Tag Archives: the world

A Surprising Thing

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This morning was difficult for me to navigate. You could say I was feeling the lowest ever. No positivity any where near the horizon. The weather had turned cold. Snow was falling from a grey sky. I had a morning dental appointment. Iran and Donald Trump still heavy on my mind. Unresolved and undissolved disappointment with another human being. I have yet to learn acceptance of others as they are. I was a glum and unapproachable person.

It’s another morning. It is colder. The sun is pale, peaking through a grey sky. We’ve had a little more snow. The greenhouse has dipped into minus temperatures again. The greens I have seeded a few days ago won’t be germinating any time soon. Meanwhile, our world is just as dangerous, a push button away from never returning. There is a reason why buttons are dangerous, not only to toddlers but to kings and presidents as well.

I am, however, not as glum as I thought. It was a surprising thing for me to discover that yesterday. I can bounce back. It happened at the dentist’s office. What it took was just a change of scenery, getting into the car and into traffic and arriving at my destination. I had to interact with the receptionist, then the hygienist and dentist. All that disrupted my thoughts and feelings. I had to stop that in order to deal with what’s at hand. Such a simple thing, eh?

It is not that simple, of course, but it is a springboard into better thinking and moods. It stopped my rumination and regurgitation of the same old, same old. I have to keep working at it. It is not a one time fix. I have this habit of falling into the same hole. Don’t we all? So don’t sit with it. Move, move, and move some more.

Wonder

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I think it is silly of me to insist that I feel better when I don’t. It is pretty hard to ignore the crazy stuff that is happening – the Epstein Files, the rants from President of the United States, and the wars he has caused.These are serious times and I feel seriously affected. I am not respectful of myself if I don’t allow myself to respond to these events with whatever feelings that come up. Similarly, losing my mother is a serious loss no matter how old she was. It is natural that I am sad. I know life goes on. I am happy she is not suffering any more but I can still mourn the loss. It is ok that I still feel sad now and again.

There’s no need for me to apologize for being human. There’s no need to fix anything.There’s no need to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Things, along with feelings, somehow evolve on their own. There are things that we do not have control over. Just when I am feeling the lowest, I noticed that my peppers are starting to germinate. I’ve been starting seeds for many years now. I am still surprised when I see a speck of green poking through the soil. I worry every year that they won’t. It is such a wonder to see every spring when they do.

Though life may look bleak and the world seem to be on the brink of disaster, I can still feel moments of wonder. I feel ok and normal with all my feelings. There is still tomorrow and I still have words.

TREPIDATION and LEARNING

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Saturday

The wind still blows in Saskatoon. No rain nor snow. We sure could use some moisture. It is what it is. Sometimes wants and needs are not met. But our solar panels are producing electricity. April will be our best month.

I am a wee bit restless today, having that feeling that I should ‘accomplish’ things. I try to relax with my new read – Sue Grafton’s N is for Noose. I was not successful. I gave that up after a few pages and took Sheba out for her walk. The wind was cold and wicked, blowing grit into my mouth and eyes. It was not pleasant but we got some exercise and fresh air.

It’s Saturday but it feels like Sunday. I skipped swimming this morning. I thought I would just enjoy the day, not trying to doing anything and everything. I think it was a bust. Some days are like that. There’s nothing I can do except practice doing nothing more often. Maybe then I could be more at home with it.

Sunday

The wind has not abated one bit. I’m a little more at ease with it even though I had gone to bed with trepidation last night. Another shooting at a California synagogue. What is happening in the world? What is happening in us? These things nagged me in the dark of the night and early morning.

Daylight disperses fear. The dawn brings hope and renewed faith. I continue my morning routine of tea and qigong. It’s soothing to move through the ancient movements of my ancestors. They work, energizing me to carry on breathing, living and learning. I’m very excited about the Brain Change Summit. Today I watched The Science and Principles of a Plant-Bassed Ketogenic Diet with Dr. Will Cole. I’m eager to watch the Psychological Impact of Climate Crisis with Dr. Lise Van Susteren next. There’s still 3 more days of the Summit after today if you are interested. It is free.