What can I say about June? I’m all out of words. This is perhaps not the best time of day to be engaging. I’m tired from a day of gardening and my blood sugar is low. I feel morose and discouraged. I am unable to resist another cup of coffee and some crackers with peanut butter. I am still doing ok. It’s only my 2nd cup and not my 3rd or 4th. Peanut butter is a good protein, food for my brain.
I want to continue my journey here. It’s good for my mental health to have a space to mutter and utter my angst. It’s good to show up for the first day of the month. It’s starting off on the right foot. May was a good month for me. I set intentions for the month to work on developing better habits. Intentions are helpful. They give me a sense of direction so I am not so lost in the wilderness. For June and July I have another art challenge – daisy yellow index card a day challenge, making art on an index card for 61 days. I’m still working on #the100dayproject. I have 9 more teacups to go. For a reading challenge, I’m reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Deemed to be the greates novel of all time, it intrigued me. I shall see for myself.
These are some of my plans for June and July. Tiny,easy and simple are still my key words. I also have to feel good about doing these things. Importantly, I will celebrate every little success. I think this is enough for now. My words are not flowing easily or smoothly.
I’m having one of those sleepy days. It’s torture just getting the lunch dishes done. I’m glad that since retirement, I’ve morphed from a night owl into a lark. I’m up early, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I like to get stuff done and out of the way. That way, if I crash later, like today, the whole day is not wasted. So, this morning I’ve washed and frozen the picked haskaps and strawberries. I’ve also filled the 3 raised garden beds in the front yard with water from our rain catchment. While they were getting filled, I delt with some of those aggressive creeping blue bells. The end of them is within sight. It might take another year or 2 to rid half the front yard of them. I’m learning a different kind of patience.
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It’s taking me a long time to come back to finish this post I started on the 17th. Now June is almost over. July and the Ultimate Blog Challenge is only 3 sleeps away. My metamorphosis has been hindered and halted by procrastination. Finding time and energy for thoughts and words is not easy during gardening season. When thoughts, words and such are tough, I head out to weed, water and plant. There’s an endless supply of weeds. I never run out. Weeding is in a way, mindless though my mind is always full of thoughts. Though I have had a few illuminating thoughts while weeding, they’ve never turn into words and sentences. Perhaps I should jot them down as they hit me.
I’m not disappointed in June nor myself though. I’ve hit some peaks as well as some valleys. My garden spaces all have done well. The greenhouse had slowed but now it is soaring again. I have a few cucumbers and bittermelons fruiting. They and the Sweet One Million Tomato are supporting and holding each other up. It would be nice if we human beings could do the same. Seeing how productive this symbiotic relationship is, I try a littel harder to be supportive rather than contrary.
Though the weather has been erratic and unsettling, the yard and garden spaces have never looked so beautiful. I am proud of my efforts and hard work.
I’m almost out of words and thoughts. Though I’ve only shown up for these almost a handful of times, June has been a successful month of metamorphosis. I have somehow changed a little for the better. And I am still evolving. More to come in July.
My finest hours are the early first ones in the morning. After I have my morning tea, I like to wander out into the yard, stretch my mind and body. I can call it my working garden meditation. This morning I wanted to check our haskaps. Sometimes the birds find their way in under the netting. So far they haven’t gotten tangled in it but I could hear them flapping, trying to get out. No birds this morning. I got a 1 gram honey container full of purple fruit. I have another container full from the other day. I shall clean and freeze them till I figure out what to do with them. Sometimes I wait too long to do things and they end up spoiling and wasted. So learning to move along timely is part of my June metamorphosis journey.
Harvesting, cleaning and storing our produce are important. Equally important is using them. I’ve been harvesting our rhubarb, washing, chopping and freezing them in their prime. I’ve done so in the past, but they sat in the freezer and ended up in the compost after a couple of years. This winter, someone will be making rhubarb wine. I might have to nag a little. I’m waiting till I get enough strawberries from our patch to make a rhubarb strawberry cobbler. I’m learning to plan a little instead of always flying by the seat of my pants.
I’m enjoying my second cup of tea. I hope I don’t fall back into my old habits of too much again. Me thinks I worry too much sometimes. It’s good to let go, pamper and treat oneself once in awhile. The other evening, I took the birthday boy out for supper. It is not an easy thing for me to celebrate anything or go to an unaccustomed restaurant. I sucked it up bit back my uncomfortable feelings and proceeded full speed ahead. It’s a curious thing but I used to get intimidated by hairdressers and waiters/waitresses in fancy places. They seemed sophisticated and me so country bumpkinish. But I decided I had enough of that and let it all go. Afterall I’ve been breathing and walking this earth a few years now. I’m feeling pretty sophisticated myself. I let go and had a blast. Even though it was not my birthday, I celebrated it as my own birth out of the cocoon.
You just know that it’s going to be a high priced ticket when a hostess escorts you to a table, followed by a waitress, each with a long welcoming speeches. I understood the game. It was quite enjoyable even before we had any wine. We had 4 free tasters so that we could choose the one we love. Somehow instead of having just a glass each, I got talked into ordering a bottle. I was gamed. I think that was already on my mind as we first stepped into the restaurant. You know when there are so many layers of servers, a big tip is expected. It reminded me of the how many people does it take to turn on the light bulb joke. The waitress took our orders but she did not bring the tasters nor the food. She bought the bottle of wine and dessert and a different person bought the tasters and food. It was all very good fun. We wined and dined. I broke out of my serious mold, if only for one evening. I figured if we’re incapable of driving home, we could rent a room upstairs. It was in a hotel. But we were good to go. Needless to say, I gave a good tip.
June has been hot with thunderstorms. My metamorphosis has been a very slow process. Rather turning into a beautiful butterfly, I feel more like a slug or snail. Neither one is very attractive but they are appealing to me today. I like their speed. Maybe their lack of is a better term. I prefer the snail because it can crawl into its shell to get away from it all. That’s what I like to and shall do today – crawl into my shell to get a good rest.
I’ve developed some skill now through my sitting meditations with Mark Williams to close my eyes and let the outer world and all the sights and sounds all away. I can let my thoughts and emotions dissolve into nothingness. I’ve only discovered this ability yesterday, sitting in the quiet late evening heat. The A/C is turned off. The windows are wide opened with a bit of breeze drifting in. The sweat is still seeping into my eyes. I sit and breathe, in and out. I feel my heartbeat slowing down, thoughts and feelings leaving and my body relaxing. I understood at that moment what is meant by a no mind, no body.
June has been hotter and harder than I had anticipated. I can’t remember how long ago I had written the above. Now, almost in the middle of June, I’ve come back to finish what I had started. I hope I can finish. Finishing anything is the hardest task for me. I feel much like a bear at the moment – slow and sluggish. I would rather hibernate through the summer and emerge in the fall. I wonder if there’s a cool log nearby that I can crawl into. There goes my dream of turning into a beautiful butterfly. I should not give up hope yet. Summer is long and a silken cocoon sounds like a cool soft bed to loll, dream and spin magic in.
One thing that has been easy and fun in June is the DYICAD – Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. It’s making tiny art on an index card daily. I have chosen the word prompt route and using pen and watercolour as my medium. It continues till July 31st. I will have 61 cards of art at the end. It does spark creativity besides fun. It’s good for my brain and heart. Here is a sampling of my favourites this year so far.
When I think of June, the Monarch butterfly pops into my mind’s eye. I wonder if that’s when they get back to Canada from Mexico. Upon googling them, I learn that it takes 4 generations for them to get back. Meaning the ones that left are not the same ones that came back. Their life cycle and metamorphosis are fascinating.
I am considering using the month of June as a time to go through my own metamorphosis. I am not satisfied nor content with my present self. It make no sense in staying in an undesirable state. So slowly I have begun to observe all of myself and life critically without judgement. It’s not like me to be silent and non reactionary but I think it is necessary for me to be so in this process. It’s going to be very difficult, no doubt about that. I’m game though. Wish me lots of luck.
I’m at the chrysalis stage. I’ve been studying, gathering and preparing a long time. I have a lot of knowledge and tools, so far not put to use. So I’m still locked in my cocoon, waiting.
A new day of a new month – June. The morning was overcast and cool. It was not inviting. I did not bounce out of bed with glee. I lingered in the warmth of my bed, hesitating like a shy bride, putting off the inevitable.
The inevitable came, of course. I had to face the music. I thought it best that I be a sport and do it with gusto. Life deserved to be treated with respect. I grabbed Sheba and headed out for an early morning trot.
My attitude changed once we hit the great outdoors. The fresh air stirred my senses. The streets were fragrant with trees in bloom.
The playground was alive with children running under the water spraying dragon. The parents watched on the side benches.
Then there was the school yard full of golden dandelions. How beautiful they looked. I no longer thought of them as weeds. They were a hundred million miracles that I had blogged about. I am sure not everyone will agree with that!
I am so happy that I was able to get up, dress up and show up for June. I’m all aglow along with the cherry bush in its first blush of blossoms. And Sheba approves.
onethousandandtwo 