Tag Archives: no matter what

Learning in Stuck

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How quickly time flies. While I was stuck in November, December came, bringing with it colder temperatures and clouds. I can almost hear those Christmas bells ringing and Santa and his herd of reindeer on the roof. I really am not fond of the festive season because there’s this pressure to feel festive. I’ve never ever been up to that task. I have never voiced it because it is something you’re not suppose to say or feel.

Now I don’t really care. It feels good to get it off my chest. It’s time to shed the shackles of shame and pretense. I’ve never felt great about the Christmas season even though I fell in with the general population. I did the tree, decorations and gifting for many years. It was exhausting hunting for the perfect gifts, the wrapping and all. Now, I’ve stopped doing all that. It no longer works for me. What works still is spending time with friends and family. Besides that, I don’t want anything for Christmas.

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I am still seriously and perhaps dangerously stuck in December. The days are getting shorter and darkness longer. I feel no burning desires to do anything aside from sipping tea. But I cannot just turn myself ‘off’ till spring. The least I can do is finish this post started days ago. It is snowing steadily outside my sunroom windows. The white brights up the grey morning. My pink garage door brightens up my mood.

No matter how I feel, I still get up, dress up and show up somehow. My best is not what it used to be but it will have to do for now. I haven’t made great strides in changing bad habits into better ones. I am still buried under a ton of chaos or that’s how I feel. It is true it is difficult/impossible for a zebra to change stripes. I have to remember I am not a zebra and I can change.

Some Days

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I hate the responsibility part of being an adult. Though I live by number 46 of Regina Brett’s 50 Life Lessons of No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up, I hate it, too. Some days I rather not get up, dress up or show up. Some days I would like to hibernate in a log like a bear and wait until it is over. Have you had those days?

Some days being an adult feels like such a heavy burden. I can manage getting up, dressing up and even brushing my teeth. Showing up is the difficult part. But being the adult, the top rung of the ladder, I feel the heavy load. There’s no option of not showing up, taking responsibility, making decisions and such.

It’s been a few days since I’ve started this conversation. Some days conversations are difficult to sustain. It is damn hard to pick it up again but I am trying. It is a rainy September morning. The leaves are starting to turn colour. Autumn is on its way. The garden is still thriving. My greenhouse is finally lush with growth and harvest. I have much to do but there’s no rush. Everything will and can keep. There is a time and season for everything.

Killing Me Softly

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The jukebox in my head is playing again today. I guess I have alot of songs that need to be sung. The song today is Killing Me Softly. It is a pretty song but I can’t sing it as beautifully as Roberta Flack. Nevertheless life is killing me softly and slowly with its demands. There’s nothing to do but to ride the ups and downs. Everyone is on the same roller coaster. There’s no use whining. I better just pull up my socks and keep my panties on.

I’m doing the best I can. No matter what, I wake up, get up, dress up and show up each day. Some days are better than others. Some days I’m a flying mess. Some days I’m feeling just fantastic!. There are days that are just full and spilling over with everything. Those days I cuss and fart alot, trying to have some fun. Those days, the jukebox in my head like to play Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. It comforts me alot.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Just Show up

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Whenever I have a poor night’s sleep for whatever reason, I feel mournful, as if someone had died. I mope around in slow motion, dragging my feet. I suppose my body is mourning its loss of rest. I’m not at all joyful, though not sad either. However I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. That has been my motto for many years. I adopted it from Regina Brett’s God Never Blinks, 50 Life Lessons for Life’s Little Detours. It’s lesson #46. It works for me.

I was wondering how I was going to navigate the day. The day took care of itself once I got up, dressed up, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I like to start my day with a cuppa of Orange Pekoe tea, play Wordle and Spelling Bee. Then there is breakfast, the dishes, followed by roasting golden beets and sweet peppers. The tomatoes were calling to be sauced. That generated more things to wash. But the beets and peppers were so delicious to add to yesterday’s leftover quesadilla from McNally Robinson. It made for a very yummy lunch.

Now the tomatoes are sauced. I wondered how the heck I was going to write this post. Then I remembered today’s email from CBC Literary Prizes. Today’s advice on how to get your writing done was to show up. So here I am. It works! If I want to succeed, I have to show up and tap. At least my fingers are happy today, dancing across the keyboard. Not too much stuttering or stumbling. I am tired but a happy camper. I shall call this a day.

A NEW CHALLENGE

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September 29/20

It’s a little after 10 am. I’m trying for a productive day without ruts and moods. But you know what they say. Life never runs smooth. Don’t you just hate these sayings? I do. I’m going to turn over a new leaf and NOT try to remake myself into what I am not. Why fight nature. I should just go with the flow for a change.

Do you know what my handicap is? My moral compass is too high. I always want to do the right thing. I have a hard time doing it though, especially when I feel I have been wronged. It is very difficult if not impossible for me to forgive if I’m not met halfway.

October 1/20

September got away from me. I showed up here only 5 times. I wonder what happened to my motto of no matter how you feel get up, dress up and show up. I could blame it on the Covid. I could blame losing Sheba. I could blame it on a lot of things but I won’t. I fell off the wagon. I lost focus. I lost interest. I lost purpose of showing up. So now I’m starting again. That’s the way of everything, isn’t it? We fall. We get up and start again.

So this is the first day of the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. The goal is to show up each day, write a great post and connect with other bloggers. I’ve been doing the Challenge since April 2014. I showed up every day that first time. Let’s see if I can repeat the performance. Let’s see if I can keep things fresh and not regress into going into the past and mulling over spilt milk.

Lately, I’ve been taking note of what’s giving me pleasure and what irks me. I think I will make that the theme for this month. It’s still just my mumblings about the ordinariness of my daily life. I am retired. I have no business to publicize or push. I am not naturally bent that way anyways. Good luck to everyone. Hope to see/read you each day.