Tag Archives: doing my best

As the World Turns

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Another cloudy and windy day. On top of that there’s smoke from forest fires in Manitoba. It’s easy to feel anxious and uneasy. Life goes on. Still no rain. I take a tylenol and sip my coffee. The thing about having a greenhouse is you have to tend it whether you feel like it or not. The lettuce and spinach are going great guns. I harvest some for a friend. The snowpeas are pea-ing but not quite ready yet. I watered the seedlings still waiting to be planted out. Chores keep me moving out of my morose mood and thoughts.

I am not in the best of forms. I won’t for a long while yet but I can strive to do my best even on my worse days. The earth continues to turn on its axis, the sun still rises in the east and set in the west. I must do my part of putting one foot in front of the other and be with what is. That is the way for me to move forward. So I take deep breaths, sip my coffee/tea, tap on the keyboard and sigh alot. I step out the door into the world. I have to keep up or I shall be left behind. I get lost. I keep going and I found my way after awhile.

Another day is almost done. I haven’t drawn my teacup yet. I’ve spent time with friends in the morning. In the afternoon my sister and I took our father to the Berry Barn for coffee. The weather was not the best but we made the best of it. We wandered through the greenhouse before heading to the Barn for coffee and Saskatoon berry pie. It was a wonderful day and afternoon outing despite the weather and inspite of my mood.

The Beat Goes On

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I surely miss wakening up to those early sundrenched mornings of past summers. I have taken so many things for granted – that they will always be here. Now comes the hard lesson. It isn’t so and they’ve never been. I’m realizing the value and the pleasure of those simple/ not so simple ordinary/not so ordinary things. So far this summer I’m still waking up in darkness in July and slipping into my warm fuzzy housecoat. What I now know is, nothing is for sure.

Let me not cry my blues and whine about the weather like I usually do. I want and am leaning towards it. Let me see if I can change my thoughts and words. It’s another day and the beat goes on. It is what it is. I have to join the band. How I play in it is my choice, but at least I’m participating, being actively involved. I’m doing the best I can. It’s all I can ask of myself.

I’ve always found words magical and healing. I inhale and exhale words and thoughts. They’re oxygen and medicine for my heart and soul. They soothe and smooth me. They can help me find the way out of the deep dark woods of my thoughts. It’s a good reason for me to show up here daily. It’s a good mental health practice, similar to brushing our teeth. Both benefit our physical and mental well being.

Today is the second day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Having broke the ice yesterday, it isn’t quite as difficult coming to my keyboard. The effort yesterday gave me a little extra gas for catching up on daisy yellow index-card-a-day challenge. I was stuck at day 27 and had no desire to go on. I was able to push myself to do a few more cards – day 28 – 30. I’m almost caught up. Halfway through the index card challenge.

Lost in the woods.
Chuckles
I’m so happy.

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

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Many times I have found myself caught between a rock and a hard place. It’s a very difficult position. With experience, I’ve realized that I don’t have to own either. It’s not my responsibility to carry both loads. I can do my best in the situation but I am not that powerful. Seeing that now makes everything easier. Life is still hard but I can breathe through the difficulties and function with purpose and joy, knowing that I am doing the best I can.

UBC Day 12 & 13 – Fighting Trivia

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Trivia by definition according to Oxford Languages are: ‘details, considerations, or pieces of information of little importance or value’. Even so, I sometimes find myself hooked and submerged in them, unable to let go. What is it about them that is so intriguing? The only answer I can come up with is that there is no answer. I find that unacceptable. Having no reason/answer drives my reptilian brain crazy. You must know by now that I’ve been berserk for many years. There MUST be a reason! has been my battle cry.

I am falling behind this round of writing challenge. It is already the end of day 14 and I am tapping at a snail’s pace to finish this post. I have to admit I have been distracted by the trivia rule breaking in this challenge. It took awhile for all that to be resolved. And I wondered and wondered the whys of it all. It took away time and energy from my writing. And so here I am, late in the evening, trying to finish what I had started.

I was tempted to abandon ship but thought better of it. This is a good learning opportunity for me – to finish what I start, not to let trivia steal my time and energy. I don’t have to understand everything. I just need to understand what my goals are and the steps to reach them. I don’t have to be perfect, but to do my best.

WEDNESDAY WRITING TIME

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Another writing day and I’m sitting empty of thoughts and words. The world is too strange now. Another shooting in the US of A. Another 18 year old shooting his grandmother and then went on a rampage at an elementary school. He killed 19 students, aged 9 and 10 and 2 teachers. Who can make sense of this? And how can you grasp that there is no talk of changing gun control laws by those who can? Are guns more important than lives of children and teachers?

Well, that’s my little rant. I got it out of my system. These shootings are frequent repeaters, aren’t they? Should we be getting used to them now since nothing changes no matter how horrific they are? It is very strange to me. And strange, too, how we are riveted by the dramas of the rich and famous, myself included. I am at this moment talking about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. I am not for one or the other. I do think Johnny Depp looks a bit scary. I wonder why we are so fascinated. Having seen this seamy side of their lives, I do not envy their fame or money at all. Darn! FB has distracted me again with a scandal about Bob Hope and his mistress, Doris Day. Bob Hope and Doris Day. For christ sake! I will practice restraint and read it later.

So now what? How shall I move around in this strange world of ours? There’s nothing to do but carry on, not as usual but with more awareness and care. Everything we do matters. Every minute counts. I shall try not to fritter my time, my attention and my energy away in despair or indifference. If I try my best of the moment, that’s all I can ask of myself. My best today was getting up, dressing up and showing up for my exercise class, shopping for groceries and doing some gardening. I planted a few cabbages at the community garden and some squash at home. I still have alot to plant but that’s enought for today. Now, I am showing up here with a few words and thoughts to end my day.

DISTRACTIONS – Spammers, Scammers, Movie Stars

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It rained overnight. There’s water running down the street. The sky is cloudy but the sun is breaking through. It is 4℃ now with a predicted high of 8℃ down from yesterdays 16℃. How strange our weather. How strange our world – full of scammers and spammers. To date, I have won 4 free iPhones on Instagram. The only people that phones me nowadays are strangers with warnings of dire things if I don’t do this or that. Is there anything real or true any more? Just this morning, I learned of a big real estate scam right here in my city of Saskatoon. Can you believe it – Saskatoon, Canada, home of very nice people. Scammed by 2 nice energetic young women.

I’m so easily distracted. One scammer phone call and I’m falling off the track. I guess it’s in our nature. They know human nature and use it well. I try not to hold it against myself and give myself some slack. I always get hooked, thinking I’ll just click it once, but you know what happens. Pretty soon one click after another I find out the whole story about Bruce Willis, Annette Funicello, so on and on. I have this urge now to go back and read what Anne Lamott has to say about being 68 years old. But I can wait till I finish this post. I do have some will power. I’ve reschedule my Wordle time from morning to later, too.

I do wonder how much time I do spend on things that are of no consequences. I’m taking this as a cue to review and refresh my goals for this Ultimate Blog Challenge, #the100dayproject and April Love. It’s nice to get ‘likes’ and more traffic for these challenges but it is not my #1 goal. My writing space has always been a breathing, meditative space for me. It continues to be that during the UBC and the opportunity to improve my content and writing skills. Content is about what resonates with me and hopefully helpful to others. It is tempting when time is short and I am tired, to cut corners and plop anything down, just to fill the page. If that is the case, it would be better to take a rest and skip the day.

As for #the100dayproject, I have to remember that a daily draw/watercolour is also to improve my skills. I have finished day 52. It can become a habitual activity. I can forget my purpose and not focus on working on my problem areas. The same with Susannah Conway’s April Love. I have to say though I do have an eye for taking and choosing a photo. They tell me a story just as words can paint a picture. Not every day, post, painting or photo are equal. Some are better than others but if I do my best for the day for the effort, it will be enough. I can live with those results.

SHOW AND TELL

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I have become sodden with the summer heat. I can’t remember when I have shown up here. I no longer feel familiar with the word. The only thing I can do these days is water the greenhouse and gardens and watch Poirot on YouTube. I believe I am addicted to the peculiar little detective. I had to force myself away to come to the keyboard. Thinking and creating is so hard to do. I gave up on the index-card-a-day challenge after 40 days. It’s over tomorrow. I’m short 21 days. That doesn’t mean I have to give up. I can still finish it on my own time schedule. Do I have it in me?

It’s been a tough summer. It’s been a tough year. It’s a tough time all around. Nothing is like it used to be. Hasn’t it always been that way? We’re more aware now because Covid-19 changed everything. We have to change our ways of living on this planet. Yes, change is exhausting and I am exhausted but grateful at the same time. No, I can’t cry, Woe is me! because we are all in this together. I’m learning to suck it up, bolster myself and move forward as best as I can.

I have signed up for the Ultimate Blog Challenge of writing a post a day for the month of August. A commitment is a good prod in the right direction. I do take these challenges seriously. Here’s hoping I have enough stick-with-it to show up here every day this month. If I don’t have the words, I can do show and tell on what and how things are showing up in the greenhouse and garden. My goal for this challenge is showing up each day. It is a given that content and presentation are still very important to me. I will strive to do my best but it is not a do or die.

ACCEPTANCE CAN BE A HARD THING

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We’re having a good day of rain. It started in the night and it is still continuing on. Hooray, what a long wait it has been! I’m feeling very sleepy. It would be much easier to have a nap than write a post. However, this is the 24th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I have fallen behind on this and on the100daychallenge. I must push past my sleepiness. This post is the last item on my to-do list.

I’ve been having difficulty with my sleep this past week. I wonder how the weather has affected it. We’ve had almost 4 seasons in the past week. I hope my sleep will return tonight. I’m sure I woke up every one to two hours last night. I was lucky that I could get back to sleep each time. Still – interrupted sleep is not a good sleep. I am too sensitive to weather changes. I wonder if I could somehow desensitize myself. The more I know, the better I can help myself.

Reading from the article, I see that I am already doing what I can. Even though I know that I have no control over the weather, acceptance can be a hard thing. I know, too, that stepping out onto the deck can make me feel better. I’ve been out in the yard, collecting buckets and buckets of water for dry days and catching some daylight for myself. I’m moving my body as well as waking myself up a little.

 

1. Accept that the weather is out of your control

Simply by accepting that sleep is likely to be difficult due to the weather can work wonders for improving your rest. This takes the pressure off and allows you to relax.

2. Expose yourself to daylight

Even if the sky is overcast, getting out in natural light can help your body to produce the right hormones at the right time, keeping your circadian rhythm in tune.

3. Stay active

A little activity can go a long way in helping you to sleep at night. This will help to get rid of the drowsiness, which in turn will make it easier to sleep at night.

WHAT KEEPS ME UP AND GOING

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What Keeps Me Up and Going

What do you do to keep your spirits up, to keep the ball rolling? I have today and tomorrow to finish the month of daily posting. I am pretty sure I can finish by gosh and darn. I hope to keep going beyond into December. It helps to have a place to come to at the end of the day to unload, de-stress, to pass on a bit of news, wisdom or joy. Writing and chronicling my day gives me a sense of purpose. It is hard to have a conversation without Covid-19 butting in. Such are our times. In Saskatchewan we have 351 new cases, 94 in Saskatoon. It’s hard not to feel the heaviness of these times.

I plod along, trying to do my daily best. It’s best to have a list of things I want to do each day. I make it before bedtime. I still keep it in my head. That’s on top of my list, to make a list each day. Today I got the laundry and some dusting done. Oh, my pork belly is cooking in the Instant Pot. We’ve had these packs of pork belly in our freezer from last year. And what does one do with it? It’s bacon except it’s not cured. It’s mostly fat. I seasoned it with garlic, ginger and soy sauce. Now it’s cooking on high for an hour. That should take care of the fat. They will make filling for Chinese steamed buns. It’s an experiment for tomorrow – maybe. Oh, my pork belly is done. Looking and tasting good. I hope I won’t nibble them all away before the buns get made.

I didn’t have a long list of to do’s. It’s good to start small. Less chance of failure. Wait! I got the bathroom floor cleaned, too. That’s my hardest to do. Strange why that is since there’s not much floor. Sometimes I have to question myself, to get to the root of why I hate doing something. I still don’t understand why but I got the job done. What’s on the list for tomorrow? I will do my seed order to beat the rush. That’s THE one thing I want to do. There are many things that NEED looking after. I will think of them later.

I like to have a project/skill to work on. That always keeps me going when the going gets tough. So far, I’ve mastered bread making, regular and sourdough from scratch, kimchi and kombucha. Making food from scratch is so satisfying. It just fills me up.

The latest thing that’s keeping me afloat is learning cross country skiing. I’m not gliding yet but I’m still keen. There’s alot more involved than meets the eye. Bending over to tie my boots is quite challenging in itself. I get out of huff just doing that! I’m learning to do put the boots on and tying them before putting my coat on. Less bulk to bend over with. Then there’s carrying the skis and poles while walking to the park. It’s only 2 long blocks away but it’s surprising how heavy things get when you’ve not used to carrying them. I’ve mastered that now, too. I even managed to fasten my boots to the bindings by myself today. I failed the getting up after I fall test. Still, I felt so much more relaxed after my fall. I think I should just fall down right off and get it out of the way so I can ski better. What do you think?

DAY 28 UBC – SOME DAYS ARE HEAVIER THAN OTHERS

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Some Days Are Heavier Than Others

Another day in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m later than usual. I almost forgot but I’m here now. Been a busy week, trying to keep up with everything. I had to forgo my walk yesterday and today. That’s the thing. I have to be flexible and just do my best. Sometimes that best is less. But I do exercise everyday. Yesterday it was swimming. Today it was my aerobics class with weights. Tomorrow I will walk.

All my toilet paper and paper towel arrived from Costco yesterday. There was a maple syrup thrown in to make up the cost eligible for free delivery. It was a big load, worth the extra cost for delivery right to the door. Now I’m set for winter. The days will be less weighty not having to run around shopping and lugging bulky items home. It’s good to be focused and have a plan. Even the little outing I had yesterday with my parents to get their flu shots and to pick up a few things tired me out. Sometimes you don’t realize how much extra energy this Covid thing eats up.

I’m glad that tomorrow is a day off. Aside from a walk, I am not committed to doing anything. I have soup made for lunch already. I’ve done enough baking this week. We’ve polished off all the pumpking chocolate chip muffins I made. I made 2 batches of sourdough buns the other day. My best and easiest so far. You can see the bubbles in my dough. And the Jerusalem artichokes are taken care of. They’re pickled. They do not keep long before going soft. You can only eat so many at one time. It’s a good reason they dubbed them fartychokes! Fermenting is suppose to take the fart out. Let’s see it is true. Time will tell.

It is getting late. I best say good night. I hope this is an easy read. I will be back tomorrow for day 29.