About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

NOTHINGNESS AND POSITIVITY

Posted on April 9, 2015 by hafong

Today I’m writing from Kat McNally’s prompt in this space – the last time I felt completely relaxed was…. I’m not quite sure if it is possible for me to feel completely relaxed. But I’ve been working hard at it. You see, that is my problem – I work hard at everything with guns blazing. Does that sound relaxing? Of course not and it backfired on me. So now, I’m working on not working so hard. I do learn from my mistakes or it’s just my body was sending out SOS signals and I finally listened.

I have dedicated this week to nothingness and positivity. My body and mind demand it. I need to let go of the striving part of me, always striving for goals of further, better, more, of being in perfect ~~harmony~~ control. Nothingness is a little easier when you are down and burnt of energy.

I started the project(my striving mind talking again) with the way I walk Sheba. There was going to be no hurry, no yanking of the leash, she can sniff all she wants. How long can a sniff last? It was going to be a mindful walk, being in the moment with my furry baby. It worked pretty well, though I did forget myself a few times. OK Sheba! Enough! Yank on the chain. What can I say but bad habits take over.

We met someone early on our walk. Remembering positivity, I smiled and said good morning. She replied with: It’s a beautiful day. I replied with: It’s about time! Bad habit took over again. The retort was out before I could stop myself. I cursed a little at myself inside. I stopped. No beating on self allowed either! Positivity and kindness apply for myself, too. It was a good walk. I learned a lot about my behaviour being mindful. My talking mind was going a hundred miles/hour in my head. I saw what a hurried and controlling person I was inside. No wonder Sheba digs her heels in and refuses to budge sometimes! Dogs need to smell their coffee, too.

It’s good to take time out, let go and let the nothingness take over. In the nothingness of that time, however short, I found peace and relaxation. I will not ask nor strive for more. It is enough.

FROM WHERE I STAND

Posted on April 8, 2015 by hafong

From where I stand. #aprillove2015

From where I stand today, I see that I still want perfection. I still long to be better and more – than what, I do not know. Even though I was born in China and have stood at the center of the world at Cape Three Points, Ghana, I still feel I’ve been nowhere. The lack I feel is endless. I recognize that. I accept them. They are just feelings. They are not me. I am whole as is. I am where I’m suppose to be. Here. Now.

#AprilMoon

I know that now. Had I recognize that years ago, what would I tell my younger self? I don’t know and if I did, would I believe myself? So from where I am standing or sitting today, it is best to get up and get on with life. If I had known better, I know I would have done better. If I could, I would, wouldn’t you?

Thank you again to Susannah Conway and Kat McNally for your prompts.

WHAT NOURISHES ME

Posted on April 7, 2015 by hafong

#aprillove2015

What nourishes me? What is my favourite colour/flower? These are some of the questions about myself that I have not given much thought to – until recently. I haven’t given myself much consideration. I really don’t know myself and I haven’t taken good care of myself. Thanks to Susannah Conway’s April Love Challenge for bringing me that awareness.

It is time to look within myself, time to get acquainted with me, I and myself. April is the beginning of spring and new growth. It is a good time to cuddle up with my fur baby, quiet the mind and still body. We can just be in the empty space created. The world is too loud. How can we hear ourselves? How can we recognize what nourishes us in the noisy din? It is the spaces in between that defines shapes. It is the rest between notes that create music. Perhaps in this quiet and stillness, I will recognize what fills me. This is enough now. Everything is as it should be.

TOUCH – KISSED BY SUNSHINE, HELD IN SHADOW

Posted on April 6, 2015 by hafong

Here I am, feeling challenged amidst my challenges. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? They are not ‘musts’, life or death situations. They are challenges I have signed up to give me goals, inspirations and structure for my posts and writing. If I leave it to time or inclination, you know what will happen – nothing. And so, I have signed up for #aprillove with Susannah Conway, April Moon with Kat McNally, and Ultimate Blog Challenge .

I am really loving the prompts and loving coming from these sources. Keeping up is not easy, but it is not hard either if I don’t let my thoughts intrude and if I stop thinking in scarcity of time. They rob me of creativity and mire me in STUCK. I am not behind. I am forging ahead the best I can. I have to embrace the good and bad, the yin and the yang. I love the day and the night. What am I but one dimensional without my shadow? It will be good if I can accept and embrace my dark side. I am me, myself and I. Wherever I go, they and my shadow also go.

#AprilMoon prompt

Cia, goodbye past, I am writing the next chapter, a new story of my life. You no longer work. And now I am free of fear of uncertainty, of the dark, of the shadows within myself. I can breathe now and let me, myself and I out completely. I am singing in the rain, dancing in sunshine. Oh let those clouds come by. I am not afraid. I am kissed by sunshine, held in shadow.

GOOD FRIDAY

Posted on April 3, 2015 by hafong

Today is Good Friday. It is a good day, though it is overcast and cool. It is the kind of weather that unsettles and saps my energy. But Sheba has had a couple of good days and nights now. She is herself again. I am very grateful to see my happy puppy again. She is still my baby at 8 1/2.

This morning she wanted to play. It’s been awhile. When I asked her, she gleefully ran into the sunroom for her toys. She loves to play tug of war. She growls, teasing me to take her stick. Come and get it! She is a playful girl.

You have to take the difficult times along with all the days in between. The good days are all the sweeter after the trying times. All the days make up what we call life. It is what it is.

Acceptance is hard. This I know. But still…I am grateful for this moment to be here – as it is.

APRIL/SELF LOVE

Posted on April 2, 2015 by hafong

It’s another morning, another day. Snow has fallen during the night. The yard is bathed in white and sunlight. The night has been good for all of us. Our bodies and minds are rested. This morning the egg does not look so lonely on my plate. Our stomachs are sated. We are content.

It is not a bad thing to acknowledge our bad times. It is not a bad thing to vent. It is not showing our weaknesses, our failures but showing our humanity. If I can share my vulnerabilities, maybe you can share yours. We can learn from each other and build a bridge between us. Our planet can be a lonely place these days. We hide behind our fences and facades. We dare not trespass on each other’s backyard. It’s yours. It’s mine. Can we make it ours?

April is a good month to extend yourself by reaching out or within. It is the month of spring, the greening of the earth. It is a time for germination of seeds and ideas. How can we love ourselves and each other more? How can we plant more seeds for love?

APRIL’S FOOL

Posted on April 1, 2015 by hafong

It is April 1, a grey, dismal and depressing day. I’m not the first to say it. Someone beat me to it on Facebook. I hate to be the first to rain on the parade but today would be the kind of day that I could easily cave into my ‘the heck with its’.

I could have easily eaten a platter of fried eggs on toast. It would have been so comforting. It would have eased that generalized sense of discomfort, grumpiness arising from the pit of stomach – that sense of restlessness, dissatisfaction. But I stuck with my one egg on one toast, topped with a fried sliced tomato. It looked lonely on my plate. It sufficed my hunger if not my disposition.

My morning view – promise of summer ahead. #aprillove2015

How does one move on with the day when clouds hang really and metaphorically over one’s head? It’s good thing I had already signed up for a few challenges though today is the least likely time for them. At least I don’t have to rack my brain for ideas and inspirations. Now is not the time for brainstorming or brain surgery. Following through is much easier. It does not take much thinking or skill to aim the iPhone camera out of window and post the photo. This is for Susannah Conway’s April love photo challenge. It’s simple and quick, giving me a sense of accomplishment.

As you might know my dog, Sheba has been experiencing periods of anxiety. I have not been resting well at night with her restlessness. I am tired and cranky even in the morning with no energy for useful purposes. My yoga and meditation routines relaxed and mellowed me so I could take her out for her walk. Yes, there’s no rest for us mothers, even if our baby is a furry one.

The good thing about these kind of days is that the day seem to stretch forever. I have time on my hands to do whatever. Perhaps it is not the best time to cut my hair but I took a chance. Hair grows. I hate going to the hairdresser. I am happy with the result. It doesn’t look like a hatchet job, does it? I guess I could have smiled but smiling takes energy.

I am happy with how I’ve dealt with my day. I’m down to my final challenge – writing my post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is hard but first one word, then another. Then it’s one sentence followed by another. That is how life is, etc. etc.

I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN

Posted on March 30, 2015 by hafong

Just when I think I have a handle on things, dare to relax and let go, life – that perennial jokester, shows herself again. I shake my head. What makes me think that there is smooth sailing into the sunset from now till eternity? It’s an illusion, happening only in movies. I know that, but still I hold onto that dream of Utopia. I am a little blue and sleep deprived. Sheba has had a little relapse with her anxiety yesterday.

We were too happy too soon with her recovery the other day. I thought it was behind us. But nothing is ever that easy. ~~We all~~ I know all that. How many times have I been sure that I will never be afraid again and I will never feel depressed again? And time after time I have been wrong. It is the cycle of everything. What goes up, must come down. There’s the good times. There’s the hard times. Otherwise life would be stagnant. The Universe would be a huge yawn. Do I really want a Utopia?

So Sheba is going through a rough period again. I take a deep breath. What do you do when your child is afraid? You can’t abandon her or tell her to snap out of it. You hold and love her. And so we put on her Thunder Shirt. It helps with the shaking. We stand over her while she eats. She looks over her shoulder with every bite, checking for the bogeyman. We can’t see or hear him but then we don’t have her senses.

Just when she is able to settle for the night on her mat at the foot of the bed, she is jolted upright by some energy. I don’t know if my imagination was at work or not, but I could feel ‘it’ at the same time – not the same intensity as Sheba but I sensed it all the same. There was no calming her. She would not lay down and she cried softly. How can you go to sleep when your baby is crying.

In the end, I took her out to the living room and we laid down on her big fluffy pillow. It was not big enough for both of us but I made do with three cushions and a couple of blankets. She relaxed and went to sleep. I was able to wiggle myself free and laid on the sofa within her sight. She was happy with that and stayed on her pillow. Surprisingly, I had a restful though short sleep.

Today, she is better though we still did the Thunder Shirt in the afternoon. We still stand guard when she is eating but she is restful tonight, going off to bed by herself. Yoga is good for both of us. She likes my mat. Hope it lasts but no one ever promised me a rose garden for ever and ever.

IN THE QUIET

Posted on March 28, 2015 by hafong

I have been wandering silent in the desert. I could not find nor utter any words. It is as if I am empty of everything. It is not a bad thing. It is just what it is – a time for the quiet.

In the quiet, I am learning to be still within myself. I’m finding that it is safe to stay here in this moment, in this space. No need to rush off. There is no emergencies, no one to rescue – except myself. I can be here for me.

My time in the desert is coming to an end. It is time well spent, getting acquainted with myself, feeling my body, its sensations, its discomforts and staying the whole while. I have learned to weather all the changes and storms like the majestic mountains. I am standing tall and rooted to the ground – steady and strong. I am understanding of being grounded. I am here today and not gone tomorrow.

I love the desert with its silence and barren beauty. I will come back again and again. It nourishes me and makes me feel whole.

DOROTHY and TOTO against WICKED

Posted on March 19, 2015 by hafong

It’s time for storytelling on Friday Fictioneers. We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Here’s my tale of 100 words. I believe in fairy tales, princesses and witches.

PHOTO PROMPT – © Copyright – Rachel Bjerke

Dorothy shivered in the evening air. They had followed the yellow brick road. This was no Emerald City though everything was green with moss.

She scooped up some clean water from the fountain for them and sat down on the cushion of leaves beside Toto. They were exhausted from being whirled, twirled and dropped by the tornado.

They were pursued by the Wicked Witch of the West with her pack of wolves, crows and bees. Wicked was green like slime with a giant eye like cyclops. She was no match against Dorothy’s crucifix.

Safe! Now a fire and some food.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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