the cold

WEARING ME DOWN

April 4. Winter seems never ending this year. Just when I think ok, I don’t have to worry about my plants in the greenhouse, I have to – again. The weatherman is forecasting a low of -21℃ tonight and -20℃ tomorrow night. At least it was sunny today and the temperature got up to almost 30℃ with the shade down. The thermal wall and the pails of water will help to moderate the cold tonight. Just to be safe, I threw a row cover over everything. Everything is looking too good to lose now.

Our funky weather is wearing me down. It’s hard to think of the possibility of a garden when I’m faced with high piles of snow and minus temperatures. I really have to push myself but I did seed 5 more kinds of tomatoes this afternoon – Long Keepers, Red Alerts, Sun Rise, Sun Gold, and Red Torch. Where the heck will I plant them all? But that’s a problem to be worked out later. Oh, yes, I do have some bitter melon seeds prepped, wrapped in wet paper towels in a plastic bag. It’s such an easy way to get them germinated that way.

Life is hard. The going is tough. I’m still chugging along though, a few tomatoes at a time, one drawing and one blog post a day. So far, so good.

HAPPY AGAIN

December 2. Good evening. It is another day. I am happy again. How it came about, I don’t know. I feel as if my heart got a gentle shower of energy and converted back into happiness rhythm. I am grateful. It pays not to give up and give in to my moods. I did not fight them but accepted them for whatever they are. I gave them their space for they are a part of me. Perhaps I need them to do better and be better than what I presently am. I can become static and dull with contentment. 

My moods are my friends. Without them, I might not push myself outside for my daily ski. Movement and exercise calms my restlessness and irritability. They help me to sleep at night. No matter how cloudy or grey the day is, it is always brighter outside. Cross country skiing is just the ticket for me. It gets me out. Sheba used to do that before she went to dog heaven. I have many happy memories of us running and jumping for joy on the frozen river.

Now I have my ski in the park instead. I seem to thrive in the cold. l’m out most days. I was out today in – 25℃. It did not feel cold. Instead I felt pumped, breaking trail again through fresh fallen snow. I am challenged and excited learning a new physical skill. I’m getting better and stronger, making a straighter track. I went once around the park, twice around, then three. It was just me, the trees and the snow. It was quiet and serene. It was heaven.

CHANGE OF PACE

January 19, day 19 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve missed day 17 and 18. That’s how the days have crumbled. Sometimes I can’t do everything. Sometimes I don’t want to do everything. A change is as good as a rest. I hope it can bring me a fresh outlook and some good ideas. I was feeling a bit staid and tired but not overwhelmed. Truth to be told, I am not enjoying writing and the Challenge as much these days. Perhaps I am challenged out.

So I cut myself some slack and gave myself some time away from the keyboard. Why not, eh? I have no business or service to promote. I write for pleasure and therapy. If it is no longer either one, a rest is needed. I am hard pressed to find time to sit and read these days. It was pure pleasure not to worry about writing a post these last couple of days. It wasn’t easy at first because there’s this voice saying I should live up to my commitment. But my fatigue and the book Beach Blonde spoke louder. Now the book is read and I am feeling so much better and rested.

We are back in the deep freeze for the next couple of days. It’s another reason for my well being. I am brighter with more pep and vinegar on cold sunny days. Strange but true. Maybe I got used to very frigid temperatures from having had a very high energy Lab Border Collie mix. We went out to the dog park in all kinds of weather. We were more regular than the mailman. I no longer have her to run with in the snow. Cross country skiing is now my substitute.

I don’t like to miss any days. Today is no exception. Even with an extreme cold weather warning, I was out in the park. I warmed up doing 2 laps in the South Park where I am more comfortable. Then I moved over to the North Park with those troublesome slopes. Today I did good. Being so cold the tracks were not fast. I had lots of control downing the slopes. No skyrocketing into space was possible. No falling and splatting. No hugging the snow. I am getting over my fear and getting my confidence back. The exercise was invigorating. It did me and my disposition a world of good.

South Park
North Park

REFLECTIONS AND MUSES

January 29, 2019

It is getting late. I wonder what I have to say on this cold day. It was said to be – 40 Celsius with the windchill this morning. Dressed appropriately, I didn’t feel the chill. There was no wind and the sun was out. It’s the kind of weather that I feel best in – cold, still and sunny. Who can ask for anything more? I’m a fool, I know. Sheba is right there with me. She didn’t hesitate stepping out. Our breaths steamed and our footsteps echoed in still chilled air. It is January after all.

I feel cocooned and mellow in this cold. No necessity for a glass of wine. A cup of hot water will do. We Chinese women like our cuppa. It is good to do a cleanse and be in silence and solitude once in awhile. I was in some anxiety and curiosity about how I will do. Now that it is upon me, it feels peaceful and comforting. A heaviness has shifted and a veil lifted. I have time and space for reflection. I like to get acquainted with this person who is me and what her life is worth. Who is she? What are her values? What and who makes her heart sing? Does anyone value her for herself? Worthy questions to reflect on. The cold slows everything down, making time for such ponderings. Maybe it’s why I like it. It gives me an excuse not to rush, not to accomplish, not to do anything. Even though I don’t have to answer to anyone, I still like an excuse.

Sometimes I feel too self absorbed. I like to be more worldly and more expansive and be out there in the world. I like to be a hero, a slayer of demons and dragons. I like to be a righter of all wrongs, a saviour of mankind and our planet earth. However, they are not who I am. I do not possess any of those qualities. This I know. What I do well is musing. I’m not quite sure what it gets me. Perhaps it is too late in the evening to delve into. It’s time to say good night.