PULLING UP MY SOCKS

 

April 1, 2020. Fools day but also the start of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been much tried since our last challenge in January. I’m exhausted.  I’m feeling as if I’ve just come out of a grave illness when it is our whole world that is seriously sick, in a pandemic, in a state of emergency. Those very words and the continuous news coverage can stir up fear and anxiety. It is necessary that we recognize that we are in a dire situation. I’m feeling vulnerable in my present physical and emotional state.

My writing space have always been my safe and happy place. So here I am again, tap, tapping for a restful mind, to stop the merry-go-round of harmful repetitive thoughts.


April 2, 2020. I did not finish my post yesterday. Some things are more important than others. It was more important for me to rest to recoup my physical and mental well being. I am here again this morning to finish what I’ve started. I am in a better frame of mind having slept my third night without a sleeping pill. I had a little trouble with intrusive thoughts and was tempted to get out of bed and go for the easier solution. Instead, I had a heart to heart talk with myself. I took a deep breath, calmed my mind and placed a hand over my heart.

I’m regaining my confidence and trust in people. There is evil and bad people but there is goodness and humanity also. I must not lump everyone and everything together and throw everything out. As Caroline Myss says over and over, we are living in a very special and interesting time in history. I must not waste it. Life will never be the same again. It can be better. That is what I’m working toward. It’s time I pull up my socks.

LESSONS LEARNED

My two pairs of pants are shortened and hemmed. Hallelujah! Miracles do happen. It was not so difficult after all. I need not have waited 20 years to do it. Lesson learned. Nothing happens when I am frozen with overwhelmed and indecision. They hung in the closet, gathering dust. So any action, even if it is not the best or perfect, is better than none. Now that I’ve tried them on, I think they’re a tad too short. They’re tighter than when I tried them on last week. Ah, the waxing and waning of the waist line! They might have to go into the donation bag after all. But I will see. I can still let the hem down a bit on each. Maybe I can suck in my tummy.  More work but that’s what I get for not trying them on after pinning. Another lesson learned. So many damn lessons!


That was a few days ago. I ran out of steam and words after that short conversation. That’s how it is. Now I’m back to continue. That is the secret – to keep coming back. Life is not smooth sailing. It’s full of starts, delays, holdups, detours, rerouting, restarting, etc. My garden is the same this year. We had hardly any rain till these last weeks in June. Even the weeds were not growing. There was the cool temperatures. Everything was slow. Then there were the birds and bugs that ate what did come up. I lost half a bed of broccoli and 2 rows of beans never showed. Peas and carrots are seeded in the empty spaces. But my bed of greens is excellent. We had plenty of spinach and lettuce. The spinach is done and new seeds put in for a second crop. The onions are standing straight and tall. The kale is coming up.

So that’s how things are. Some things thrive. Some don’t. There’s evil in the world but there’s also alot of good. Just when I’m really down and despondent about our humanity, I learn of people with huge loving hearts and great courage. Trevor Green’s story moved me to tears. Then there’s Melissa Fung’s speaking On What We Owe. That made me put away my small troubles, for a little while at least, and think about the larger world. And I think again about what can I do to help.

 

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE – Day 15 in a year of….

Day 15, August 6, 2016 @2:39

Afternoons are not any easier to show up here.  The air is warm.  What I really want is to lay down and have a nap.  Maybe a cup of tea will help.  That is my answer for everything – a cup of tea.

IMG_6973How quickly one’s brain get clouded.  That small window of clarity is there for me in the morning when most of the world is still asleep.  I can see that message on the wall before the world rushes in.  I sit in the silence and the unspoken wisdom.  Then I sit in the words of those who have trained and taught the wisdom – Melli O’Brien and Elisha Goldstein.  

IMG_6979What I know for sure is that it is never a good or right time for anything.  You have to make time for what your heart desires.  It is and it isn’t all about me.  It is about me in that it is I, who has the choice.  It is I who must do the work.  I am responsible.  It isn’t all about me.  The world is a big place.  There are many me, me, me out there.  We are all different but we are all the same.  We are all part of humanity.  We all suffer.  We all bleed.  If I can open my eyes and heart a little more each day, I can let more of the world in.  I can suffer less.  I can love more.  I can, can’t I?  What about you?  Can you let me in just a little more?

Till tomorrow again.