POSSIBILITIES

Posted on February 7, 2015 by hafong

I love the word possibilities. It’s the hope that opens my heart’s door to let in laughter, love and forgiveness. It holds a promise that a leaf is forthcoming and a bud will bloom. Possibilities push back discouragement, frustration and a downtrodden spirit. They teach me patience – to hang in there. Rome was not built in a day. The road to Anywhere is not an easy one.

Presto! happens only in magic, an optical illusion like time-lapsed photography. We cannot make results happen like that. The presto and voila come much slower. Life doesn’t happen just pushing ENTER or DELETE. Dang, hey? Anything worthwhile takes effort and time. It’s the daily grind. It always take longer than you figure and like. But what is the hurry? Is your life full of emergencies you have to tend to?

Be patient, my dear. Stay calm and enjoy the moments as they come. Everything has its time. The leaves will emerge, the bud will burst into magnificent blooms. You will be awed by the richness and beauty of what life can offer. Take time to live each day to the fullest and believe in possibilities. Be grateful to the Universe.

BEGINNING & ENDING WITH CERTAINTY

Posted on December 22, 2014 by hafong

For Reverb14 – Day 21

What can I say with certainty today? It is the shortest day with the longest night of the year. It is winter solstice.

That was yesterday. This morning we are still in complete darkness. I was insistently nudged out of bed by Sheba’s wet nose. Just as well. I was ~~wool~~ weed gathering in bed, not sleeping nor tending my garden anyways. I was having a little bit of the moody blues and the simmering of a low grade depression.

That was what I thought – until I read Anne Lamott’s post. Then I realized I was just crazy and normal like everyone else at this time of year. No need to talk to the therapist about it. I read another post and it gave me a little hope that there is good in the world. I’ve been thinking about Christmas and gifting. How can I not? I’m not caught up with the masses and yet I am – in finding the perfect meaningful gift. I’ve found it in the last paragraph of Anne’s post.

“Emily Dickinson said that hope causes the Good to reveal itself. So bring it on. When I bring people hope–cups of tea, poetry and art supplies–then I’m holding hope in my hands, but I can only receive it by giving it away, to you, and to me; to us. Here, have some; it’s on me. Just don’t give up before you get the miracle.”

What I know for sure today, as in all days, is that I always have hope. I remember saying in therapy a long time ago that I am never without hope according to the questionnaire I had to fill. I was wondering why I was there. Did I wandered into the wrong place?

I am finding myself in the same place again. What I know for sure is, it is good to have hope. And it is good to have help, a little guidance, small nudges in the right direction when I have wandered off the path. I am gifting myself for the coming year. I’m preparing myself so that I will be opened to receive more of life. I want to feel more joy and less anger. I want more clarity to the yes(s) and no(s) I will be uttering. I want to be saying in December 2015, It was a very good year. I did the best I could.

ABANDONMENT

Posted on November 16, 2014 by hafong

It is morning, another day. I have rounded that corner. Hope has come with the morning light and sun beams. I bask once more in its warmth coming through the windows. Sheba will have to wait a little for her walk.

These weeks have felt like an eternity. Yet it is still November. There is still time. Time to write those stories, time to chronicle my time on this earth. I can start where I have left off. I can start with this very moment. There is no better time than this. I am not behind. I am not crazy. I am not perfect but I am not deficient.

*****

I could not resist the pull of nature after all. The sunshine and the great outdoors drew me out. I abandoned my words and took off to the park with my furry baby. I was too serious and melancholy still. I got sick listening to myself, to my words. There was a falseness to them. They did not ring true. I left them in mid air, unfinished, incomplete.

It is not a bad thing. There is a time and a season for everything under heaven. Or so the song goes. I do believe that if I could cuss up a blue streak, like in days of yore, it would give me great relief. But I am bereft of anger. Therefore I have no energy to bring forth the *#!. I can only tap out a few symbols. It is a sad state of affairs, I know. The volcano has died. The tiger lady has lost her growl. I am still striving to do my best, of course. The tiger is alive and lurking underneath it all.

My best today was the dog park with Sheba, followed by a nap and watching two movies in the afternoon. There is nothing wrong with pausing awhile. After all, today is Sunday, a day of rest. Did you rest?

QUE SERA, SERA

Posted on June 30, 2014 by hafong

The rains did come in the night after all and continued through the morning. There was nothing to do but to live and enjoy the goodness it brings – beauty for the eyes, captured and saved by the camera.

We were content, in acceptance this morning. Well, I was my lassitude self for a little while, reluctant to get up as usual – no joie de vivre in my soul. I only felt a darkness, like a brick wall – nowhere to go. It was that staleness of jungle mouth and unbrushed teeth.

What do you do then, but to get up and rinse that staleness away. You do it with movement and feigned good cheer. It works some how and you breathe a little easier. The wall is not so dense . You can almost see around it, if not through it. And there on the other side is Sheba – waiting so prettily for me in the morning light, looking pleased and at ease with herself. That is how I should be.

A Doris Day song played in my head. I heard the words this morning and I paid attention.

“Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be”

Que sera, sera. The future is not ours to see. The brick wall is a friend, after all. We are not meant to live in the future but to be here and now. No point in second guessing ourselves of what could have been and would have been – if only we….. Though I liken myself to Wonder Woman, I am not Super Woman. I have no x-ray eyes. I cannot see into the future. I cannot change the past.

Good things happen. Bad things happen. Accidents happen. I feel good. I feel bad. It is the kaleidoscope of life. There are no free rides. There is fire. There is rain. James Taylor says it well.

“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.”

There is hope – like a rainbow after the rain. Hold on to it. Chase it. Run after it. Don’t lose it. Treasure life.

HOPING FOR CHANGE

Posted on October 30, 2012 by hafong

I drank too much wine last night. The intentions I set prior all went out the window and you could say that I have failed. On top of that, I fell asleep early and woke up at 1:30 and could not get back to sleep till dawn. But by 7, Sheba’s insistent snout in my face got me up again. It was her breakfast time and there was no denying her.

I’m feeling a little out of sorts, not quite myself, seeing the world with slanted eyes, telling myself stories that are not quite true. But I am not punishing myself any further. I am going to tell myself a different set of stories , filling myself with kindness and comforting myself with a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. I do deserve it.

So I am making progress, one step at a time. I have hoped and pined for changes in the past. But I have failed over and over to realize those dreams, not recognizing till now that success is in me. I have to be the change I want to see, as Mahatma Gandhi wisely said. Change is a lonely street, for no one can do it for you. And people might not like you for it.

I am taking a deep breath. And I tell myself another story.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: hope