pans, not knowing where to start. After a mental struggle, I just start – anywhere.

A New Day, A New Challenge

Posted on by
8

Photo by ALLAN FRANCA CARMO on Pexels.com

So it is July 1, Canada Day, signifying 157 years since the passing of the Confederation Act, and the country’s formal creation. This day is supposed to be filled with celebrations – parades, fireworks, picnics, concerts, etc. As one whose nature is not bent towards being celebratory, I’ve never looked forward to all this but have felt obligated to participate and enjoy. But at long last, I’m okay to annouce that I have no plans for this long weekend of Canada Day celebrations.

Today is also the first day of July’s Ultimate Blog Challenge. The rules are simple. You write a post a day, publish it on your own website, then share on the UBC page. If you decide to participate on the daily thread, you read and comment on the 2 posts immediately above yours. It’s a great way of meeting other bloggers and getting new knowledge and ideas. It’s a good way of building community. I’ve been participating in the UBC for quite a few years now. I have always been eager to start but I’m feeling a bit stuck this time around. However, I will give it my best shot.

The beginning of anything is diffcult. Bringing myself to the chair in front of my keyboard was a huge effort but I am here. My reasons for writing have always been for the pleasure it gives me since I don’t have a business or anything else to promote. Now thinking about it, I also write to be heard and seen. This time I’m writing to cheer myself up and to motivate myself in putting one foot in front of the other and carry on. Maybe it can help me to finish my other projects that I have dropped by the wayside.

WHY I WRITE

Posted on by
2

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

You might wonder why I write and make posts on social media. Someone once unfriended me on Facebook because they thought I was so prolific. Ever since then, I feel a bit self conscious. I know it is silly but I feel obligatory to explain. So here I am.

I write because I love words and ideas. It helps to organize my brain. Writing is an action. It helps me to remember words, how to use and spell them. If neglected, I forget and have to rely on google and spellcheck. You know what can happen then. The written word registers more with me than the oral. I can read directions whereas I don’t follow verbal ones that well. I’ve learned how to cochet, knit, and other things through written directions.

I’ve learned how to operate my Bernina 790 sewing machine that way. It is a very complicated machine with many functions. I could not retain much of the directions from the in-person hour session at the store. But the manual is always at my fingertips and I can refer back to it time and time again. When I follow each of the steps on my own, I understand it more.

Writing is a way of working out problems for me. It is a mental workout, releasing mental and emotional stress through mental perspiration. Pictures also work that way for me. I post photos and words on social media not because I’m full of myself. Most of them are pretty boring and mundane stuff, but they are interesting to me. Putting words and pictures together is an art form to me. It’s how my brain works. It gives me pleasure. It’s a good enough reason and easy enough to do to stay a bit sane and happy.

ENCHANTMENT

Posted on by
6

January 2. Day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. So far, so good. I’m still here, showing up and fulfilling my commitment of writing a post a day. It sounds easy when I’m in the moment of doing it one day at a time. I don’t have a plan. I write because it is my therapy of choice for dealing with all the stresses of every day living. My writing is the place I come to dump all my negativity. It is my sounding board. It is my planner. It listens and I feel heard and not judged. I share because it is a requirement of the challenge. I share because I have nothing to hide. It is hard for me to harbour all the bad stuff and joy inside. If my experience is of help to others, I feel all the better for it. And they might share something of benefit to me.

I’ve just finished a photo challenge, December Reflections,  with Susannah Conway wherein we post a photo a day to a prompt. It is exactly my cup of tea – words prompting a picture. The prompt for the last day was: My Word for 2023…And here is my photo and words.

December Reflections. Day 31. MY WORD(S) FOR 2023 are LETTING GO of thins that no longer work. Finding the JOY in the SIMPLE things of life.

I think they are very good words to live by and to write by. I had been hanging on to so many things that no longer served me. I was afraid of change of letting go. I was afraid of empty spaces. Now I have more energy and room for new and better things that matter. It’s taken this long for me to see it. I feel such joy in having the weight lifted. I am going slow in exploring my new discovery. I am keeping things easy and simple. I am enchanted and in love with life in this moment. I am in the honeymoon phase. I hope it will last. I will listen to Bruce Lipton talk about the honeymoon effect on how to maintain it. Meanwhile, here are a few more visual enchantment from the Enchanted Forest at the Forestry Farm in Saskatoon. New Year’s evening was a perfect time for a drive through Candy and other fairy tale Lanes.

FIRST DAYS

Posted on by
3

A beautiful morning for the first of May and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been writing for it for quite a few years now but the first day is always an exciting time. It’s a chance to begin anew and to do better. Though my goal is to post every day, there might be days when it won’t happen. I will give it my best. I’ve set other goals for the month also. They have to do with giving myself more time to savour and enjoy. I’ve been running on empty on that account. There’s goal setting and setting goals. I’ve been on the to ‘accomplish’ these days. I seldom just do nothing. There’s that gadget I’m attached to. It’s like an appendage – the smartphone.

It does not allow me much rest time. They, whoever they are, are very smart at getting me and otheres addicted. I want to get free of this. I am sure that it adds to my forgetfulness and inattentiveness. I no longer feel like I need to remember anything. I can google for anything, right? Yes, I do google alot, but I’m finding that my memory muscle as well as my attention muscle are shot. It’s hard for me to retain anything. I do worry about Alzheimer’s. It’s a reason for me to be proactive now to detach myself a little from the phone and Iternet. Moderation in everything is the best advice.

I’m hoping that my writing every day here will help. I shall have to set aside this time to sit, rest and think about my words. They can open doors to many new and adventurous things. When I am busy doing, doing and doing, I have no opportunity to stand back and assesse. Am I enjoying what I am doing? Does it add to my life? What purpose does it serve? If I stop, what would happen? Enough questions to think about. It is early evening by now. I have been busy doing and doing all afternoon. It was enjoyable and needed doing. That I can tell you.

DAY 21 UBC – THE EVOLUTION OF THINGS

Posted on by
Reply

The Evolution of Things

Here I am again, at the end of the day, trying to find a few words, thoughts worthy of a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. There’s a few things I could talk about that could raise some controversy. They could generate interest, heat and possibly more traffic to this site. But that has never been my goal for writing. I don’t have a business, product or service to sell. I write for the beauty of the word. I write as a form of therapy. I write in the hope I can help another having similar experiences, interests and problems. So I won’t talk about the elections, Canadian or American. And I won’t talk about whether we should or shouldn’t celebrate Halloween.

I had a good start to the day, sleeping in to almost 8:45 am. My first reaction was, Oh God! I have to cancel my exercise class. Then I thought, How stupid. I don’t have to be there till 9:30. I even have time for breakfast. I was really glad that I showed up because exercise is the best medicine. It cleared my brain fog after retirement. A couple of weeks after I started the AM Energizer class at the YWCA, I felt so much better. I was so excited, I talked about it alot. I talked about it so much, the guy decided he wanted to go, too. I am sure it’s the reason why we are as healthy and active as we are.

It certainly helped resetting my mood and circadian rhythm. I am sure they are interrelated. I know I have my days, but overall I have a pretty grip on life. I am optimissic and happy even in this Covid time. That is not saying I haven’t had my difficult days – seeing my mother through her shingles and losing Sheba. They occurred during the pandemic but not because of it. I cannot really say I suffered. I was still able to move about freely. I was still able to take my mother to her medical appointments. I was still taking Sheba to the dog park and let her run. The pandemic made it a little harder going to the medical appointments. It made it not possible to be with her at the moment of Sheba’s passing. But the vetinary people were kind. They brought her out so that we could say goodbye.

Those two experiences were life changing and helpful for me. I would say that this pandemic is life changing and could be helpful for all of us. We have to be open to change. And when it is forced upon us, we should be grateful that there is in time for us to make the changes. We don’t have to cry and lament about what we have lost. We could look at what we could gain. I’m speaking from a very safe space. I am retired. I haven’t lost employment or income. I don’t have children or other dependents. I do feel very grateful and privileged. I am in this very moment very happy. It’s a light bulb moment for me.