Tag Archives: mind

RIDING THE BUDDHIST BUS

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A bright sunny January afternoon. The temperature is still frigid at – 32 C. No complaints from me. I’m enjoying the last of the afternoon sun, tapping on my keyboard and sipping on a decaf. My busy Wednesday is over for another week. I’m doing proud. I’m staying on top of things. With a temperature of -36 C this morning, I did entertain thoughts of staying in pjs, having cups of hot chocolate and staying home.

I didn’t. I dressed up, bagged up and did the gym thing. I could have been more enthusiastic but I wasn’t. It didn’t affect the results. It was a good workout. Lots of sweats without smiles. Then it was home to cook some rice in the Instant Pot, throw some hamburgers on the frying pan and tossed a couple of slaw salads. I make do with what I have. I surprised myself with how organized I was. I caught the Number 6 bus to the U of S without having to run for it.

I’m making progress! Half way through the month/challenge, I have not faltered. I’m dotting all my i’s and crossing all my t’s. It feels good to pay attention to details, rules and such. I aspire to be as calm and unrushed as the instructor for my class on Buddhism. Even though someone banged on the classroom door, poked her head in and loudly ask if he will be done in 10 minutes, he kept his calm demeanor. Was not upset. Did not rush but calmly finished within the time. He is a Buddhist as well as an instructor.

It is very helpful to have a living person to emulate. More so when he is right in front of me. I’m paying attention, trying to catch all his words. It’s a perfect place to practice focus and listen. My mind tends to wander and meander every which way. Has it always been this bad? I find it difficult to concentrate. My ears are listening in different directions, my mind and brain thinking in another.

FEARS, CURIOSITIES AND PASSIONS

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January 6, 2019  6:44 pm

I’m late to the keyboard and hardpressed for words. I’m too full of the day’s activities. My head is full of ‘stuff’. I’m trying not to multi task, doing too much in one day. But when the going is good, when there is flow, I hate to stop. So here I am, a bit stuck and tongue tied. I just need a few minutes and a couple of taps and I’ll be ready to go.

Shortly before Christmas, I accidentally stumbled onto Suddenly Mad, Minna Packer’s blog about her early onset Alzheimer’s. It’s a fascinating and educational read for me. I somehow could relate to some of what she has gone/is going through. I don’t have the disease but her anxiety was familiar to me. I have a great admiration for her effort to put it out there for us. It not only helps me understand the disease more but it’s teaching me to live a better life. Have a read to see if it does the same for you.

I have always have a curiosity and passion for the mind, body and spirit. Minna has given me an even stronger desire to understand our brain and how to keep it healthy and strong. I suppose I had this sense of invincibility in my youth. I stayed up late, drank tons of coffee and smoked. This was even before I was a nurse. When I became a nurse, I was even worse, though I did stop smoking. It is surprising how much abuse our body can take.

Things caught up to me in retirement. I had time to fall apart then. It was a very difficult couple of years. I’m on the other side now. It does feel like I’ve stepped out of the cloud into the light. Now I can feel ease and pleasures whereas before I only felt anxiety and fear. I have a greater appreciation of my time here on earth.

I take care that I get enough sleep. I do get an occasional sleepless night. I’m learning not to stress too much about it when it happens. Aerobic exercise has been my best friend. It cleared my brain fog after a couple of weeks. Helps me sleep better, too. I’m still working on my emotional health. I’m such a reactonary. I need to be a responder instead. Life is not static. No matter where on the road we are, there’s learning always.

It is getting late. I have to close for this 6th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ll be back tomorrow. Good night.

NOT BIOLOGY ALONE – Day 70 in a year of….

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Day 70, September 30, 2016 @8:48 am

shry6065Morning is not a great time to read about a killing and ridding of a body.  I’m starting the day with an ‘ugh’!  It’s a good thing I’m greeted with the cheeriness of autumn sunshine and the splendid hues of yellows and oranges.  I must behave accordingly.  I do have a choice.  I have a mind.  It can over ride my brain.  I am not ruled by biology only.  Think of the reward. Another dollar in the teapot!

My ‘uglies’ have receded somewhat though I feel the tears on the verge of my eyes.  My body cries, nothing is easy and all the other I feel sorry for myself phrases.  I guess I have to let it have its say, too.  We are in this together, my body, my mind and my brain.  We have to respect and cooperate with each other.

My cup of tea is done.  I will/can sit and stay awhile longer till I am finished.The discomfort, the desire to flee has ebbed.  It is tolerable.  I can even feel a sense of peace sitting here discovering my flaws and strengths.  I am inching forward daily.  Another 4 rows on my sweater.  My grapes are now raisins.  One tomato bed cleaned off.  A flash fiction of 100 words for Friday Fictioneers.

Now I have to go and hang up the laundry from last night and plan my day.  What is on your plate?

BEING HERE, BEING NOW

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IMG_4870It is especially difficult to be here and now in the heart of snow and winter.  Many of us are dreaming of those sunny beaches of Mexico and Cuba and those all inclusive holidays where the food and the liquor flow ever so freely.  Besides that, we are constantly distracted by the news and ‘the world out there’.  It is difficult to be at home with ourselves when we are always connected.

I had a gift yesterday.  I forgot my Iphone at home when I went to work.  I felt a little lost at first, but I told myself that it was not a bad thing.  It was not a disaster nor an emergency.  People can still find me if they need to.  My pocket felt a load lighter and so did my mind.  I was able to put my whole awareness and energy to the place and the people I was with.  It was awesome!  And at the end of the day, there was nothing lost and much gained.

I’m trying to build on the experience, but the mind is like a willful child.  It wants to go here and there.  It wants to turn on this gadget, that gadget, surf the world wide web, wasting time.  I am trying to be a patient and kind parent, bringing it back to focus.  Riding my exercise bike this morning, I try to keep pedaling the 15 minutes, seeing and registering the words I am reading at the same time.

My mind is running away on me even now as I am writing.  So I let it go.  I pause and it comes back.  And so it goes.  Practice makes better.  Small building blocks, one upon another, will make a strong foundation.

EQUANIMITY

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I’m learning about equanimity today.  According to Wikipedia, it is:

Equanimity (Latin: æquanimitas having an even mind; aequus even animus mind/soul) is a state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by experience of or exposure to emotions, pain or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of their mind. The virtue and value of equanimity is extolled and advocated by a number of major religions and ancient philosophies.

What does that all mean anyways?  For me, it is almost impossible to retain a balance of mind regardless of what is going around me.  I am like a ship lost at sea most of the time.  I am being tossed here and there by the tides of emotion.  I have yet to find my safe harbour.

Equanimity for me, then, is starting or being where I am in this moment.  I am ‘equanimed’ – restful and at peace at this moment.  I am sitting here, in my lovely sun room, sipping tea.  Sheba is laying on her bed, licking her paws.  The sky is that steely grey with hints of sun shining through.  It doesn’t look friendly.  The morning’s feel reminds me that it was this time of year that my father had his quintuple bypass a few years ago.

What a time that was!  When you are faced with a serious illness, whether it is yours or someone in your family, your whole life does flash through your mind….the good, bad and the ugly, the real and unreal…..all the undealt issues.  I thought I was going to die from it all.  But I didn’t.

My mother was a perfect picture of equanimity through it all.  The only telltale sign of her stress was this flush of her cheeks.  She was the stalwart for my father.  Though her English was what she considered poor, she watched and understood the education video for his surgery.  She was the one who helped him before and after the surgery.  It was my fascination to watch my mother through all this.

I can still see her in CCU after my father came out of surgery.  I could see her amid the machinery and monitors.  I see her so still, taking everything in with her eyes, looking at her husband,  taking account and asking questions.  She still had very much presence of mind even at that moment. When I think equanimity, I think of my mother.