December 20. We’re a day away from the shortest day and longest night of the year. There’s light in the tunnel now. I can start emerging from the cocoon of my mind and claw my way out into the sunshine. I have to admit that I’ve spent more time in the valley of the shadow this December. It wasn’t that bad since I did not put up a fierce fight. I greeted it with gentle acceptance. That made the difference. 

I’m working at this conversation. It would be easier if I came at an earlier hour when I’m more up. But I needed that energy to do the ADL (the activities of daily living). Being so cold and dark this morning, I did not go out with my skis. I was content to stay put, read and make soup. I was not content long, disturbed by the noisy snow blowing from next door. I was irritated and unsettled. John Grisham’s The Rooster Bar was not engaging me either. It got rather monotonous and boring. Looks like it’s just not mine opinion only according to ratings on Goodreads. I might just dump it. Why waste my time, eh?

Irritated, I pounded on the piano for awhile, getting out my frustrations. By then the sun had come out, shining full and bright. The sky was so blue and the snow so white. It was a totally inviting picture. I made up my mind that I was going skiing after lunch no matter the cold temperature. Besides there was no wind. It was my kind of day.

I was not disappointed. I had the guy drop me off at the park on his way to his boat building workshop. The park was a picture of perfect white beauty. School must be out for Christmas. No children around. Not a soul was seen. Just me, bundled up like an eskimo, walking on sticks. After making once around the park, I was limbered and faster, almost gliding along the track. You might think I knew how to ski. I was pumped coming off my skis at the end. Ok, I was panting a little, too. It was a little harder breathing through a mask, but it kept out the cold air. 

Now, it is day’s end. I am content with no angst or anxiety. The dining room table is still clear. I’m looking forward to the morning and another day.


November 27, 2018  8:51 am

Mornings soothes or rubs. This morning it is the latter. It is wise advice not to go to bed irritated. It is easier said than done though. I’m trying to soothe myself with another cup of tea. I’m trying to erase my self irritation by leaving them on the page. I hate getting caught unawares by some unseen and unknown cyber troll. I’m trying not to dwell on the reasons why people do things like that – for monetary gains or the pleasure of disturbing my sleep.

Beware of strange emails. The senders of such understand human nature very well – our innate curiosity, the need to understand and frustration of not understanding and the inability of opening an attachment. Well, it was late in the evening. I did a million clicks on it. I hope I did no harm to my computer. I have an Apple after all. That is my small comfort. I have confirmed that the email was spam and not from Fedex. My package will not be sent back to the shipper.

I think I need a cup of coffee now and to do another embroidery on my Bernina. It’s better than gnashing my teeth. But I better do some qigong to rid some bad thoughts and energy.

November 28, 2018  1:35pm

It is snowing gently. It is a soothing kind of afternoon. I’m glad. Yesterday rubbed me all day long. I’m ready for some flow and relaxation. I’m happy to sit here with my decaf and mumble on my keyboard. My body is feeling the fatigue of a good workout at our step aerobics class this morning. It’s good for keeping my stress and cortisol levels low. It helps for a good night’s sleep. It’s healthy self-love.

What do you do for self-love? I have to keep reminding myself what is good and what is harmful. I’m listening better now. I’m resisting the urges of the instant gratification of blowing steam, choice words and actions. Much better to count to 10 to myself and wait a second or two. I’m surprised at how fast I CAN turn around, feel and do different and better.

It is almost 2 pm. I have a bit of time to set up another embroidery motif for my table cloth. I am getting intimate with my Bernina. We’re past the coffee stage at last. Well, it will be a year since I bought it home.


Having a micro moment of irritation. Wasted a couple of hours following through not procrastinating on ‘need to do’ chores. Was on hold for too long waiting for the ‘next available’ receptionist at the Veterinary Clinic to make appointment for Sheba’s yearly checkup. Was not successful. Should have waited till Monday as I was inclined. Then wasted more time online trying to register for President’s Choice Optimum card. After a bunch of Oops, something went wrong! it worked somehow. Why don’t everybody scrap their frigging points cards and sell at the proper price. Instead, they choose to make us jump through hoops for points. And we obey!

Okay, micro hissy fit over. I have to unwind from the day. My head is as usual full or empty. It’s not working well is what I mean. I am as usual tired. I thought I was done with the whining. It’s my end of day jabbering. Pay no mind. I’ve paid my bills so I’m happy about that. Also had an awesome exercise class this morning. And an interesting conversation with someone. Sheba and I had a good outing at the park after lunch. She could be a little more mellow though. Such a frisky gal for coming 12 years old.

What I need is a little supper and a glass of wine. I am sure I will mellow out after that. Still I am happy to be here, tapping out a few words and thoughts. I picked up some new ideas on Instagram for painting on cloth to use with free motion sewing. It has exciting possibilities. I haven’t thought about cloth as a medium before. Now I see it doesn’t have to be complicated. It is as simple as wetting my cloth. Then to draw or paint with my Inktense blocks, which is what I did on the underside of my cloth. When it dries, I will free motion sew on the top side, following the contours of the flower pattern,

I’m not talking as coherently as I could but doing my best at this time of the day. Good thing I’m not sipping wine yet. I will soon.