Tag Archives: gratitude

A THOUSAND NAMES FOR JOY

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I am reading Byron Katie’s A Thousand Names for Joy.  I am always in perpetual pursuit of happiness.  Perhaps it is the ultimate book for me because it is about living in harmony with the way things are.

I love the word joy.  The very letters seem to jump up from the page, dancing with life.  No doubt the way I see things has a lot to do with my Chinese background.  Some of the Chinese characters are pictures of the objects they denote.

Sheba is one of the thousand names for joy.  She is joy whether she is leaping off the page, or laying contently with her stuffed toys.  She needs no reason.  She is just joyful with what is.  She is my teacher in life.  Be with what is.  It is not easy but I am learning to sit with that, too.  I am sitting and staying, Sheba.  Thanks for being in my life.

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THE HARD AND ROCKY PATH

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IMG_5714The snow flakes are floating gently down as I sit here, tap, tapping on my keyboard.  I have been tapping out  the words this last hour on my novel.  The words come but they do not fall off my fingertips with the ease that I desire.

Am I experiencing writer’s block or is this heart block?  I am sorely vexed with bad and unkind feelings towards my neighbour.  There she is already, shoveling the snow off her driveway and pushing it between the Junipers, into our yard, even after many requests for her not to do so.  What neighbour would do that to another?  What woman to another woman?  Where is the respect?

I fingered my rosary, the one that Ollie gave me, breathing in and out as I touched each bead.  I was so happy to run across Kay’s post yesterday on gratitude.  She was using her singing bowl and rosary to meditate.  That reminded me that I do have four rosaries gifted to me on my baptism.  It was time to find them.

I was drawn towards the rosary with large, blue beads.  I held it in my hand.  I felt the coolness of the beads and then something else.  It was Ollie’s presence, her goodness.  I was quite sure of it.  I knew then that I can breathe in this bad energy and not harm myself.  And breathed out out what is good.

Compassion Road is such a hard and rocky way.  The traveler needs roadside assistance every step of the way.  I am glad to have read some of the Dalai Lama’s My Spiritual Journey.  We are all human beings is his message.  We all hurt.  I do not want to be hurt.  In the same way, the other person does not want to be hurt.  Knowing this, I can do no harm unto another.

IMG_5717Compassion is a very, very hard road to travel.  I clear my space with good energy.  I  hold the rosary close to my heart.  I breathe in what is here.  I breathe out white healing light to the universe.

GIVING THANKS

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I love October mornings like today.    The morning air is crisp and refreshing, the sun bright and the sky, an incredible blue.  How can one not feel thankful for Nature’s generosity?

I give thanks to the Heavens above, my arms reaching up like these bare branches. The golden leaves are floating down on my head, blessing me, surrounding me, protecting me.

And I know that everything is copacetic still….even if I am feeling some discomfort, even if I feel a slight dissatisfaction, even when I am unhappy with myself.  I sit still with the feelings of it all.  This, too, will pass.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.  There is a reason and a season for everything.  It is as it should be.  And I am thankful in this season of harvest and colours.

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ORDERLY ORDER

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Order is in the order for me today.  I rise, stretch and do my 18 heavenly qigong moves to the sunrise.  It is so fresh and still in the early morning.  I have to thank Sheba for rousing me out of bed.  She is quite insistent.  Get up!  Feed me!

And so I did.  And so starts another day.  I breathed and moved in the light of the rising sun.  I felt my breath slowing down, saw the robin on the fence and heard the stillness of the universe.  My breath deepened and my heart stopped its fluttering, my eyelids dropped.

All is copacetic.  I am relaxed and in the flow.  I feel the order within me.  I am not behind.  I have time…to put one foot in front of the other, to do one thing at a time, to walk and not run.  I have time to breathe, to stay here now, at this time, to be with me.

I am taking miniscule steps towards order, finding places for things, finding pleasure in the doing, finding kindness for myself.  And I am grateful.

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EASTER SUNDAY

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It is Easter Sunday and God is out in all his glory, shining his light and love upon us.

Sheba and I basked in the sunshine as we walked the streets this morning.  I have recovered from working nights nicely but still….

It is difficult to pick up the threads and rhythms of your life as if you are a normal person.  I do believe that we, shift workers are not quite normal.  Perhaps I should only speak for myself.  I admit it.  I am not quite normal.  That is not a bad thing unto itself.  It just means I am quirky, eccentric, weird, remarkable….But I am not flaky nor crazy.  There are subtleties.

With Easter comes the end of my official written journey in the desert.  But I have fallen in love with this arid climate.  I will stay and live in my desert.  I have not suffered nor deprived myself of anything here.  On the contrary, the desert has been very kind to me.  It has taught me many lessons.  It has tempered this stiff stubborn Chinese neck of mine.  I am a wee more forgiving, a wee more kind and opened to possibilities.

I am blessed.

ATTENTION, INTENTION, GENEROSITY, GRATITUDE

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I have come to the conclusion that Sheba has a divine purpose in my life.  She is here to show me how to live….that is that I must start each day with attention, intention and joy.  I must leap forward each morning with generosity of spirit and gratitude in my heart for all that I am and all that I have.

Every once in awhile, I catch glimpses of how perfect and wonderful our universe and my life are.  It’s like a jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces falling into place.  I feel a stillness in the air and I know that I feel God’s presence.  He comes to me every once in awhile, in those magic moments and I am awed and gratified.

THANK YOU for all that there is and all that I am.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

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Farewell to 2012!  You have been generous and kind to me.  It has been a year of adventures and rewards.  Thank you.  I am grateful for all that have come my way.

Hello 2013.  I am ready for you.  Today is a new day, a new year.  Each moment is a gift and each day is to be blessed with my intentions and attention.  Waste not in the dramas though all the world is a stage.  Let me write a script worthy of me and let me not dwell in the past nor daydream about the future.  Let me live in this moment of my life.

A TOAST!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WINDY GRATITUDE TUESDAY

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Tuesday started out bright and sunny, though a little cool.  I woke up feeling wonderful, grateful for a perfect day at work yesterday.  When was the last time I felt so great about work?

I have to savor and remember what it was that made me appreciate the day.  It helps to work with someone in your own generation, who has lived as long as you have.  Life experiences matter.  There is music and rhythm to the day when you can rel.ate and compliment each other.  But that is not saying that I don’t appreciate the younger generation.  I do, but it is different.  That is all, just as every individual and relationship is different.

And then there’s our patient, a young woman 0f 23, who has Down’s Syndrome.  She is her own person and has her own schedule.  The challenge is how to work with her so that we both have a win, win situation.  I learn that somethings are not as important as I once thought.  Just do your best.  Do things in a different way.  I learn from this young lady that it is very easy to be happy.  It is not a complicated process.  Just smile and be happy!   The things that made her smile and laugh are:

  1. Visiting with her family – playing cards with her dad
  2.  Justin Bieber.  She had a large poster of him on the wall beside her bed.
  3.  Her Justin Bieber pillow
  4.  Her Glee pillow
  5.  Music
  6. People

The day is getting grey and windy.  I fell my good feelings slipping, a familiar sense of someone walking across my grave.  I know that it is just a feeling so I hang on to the memory of good things.  Today is 911, but it is also my very good friend’s birthday.  So happy birthday, dear friend!  It is eleven years since 911.  It is also eleven years since my mother was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm.  I remember that I was watching on TV the news  of the Twin Towers in a waiting room at St. Paul’s Hospital.  My mother is healthy, vibrant and still going to the Casino today.

The wind is still howling.  The evening is here.  I am sitting here, tap, tapping on the keyboard.  I am adding my blessings.  I am grateful for my life.  I am happy.  I am sipping wine.