Corny Saturday

Posted on October 5, 2024 by hafong

The world is a messy place and I am finding life a bit frightful. That’s where I find myself these days. There’s no rest or peace. My thoughts go round and round like a frog in a blender – a bloody mess. There’s nothing to do but sit and stay.

So here I am, on this 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s more like my own personal journey on a lonely highway. I set out to write every day to make sense of the mess out there and in my mind. I must keep on. It’s better to limp along than to give up. I have decided to take an active part in our messy world rather than hide away in my personal sanctum. I am not alone so I might as well butter up and pull up my straps. Time to stop whining.

It helps to have a purpose to keep those boogie men away. And I do have one or two serious ones. Like I said yesterday, I am on a food adventure. Yesterday’s shopping was for the makings of fire cider. I wasn’t quite ready for it today. It can wait a little while but the corn in the cooler is getting older and older. They’ve been harvested a few weeks ago. I finally got my corn cutter from Lee Valley today. You can guess what came next. Here are the pictures.

First I removed all the husk off the cobs. Next I stripped off the kernels with corn cutter. Then I put half inch of water into pot large enough to hold all the corn. Next put the corn in and boil for 3 minutes. Remove pot and put pot into sink of ice cold water. Cool corn to room temperature. Bag corn in freezer bags. I got 4 bags for the freezer. Another day, another post.

Not Today

Posted on October 4, 2024 by hafong

Photo by Karen Lau00e5rk Boshoff on Pexels.com

I can’t say that today was a terrible day. But then I can’t really say it was a great day. Feeling thus, I thought best not to do any brain surgery type of things. It’s not a good day to do any financial or life altering planning either. But it calls for some muttering and stuttering on these pages. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I’m taking some positive actions. I have taken some positive actions. What may those be, you might query?

For one thing, I’m not going to worry about the format of the new linking thing for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s not very user friendly and distracting. I’m not trying to build up a business with my blog. It’s a place for me to mutter to make sense of the world and to stay sane. I’m feeling deep sorrow today and just need a place to put it outside of my heart. Sorrow can rot my soul and corrupt my whole being. So I’m saying no thank you. Not today.

I said yes to the library today. It’s a comfy place, full of words. I came home with 2 murder mysteries. They’re good for killing sorrow. I also came home with a yam, some horseradish, tumeric, ginger and curry leaves. They did not come from the library but from SuperStore. I’m on a food adventure. I’ not sinking into a depression.

I Could Just Scream

Posted on October 2, 2024 by hafong

Photo by u0414u043cu0438u0442u0440u0438u0439 u0417u0430u0439u0446u0435u0432 on Pexels.com

Sometimes life is so hard I could just scream. I would scream and tear my hair out if it would help, but it doesn’t. Nobody hears me. It’s as if I’m in an empty canyon. All I get back is the echo of my frustration. So I come here and tap away on the keyboard. Muttering here brings me more relief and solutions than anything else. My fingers do the talking and somehow the impulses and words travels to my whole body. I am listening and feeling. I hear/feel the problems. My brain processes them, spins its wheels and offers up a few alternatives for me to choose.

It’s been a hard lesson learning to save and use my energy wisely. I am a round peg in a world of square holes. No matter how hard I try, I can not make myself fit and be heard. I don’t think it is such a bad thing. I’ve learned to march to the rhythm of my own beat. I’m surviving. Each of us sees the world differently. It doesn’t mean that I am seeing wrong. I’m seeing different. I’ve been told I’m eccentric long time ago because I butter my toast with avocado and I read ‘weird books’. In that case I guess there’s weird writers out there.

Today I am celebrating my weirdness and eccentricity. I like being a round peg in the midst of square holes. Acceptance is bringing me alot of relief. Writing brings me alot of relief. So ends day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Mad as Hell

Posted on October 1, 2024 by hafong

It’s October 1, the official beginning of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We, participants are called on to write a post each day, publish it on our website and share on the Ultimate Blog page. But where is the usual daily thread upon which to attach our post? Have the rules changed and there is no daily thread? I’m a bit annoyed. It’s not very gracious of me, I know. But I’m mad as hell – not over that but ….

It’s aggravating that overnight we went from summer to winter. I know. It’s an over exaggeration. But it was in the high 20s℃ a few days ago. Now we are at furnace temperatures. The elm trees in the front yard turned from green to yellow overnight. Or so it seems. Don’t mind me. I am in an irritable and critical mood. There does not seem to be any gradual easing into a season or anything. Nature and life feels sudden and chaotic. But I should be grateful that we are not in the path of Hurricane Helene. I should stop being mad as hell.

But it feels good to get it off my chest and not let the madness fester in my body. We tell ourselves so many falsehoods like you’re not getting older, you’re getting better/wiser. Some of it is true to an extent. On the way to better and wiser, I am having some anxieties. That is not good. Losing physical and mental strength is not good. Losing acuity in vision and hearing is not good either. All these comes with aging. I suppose feeling all these will propel me to finding ways of coping. That might be the getting wiser part. But if I could have my druthers, I like to stay on the younger side. And that’s call wishful thinking.

I think I’ve been mad as hell long enough. Time to put a stop to it. The good thing about it is it gave me fuel to rant and write. I hope to show up here daily on the Ultimate Blog Challenge without getting all fired up. It’s an opportunity to meet and share with others. Oh, I see that it was my own oversight. There is a new page to share our post. Sorry and thanks Paul Taubman. https://ultimateblogchallenge.com/october-1-2024/?inf_contact_key=13cd7c8fa7a91f9b644159c4f137ff13

When the Going Got Tough

Posted on August 5, 2024 by hafong

Just like that our heat is gone – for now. The nights are mornings are cool. This morning the sky is overcast. I feel autumn in the air. I also feel a dip in my mood and energy. It is not restful but such is life, the ups and downs. I’m on my third cup of tea/coffee. When feeling in doubt/restlessness, I drink. Good thing it is not alcohol or else I’ll be in trouble.

This July’s Ultimate Blog Challenge has been my worse showing. I’ve only shown up 13 days out of 31, a little more than a third. When the going got tough, I left. I don’t feel bad about it. I’m finally learning to ‘let go’ and not strive and strive like my old self. I would have liked to have done better but taking care of myself was more important. It was a conscious decision. But it is good to come back and do some kind of finishing and wrapping up.

Thanks to Paul for organizing the challenges and all of us who participates. I will in all likelihood join in the next one. It’s good practice for the brain and community.

Wordless Thursday – the Garden, Greenhouse & Beyond

Posted on July 25, 2024 by hafong

I was wordless and photo-less on Wednesday. I thought I would try for a few words with photos for today. It’s better late than never. Our heat wave continues but we did have a coolish day on Tuesday. It gave the house a chance to cool off. The smoke from forest fires are higher up so there’s not the smell. Still the morning was under a heavy gloom. It indeed felt like the end of the world.

The way it is, it could very well happen. So there’s nothing that I can do but live the best I can. That means still doing the things that give meaning to my life – gardening and doodling the best I can/know how.

The slow cool spring and summer heat are affecting how the garden at home and in the community garden as well as how things are in the greenhouse. It shows how vulnerable we and our food supply are. Nothing is for sure. If this isn’t our wakeup call, I don’t know what is. However, we are still ok. We are still getting a good enough though different crop. But what about next year?

I keep trudging along, one foot in front of the other. It’s a hard year but it’s teaching me stamina and staying positive. I’m learning to take better care of myself. I’m learning from Mary Sarton to rest and not do, do all the time. From May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude:

[18th January 1971]

“A strange empty day. I did not feel well, lay around, looked at daffodils against the white walls, and twice thought I must be having hallucinations because of their extraordinary scent that goes from room to room. I always forget how important the empty days are, how important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. I am still pursued by a neurosis about work inherited from my father. A day where one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaged damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room, not try to be or do anything whatever. Tonight I do feel in a state of grace, limbered up, less strained. Before supper I was able to begin to sort out poems of the last two years … there is quite a bunch. For my sixtieth birthday I intend to publish sixty new poems and, as I see it now, it will be a book of chiefly love poems. Sixty at Sixty, I call it, for fun.”

My little index card art is my journal. These are part of the 61 days of Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. When I tried too hard and follow the narrow road, I got stuck and couldn’t create. I was almost 20 days behind. So I gave up trying to follow themes and prompts and just doodled. I got these 5 card in the last 2 days. And they were fun to do. The lesson – relax and have fun.

PS. I’m not a political animal at all but the time seems ripe to pay more attention, learn and be more involved. Thus the 3 portraits.

The Heat Keeps On

Posted on July 22, 2024 by hafong

It’s July 22 and day 22 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We are still sizzling in our heat wave. For the last couple of days, we are also enveloped in smoke from forest fires. The smoke have completely blocked out the sun but not the heat. My world has an eery feeling as if we’re on the very abyss of destruction.

It hasn’t been a good environment for me to thrive and be creative. My energy and desires have also sizzled and turned into ashes in this climate. I’ve been a no show here and in the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I think sometimes it’s good not to fight so hard. It’s ok to let go a little and just be. Perhaps I’m justifying my brain’s laziness and my physical inertia. But it’s a healthy justification. We need rest for body and mind.

Now that I’ve found these few words here, I hope I can work through my malaise and make a little card also. There’s cooler weather on Friday to look forward to.

Wordless Wednesday – the garden

Posted on July 17, 2024 by hafong

It’s a hot one today and the rest of the week and beyond. It’s good to have a wordless day when I have been a no show and am struggling for words.

Summer Heat & Memories

Posted on July 12, 2024 by hafong

Another warm day but not the 34℃ of yesterday. 27℃ is plenty warm enough. The sun is somewhat hazy and there’s smoke in the air. I’m not feeling in a super mood. I’m trying to work through it. It’s a good thing that I have the Ultimate Blog Challenge to explore all this.

Have I ever mentioned that I have never loved summer? It goes way back to my childhood days growing up in Maidstone. We were one of maybe 3 Chinese families in town. We didn’t socialize much with the rest of the community being new immigrants. Our cafe was opened every day except Sunday, all year long. We never went anywhere except maybe North Battleford (an hour’s drive away) once in a blue moon for dentist, optometrist and maybe a little shopping.

Summer time the town seemed dead. The farmers were out farming. School was over. Seemed like everyone went to the lake or on holidays except us. I ordered books from the library which came on the Greyhound bus. I read alot of Laura Ingalls Wilder books, Trixie Beldon books, Hardy Boys books and alot of Superman comics and movie star magazines. I drew portraits of Elvis, Fabian and Ricky Nelson. I can’t remember what else I did during those long hot summers.

Another reason I did not care for summers was being hot, I couldn’t wear long sleeves or sweaters to hide the scar on my left arm. I got the scar when I was 2 years old. We were still in China then. I was scalded by a bowl of hot sweet syrup. It was winter and I had long sleeved top on. It was difficult to get it off. Doctors were not the common thing then. My burn would not heal for a long time. Someone advise taking me to a doctor. My arm healed, resulting in a large scar but I have full function. I didnot lose any range of motion but I did get teased.

I was very sensitive about it for a long time. I tried to imagine what it would feel like unscarred. I couldn’t since I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have the scar. I finally got over it when I became a nurse. All the uniforms were short sleeved. I was by then at the ripe age of 27/28. Took a long time to get over it. You can see dumb I was in this photo – how I turned my left arm in to hide the scar. I was not holding it naturally like my aunt behind me.

All these were long ago but feelings and memories linger still. They feel like part of my biology. But at least I understand the where, when and how. And I have this space to tap it onto the page. Then I don’t feel so bad.

Our House

Posted on July 11, 2024 by hafong

It is another hot, hot day. Not a good day for creative thoughts or writing. I’ve fallen behind in my painting for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day challenge. Cooler weather is coming tomorrow. Perhaps I can do some catching up then. Meanwhile, I’ve been enjoying an afternoon siesta. It’s a wise thing to do when it is 34°C outside.
But now it is time to wake up and write a post for day 11 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

My cousin from Boston had made a recent trip back to China. He sent a couple of photos of our house. My paternal grandfather had saved the money to have it built shortly before my father was born. So it is over 93 years old. It was a beautiful 2 story, 2 family home for my grandfather’s family and for his youngest brother’s family.

The main floor held 2 kitchens and living areas. The bedrooms on the 2nd floor. It has a flat roof with a cupola, for lack of a better word. I remember playing up there on the roof. It was where I had my first encounter with ‘ghosts’. I think I felt them rather than ‘saw’ them. My mother told me they were our ancestor and nothing to be afraid of.

When we left China, our family had intentions of returning. We have not made a return trip. Not even once. But the house has always been occupied by our cousins. Sadly, it hasn’t been maintained and looking quite neglected. And during Mao’s time, the government had taken all the steel that was part of the house – all the metal window shutters, the big main door and gate. Happily, the Boston cousin has the means to renovate it. He is going to have it restored to as when my grandfather had it built.

The cousin is the youngest son of my grandfather’s brother. He knows our families’ history. He knows that my grandfather had supported his family. He is grateful and wants good fend shui. No leaky roof over our ancestors’ heads.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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