LIFE IN THE SAD LANE

Here it is, after six, and I have no words or thoughts on the page. They’re all in my head. I have conversations and tell stories there all day long. They keep me company. I’m never lonely. It is a good thing. It is tough enough to have SAD but at least I can entertain myself and not to fight loneliness as well.

I don’t want to leave you with an impression that I am having a bad time all the time. I am not. There’s some positive things about having seasonal affective disorder. Honest, there is. For sure I struggle with sleepiness, sluggishness, moodiness, forgetfulness, anxiety and depression. But what and who would I be without those struggles? I am one who does not/cannot stay in the undesirable and unsustainable. My instinct for survival always makes me reach up and out for the light.

I can say that this life of mine is exciting and full. My life is my canvass and palette. I am the artist. I can choose what I want to create. I can choose the colours. Is it gold or blue? Does it have to be black and white? Can I make a rainbow? Would I be able to paint those colours if I have not experienced them all?  So I do not mind being in the blues or the darkest of the blacks. I have also felt the goldens and tangerines. I’m always learning. I am always open to the way. I try not to question too much. I don’t have to understand how things work. I can just do it.

GLORY DAYS – Day 13 in a year of…

Day 13, August 4, 2016 @4:05

IMG_4303These are truly the glory days of August.  My garden is flushed with delicious vegetables.  Let me not squander the days away with stinking thinking, bad attitude, foul mood or low blood sugar.  Afternoons can be treacherous.  A cup of tea and a couple of chocolates to make me more agreeable.  It does not help that Sheba is dogging in my footsteps wherever I go.  Possibly she is also seeking sugar replacement.

IMG_6920Mornings are the best for setting intentions.  And so I sat with Melli O’Brien and Tami Simon of Sounds True and learned about total body breathing.  It is an episode from the Mindfulness Summit, October 2015.  Today I am focused on learning to enjoy the process of sewing a blouse – being patient and deliberate with each step.  In the past, I have rushed through to the end product, missing the beginning and the middle – missing the joy, missing a lot.

IMG_6936Now I see it is really not my stinking thinking or low blood sugar.  It is really a storm brewing in my head.  It has just burst open.  I’m tap, tapping to the rhythm of pounding rain on the aluminum roof of the deck.  It is very strange and beautiful.  The rain came raging out of nowhere.  I am very fortunate to have this wonderful space to sit and watch, surrounded by it all.

The rain have passed.  I can show you the glory in the garden.  Come, let me show you. It is my rainbow after the rain.

 

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