Tag Archives: stuck

A LOGJAM

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Saturday, my favourite day.  It’s the 5th day of the month and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m back in the groove of my weekly swim and daily mutterings. Sometimes it’s better not to overthink things – the whys, wherefores and hows. I just have to show up and start. It’s better if I’m on time or a little early. That way I have a little breathing space to prepare before hitting the water or the keyboard.

The morning was sunny. My swim went well. The water was warm. I had the pool all to myself. I got my 20 lengths in with time to spare. Unfortunately, my mutterings are not going well. I’m stuck. Can you imagine? The evening is getting on. I want the flow to start. I want to pour out my heart but it is like wringing a dry towel. Nothing comes out. Darn!

I’ve worked too hard today multi-tasking, multi-thinking. All my words and ideas are smashed up against each other like a logjam. I need something to pry everything loose. Some days are like that. Maybe sleep is the tool I need. The day was not a loss. No Eureka! but I got my swim in, drew a hammer and a nail for Inktober 2019 and baked 6 loaves of bread. I’m calling it a day.

WHAT HAVE I DONE

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What can I do? What have I done?  I use these 2 questions when I am stuck and I’m stuck often. So I’ve just finished the dishes from lunch. I’m sitting here with my cuppa green tea. Thought I would try something new besides my usual Orange Pekoe, especially when I have a cupboard full of all sorts. Some of them are from Sri Lanka. I see that Orange Pekoe is not a bad choice. It has many health benefits. But I am going to shake up my taste buds and experiment with different teas as well as food. Green tea is even better than black tea because it is not as processed.

I’ve been reading the ebook, Ketotarian by Will Cole from the library. I found it very informative and useful so I ordered my own copy from Amazon. It has many recipes that I want to try out. I was going through my closet the other day and was dismayed to find that my waist line has increased many inches this past year. My belly fat is out of control and is hanging over the waist band. It is not helping my blue mood. It is another thing I can do to help myself. I do not need to let everything hang out. I hope the book will help me to keep some things in.

Life continues to be hard. It is the next morning. I have problems finishing things as well. I am trying my best. What I can do is make a list of what I have done.

  • I’ve gotten up, dressed up and shown up here today.
  • I do my qigong routine most mornings. I have done it today.
  • I’ve folded and put away yesterday’s laundry.
  • Sorted out my pants in the closet. Experienced items that did not give me joy. Those have been taken to Value Village.
  • Struggled with sorting, cleaning and putting away seeds,pots and trays for starting the bedding plants.
  • Struggled to be in the present moment every day.
  • Taken Sheba to the dog park more often. It’s good for her and myself as well to mingle with other dogs and people.
  • Do blocks of art. Mostly it’s been embroidery on the machine lately.

Questions and lists can prod me from being stuck. I have to make physical evidence of them. Having them in my head does no good. They would be fuel for rumination. I do that too much already. I have to get off my fat ass and work it! But what would be good to chew on is the 4 mantras that I’ve learned from Thick Nhat Hanh this morning.

  1. Darling, I’m here for you.
  2. Darling, I know you are there.
  3. Darling, I know you suffer. I’m here for you.
  4. Darling, I suffer. Please help me.

DOING IS GOOD ENOUGH

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Oy! A ton of snow fell on our fair city overnight. We already had lots on the weekend. Made moving a little more challenging by foot or wheels. More practice for patience and skill. Traffic moved slowly or not at all.  It was too early for snow clearing at nine in the morning. Already there were cars spinning their tires when I arrived at the YWCA for my exercise class. I had enough of that years back, I had dumped my Plymouth Acclaim for a Honda CVR with 4 wheel drive. Now I don’t get stuck any more. Still I had to rock it back and forth getting out of the parking lot going home.

If I had been smart, I would have stayed home. But the habit of exercise Monday, Wednesday and Friday got me heading out without thinking today. I guess it’s a good thing even though I wasn’t enthused. Enthusiasm isn’t always necessary. I got the same benefits of moving my body regardless. I have to keep that in mind. I don’t have to force feelings I can’t muster up. Doing the good thing is enough. I’m pooped now having just taken Sheba out for her walk. I have to give it to our citizens. Most of the sidewalks were shovelled. It was tough walking as it was. It would have been a killer if they hadn’t.

Talking about killer, I’ve finished Sue Grafton’s last book, Y is for Yesterday. It is quite dark, leaving me with a bit of ugly feeling. It’s cured my addiction for the alphabet series – for awhile anyways. I might have to read it again for it was confusing to follow. I wonder if Grafton knew it would be her last. It doesn’t read like her previous. It’s lengthy. Was it to sum/tidy up everything? Interesting speculating but I have to shut my mind down. I’m always thinking and asking unanswerable questions. I have to STOP IT.  I have to get on with things. I’m rested. My teacup is empty.

STUCK

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IMG_0546Here I am, stuck in cool Greysville.  It’s stopped snowing.  It’s stopped drizzling.  But it is still cold and grey.  The dog is restless, barking up an antsy, driving me up a tree.  So we play hide and seek and toss the squeaky toy, but enough is enough!

My tax return is almost done.  I’ve solved a problem or two.  Now what?  I’m stiff and cranky as a bear.  We’ve had one walk.  Best to lay off on another one.  Sheba is still limping a bit.  All that jumping to catch her squeaky isn’t helping.  Oh good, she’s finally had enough.

Is this another version of cabin fever, being stuck?  Too many icky problems has stagnated my Qi.  It is time to realign myself.  Watching Daisy Lee do her routine inspires me.  She is so beautiful and fluid with her movements.

IMG_2104Her surroundings remind me of the beach and pool at Escape3Points, an ecolodge in Ghana.  The memory of it brings sunshine, warmth and sound of the ocean back to me.  I would walk the beach in the mornings and stop at the pool to do my qigong routine.  After, if the tide wasn’t coming in, I would sit in the pool and listen to the quiet. Remembering those times now, I feel somewhat free and unstuck.