THE CANYON OF MY MIND

Posted on July 8, 2015 by hafong

It’s been such a long while since I’ve flexed these fingers over the keyboard. The movements have become awkward and unfamiliar. It’s like losing touch with one’s close friends. After awhile you find you have nothing to say to each other. You look at each other and wonder how it happened – this strange awkwardness. And so, I am sitting down with my old friend.

Can we get re-acquainted? Can I get the Midas touch and let the letters and words flow from my fingertips again? I hope so. It’s been lonely without words and pictures and stories they tell. There’s no reverberation. I only hear the sound of one hand clapping. It echoes in the canyon of my mind. You can hear a pin drop in its grey emptiness.

I rouse myself from the lassitude that I have fallen in. How I got here, I do not know. But it has lasted long enough. Time to get up, get dress and show up. Time for the words to march across the page to tell the stories. Time to show a little colour and life. There’s a person living on Preston Avenue. See how her vegetables and flowers overflow their beds and pots? See the brilliance of the greens, pinks, blues and purples? Then there is the orange of the lilies, blooming in defiance of the drought. We are having a very dry summer. Forest fires are raging up north and the military have stepped in to help.

The morning is beautiful. The smoke has cleared and the sun is coming through. Won’t you step around to the back and see what I have growing there? There’s peas in the pod, grapes on the vine, the scarlet runners climbing the tower, green tomatoes and little cucumbers. The broccoli is flowering and cabbages forming under cover. The petunias are nodding their approval from above.

Oh, there’s the Bing Cherry bush, too. It’s covered with fruit. Sheba has discovered she likes sleeping outdoors and made her bed beneath it. I wonder what else she has discovered as she sleeps with nature in the night. Maybe if I can quiet my mind and open my heart, they will come to me.

THE WAY OF LIFE

Posted on June 11, 2015 by hafong

Here I am, on a warm dry June afternoon, still mostly wordless in June. It is what it is. It’s the way of life. There is no way or point fighting it. I am sure when they are ready and I have something to say, the words will pour forth. They will trip from the keyboard and march across the page like uniformed soldiers on duty. Till then, I might as well relax into the summer, read, and tend to my garden.

Have you seen how awesome my garden is? I love the dappled light of the morning sun shining through the bamboo for the beans and to climb on. The carrots are trying to poke through between the onions. They are suppose to be perfect companion plants. I love the gravel paths. They also serve as water reservoirs when it rains. I hope there’s space enough for the tomatoes, cucumbers, squash and cabbage to spread in the middle bed. I tend to plant things too close, hating to waste space. Right along the fence seems the perfect place for a row of peas. They have something to climb on.

The spinach, lettuce, radish and Italian dandelions found perfect homes beside the rhubarb. And more peas along the other side of the fence.

The raspberries and grape vines are doing great for their second year. There’s clusters of little green grapes already.

The flower are not to be outdone. They are putting on a show of their own.

Words are not necessary today.

A REASON AND A SEASON

Posted on July 19, 2014 by hafong

I love weeding after a good rain. Everything looks so green and luscious. I feel I’m working in the garden of our Lord. The soil is soft. You can easily pull the weeds out. There is so much satisfaction in seeing your work coming into its own. How can I not stand back and admire it all? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, do you? I am not gloating. I am just happy with my work.

To feel the earth beneath your feet, the rich soil between your fingers – is ecstasy. It is what they call grounding, I suppose. To me, it is simple bliss. When we feel it, we should pay attention and celebrate. Who knows when such a moment will come again. The memories can carry us forward when times are not so fortunate. We know that this, too, shall pass.

Let us celebrate our lives with the fruits of our garden and our spirits. Let us drink a toast to our friends, family and neighbours, for their love, friendship and the lessons they give us. There is a reason and a season for everything under heaven.

BREWING, WAGING, EXPLODING

Posted on July 18, 2014 by hafong

I hate to contradict the FlyLady’s motto, “You are not behind”, but I am a day behind in writing my posts. To make up, I’m going to start from where I am.

I did a bit of kicking ass yesterday even though the day was grey. The sky was cloudless, covered by smoke from forest fires up north. The air was filled with its acrid smell. Our world was covered with an eery gloom. It felt just like the moment before the shoe drops.

But Sheba and I braved it in the early morning, walking/jogging down back alleys to the park. We sniffed the grass, smelled the coffee, and admired the many glooming blue delphiniums and pink hollyhocks, towering above back fences. We saw some grape vines trailing along and on top of fences, clusters of little green grapes showing through the leaves. It was a magnificent sight, nature’s colours glowing through the grey. It gave us heart.

So though the day was grey, I saw my inner world filled with the colours of the rainbow – much like the colours of Daphne’s bouquet from her garden. Even Monet could not out do Nature’s artistry.

Its beauty is there for all of us to share and enjoy. It’s not something you can covet, own and hoard in your own private museum like a painting. It’s there for the moment. Then it is gone to be reborn in another time and place.

The skies did not lift. I did some slow weeding and watering of my flower pots. One thing led to another. Somehow I cleaned up some beds and transplanted perennials. I finished reading about Stephanie Plum and Lulu’s adventure in Fearless Fourteen. Did you know that Stephanie had dreams of being Wonder Woman when she was a girl? How awesome!

The first raindrops came at supper time. It pittered pattered on the deck roof. A breeze came up, stirring the purple petunias on the deck railing. It was a pretty sight. Distant thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. It was a dramatic and romantic backdrop to our evening meal.

The heavens gathered more force through the evening and night. The wind grew and the rain poured. Thunder and lightning continued to play and grumble across the sky. Was it God reminding us to mind how we walk on this earth? Was He sending the artilleries because we are such fools and don’t listen well?

He has my attention. Now I know why I was sleepless. I was feeling his tension – his wrath as he brewed over his children. He has exploded, the storm over – still gifting us his tears to wet the dry earth. I feel relief.

THE FRUITS OF OUR LABOUR

Posted on July 3, 2014 by hafong

I think it is safe now to say that summer is here and the heat is on. It’s been a long wait this year. We’ve worked hard getting the raised beds built and prepared for planting. Then there was the hauling and shoveling before seeding and planting could be done.

It’s time to sit back, relax a bit and admire the fruits of our labour.

I almost wept when I was gathering the greens for a salad this morning. The lettuce and kale were so tender, the colours translucent yellow, green and brown- next to the rows of carrots, radishes and onions. So beautiful they were – a feast for the eyes and palate. I reminded myself then, that I deserve more credit than I usually give myself.

These salad days of summer are meant to be tasted, savoured and enjoyed at leisure. It is the time for me to dig through the clutter and rubble of a life to find hidden and by- passed treasures. They are waiting with bated breath to be discovered. Am I up to the task?

I remembered Anne Lamott’s advice about writing a book. You write down as much as you can see through a one- inch picture frame.

“E. L. Doctrow once said that “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.”

I have tested it out and it works, not just in writing but any task. It works especially well when I am faced with a difficult task. I don my Wonder Woman costume and tackle one-inch frame after one-inch frame.

In the end, after task was completed, I did not find it hard at all. No golden lasso nor bracelets were needed. It was just human inching along power.

FLUX AND FLOW

Posted on June 28, 2014 by hafong

By now you must know that I’m not a jubilant kind of person in the morning – even if it is summer. My feet rarely hits the floorboards in a joyous bounce. Rather, they reluctantly and languidly test the waters, ready to withdraw back under the covers if it is not to their liking. I try not to give it too much importance, this nature of mine. It is just ME.

And I always get up, dress up and show up for my life – every day. Some days are, of course, better than others. Today is a reluctant day. It is just a feeling. I get up, dress, wash face, brush teeth and fix my bed head. I am into the flux and flow of the day.

I read a little, tinkered some on the piano, stir fried pork with Chinese broccoli on my new cast iron frying pan for lunch. It was a pretty good morning. I was neither maudlin nor manic. I was just right, if there is such a state.

The afternoon was spent digging in the flower garden, trying to tame the weeds and runaway ground covers. How had I let everything gets so wild? My flower garden was as cluttered as my house and head. It was so satisfying and therapeutic digging and clearing space. It was time to become conscious and let the sun in.

Digging in the yard uncovered many things as I scooped up layer after layer of dead leaves and pulled away the Gout Weed. I had spent too much time feeling others’ pain. I had no time to feel my own.

Can you believe it? I’ve just knocked a glass of white wine, thank goodness it’s small, onto my Mac laptop. I watched motionless for a nano second before turning the laptop upside down. Meanwhile it shorted and I was unable to turn it off. I dried it off as well as I could. I closed the lid to put it into a bag of rice and it lit up. I was able to turn off then. I decided to leave it open, upside down to dry.

It is really the flux and flow. I’m more in flux right now. I’m flowing away on the wine. I am surprise I am not more upset. I could lose everything on my Mac as I did not back up anything. Oh well, I will have a clean slate. I can start over. I can be a born again.

In the meantime I am poking along on my PC. There is no hurry , is there? You will pardon me if I am a little lax on the tenses and grammar. I am sorry that I can’t show my peonies almost ready to bloom….maybe tomorrow I can take more pictures.

Tomorrow is another day in the flux and flow of life.

HAVE MOTTOS, WILL TRAVEL

Posted on June 26, 2014 by hafong

Today brings more grey and mist but the morning is lit up with my blooming irises. God always find a way to light up the world.

I don my pink power shoes and head out the door with my Sheba in tow. Waste not time in letting the grey seep into our souls. Have feet, will travel. Aren’t mottos great for pushing us forward into the great unknown?

My great unknown was alive this morning with traffic, noise and city workers. I heard City Hall got a bigger budget and they’re busy out spending it – improving the infrastructure. Road Blocked, Detour, Street cleaning and No Parking signs were everywhere. The neighbourhood hummed.

We saw City of Saskatoon cars driven by my guess, grey-haired retired seniors. They were probably the ones who put tickets on windshields of illegally parked cars. Where were you suppose to go when there is no driveway? Someone honked. I looked back to see who it was. Did we do anything wrong? A city worker in his green and yellow neon vest got out of a black Toyota truck. He was only getting a fellow worker’s attention.

We put a little more mustard into our feet. We trotted faster and got the hell off the streets, back into our safe haven. We checked to see how the vegetables were faring.

The raised beds are doing considerably better than our garden in the ground. The cucumbers and squash and tomatoes are still struggling even after an application of sheep manure. But the potatoes, beans, peas, onions, etc. are doing fine. I’m taking note for next year. It is all a process – try this, try that. It is worth it no matter what happens.

Have heart and you will harvest. Yet another motto from yours truly.

LET MY SECRETS SET ME FREE

Posted on June 16, 2014 by hafong

The day is heavy with clouds. They press down on my shoulders with their weight much like the secrets in my heart. I inhale and exhale, shrugging my shoulders, throwing off unwanted burdens. Clouds, clouds, go away. Come back another day.

I had not known they were there – the secrets, till I felt their presence knotting up my heart. They demanded to be heard, to be reckoned with. I had no choice but to bring them out into the light of my consciousness.

I’m digging in my garden. With each weed that comes out, the knot is looser, the weight coming off little by little. I can breathe easier and I can see what I would not before. Life and gardens are like that. You can’t see the truth for all the weeds. You have to weed them out, however painful it is.

In the end, hard work will pay off and you will be awed by the fruits of your labour, however small they may be. God is always paying attention.

TENDING MY GARDEN

Posted on June 10, 2014 by hafong

The rain is done, but the clouds and wind are still making their presence felt. I’m edgy with unease. Sheba is bugging the hell out of me with her demand to play. She’s a barker and quite vocal about her needs. Grrrr! Good thing someone has taken her outside.

I dispelled some of my distress this morning on my perennial beds. I dug, weeded, thinned and mulched. I still have a long way to go. But now, they at least have a definite shape and not just a jungle of greens.

The rains had made the ground soft and easier to work with. I guess God is looking after me in his infinitely wise ways. He smiled just now, beaming sunshine as I’m tapping away here.

The wind is still here. I like to think that it is God, breathing, sighing and whispering as he looks over his creation. I hope he is pleased with what I have accomplished. My raised beds are doing remarkably well for their first year. The kohlrabi and peas have grown with the rain. The onions, radishes, lettuce and kale are thriving. Then there are my tomatoes and peppers.

The main garden is coming along, too. Now we need some steady sun and serious heat for everything to come to their full potential.

EVERY DAY HAS ITS CLOUD

Posted on June 8, 2014 by hafong

The clouds can get to me. Their shifting shadows feel ominous, giving me a sense of impending doom. It feels as if someone is walking on my grave. I’m waiting for the shoe to drop. It never has.

I’ve learned to live with this holding my breath, waiting for the shoe to drop – waiting to wake up from my free fall through space and hitting the ground. I never have. And so, I’m braver now. I have wings and I can almost fly. No heavy landing for me, thank you very much.

Still, the clouds can make my heart skip a beat at times. But that is okay. I flutter my wings a bit to calm it and carry on. There’s early bike rides with Sheba trotting by my side. She needs someone ahead to chase after or else she digs her heels in and say, No! We ride when the sun shines or not. I feel like a postman.

The sun is shining now. It has been playing hide and seek with the clouds all day. I am playing along with both of them. Whatever works! The rain has made the ground nice and soft to dig. It is a good opportunity to clean up my much neglected and overgrown perennial beds.

I’m hoping they will look better in a month or two. Digging and clearing is good therapy. I’m cleaning my inner space along with my outer space.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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