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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

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I remember a time when we were strangers in the night.

The night was dark but the moon and stars were bright.  They lit up the sky and the world for us.  We took the challenge and followed the path.  We rediscovered who we were and are to each other.

It felt strange.  There was no choice.  Our script was already written.  We had to play our parts.  We did not forget the past and the other players.  They added challenge, richness and texture to our lives.

The play is still on for it’s a part of God’s grand scheme.

 

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

JUST ONE THING

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Life sometimes doesn’t start till 10 some mornings, or I should say most mornings lately.  The darkness presses down on me and I am happy to stay in bed, listening to Sheba being fed, smelling the rich aroma of coffee being made.  I snuggle deeper into the comforter.  What is there to do anyways in the dark?

I am unable to think or feel beyond the sensation of nothingness.  Of course it is impossible to stay in bed indefinitely.  One can get bored in the void.  I reason that there must be others like me.  I cannot be the only one.

So I sighed and threw back the covers and swung my legs over the edge.  The simple act of doing this one thing led to other things….getting dressed, brushing my teeth, washing my face.  In other words it led to what is call living.

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort of putting one foot in front of the other.  You have to train and practice until it becomes a habit.  After that you can put one foot in front of the other even when you think your life stinks.

It’s taken me a long time to get here.  I have cried and whined a river and an ocean.  But nobody can live my life for me except me so I have to haul my own ass out of bed, dress and show up every morning in person.  Man, it’s hard!

MY LITTLE SISTER

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Here I am with my little sister on our first Christmas in Canada.  She was two and I nine.  The years flew like lightning.

Now we are grown, she a pharmacist and I, a retired nurse.   Though I’m the elder, I still consult her on things like my blood pressure.  ‘ If you drop 20 pounds’,  she said.

Drop 20 pounds!  Those were the right words.  The first 6-8 pounds came off in a few weeks.  Now I am at a standstill.  Still I am pleased.

I have more pounds to go.   I can get there now without my little sister kicking my butt.

2014 – LOOKING FORWARD

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The mornings are still dark as night and my urge to rise and shine is low.  Even so I try to put my head and heart in their right space.  It’s 2014, a new year full of blank pages to be filled as I desire.  Sure, there are unforseen things and circumstances ahead but it is I who has to set the intentions of where I wish to go.

So let me look forward to 2014 and set my intentions for health, happiness and prosperity.  I KNOW that if I have my health, it will lead to the other two.  And what better time to renew my intention to practice the 4 Agreements than now?

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Four seemingly simple statements but they are so powerful.  They can set me free.  So let me remember and return to them again and again.  I am but human and will falter again and again.  But I will always do my best.

THE CHANGING OF THE CLOTH

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Christmas is over.  My table is empty of food but my heart is full.  I have been silent this last while, resting and catching my breath.  It is not just from the holiday season but maybe from my whole life.

Sometimes it is good to be silent and let things be.  Let the dust of life settle on its own.  The picture might be clearer in the end.  But I can see that it’s slightly askew.  No matter.  It is still a pretty picture.  A little touch will straighten it out.  We all need those little touches.  We want those touches, those caresses, hugs and pats on the head.

The mornings are still so cold and dark even though the days are suppose to be getting longer.  In the darkness before I rise, dark thoughts come into my head.  I know they are not real and yet sometimes they drag me down.   I try not to linger in its gloom.  I get up and begin the routine of another day.

My qigong movements do not feel smooth and flowing.  It is difficult to be in the moment with the breath but I do my best anyways.  It is -30 C this morning but I put on my winter gear and head out of the door with Sheba in tow.  The sun is out, the air chilled but no wind.

And now, here I am, a cup of hot chocolate beside me, tap, tapping away.  I have found my voice again.  The darkness is gone and I am bathed in sunlight.  2013 is almost gone.  To welcome the new year, I have put out something new and bright.  It is the tradition of my ancestors.  Let us look forward to happiness and prosperity.  Gong Hey Fat Choy!

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SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

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Sometimes life sings to me.  This morning I am hearing John Lennon’s So This is Christmas.  I hope it is a good one.  I hope the war is over and there will be no fear.

I am choosing to have a good Christmas – full of good cheer.  Sometimes it is  a matter of intention, no matter where in life we are.  What better time of year than now to reset my intention button, polish up my halo and shine this little light of mine.

At the top of my Intention List I have put Generosity.  I am talking about generosity of gifting through the heart.  I am doing generosity aerobics to exercise and stretch my heart muscles.  They protest at times and I have had to quiet their noises.  It takes practice and practice but it’s well worth the effort.

So this is Christmas.  I am full of gratitude.  Another year is almost over and a new one about to begin.  I wish you all a very peaceful Christmas and may we all have a good year.

REST

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I am still struggling with this cold of mine.  It is tiresome now and getting on my nerve!  I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and let it out.  Frustration never works.  It just hampers healing.  Though I resist it, rest is what I need.

I close my eyes and travel back to trying times in the past.  I remember when I struggle the hardest, in my stubborn non-yielding way, things got more difficult.  It is when I finally learn to surrender and open myself to the universe, that life became wondrous and magical again.

Everything is a circle.  What goes up will come down.  There will times of sadness and happiness.  There will be health and illness.  There will be darkness and light.  And this cold, too, shall pass, if I am willing.

A MEMORY

My GrandmotherNelson Mandela’s death and all the news coverage brought back the memory of my dear grandmother, for she, too, had been imprisoned by political forces.  She was not in prison for 27 years like him, but still…the hardships, physical and emotional were all there.  And whereas, Mandela taught the inmates to read and write, my grandmother was grateful for learning to read and write her own name in prison.

I can see the irony in that today.  She couldn’t read or write her name even though my grandfather was a learned man, a teacher, a principal of the school. He was too busy with the school and work in the community to teach her.  She was too busy with working in the rice fields and at home to learn until she was in prison.

And as the most educated man  in their village, he was called upon to do many duties – accounting, reading and writing letters, settling disputes, etc.  People did not have much so they paid with what they had, like a chicken, eggs, vegetables from their garden.  Sometimes they cannot pay.  Sometimes he gives them their old clothes, blankets for the winter or rice that was meant for next year’s crops.  He thought the rice was better to be eaten when someone was hungry.  Next year’s crop could wait.

Sometimes one is not honoured by one’s good character nor  works.  He earned envy and enemies.  When the Mao Zedong and the Communist came into power, there was much confusion in China.  My grandfather’s enemies took advantage and accused him of corruption and wrongdoings.  Luckily for him, his friends got wind of the plots for his life and warned him.  He escaped by a hair’s breath, hiding behind some bushes and made his way to Hong Kong.

My grandmother was the unlucky one.  They took her in his place.  I do not know how long she was in prison but they moved her at least once.  My mother was working in the fields as they led my grandmother past.  She dared not look up even to acknowledge her own mother, but kept her eyes cast down, tears flowing.  One wrong move or anything that can be construe as anti-Mao could be dangerous.

My own eyes are clouded by tears as I write this.  My grandmother has been gone since 1969 and yet she still resides close to our hearts.  I can write no more at this time.

I’D DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY

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It’s a glorious sunny morning.  Sheba and I are out on our daily morning run. It’s really a slow trot with a stop every half block.  It’s exhilarating.  I feel every cell in my being oxygenated and revived.  My spirit soars.

That’s what a little sun can do for me.  I savour the moment, feeling  pleasure all the way down to my toes.  I will remember this on those endless cloudy days when the sky is a grey blanket pressing down on me.  I can choose how I feel.  I will not just wish and say, I’d do things differently.

POSTCRIPT FROM THE LEDGE

IMG_3934You’ve made it to retirement and if you think you can just fall back into life again, guess again!

It’s not that easy.  The life you once knew is no more.  For one thing, you’ve grown up.  No, you’ve grown old – pensionable and pensioned.  You can no longer fit into a size 5, 7, or 9.  Even a 10 is stretching it.  Now you are breathless just bending over to tie up your boot laces.  What the hell happened here?

What happened to all my plans that I saved up for ‘when I retire’?  Not that I am bored with nothing to do.  I have too much to do but don’t know how to do it.  The world I knew has changed and I am hanging from the ledge.

Deep breath now.  Relax.  Remember that you are probably not alone.  You have the tools.  You have the words.  You can write your own script.  This life is but a dream and you are the dreamer.  So dream the life that is meant for you.  Be brave.  Be daring.  You are already on the ledge.  Be vulnerable.  Be true.  Be you.