About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

A TIGHT FIX

Posted on November 7, 2014 by hafong

It is Friday and time for Friday Fictioneers. Every Friday we gather here to share our stories of 100 words from a photo prompt. We are hosted by the ever effervescent Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Comments and constructive critiques are welcomed.

PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright – Jean L. Hays

She squirmed uncomfortably in the back seat. She was tightly wedged in on both sides – a skinny Canadian expat on her right and a big American woman on the left.

Sally shifted herself, pushing up on the roof for support. She could hardly breathe. She tried to lean back but was met with their unyielding luggage.

How did she get in this fix? She would need the jaws of life to get her out of this. She dared not look at the woman. It would start another flood of conversation and tears about the boyfriend again.

She counted the hours.

SHAKING UP NOVEMBER

Posted on November 7, 2014 by hafong

One should not abandon a good habit or routine. I’m here once again with my morning Chai. My fingers are limbered and eager to tap out their words. I’m hard pressed to say where they come from. I never know what will come out. They just do. They have a mind of their own.

It’s almost 8 am. It’s still dark, dark out. I am too watchful of the days and time. That’s what you do when you are retired. In other times, I would stumble out of bed at the crack of dawn. I would dress and hustle out with Sheba for our walk before going to work. The darkness would be just on the periphery of my consciousness. In other times I had gone to work sick as I have been lately. I felt I had to unless I needed life support. Funny what we can do when there was no other choice.

So have I been whining a lot lately? Have I turned soft and complaining too much about my lot in life? I hope not. I have not meant to. I am just ventilating, breathing out the toxins. Don’t pay attention to my negativity. I am balancing my chi, doing a re-alignment of my chakras. I am not an expert in chakras or chi. I rely on my innate compass but here’s a short course in chakras from MindBodyGreen:

The 7 Chakras are the energy centers in our body in which energy flows through.
Blocked energy in our 7 Chakras can often lead to illness so it’s important to understand what each Chakra represents and what we can do to keep this energy flowing freely. Here’s our quick summary:

1. Root Chakra – Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded.

Location: Base of spine in tailbone area.

Emotional issues: Survival issues such as financial independence, money, and food.

More on Root Chakra healing

2.Sacral Chakra – Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.

Location: Lower abdomen, about 2 inches below the navel and 2 inches in.

Emotional issues: Sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure, sexuality.

More on Sacral Chakra healing

3.Solar Plexus Chakra – Our ability to be confident and in-control of our lives.

Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.

Emotional issues: Self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem.

More on Solar Plexus Chakra healing

4.Heart Chakra – Our ability to love.

Location: Center of chest just above heart.

Emotional issues: Love, joy, inner peace.

More on Heart Chakra healing

5.Throat Chakra – Our ability to communicate.

Location: Throat.

Emotional issues: Communication, self-expression of feelings, the truth.

More on Throat Chakra healing

6. Third Eye Chakra – Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.

Location: Forehead between the eyes. (Also called the Brow Chakra)

Emotional issues: Intuition, imagination, wisdom, ability to think and make decisions.

More on Third Eye Chakra healing

7. Crown Chakra – The highest Chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.

Location: The very top of the head.

Emotional issues: Inner and outer beauty, our connection to spirituality, pure bliss.

More on Crown Chakra healing

I am shaking up my chakras a little. It is how I get myself out of the doldrums sometimes. I’m shaking them up to the music of Johnny Kidd & The Pirates. I’ve got the quivers down the back bone, I got the shivers down the thigh bone… I feel my chakras sliding into place, in perfect alignment.

Do what you must to have a good day. I have to stop complaining about November. It is a wonderful month to:

re-align my chakras
simmer soup
make baguettes to eat with the soup
roast root vegetables
learn French
Zentangle and doodle
work on my short stories
work on my Jesus (cross stitch)
lane swim
plan on spring garden

I think Jesus heard me and sent out the sun. It is beaming and smiling over my right shoulder.

NOVEMBER HEART

Posted on November 6, 2014 by hafong

I broke routine this morning and put aside my keyboard. I spent time reading Alice Walker’s Now is the Time to Open Your Heart.

Perhaps November is not the time for such readings – of a woman on a spiritual journey, on an adventure quest, on a search for self. It is a little disconcerting, for I am such a woman. I have been on this long and rocky road for many a day, searching for my own lost self.

I left my motherland many years ago, not of my own accord. I followed my mother as she left her house and home. We left our village. We left our country and countrymen. We left the aunties and grandmothers. We left the cousins. We crossed oceans and continents to Gold Mountain to join my father and others like him in search of THE DREAM.

Here I am many years later, still in Gold Mountain, still searching for THE DREAM. I am tap, tapping on the keyboard. I wonder if anyone can hear my taps. Is it like Morse Code to them? Can they decipher my words?

November is a harsh month. The cold grey of the sky sends shivers through my marrow. I am not fooled by its watery cool sunlight. I am wary, on guard against all possibles. I am warmed by the aromas of soup simmering on the stove. That is what you do on grey November days. You bring the warmth of summer and autumn into your house and heart however you can. All the colours of the garden- the gold of squash, the red of tomatoes and beets, the green of kale – are simmering in the pot.

THE BEST I CAN DO

Posted on November 5, 2014 by hafong

Routines can be so tedious at times. Ugh! That is what I am feeling at this moment. I am here, nevertheless, with my morning Chai. I am feeling more myself. It’s good to be able to sleep again laying down – two nights in a row now.

I had been sleeping in my recliner, being breathless and panicky laying down. I was feeling attached to my Lazy Boy. I was afraid of letting it go, but I survived. How quickly habits and attachments set in. It reminded me of a patient I had. Her hospital stay was longer than expected. She had one complication after another. She finally went home after a lengthy stay.

She dropped by with a box of chocolates and thank you card after being home for a week. She was teary talking about being home. She was anxious and missed the side rails on her bed and having curtains around. She worried about being crazy. I reassured her that she was not. She had been so sick and having people around her, checking on her 24 hours/day for weeks. It was a natural thing to feel a bit insecure, even if her husband and children were in the house. She breathed a big sigh of relieve. It mattered to her that I understood how she felt. She left with a smile amid her tears. I was happy to be able to do that.

Yesterday was a wordless day. It was a time to catch up with family. It was time for lunch with my mother and sister. I hadn’t seen them for awhile. It was time to get reconnected. It was a time for my sister and I to give our mother some time, to listen to her stories and reminiscences.

And today is a picture-less day. It’s not a day of creativity so I worked – at paying my bills and other necessities of life. When you can’t create, you can work. I can work at putting things in order. I am tired. I am worn out. I am feeling life. This is the best I can do today. Tomorrow is another day.

WORKING THROUGH NOVEMBER

Posted on November 3, 2014 by hafong

November is coming in like a lion. The yard is speckled with snow as I let Sheba out this morning. It is wet, grey and dreary. I am reminded of another autumn, the time after I came back from a holiday in China.

It was the fall of 2001. I had not expected that it would be so dreary and so cold. I had expected that there would be some sunny and warm days yet to come. There would be time for me to put the yard and garden stuff away. After all, it was still September. But there was none. I had to use my hairdryer to thaw out the garden hose from the outside tap. Greyness permeated my days and being. I had difficulties with sleep and jet lag. It was a difficult autumn and year to follow.

Remembering that, I am watchful of myself that I don’t fall into that deep abyss again. Experience is a great teacher. Routines and healthy habits are great aids. I pay attention to my inner voice. I breathe and give myself time. A nano second can make a difference in how I see and feel. Sometimes I fake it till I make it. This is the time for all those would’s and should’s. I ask myself, how would/should a reasonable person behave? In that nano second I ask again, Is that true?

And so, I am living my life best as I can. I am trying again and again, struggling with all of life, struggling with my outer and inner moral compasses. I am choosing my well-being and happiness over everything, over being right. I’m deciding on what is best for me in the long run. It is a difficult tug of war for my puritanical mind. It is hard to compromise. I’m trying hard to be kind to myself and others as well. It is not easy but practice does make for better.

I AM making for better. I am getting up, dressing up and showing up every day. I am tap, tapping out the words. They are showing me the way, lighting up this grey dreary morning. There is no novel in me yet. Perhaps I am afraid of letting it out. But I am working hard. I am still working towards my goal of 1000 words a day. I’ve accomplished the 500/day for the month of October. I can stretch and reach a little further this month. It’s a good way to chase the blues away. And I’ve found help from Henry Miller via Brain Pickings this morning.

“COMMANDMENTS

Work on one thing at a time until finished.

Start no more new books, add no more new material to ‘Black Spring.’

Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.

Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!

When you can’t create you can work.

Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.

Keep human! See people, go places, drink if you feel like it.

Don’t be a draught-horse! Work with pleasure only.

Discard the Program when you feel like it—but go back to it next day. Concentrate. Narrow down. Exclude.

Forget the books you want to write. Think only of the book you are writing.

Write first and always. Painting, music, friends, cinema, all these come afterwards. ”

Perhaps I can write my own manifesto in this dreary month of November. I can adopt Miller’s motto: “When you can’t create you can work.”

I am so grateful and appreciative for the support of friends through the Internet. Likes and comments mean a lot – most especially during this time of coughs, sniffles and I feel sorry for me. I try to r reciprocate in kind. There are great communities out there. It is wonderful that we can reach out and ‘touch’ each other, no matter how far away we are.

There is light in these grey days of November. I can shine despite the darkness. So let me share a little glow here. I zentangled this little chameleon from a template of Ben Kwok’s that he so generously shares on Ornation Creation. What a great group it is, too, sharing and showing their work and giving encouragement to others.

How is November treating you?

THE SHORT AND THE POIGNANT

Posted on November 2, 2014 by hafong

November can be such a cruel month with its steely skies and chilly winds. It is almost 9 am. I am fed and medicated. It is very grey. Raindrops are on the window panes. There is nothing cheerful and inviting about today. If I am not careful, I could fall into its doldrums.

I’m on the tail end of my cold, just suffering its passage. I’m giving myself a vigorous shake. I know the thing not to do is tell someone to snap out of it. But that is precisely what I have to do. I have to grab the tiger by the tail and give it a good yank.

Snap out of it! Drop it! Get on with it! Whatever it takes! I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being sick. Boy, I make a lousy patient! The thing is I have lost my momentum and I’m pissed.

I still had high hopes and tons of energy when I came back from France. I had such plans of finally getting life in order, write a book or two, make peace with every Tom, Dick and Jane. I had all my bags unpacked, clothes laundered and put away. I was ready to tackle the real stuff next. You know what can happen to the best laid plans. Kapow! My cough got nastier. And the rest was history.

So here I sit, tapping out my anguish. Joyce Carol Oates’ Sourland is giving me ideas but no immediate relief. If anything, it is adding to my distress with life. Sourland is a collection of 16 short stories. Six stories in, I am finding them gripping and mesmerizing. They are poignant portraits of flawed human beings with flawed lives. Ugh! I want life the beautiful, princesses and fairy tales right now. It is my cold, my illness speaking. Don’t listen to it.

It’s sapping my energy. I feel like I need to have a rest, then take the beast out for her walk. She is also feeling desolate this morning, needing her toys to cuddle with. A little fresh air and exercise would do us both good. I will just have to bundle up a little.

*****

The grey is more palatable being in it than watching it from indoors. It is a relief to be in the great outdoors. The grey is not so oppressive. It is drizzling just enough to get Sheba’s coat damp. It is not too cold nor windy. We are alone on the streets on this Sunday morning.

The little exercise is refreshing. I’m back here again. I will put away my sick persona, pack up my cold symptoms and cast them out. They are hampering me. I don’t have it in me to write a 1600 words or even 1000 words a day. But I can still work on it. Perhaps I have enough in me to write my own poignant short story in November. It’s not all or nothing. It’s one word at a time. You don’t give up. You don’t go back. You don’t start from scratch. You start from here. I should listen to myself sometimes.

A FLOWER IN THE DESERT

Posted on November 1, 2014 by hafong

I’ve survived to see another morning! I think I’m going to live for sure this time. The porridge is simmering/boiling over on the stove. I’m sipping my early morning Chai and tapping my heart away. Life looks good again. I’m savouring this moment, breathing in the goodness, thankful for God’s caring of this wilful child.

Yes, I have been lost in the wilderness of my desert, succumbing for awhile to the devil siren’s songs. I have wandered these last few days, following her enticing melodies – like the rats after the Pied Piper. I have been lost, but now I am found.

It is good to step out of desert into the oasis that is my life. I no longer feel that it is small. I no longer feel I am small. I am a woman who have accomplished much in her life time. She has travelled from her village in China, to Hong Kong and then Canada. In her life here, she has travelled to the Scandinavian countries, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, China. Malaysia, Thailand. She has cruised the Caribbean and Alaska. She has just returned from France. And she does not call China home any more.

This woman has been a child. She is a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. She has waitressed, been a secretary and a nurse. She has walked and stumbled many a times. She has celebrated, cried and suffered losses. She will many times again. She has lived and does not need instructs on how to be. She is learning always – on how to be better in this universe.

For now, she has given up writing her novel during NaWriNoMo. Instead she has taken up lolling and resting in the warmth of the sun, reading Alice Munro and Joyce Carol Oates. She is enjoying their words and artistry of plots and descriptions. She hopes it will rub off on her.

She is no longer thinking of herself as a rat but a desert flower, blooming despite her arid past. She no longer feels she lacks but is rich and fulfilled – with love and experience, if of a different sort. She is after all rather eccentric or so she’s been told not just once. It is a compliment most supreme.

Joy is rushing into her now. Ideas and words are popping into her head. The words are rushing to come out of her fingertips. Whoa, slow down! One at a time please. My fingers can only go so fast. What is the hurry? There is time. Tomorrow is another day. Don’t mess me up now, Scarlet.

BREATHLESS IN SASKATOON

Posted on October 31, 2014 by hafong

This morning I am sipping dandelion tea made from roots dug this summer. Steel cut porridge is simmering on the stove. The aroma and steam from the cooking is soothing for my dry passages. No, my tryst with the cold is not over. I am fooled once again.

It is difficult to be patient. I am angry with my body, not healing fast enough. But I must get over my anger and allow my body the ease to heal itself. The two of us fighting each other will only prolong the process.

My anxiety last evening sent me into a panic of breathlessness. I got a dose of how my patients used to feel. One never knows how it feels until the shoe is on the other foot or should I say, on my foot. It is good to taste one’s own medicine. A cup of peppermint tea and other tending from the man around the house helped a lot. An old beauty aid comes in handy, too. Never throw anything out. You just never know when something will come in handy.

I should stop saying, I think I’m feeling better today. Optimism hasn’t helped. I should just ride out the storm. My colds are usually long affairs. I’m among the 10% of the population with undeveloped sinuses. The only ones I have are tiny ones above my eyebrows.

I didn’t know I was an anomaly till I was in my 30s when I had an acute attack of facial pain (sinusitis). It was after visits to several specialists that I was diagnosed. What it meant for me was I can’t breathe dirty air. I had to give up smoking. At my worst, everything bothered me – dust, perfume, cigarette smoke. I could taste the ink on newspapers in the same room. Colds took a long time to get over.

Life generally sucks when I have a cold. I can be handle it only for a week. Then I go berserk which is right around now. I feel totally devoid of sanity and good will. Thank goodness Christmas is not till December for I am also short on joy.

However, life marches on. I still have the same old, same old problems, perplexities or whatever it is that life is made of. It is not made of sugar canes, that is for sure. That reminds me, I have bills to pay. Call me cranky, call me bitchy. They both fit. And as ~~Scarlet Ohara~~ I would breathlessly say, Tomorrow is another day.

SURRENDERING TO THE TAO

Posted on October 30, 2014 by hafong

Our household is up early this morning having gone to bed at 8:30 last night. That is what you do when you are sick, hoping to get better. It’s no wonder we’re wide awake before 5 am. You can only sleep so much, whatever state of health you are in, unless….

I’m sitting here with my hot Chai. I have on a sweater and a vest. A scarf is wrapped around my neck to keep out drafts. Still – I feel the shivers go through me now and again. My head still echoes but somehow feels lighter. My voice is hoarse in a different timbre. I am getting better. No visit to the doctor necessary.

I admit that I was down in the dumps a bit yesterday. Not feeling super duper can colour everything. Remember that! I was sick of everything – in my immediate world and beyond. I felt nauseated by the news, by people and relationships. To sum it neatly, I was nauseated by life.

I suppose you could say I have a bad attitude. I call it surrendering. It is good to give up sometimes. I hate those songs and cliches that say: smile the while you’re crying, smile even though your heart is breaking, blah, blah, blah. Enough of that horse shit! See, I tell you I’m giving up – fighting. I’m going with the Tao, the Way of my ancestors.

I’m been on the highway of resistance through most of my life. Let me change and try another way for awhile. I am weary of hurtling over obstacles. My being is drained by dark shadows. I put my trust in the spirits of my ancestors to lead me out to the light.

I feel their presence around me as I sit here tap, tapping my way out of the shadows and into the light. I have no need after all, of magic wands nor Wonder Woman’s golden tiara or bracelets. I have the magic of my words to wield the changes I desire.

Tête-à-Tête

Posted on October 29, 2014 by hafong

It’s not quite Friday but it’s close enough for me. I’ve missed Friday Fictioneers for the last few weeks. I miss the telling of a story in 100 words. Once again, let me thank Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple for hosting us. I hope I haven’t lost my words somewhere in the vineyards of France.

PHOTO PROMPT-Copyright-Melanie Greenwood

How dare you!” Alice huffed. She stood, pushing back her chair. Hands on hips, she glared down at the young woman.

Her eyes were met with cold stony blankness. She knew by the proud tilt of the head that she had gotten nowhere. She accepted the obvious. She was tired of it all.

Alice sighed heavily. She put the chair back neatly under the table. The young woman made no move. The tears were gone. Her face was smooth and calm like marble.

C’est la vie. Alice thought to herself. It was time to stop the words and just live.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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