A sunny April morning at 10 am but still dark when I woke at 6. I’m not bouncing out of bed yet. I am more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I am grateful for what I am and for what I have. I am still me. I have my spirit though it is a bit dampened. I have recovered my hearing. It, too, is a bit dampened. I can hear the running of the furnace and the flush of the toilet. I can carry on a converstion, listening and speaking, no longer relying on pen and paper.
Life is good. It is full of wonder and mystery. I try to bask in the warmth and light. I try not to ask too many whys to questions that have no answers. I am still healing. I do not want to lose any unnecessary energy. I try to dwell in moments of “remembered wellness.” I pray and ask for prayers. It all has helped me to be here today – tapping on the keyboard, finding my way back to the things I used to do. I’m doing it slowly, taking James Clear’s advice from his book Atomic Habits. I want to make things easy.
April mornings are still dark enough that I’m not ready to spring out of bed like an eager bunny. I still snuggled into my covers even though I’ve been awake for awhile. I have to work my way out in my head first. First I have to throw off the warmth of the silk quilt and let the cool air rouse me out of bed. Then the rest is history as they say.
I haven’t been keen on going to the gym the last couple of weeks either. I tell myself that it is ok. I’m resting and healing. I do enough. I move enough. I’m resetting, turning myself off to save energy. I am very careful now where my energy goes. I don’t want to lose any needlessly. There’s been many losses this year. I don’t want to cry crocodile tears. In fact, I haven’t cried at all with losing my mother in October. It seemed so strange to lose her after all these years. Then shortly after, I lost my hearing – all of it for awhile. I hadn’t cried then either.
Everything was strange, bizarre and traumatic. It left me no energy to mourn the passing of my mother. It left me no energy to be angry, sad or depressed. I prayed and asked for many prayers. After these many months, I have gained much of my hearing back. I am filled with gratitude and awe. It has been such a life changing year. So much loss and yet so much gain at the same time. I’m grateful for these grey April mornings, too. They’re restful. I don’t have to be an EverReady bunny, going on and on.
It’s another day. Not too many dollars but the sun is out this morning. But then it is almost 9 am. So, no hurrahs. I’m sounding grouchy. I should be more grateful. It is almost October and no hints of imminent frost. I still have tomatoes, zucchinis and pumpkins on the vine. The purple beans are still producing, though not madly now. My raised bed of peppers are heavily laden with peppers. I have new lettuce and Swiss Chard and possibly more cabbage.
I am full of gratitude for my garden bounty. Still, I’m irked. My kitchen sink is not draining well. My upstairs landline for the phone is not working. Seems like a long hike to the basement phone when it rings. And it is in the laundry room. The technician is coming Monday. Maybe it is time to rid of it if the problem has to do with the wiring of the house and not the Sasktel line. But it is hard to let go of an old established security blanket/line.
Maybe I should call a plumber one/some day soon. But not yet. It is still draining. I’ve poured vinegar and kettles full of hot boiling water. I shall have my cup of tea, mutter and procrastinate. I just know that I will have to make that call. But not yet. In the meantime I’ve poured down more vinegar. Let it sit. Wouldn’t it be a delightful surprise if it does the trick?
I’m trying to curb my procrastation ways and stop saying phrases like One/Some day I will…. Those days never come. So while the sun is shining I am going to tackle putting my garden spaces to rest. Today all the tomatoes will be harvested. And the beans as well. I’ve had enough beans. They’re coming down. I see that there’s a -1 forecast for Friday. If time permits, I will harvest the carrots in the community garden today or tomorrow. I’m looking after life’s little and big jobs now. I’m not waiting for spring. Another motto is live by – don’t wait for spring.
Hurray, I’ve written a post in the morning. Consistent practice makes for better. I’m warming up for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge.
We live in such a catastrophic world today where a 14 year old can shoot up a school in Georgia and another 14 year old can set a fellow student on fire. In light of that my own difficulties are just minor skirmishes. In thinking and writing about catastrophes these last few days, I’ve realized that I’ve been blessed.
I have no real catastrophes and nothing to complain about. I’m in good health, have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, clothes on my back and in the closet and a comfortable bank account. I have a multitude of interests and hobbies. I’m still keen on learning. I’m looking forward to the start of my online class on Curing the World’s Diseases next week. At the moment I am enjoying the Healing Kitchen series from Sacred Science. So many things to learn about food and healing.
It has been a dreary drizzling day but the sun just came out and lit my world. I hope it stays longer than a few minutes. But it is enough to lift the gloom from my mood. On with the rest of my afternoon.
A glorious sunny October Sunday. Hopefully it’s not the last hurrah. It’s Thanksgiving in Canada. We have much to be thankful for. We have an unpredictable summer followed by an equal autumn. It was a good growing season resulting in an abundant harvest. We are cleaning up and harvesting the last of the garden.
The garlic is planted and mulched with compost. The winter compost bin is put in the garden near the house. The water tanks emptied into the raised beds and the garden. The pepper plants are cut and dropped in the raised bed. We thought we would leave the carrots till later. The flower pots gathered for storage. We are almost ready for winter. We are ready and waiting for our Thanksgiving supper cooked by my nephew for all in the family. We are thankful.
November 29. Good morning. It’s another new day. I’m irked, dissatisfied, restless and a bit anxious. I don’t want it to spill onto my nice blank page. Instead, let me begin with my gratitudes.
I am grateful that the sun is shining over my right shoulder just now.
I am grateful that I got turkey soup cooking in the Instant Pot. I am taking in its nourishing aroma.
I am grateful for my encounter with my mother’s neighbour yesterday while I was there shovelling. We had a nice little conversation about our families. It made me feel that it is possible to have neighbours who are kind and courteous, that we can share a conversation without a shouting match.
I am grateful that I have this page to unload my emotions, good and bad upon. It loosens up all the thoughts whirling in my head. I can then empty the toxic ones so that I can move on with my day.
I am not very skill or agile with moving on. I stutter, stumble and repeat my errors like a broken record player playing the same track over and over. I am trying hard to push and hurdle over those stuck places. If I am persistent, try hard and often enough, one day I will succeed and just leap over the obstacles. I am experiencing that phenomenon with practicing scales on the piano. What was so difficult at first became a little easier each time I practice. Then all of a sudden it seems, my fingers knew instinctively where to go. Of course it was not all of a sudden. It took many hours of practice.
November 30. Good afternoon. It is another day and my page is not so blank. How quickly time and the day gets away on me when I am not centered and without a plan. I am easily distracted with stuff even though I have no need. And more time is wasted on being distressed by my weakness. I have to let it go. I cannot get the time already spent back. I am having trouble pushing through my hurdles. Do I need to lower the bar a bit or leap a little higher? Which way should I go? I’ve been in this race for a long time. I’m not getting any younger. I cannot afford baby steps. I hate that term – baby steps, don’t you? I am not a baby. I need to stop whining and treading water. If I can’t make a giant step forward, I can break it down to bold steady steps onward. Stop the crying and excuses. Let’s go!
November 26. Another good morning. Another new day and blank page. The sun is smiling on me through the windows of my sunroom. I am surrounded by my clutter. That hasn’t changed. Perhaps I should not focus my thoughts on the clutter so much. More focus seem to have resulted in more chaos. It is a perplexing paradox. I shall set it aside for consideration in my spare idle moments.
I am not as gleeful as I want or could be. Perhaps I should do something about it. The sun is out. I should go for a walk and return some books to the library. Fresh air and exercise could resuscitate my drooping spirit. I am torn though between that and tapping out more words here. But the sun is winning. I shall walk while the sun shines. My words can wait. I might have to work to dig them out later. It is the price I can afford.
November 27. And so it is another new day. I never came back to the page after my walk yesterday. It was a longer walk than I had anticipated or remembered. It went on and on forever before I got to the library. My books felt heavier with every step. However, it was very worth it, being such a beautiful sunny day. I was mesmerized by the loveliness of trees in winter, their arms bared of summer leaves, twisting and reaching up to the sky.
I was so happy to discover the library was opened when I finally arrived. Other times they were not opened or did not open till noon on the weekend. They had provisions for returning books through a slot. I was not concerned about that though. I was in need of a sit down and rest before making my way back home. It was wonderful to rest in the sunny sitting room. Finding another John Grisham novel, Sooley was an added bonus.
Today I am not so fortunate. There is no sun but I am lucky that I have my own sitting room, much like the one in the library though smaller. I’m always surrounded by light. Some days are brighter than others and I am grateful for any and all the light I get. I have to count my blessings however small they are some days. Today I am:
grateful that my heart is open to receiving.
grateful for my sunroom.
grateful for being in the centre of 3 city libraries.
November 24. Good morning/afternoon. It’s another new day, another blank page. The day is not quite so new or clean any more. It is almost noon. I’m having my second cup of tea after my morning exercise class. I’m trying to reset and clear my mind of negative thoughts and feelings that have crept in. I wonder how that happened when nothing has happened at all. I wonder if I can dust and sweep them out. They are not strangers to me. I am not so frighten of them any more. I have accepted and made peace with them. They are all parts of me – the good, bad and ugly. Rumi’s poem, The Guest House says it well.
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Today I am working on Pages in my iCloud on iMac. I had lost it along with Numbers and Keynotes when I did an update of my IOS. It was very upsetting at the time but after much wasted energy and needless stress, I somehow got them on iCloud. Lesson learned – things don’t stay broken. When things break or fall apart, it forces me to change, to search for different/better ways of being/doing. I can look at it as the silver lining of a bad situation.
I’m reminded of Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. We are deep in those difficult times now. It should not be a surprise that I have some anxiety and other bad feelings. I have the book. I should read it. It does me no good sitting on the shelf. And on this note, I shall close up with my gratitude list.
I am grateful I have the love of words and books.
I am grateful I have rediscovered my love of music and spending time each day to listen to my library.
I am grateful to have found Jodie Picoult’s Sing You Home in the library. It’s about music therapy, hence leading me to my music collection.
November 24. Good morning! It’s another new day and another blank page. I thought I would talk about writing since I am reading Stephen King’s On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft. It’s a very good read. He is a very successful writer. I would heed his advice. That’s the biggest light bulb moment for me just now – to listen to those humble successful people. I’ve wasted so much energy and time on little pesky critical thinking-they-know-it-alls. Come to think of it now, I’m guilty of being a know-it-all myself. Eeek! Writing can be illuminating, spotlighting my own flaws. It’s like dust motes in sunlight. Now that I know, I will do better. No more unsolicited advice.
Stephen King’s advice to be successful at writing is that you have to read and write alot. I have been reading since I can read, first in Chinese and then in English. I have long since lost my Chinese. I had only a grade 2 when we came to Canada, but I could read my mother’s Chinese books. Being 8 or 9 years old, my mother didn’t want me to read her adult fiction books. Shed encouraged me to read newspapers and to learn English. You can imagine what happened with that advice.
I HAD to learn English. It came easily with the help of Dick, Jane, Sally, Spot, Puff and my teacher, Miss Woodall. I can’t remember the exact moment that I held up my hand to ask permission when I felt nature calling. Before that I just got up and left the classroom and went to the basement where the batheooms were. I am surprised I remember all that and their names after all these years! I’m at an age where my memory is deteriorating. Writing is good for brain health. It would be so much better if I can make it a regular daily morning habit. My mutterings could serve as my memory and mood board. It could serve as my brain health chart.
Books were and still are good friends. Libraries are happy places for me. We didn’t have a library in our little town then. A library on wheels came to town maybe once a month. I think you can get more books more often by ordering through the mail. I can’t remember how that worked but the postage was free. I read many of the Little House on the Prairies , Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys books through that system. Then there were Little Women, Little Men, the Bobbsey Twins and…
Enough now for today. Keeping it simple, let me finish with my 3 daily gratitudes.
I am grateful for this morning’s ski in the North and South Park. The track was not great today but still ski-able. I got fresh air and exercise.
I am grateful for today’s mobility class. We ran through a range of exercises for various joints. I always come out feeling better than before.
I am grateful my mood is improving. I am feelings bits of sparkling joy.
November 23. Another new day, another blank page. I’m starting today with my gratitude list.
I’m grateful I had a good night’s sleep.
I’m grateful for another day.
I’m grateful I have a plan
My plan going into 2023 is keeping things simple and practicing good housekeeping in everything. I will borrow some of Marie Kondo’s ideas. Not that I know a lot about her method, but I do love this part of her philosophy.
The KonMari Method is a simple but effective tidying method, ensuring you will never again relapse to clutter. It uses a unique selection criterion – choosing what sparks joy! You are not choosing what to discard but rather choosing to keep only the items that speak to your heart. Through tidying, you can reset your life and spend the rest of your life surrounded by the people and things that you love the most.
I love the idea of sparkling joy. Who wouldn’t? It takes work and thought. It doesn’t just happen. I had it for a long spell, then lost it. That’s how life is. Now I’m working on how to get it back. It will be better now that I am conscious of what I’ve lost. In this moment of not so many sparkles, I remember going to bed looking forward to the morning. I like working on stuff. Working on myself is loving and pampering myself.
I will be a detective, examining and assessing everything to see if they will help or deter, build or wreck. In that light, I will not update this MacBook just now. i’m keeping things simple. Everything is working good enough. Pages is working pretty slick with a word count. It is bringing me joy. Keeping it simple, this is enough for today. Onward with life.
onethousandandtwo 